


Sounds of Darkness

by PiccioneHato



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Blind Keith (Voltron), Deaf Lance (Voltron), M/M, klance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2020-06-02 14:59:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 148,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19443808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiccioneHato/pseuds/PiccioneHato
Summary: Life isn't fair. It might seen to be fair for some, but for Keith, life has been nothing but a pain and a struggle. Growing up without his mother did shape his personality, but he wasn't completely alone. He had his older brother, Shiro, and his father. But life is not fair. At fourteen, Keith lost his father and his vision. After going blind, things seemed to get worse, and some days, he feels utterly alone.Keith, however, isn't the only one who is seen and regarded as 'different' and 'abnormal'.Just fifteen minutes from his small apartment lives a boy his age who has faced many of the same obstacles Keith has faced as a result of his visual impairment. His name, is Lance, and though he seems to fit in and go through life with ease, most of it is just an act to hide his own worries and pain.'Sounds of Darkness' is a modern Klance AU and is set around present day. There is no Altea or intergalactic war. In simple terms, it's a high school AU, but with a twist.This story does encompass quite a few examples of 'mature content', most notably, Keith's colorful language. There is also mentions of depression, anxiety, and self harm, very real things that many teenagers know all too well.





	1. Chapter 1

The alarm clock next to his bed began beeping, loudly and obnoxiously ordering Keith to get his lazy self out of bed. He groaned and whined dramatically as he struggled to turn off the noisy alarm. Clicking once on the power button of his phone the alarm stopped and he sat up slowly, stretching as he did so.  
To his right, there was a clicking noise from the handle of the door and then the creak of said door opening.  
“Oh good, you’re up.”  
Keith gave his older brother, Shiro, a lousy, unenthusiastic nod before pulling his knees up to his chest and slamming his forehead down on his kneecaps.  
His service dog, Kosmo, had been, among many other things, trained to keep Keith from causing any harm to himself or others. Quickly, the black retriever slid his snout between Keith’s forehead and knees, whining to grab the teen’s attention.  
Lifting his head, Keith rested his chin on his knees and sighed. “I’m fine, Kosmo… Just don’t want to go to this new school…” He gave the faintest of smiles while he scratched the backside of Kosmo’s fluffy ears.  
From the doorway, Shiro spoke again, his tone soft and understanding. “I know you don’t… And I really am sorry you had to switch, especially in high school.” He paused to sigh and went on. “But I can’t… We can’t have it all.”  
“It’s fine, Shiro. You don’t have to be so nice about it. I know you can’t afford everything for the both of us, and I am sorry I can’t get a job.” Keith slowly pulled the covers from his legs and got to his feet, Kosmo immediately following and heeling. “I brought this on myself. You’re not to blame, I am.”  
Keith heard the soft padding of feet on the plush rug, an audible observation that allowed him to know Shiro had left the doorway and was walking towards him. He let out a quiet sigh before reaching for his clothes he had laid out the night before.  
Shiro grabbed ahold of his brother’s wrist, gently pushing Keith’s hand to his side. “We’re not doing this again. Especially not today. None of this is your fault, Keith.”  
“None of it, except all of it.” The teenager challenged, turning his head away from his brother.  
“That’s not true and you know it. What happened to Dad wasn’t—”  
“It is, Shiro!” Keith interrupted his brother, turning to face him, his voice raised and full of unwanted malice. “Dad died because I was too stupid, too ignorant, too lazy and too forgetful. My actions are what got our dad killed! So don’t fucking tell me that his death isn’t my fault.”  
Kosmo barked multiple times to try and silence Keith as he nervously padded from one paw to the other. He knew to keep Keith from losing his temper and reminded the teen to take a deep breath by interjecting a bark or two into the conversation.  
Silence fell over the two young men, and even Kosmo quit barking and whining.  
“I understand your frustration and your regret and anger, okay? I understand it all.” Shiro lifted his left hand and placed it on his brother’s shoulder. “But at some point you have to let go. Sooner or later you’ll need to stop blaming yourself. More importantly, you need to start caring about your own health.” He waited for a reply, but wasn’t surprised when he got none. “I’ll make you some breakfast before I drive you to school. Get dressed and make sure all of your stuff is ready, okay?”  
Keith barely gave his brother a nod. “Yeah… I’ll be out in a bit.”  
Kosmo sniffed Keith’s palm before sliding between his hand and his hip, whining at the teen in an attempt to get some sort of positive response.  
“I’m fine Kosmo…” With a long, almost depressed sigh, Keith sunk to the floor, leaning back on his bed as he rubbed his service dog’s ears and forehead for comfort. “Just give me a moment…”

***

Once calm, Keith got dressed, and left his room, heading down the short hallway to the kitchen area of the apartment. This area also had a small dining table and sitting room.It was not a large apartment by any means, but it didn’t need to be. It was, after all, just Keith and Shiro who lived here. Across from Keith’s bedroom was a bathroom, and in the other direction of the kitchen was Shiro’s bedroom with a built in ‘master ensuite’. The apartment was actually marketed as having only one bedroom, Keith’s room was intended as an office or other sort of work space.  
Kosmo trotted beside Keith as he kept close to the wall, running his fingertips along the smooth, painted, drywall surface. When the wall ended, he let Kosmo guide him to the counter.  
When he wasn’t wearing his harness or his leash, Kosmo would stand right by Keith, letting the teenager’s leg rub against his side to guide him.  
“I know this isn’t ideal, Keith,” Shiro began as he placed a plate of eggs in front of his little brother, “but please try and be positive. It’s not going to be easy, or even enjoyable, but don’t quit. Please.”  
As he picked up the fork in front of him, Keith sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know how to be ‘positive’. Everything in my life has been one bad thing after another. There is no positivity.”  
Shiro handed his brother a glass of water before he walked around the counter to sit next to him. “Maybe your life isn’t great all the time, maybe it’s pretty shitty most of the time, but it’s not all bad.”  
“Explain…”  
“Well, you have a dog, something you’ve always wanted.”  
“Kosmo isn’t technically a—“  
“Service or not, he’s a dog and he’s yours.” Shiro was quick to steer his brother away from saying anything even remotely negative. “And we also still have each other. Not to get all sappy and emotional, but you’re my brother and I have absolutely no idea what I would do if I had lost my annoying, idiot of a brother in that fire.”  
“Fuck you, Shiro. I’m not an idiot.” Keith groaned and whacked his brother’s shoulder. “I’m blind, but I’m not an idiot.”  
Suddenly, Shiro began laughing, a kind of laugh one does when they find something rather amusing.  
Shaking his head, Keith slowly began to eat his, now lukewarm, eggs. “Do I even want to know why you’re laughing?”  
“Do you remember when you ran into your bedroom door when we first moved?” Between laughs, Shiro somehow managed to ask his question.  
“I didn’t do it on purpose! And no one said it was open! Also, fuck you for thinking that’s funny. It hurt!”  
“It’s funny because I’m not the one who walked into a door when I was quite clearly warned there was a door in front of me.”  
Keith ignored his brother’s comments and laughter, doing what he could to hide his own amusement as he flipped Shiro off and ate the rest of his breakfast. 

***

“Here we are….!” Shiro used an odd parental voice as he tried to psych up his brother. “Doesn’t it look inviting?”  
“Does it?” Keith asked in a snarky tone. “Because the last time I checked, I can’t see for shit.”  
“That… That is true…” Out of embarrassment and as an attempt to apologize, Shiro gave a long, drawn out, dramatic sigh. “I am so sorry. It’s been three years, you think I’d learn by now.”  
“Eh, I doubt it. Dad always said I had the smart gene, and you had the… Less smart gene.”  
“Alright, Keith. That’s enough shit-talking for one morning.” Using a kind and caring tone, Shiro tussled the teen’s hair, knowing full well how much Keith despised it. “Go enjoy your first day. As much as you can.”  
And with that, Keith exited the car. He stepped up onto the curb and ran his hand along the body of the car until he found the door to the backseat. He opened it, grabbed his practically empty school bag and snapped his fingers.  
Kosmo heard the noise and leapt from the car, standing obediently next to Keith.  
Keith gave Shiro a tiny wave, letting him know he could leave, before grabbing ahold of Kosmo’s harness.  
As he followed Kosmo’s lead up to the front of the school, Keith felt the entire populace of the school lock their eyes onto him. He couldn’t see it, therefore couldn’t confirm it, but by hearing the sudden hushed whispering and occasional silence, his assumptions were, in all likelihood, correct. He was the only one at this school who was blind, the only one who was abnormal. He did his best to ignore the sounds around him, but he couldn’t block it all out. Most of what he heard was about him ‘definitely being the new kid’, and other harmless comments about him. However, hearing some of them describe him as the ‘blind kid’, and a ‘special needs’ student, that hurt. Sure, it had been like this for almost three years, but this was a whole new school. He already hated everything about this place. Keith knew teenagers often had a cruel bone to them, he had experienced it first hand. However, he had hoped that day one could have started better than it had.  
Keith had walked his schedule multiple times the week before with Kosmo at his side. His chances of getting lost or going into the wrong classroom were small. What wasn’t unlikely was him bumping into people or objects such as drinking fountains, desks, tables and chairs.  
Kosmo stuck close by Keith’s side, leading him from the front entrance and through the halls to his Homeroom class.  
The school itself was actually beautiful, although Keith could see none of it. It had a large rectangular shaped layout with rows of classes running laterally. The halls, except for the building which housed the main offices, were open, covered by pergolas. Each walkway cover was lined with vines from age. Some were wooden, some metal. The metal ones were the new, renovated ones. Each class had two doors, one for each hallway that ran past it. In the center of the school grounds was the cafeteria, or patio as the students called it. Half of it was covered, the other half was shaded by the trees.  
The patio had a small building for hot food, as well as vending machines and another small building where one could buy items such as salads, fruits and other refrigerated foods.  
To the left of the classes was a combined track and football field, large stands lining the border around the track. Just south of that, was a baseball field, and to its right was a soccer field, on which Phys Ed was held.  
And finally, bordering the right side of the school was a large gymnasium-like hall. Half was for the swim team to practice in and the other half was for music students; band, choir, orchestra, all of it.  
The school was huge.  
All in all, the school itself was quite beautiful and also surprisingly clean for its size.  
Of course, Keith had to be told all of this, he couldn’t see any of it himself. But Kosmo could. Kosmo led the new student to Homeroom, sitting quietly at the teen’s feet when he entered.  
Instantly, the teacher, and students, noticed his presence.  
“You must be Keith.” The man said from his desk. “Welcome to Meadview High.”  
Keith heard the teacher step towards him and adjusted his gaze to where he thought the man would stand.  
“Well, Keith. I’m Mr. Hedrick. Since you’re new here, you will have to get your parent or guardian fill out a few forms, but that’s it. You’re welcome to take a seat in an open desk.” He handed Keith a packet of papers before walking back behind his desk.  
Keith held tightly to the papers as he found an open desk and took his seat. Setting his bag down beside him, he gave Kosmo a gentle pat and motioned for him to sit by his feet.  
Kosmo obeyed, tucking his tail beneath the small area covered by the school desk.  
“So you’re the new kid everyone is talking about.” An unfamiliar voice came from in front of Keith before a light smacking sound and a painful grunt.  
“Jesus Christ, Pidge. You couldn’t have made that sound any ruder, could you?” A second voice met Keith’s ears, a much kinder tone than the other had used.  
“Sorry…”  
Keith heard the two unfamiliar people take a seat, one in front of him, one next to him.  
“I’m Hunk.” Said the voice next to him. “And my friend here, who acted so rudely just now is Pidge. They’re not normally that rude, I promise.”  
“Yeah… Sorry about that. I really didn’t mean to sound like a dick. Shit! I shouldn’t— Aw forget it. I hope you don’t mind colorful language.”  
Shrugging slightly, Keith shook his head. “It’s fine, I don’t care.”  
“Not to sound like a stalker, but you’re Keith, right?” Hunk asked, sounding hesitant.  
“Yeah.” Keith nodded, and only just realized that he had been gazing down at his desk this whole time, but he didn’t care to, nor want to, look up, even after nodding. “I guess everyone was really interested about having a blind kid at school.”  
“Well, actually,” Pidge began, correcting Keith’s statement, “We’re more interested about the dog. But yeah, Most blind kids go to private and ‘special’ schools.”  
Keith shook his head again, quietly adding, “We don’t have that kind of money.”  
“That’s totally fine.” Hunk said with a kind tone. “No judgement. But, if you don’t mind me asking, where did you go to school before now?”  
“Pierce Academy.”  
“So…” Keith heard Pidge hum until asking, “Private school?”  
“Yep. I was at a private school, and?”  
“Nothing. Nothing at all. We were just curious.” Hunk was quick to make sure Keith knew they weren’t being judgemental.  
“Oh! Hey!” Pidge gasped as if a brilliant idea had suddenly popped into their head. “You should sit with us at lunch.”  
“No, no, no.” Quickly, Keith shook his head, protesting the suggestion. “I don’t sit with people at lunch. Never have, never will.”  
There was a sudden silence and Keith assumed the two were giving each other communicative looks, as friends do.  
“Okay. Here’s the deal.” Pidge began to explain the plan that they and Hunk had just come up with. “You don’t have to, but just in case, we’re by the big oak tree with the rose bushes around it on the east side of the dining room, the side by the track.”  
“My dog is smart but he’s not that smart.” Keith gave his classmate a deadpan stare, finally looking up for the first time since he took his seat.  
Again, there was silence, and Keith looked back down.  
“Sorry… I forget not everyone is used to my condition…” He motioned to his eyes with his fingers, sighing apologetically.  
“What?” Hunk gasped as he realized there had been a misunderstanding. “Oh no! No! There’s nothing wrong with your eyes. Sorry. We didn’t say anything for other reasons. I swear it’s not because of your eyes.”  
“It’s fine… You don’t have to apologize…” Keith didn’t fully believe them, as he couldn’t see their facial features, not did he see their reaction when he looked up.  
“How about you give me your phone number?” Pidge suggested a new plan. “You do have a phone right?”  
“Yes, I have a phone. But I rarely use it.”  
Pidge made a somewhat victorious noise, pulling out their own phone from their pocket. “Do you have GroupMe or WhatsApp? Or is just regular text okay?”  
“I use WhatsApp but I really couldn’t care less.” Keith grabbed his phone from his pocket, using his fingerprint to open the device. “Hey, Siri. Pull up my phone number.” As he had asked, the computer in his phone opened his Contacts app and displayed his phone number. “I don’t use my phone for anything but music and calls, but I can use the voice record to ‘type’ messages.”  
“Cool!” Pidge typed in his contact information, the buttons clicking as they did so. Unlike Keith, Pidge didn’t mute their phone’s ringer. Once done, they added their own information and Hunk’s to Keith’s contacts. “Okay, so… You can call me or Hunk if you want to sit with us and we’ll find you.”  
“Or, if you don’t, that’s fine too.” Hunk added to stress that this wasn’t a mandatory action Keith had to take, but instead a suggestion.  
Taking his phone back, Keith powered it off and slid it back into his pocket. “No guarantees I’ll actually call one of you, but thanks for the offer.”  
“You really should consider joining us.”  
“And why is that?” Keith asked in response to what Pidge had just said.  
“Hunk and I aren’t complete without our trio’s final member, Lance. You two might actually get along really well.”  
Keith gave a puzzled look as he asked, “Who's Lance?”  
“Our friend.” Hunk answered. “We both share most of our classes with him. We have since eighth grade.”


	2. Chapter 2

Lance had no alarm clock. He had no device to wake him up, nothing on his phone, nor any sort of analog clock. Instead, Lance had his mother. 

At seven o’clock that morning, Lance’s mother entered his room, opened the curtains and gently, yet firmly, shook her son awake, kissing his forehead once to let him know it was time to get up.

Most seventeen year olds have their own alarms, and set them themselves. Lance, however is different. His family isn’t the richest, but they can afford iPhones, analog clocks and college tuition for all five of the children in Lance’s family. Lance doesn’t use an alarm because it doesn’t work for him. It can’t. He would sleep through it. Not because he’s a heavy sleeper, but for another, far more medical reason. Lance is deaf. And has been since the day he was born. 

Sitting up in his bed, Lance watched as his mother left his room, pulling the door shut until only a small crack of light could be seen coming in from the hallway. 

His world was a silent one. No voices, no laughter, and no music. Although he wasn’t a fan of not having ever heard music, as it plays a big role in his family’s life, Lance has never hated his condition. He can, at times, be weary of public spaces, but he’s always with a family member, and for that, he is grateful. 

From his bed, he walked the few steps to his closet and pulled out a blue striped shirt and blue jeans, as well as black socks and a light hooded jacket. 

Lance didn’t have his hearing but he had his sight, and for him, appearance was everything. Growing up with a rather ‘girly’ twin sister, Lance glommed onto the want, the desire and the aspiration to look good in anything. He and his sister Rachel bonded through their shared interest in makeup and fashion. As Lance got older, he didn’t feel as comfortable wearing anything other than foundation, but has stuck to the skincare routine he and his sister had made. That and clothing. 

Once out of his pajamas and into his chosen outfit for the day, Lance went into the ‘Jack and Jill’ bathroom he shared with his sister. There was only one sink, but the entire wall behind the counter was a mirror, which was good enough for them. 

Rachel, who was combing her thick, brown hair, put down the brush, signed a quick ‘good morning’ and went back to her morning routine. 

Lance wasn’t much of a communicator in the morning, but he would wave and nod his head. Once he got his breakfast, he became a little more lively. 

Everyone in his family knew ASL, and Lance did his best to communicate with each member his family on a daily basis. 

Their mother stepped into the bathroom, and signed ‘breakfast is ready’ while saying the sentence aloud to her daughter. 

Lance smiled and followed his mother downstairs to the kitchen. Taking a seat, he placed a hand to his mouth and tilted his palm up so his fingers pointed to his mother, thanking her for the food. 

His mother smiled in return, waving her hand from her chin to her waist, telling him ‘you’re welcome’. 

Like every morning, it was silent. At least for Lance. He knew his mother and sister talked to one another, and occasionally they would include Lance in their conversation, but he rarely talked on school days. Instead he was as quiet as always, waiting until the last moment to communicate. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


After breakfast was finished and bags were packed, Lance and Rachel headed for the car. 

As he was walking, Lance felt someone tug lightly on his hood, and turned around to find his mother. 

She gave her son a loving smile as she pointed to herself, crossed her arms at her wrists, placing her hands to her heart and then pointed to her son. 

Lance hugged his mother in return before stepping back and signing ‘I love you too’. He watched her shout something to Rachel, who presumably said something back, and he knew it was time to go. 

He followed his sister to the car, sat in the passenger seat and let a deep breath escape his nostrils. Never once had Lance used his mouth to communicate. He would, as a baby and young child, cry and make unintelligible noises for his parents’ and siblings’ aid and attention, but now, he makes no noise. 

He hasn’t made a real sound since he was eleven. Every so often he’ll laugh or groan or sigh, but only on rare occasions and hardly ever outside of the comfort of his house or his friends’ houses. 

After a somewhat short drive, Rachel pulled into the large parking lot outside of the Music Lyceum. She looked to her brother and forced a smile. ‘It will be okay’ she told him before unbuckling her seatbelt and getting out of the car. 

Lance followed her lead, but instead of going with her to the trunk, he tapped on the roof of the car to get her attention. When she was looking at him, he signed ‘how do you know’ while giving one of the most worried looks known to man. 

Rachel simply smiled back at her brother and shrugged. 

Lance knew she had no idea of how his day, or his school year would go, but it was, in a way, calming for him to know that his sister was being optimistic. 

Handing Lance his school bag, Rachel waved goodbye and hurried off to find her friends. 

Lance felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket and pulled out the device to check his notification. 

_Pidge: ‘Sorry we don’t have Homeroom together. You don’t want Mr. Hedrick anyway, Matt says he’s weird’_

Despite being deaf and, mostly by choice, mute, Lance picked up on how to read and write in english while his sister was learning it. He and Rachel practiced their penmanship and reading together after school each day. As well as reading written text, Lance has also developed the ability to read lips, if, of course, the person speaking has proper enunciation and speaks clearly.

Until third grade, Lance had actually been at a K-12 school for deaf children, but he didn’t like being there, so he asked if he could go to the same schools that his sisters and brothers had and would go to. It took the entirety of second grade for his parents to agree and enroll him in a new school, but it was definitely worth it. 

Leaning against the car behind him, Lance sent a message back to his friend. 

‘ _It’s okay. I’ll see you in first period.’_

He slid his phone in his backpack and entered the school, finding his locker in the main building by the office. From here, he would go to Homeroom and then begin his academic school day. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Lance entered his first period class and practically jumped when someone wrapped their arms around him. He quickly came to the realization that this was his friend, Pidge, welcoming him back for another hectic year at Meadview High. 

Pidge let go and hurried to stand in front of their friend. They gave Lance a kind wave before pulling him to the back of the room to the only two vacant desks in the classroom. Pidge quickly signed ‘how are you’ and ‘did you sleep’ one after the other. 

With his right hand, he made a fist and tilted it up and down at his wrist, letting Pidge know he did in fact sleep. Pausing only for a moment, he signed ‘I am good’ in response to their first question. 

Pidge and Lance had known one another since seventh grade, and had been friends since the day they met. The two of them got into a pretty nasty fight with three other students and decided to watch one another’s backs from that moment on. After the two were sent to the nurse, they were asked to tell the principal what had happened. There, they met Hunk, a kind and caring boy who happened to be an office aid that period. From then on, Lance, Pidge and Hunk formed a family like friendship with one another. Neither Hunk nor Pidge judged or discriminated against Lance because of his disability. They accepted him for who he was. Lance taught them the majority of their knowledge of ASL, but both practiced and learned some on their own. 

Lance watched Pidge give one of their dramatic sighs before asking them the same questions. 

Pidge smirked and replied with a simple ‘no’ and ‘I’m tired’.

Giving a disappointed head shake, Lance reminded Pidge that humans, no matter who they are, need plenty of sleep. 

‘s-o-r-r-y’ Pidge spelled the word out letter by letter to prove their apology. 

From the corner of his eye, Lance saw the teacher approach the desk. He faced the front of the class, but kept his eyes on Pidge, his translator in case he needed help understanding what had been said. 

He was, per his parents’ request, to be placed in a classroom with either one of his friends or his sister at all times to ensure that he can learn and understand the course material at his highest potential. 

Granted, classes with Pidge and Hunk were far more entertaining than those with Rachel, but either way he was with someone he knew and trusted. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


The bell rang at the end of the fourth period, and class was dismissed. Lance ran to his locker, grabbed his lunch and made his way across the school to the cafeteria. 

When he got there, however, he was surprised by what he saw. Every day before now, it had been just Pidge and Hunk who were waiting for him by the oak tree. Just the two of them. Their small table was large enough to fit six, but three was good enough for them. However, today, Lance saw an unfamiliar face. 

A black haired boy sat next to Hunk, although this other student seemed not only nervous but uncomfortable as well. Lance took a seat next to Pidge and asked ‘who’s that?’ He pointed to the new addition to their table and looked back to Pidge. 

Pidge spoke as they signed, ‘Lance, this is Keith. He’s the new student.’ 

The other boy looked to Lance, who immediately noticed the opaque coloration and lack of emotion in the student’s eyes. This ‘new kid’ was blind. He watched as the other said something in a voice with such terrible enunciation that even the best of lip readers couldn’t figure out what he had said. 

Lance watched as Pidge simultaneously signed to him and spoke to the new student, Keith. ‘Lance is deaf and can’t speak.’ They paused, looking back to Lance and signed ‘Keith is also blind.’

Keith asked a question, presumably for clarification to the group and both Hunk and Pidge nodded. He then said something else which got a much more concerning reaction. 

Hunk turned to Lance and translated what Keith had said. ‘He says, ‘that fucking sucks’.’

This, surprisingly made Lance laugh. He made one of his small giggles he reserved for friends and family which grabbed everyone’s attention. 

‘Did you just laugh?’ Hunk asked Lance with a surprised look on his face. 

Realizing what he had done, Lance was surprised himself that he had produced such an enthusiastic noise. He never expected to laugh, and certainly not over a comment about his condition. A comment that was, intentionally or not, kind of rude. Slowly, the deaf student nodded. He was about to sign back to Hunk when he felt something wet touch his ankles. Leaping from his seat, he frantically signed a million questions, wanting to know why there was a dog, how there was a dog, whose dog it was and why was it here. 

Pidge and Hunk got the question words and the sign for dog, and figured out what had freaked their friend out so much. 

‘Keith’s guide dog.’ Hunk signed once Lance was calm enough to watch his hands. 

‘K-o-s-m-o,’ slowly , Pidge wrote out the name of the service animal with their hands before quickly signing the same letters again, letting Lance know it was one name, ‘Kosmo.’

Lance looked to Keith and signed, ‘can I pet your dog’ completely forgetting that blind people can’t understand ASL. He watched as Hunk asked his question to the one it was intended for. Lance gave a small smile when Keith nodded.

Kosmo was, at first, cautious but allowed Lance to pet his forehead after a good sniff for familiarization. 

‘Good boy’, Lance signed to the dog before settling back down on the bench. 

The service dog returned to Keith’s side and Lance watched as he petted his dog, something Lance quickly understood was a coping mechanism. 

‘Is he anxious?’ Lance looked to both Pidge and Hunk, wondering if either of them had noticed Keith’s tense posture. 

Both Pidge and Hunk shrugged. 

‘Do not ask him.`Lance quickly warned Pidge as he saw them begin to ask a question. 

‘I’m not stupid.’ They signed back, rolling their eyes.

Lance sat quietly while Pidge asked Keith a question and he answered. The conversation between the other three students lasted a few minutes. 

After a bit of time, Hunk turned to Lance and asked a question. ‘Can I tell Keith about your condition?’

Nodding, Lance waved his hand in a ‘yes’ motion but quickly added, ‘but he talks about himself too.’

And so, the four of them had a very odd and at times broken conversation about Lance’s lack of hearing and Keith’s visual impairment. That being said, Lance was given very little information about Keith in comparison to the amount he told to the other. 

Lance couldn’t speak and he didn’t know the difference between tones in voices, but he understood body language more than anything. From just watching how Keith answered questions and his facial expressions, Lance figured out that this new student has a lot of hidden emotions and ‘backstory’ that he wasn’t talking about. In simple terms, Keith never looked comfortable at any moment during the lunch period. However, whenever he was focused on his dog, he seemed far more comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! You've met all of the major characters for part 1  
> (There's three parts... I still have no idea how long this is going to be though)  
> Anyway  
> Thanks for reading and I hope you check back next week for chapter 3 --hopefully I can get it out on 7/8
> 
> ~Picci


	3. Chapter 3

The first day alone seemed to last a lifetime. When the final bell rang for the day, Keith could barely believe it. He grabbed his bag, his phone and signaled for Kosmo to lead him from the classroom and to the front of the school. Even his guide dog seemed to enjoy the fact that the day had ended, which, oddly, helped to keep Keith from thinking anything negative as he heard the soft, happy panting of his service dog while he walked. 

Around him, he heard the bustle and commotion of the other students, all of which sounded far too excited to get home. They all sounded happy, or at least relieved the day was done. 

As for Keith, he wasn’t so sure he felt anything. He was glad he had survived the first day, but he wasn’t sure if he was actually glad, or simply tired. He also wasn’t sure if he had any sort of feeling about anything else. 

He then remembered that Shiro would, without a doubt, ask him about his first day. He thought to himself as he walked, his own inner monologue drowning out the noises around him. Keith thought of things to say to his brother, and even considered making up a whole new reality for himself. Eventually, it would come to bite his ass, but that would be for future Keith to deal with. However, he knew better than to lie, especially about his stand in the social circles of life. 

Suddenly, he came to an abrupt stop. Keith felt his body slam into someone else’s, his immediate instinct was to apologize. He wasn’t the kindest of people, but he did have basic human decency. 

In return however, Keith got no reply. The other person was absolutely silent. 

The blind student was both confused and embarrassed, and slightly annoyed that this other student had made no effort to make an apology or accept Keith’s. He opened his mouth to speak again, thinking maybe they just hadn’t heard him over the sound of their painful, yet minor, collision. But his words were silenced by another. 

“It’s okay, Keith.” A computerized voice met Keith’s ears. “I’m sorry too.”

It took Keith a solid ten seconds to process what had happened and why he heard a computerized voice and not a human’s before asking, “Lance?!”

Keith couldn’t see the other’s reaction, but instead, heard another short sentence from the AI of the other’s phone. “Yes. Sorry I bumped into you.”

So Keith’s enunciation of the other’s name must have been good enough for him to understand. That’s a plus. However, Keith now felt terribly uncomfortable. How were the two meant to communicate? Should he just leave? If he had his sight, he and Lance could easily have a text conversation, or they could just show each other a typed out version of what they wished to say. But no. Keith was blind and Lance was deaf. Unless Keith used the voice recording tool to type his thoughts out for him, this conversation would go nowhere. 

“Follow me, we can wait by the front.” 

At first, Keith was hesitant. He didn’t want to follow the other student anywhere. No, he didn’t want to follow anyone anywhere, but he didn’t have the heart to deny a deaf student, another disabled student, his company when the AI voice said “Please”. Besides, he was already going to the front office, so it’s not like following Lance would take him out of his way. 

Kosmo led Keith to the front of the school, guiding him through the sea of students, making sure he didn’t run into anyone, and that nobody ran into him. It wasn’t long before they made it to the front of the school, and Kosmo followed Lance a few feet from the building. 

‘Followed Lance’ is a bit of an odd statement, as Keith was being led by his dog and not another person. From a glance, one would just assume the two happened to be going in the same direction, like a large portion of the other students. However, Keith made an effort to stay close to Lance, making sure they ended up in the same place.Occasionally, he heard Lance slow down or stop, which also seems odd. In the past three years, Keith has relied on hearing, touch and smell to get around. Therefore, instead of seeing someone do something, he has trained his mind to recognize the  _ sounds _ of someone's movements.

The bustle of students faded, and Keith figured he was at the front. Feeling a slight tug from Kosmo’s harness, he changed his direction, ending up somewhere to the left of the main entrance.

“Oh, hey Keith.” 

Keith looked to his right, where he had heard Pidge greet him. “Hey.” He said back to them.

“How was your first day at Meadview?”

At first, Keith hesitated to answer, he didn’t want to say something too offensive or inconsiderate. “It was alright.” He finally said. “First day at a new school. Could’ve been worse.”

“Well that’s certainly true. Meadview kids can be assholes.”

Nodding in agreement, despite having zero interaction with anyone for the whole day, Keith sighed, saying, “it is nice not having shit tons of homework on the first day. Finally a day where I can relax at home.”

“That’s the only good thing about this school. Most of the work is done in class. But speaking of relaxing at home, Do you have a ride?” Pidge asked him out of kindness and consideration. “I can give you one if you need me to.”

“I don’t need one. My brother is picking me up.” He answered them, running his fingertips through Kosmo’s fur. 

“That’s good.”

Keith was surprised to hear the AI from Lance’s phone as he assumed he would just rely on Pidge to read and translate his ASL and what Keith had said. 

Pidge laughed, presumably in response to Lance’s actions, saying, “damn, Lance must really like you, Keith, if he’s using his phone to communicate.”

“What?” Keith quickly shook his head. “No, sorry. I don’t want to sound rude, but I’m not really looking to make friends. You wouldn’t want my company anyway.”

There was a short period of silence in which Keith heard Pidge moving their hands and arms, signing to Lance, before the other boy’s phone ‘spoke’ again. “Of course we would.” The AI said. 

“Yeah.” Pidge concurred with Lance’s thoughts, adding, “Lunch went well. And it’s not like anyone else is actually going to be nice to you. Trust me. Lance gets enough shit from the other juniors.”

“You really want me to be a burden on your group that badly?”

“You’re not a burden, Keith. And I doubt you will be.”

From behind him, Keith heard Hunk approach the group. He wasn’t surprised he was the one to immediately agree with the idea to add Keith to their friend group. “Really? Because I _am_ blind. I’d probably ruin all of your plans.”

“What about your friends at Pierce?” Pidge asked quickly. “Or classmates. I’m sure they didn’t find your condition to be a _burden_.”

Lowering his head, Keith quietly answered the question. “Nobody talked to me after I went blind. Because I became a helpless burden on all of them.”

Hunk let out a sigh and Keith heard the fabric of his jacket rub against the straps of his backpack as he shrugged. “Well, if it helps, Lance is pretty useless and makes our lives quite a bit harder, but he’s still our best friend.”

Keith heard Lance smack Hunk with some sort of book or binder and assumed Pidge had signed what Hunk had said to him. 

“Look, guys. I’m not a social person, so don’t expect me to do anything, but if sitting with you three at lunch keeps me from getting my ass whipped, then I’ll do it.”

Pidge and Hunk high fived one another, which, actually, made Keith smile a bit. 

“Alright, Keith.” Hunk used a tone similar to the one used at an awards ceremony as he patted Keith’s back. “You and your  _ adorable  _ puppy are now part of the trio.” 

“Uh, Hunk. It’s not a  _ trio _ anymore if there’s  _ four _ of us.”

Keith unintentionally provided a solution for their very unimportant problem. “Are we a quad?”

He got a simultaneous ‘yes’ from both of them before their conversation was interrupted by the buzzing of Keith’s cellphone. As he grabbed his phone to check the notification, Pidge asked a rather odd, but intriguing question. 

“How the fuck do you know who sends you a message?”

“I ask Siri…?” He answered hesitantly, as if it was an obvious answer. Keith then realized how accustomed he had become to using the AI in his phone that he didn’t even need his eyesight to use the device anymore. 

“You don’t just set the tone to different sounds for different people?” Hunk suggested. 

Keith shook his head. “I only have one person who texts me, so there’s no point.” He paused to sigh before putting his phone in his bag. “Anyway… I should get going.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Keith was in the passenger seat for less than five seconds before he was asked “How was it?”

“It wasn’t too bad.”

He heard Shiro shift the vehicle’s gears before the car moved forward and they were on the road headed for home. “It looks like you made some friends. You seemed to be talking to the three of them”

“They’re not friends, Shiro. They just happened to not be complete ass-wipes.”

“That, Keith, is how friends start.”

The teenager simply shrugged, he still wasn’t all too keen on spending his time at school with any one of those three students. Keith had never had a friend before, so this was very new territory for him. 

Shiro sighed a bit before changing the subject slightly. “How about classes? Do you think those will be okay?”

Nodding, Keith answered, “yeah. There are some forms you need to sign, by the way.”

“Really? What kind of forms?”

“No idea. I’d assume medical, but you know, it’s not like I can really _look_ through them.”

“No, but you could _ask_. You’re blind Keith, not mute.”

Keith leaned against the window, placing his cheek in his palm and his elbow on the car door. “I think the school hates me because they have to buy special copies of everything for me.”

“They don’t hate you, Keith. Nobody hates you.”

“A lot of people hate me, Shiro.” Keith paused for a moment before he added, “I hate me.” 

“I don’t understand why you’re so hard on yourself.”

“Because I’m a screw up!” 

“You’re not a—”

“I _am_ , Shiro! I _am_ a screw up!” Keith didn’t wait for a reply of any kind before he continued to vent. “It might not be intentional, but I’ve been ruining everyone’s life since the moment I was born. I mean, I drove Dad insane after Mom died. My first memory is of him yelling at me because I wouldn’t shut the fuck up about ‘when is Mom coming home’! And—”

“You were _three_ Keith! _Everyone_ ticked Dad off after Mom died. It wasn’t just you.”

Keith felt the car slow down and park. They weren’t home, just pulled over. 

“Why did you stop…?”

At first, Shiro didn’t answer. Keith heard his stressed-like breathing, and came to the conclusion that he was gathering his thoughts. Shiro wasn’t one to yell nor lose his temper. Perhaps it was his difficult teenage years spent without his mother, a needy, lonely little brother, and grieving father that taught him to have patience. Whatever the reason,he always thought before he spoke and paused if he needed to. Something Keith rarely ever even tried to do.

“Shiro…?”

“You are _not_ a screw up, Keith. You’ve done some questionable things, but you’re not a screw up and _nobody_ hates you.”

“Okay? So clearly we have opposing viewpoints on this subject, but why don’t we just, I don’t know, actually go home.”

“No… We’re sorting this out. Now.”

“I just have shitty self esteem. So what?”

“You’re the one who’s always saying how much I should listen to you, and how I should be more considerate of what you’re going through. Now I am. I’m letting you get everything off your chest, but you _still_ won’t say anything?”

“Nope.” Keith shook his head slowly as he answered. “I’m not talking because nothing is wrong. My self esteem is low, but every teen has bad self esteem. So it’s not important.”

There was a long period of awkward silence in which the only sounds around them were the passing cars and their own breathing. 

Keith heard the metronomic clicking of the car’s turn signal before feeling the car inch back onto the road. 

“Fine… Don’t talk.” Shiro sounded as though he had given up, something he rarely ever did when it came to his brother. “You’re seeing your therapist on Saturday anyway, so you can talk to them, or not, whatever you’re comfortable with. But just so you know, you  _ are _ an extremely talented individual. You always have been.”

After that, neither said anything else. The drive back to their tiny apartment was short, but the uncomfortable silence made it seem like it lasted hours. Halfway through, Shiro had turned on the radio, but even then, neither made an effort to talk or enthuse about the music they heard

Once back home, Shiro parked the car in the garage next to the apartment complex and both he and Keith exited the vehicle. 

Keith grabbed his backpack and asked Kosmo to heel before waiting for Shiro to lock up the car. 

“Hey…” 

His brother’s voice met his ears, kind and soft as always. “Yeah?” Keith replied in a less than interested voice. 

“Why don’t we do something this weekend?” Shiro suggested. “You know, to make the first week more bearable.”

Keith shrugged slightly, but didn’t say anything negative. “Sure. Did you have something in mind?”

“No…” Shiro chuckled to himself, slightly embarrassed that his plan was no more than a suggestion. “But we have all week to think about that, right?”

  
  
  


***

  
  


Later that day, while the two were having dinner, Keith had fallen silent once again. He and Shiro managed to have multiple conversations between coming home and now. 

“You’re being awfully quiet again…”

Keith raised his head up from his plate of food, staring blankly at his brother across the small, round dining table. “I am?” He asked, purposefully acting as though he was oblivious to his silence.

“Yes. You are… Are you lost in thought or is there something else on your mind?”

“Both I guess…”

Shiro didn’t want to ask any further questions, Keith had taught him that asking someone ‘what’s wrong’ doesn’t help them to want to talk, but his brother’s silence was bugging him. “Is it something you’re comfortable talking about?” 

“It’s been three years…” Keith said suddenly, and with no emotion in his voice. 

“Three years…?”

Ever so slightly, Keith nodded. “Wednesday marks three years since Dad died…”

“Oh… That’s true…”

Keith could already tell that he had ventured into dangerous territory. Mentioning a subject like this wasn’t a good idea.But it was the truth. It had been three years since their father died. 

At the time, Keith was only thirteen. Shiro was still in his undergrad years at college, and he wasn’t even at home for the whole ordeal. Keith had just started his final year of middle school. Pierce Academy was a K-12 private school that both he and Shiro had attended. Private schools started earlier than public, and after a month of his eighth grade year, they lost their dad. It truly was an accident, and in no way intentional. Despite his, at times, reckless attitude, Keith wasn't one to just start fires. It _was_ an accident. Regardless of that fact, Keith, to this day, blames himself for the fire that destroyed their house, blinded him and killed his dad. The hardest times for Keith are those around the unfortunate anniversary of his father’s death. Shiro knows this. Keith knows this, but won’t admit it. 

Something he also has never admitted and will  _ never _ admit is his lingering fear of hospitals. He spent two weeks recovering from the injuries and burns. In that time, Shiro was going back and forth between his brother’s room, in the pediatric inpatient wing and his father’s, which was all the way across the building in the ICU wing. That didn’t last long, however, since their father didn’t live more than a few days after the fire. And then it was just Shiro and Keith. Alone. No grandparents, nor aunts or uncles, no one. It was just the two of them. 

None of this was Keith’s fault. not a single second of it. Yet he blames himself for the whole thing. 

Keith never meant for any of this to happen, everyone knew that. But it happened nonetheless. 

“Is that why you’re so quiet?” 

Slowly, Keith nodded, answering his brother’s question. 

“Do you want to talk about it? Or should I just leave it be?”

Keith exhaled and shrugged. “I’d rather you let it go. But you’re probably hoping I talk, right?”

“You don’t have to.”

“Good.” Keith fell silent after that. His focus was on his dinner, but his mind was wondering. He assumed Shiro could tell he was thinking about something, something painful, but he didn’t want to put his thoughts into words. He never did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've found it's getting easier to write from Keith's perspective after reading a lot on his condition  
> So, in short, do your research kids!  
> Also, I have been asked how Keith became blind. It's not actually from burns, I kinda forgot to make that clear in the first 2 chapters.....  
> You'll find out how soon enough :D
> 
> Thanks for reading, and (maybe if you feel like it) leaving a kudos/comment  
> ~Picci


	4. Chapter 4

Not long after Keith had left the school grounds did Rachel find her way to her brother. As always, she gave him a bear hug, an action she had learned from her brother Marco at a very young age. Rachel talked with Lance and his friends for a few minutes, catching up with both Pidge and Hunk, and making sure Lance had experienced a good first day back. 

In the McClain household, any friend of any of the five siblings is automatically a friend to all. Rachel was the first to learn about Lance’s friends, and like the rest of her siblings, had grown close to both Hunk and Pidge. 

For Lance, this ‘catch up’ conversation was more than a little bit boring. He  _ had _ heard the whole thing earlier in the day and throughout the past few weeks. But he didn’t protest, he knew Rachel liked his friends, and he wasn’t going to force her to stop simply because he already knew the answers to her questions. 

After a good conversation between the four of them, they went their separate ways to their homes. 

Lance followed his sister back to the parking lot on the east side of the grounds. He didn’t say anything, but neither did Rachel. This was actually typical of them. They didn’t talk much until they arrived home. It was, in a way, an unspoken tradition. Lance took a seat in the passenger seat of the car and was caught off guard when Rachel asked a question instead of driving home. 

‘Hunk said something about a kid named Keith.Who is he?’

‘New kid. And our friend.’ Lance answered with a kind, little smile on his lips. 

Rachel signed the ASL word for ‘blind’ and added a question mark with her index finger, making sure she had the details about this Keith person correct in her mind. 

‘Yes. Keith is blind.’ 

Nodding, Rachel turned the car on, but still, didn’t leave the school. She asked another question, one that confused Lance grately. ‘Are you friends because you understand his pain?’

What an odd, unprompted question. Lance simply said ‘maybe’. He hadn’t ever put much thought into  _ why _ he wanted Keith to hang out with him and his friends, but the more he thought about it, Rachel might not be too far off from the truth. It was comforting knowing he wasn’t the only student who was seen as ‘different’. 

‘Okay. Let’s go home.’ She signed happily. ‘I bet mom is already worrying we drove off a cliff.’

Lance rolled his eyes, finding her comment hilariously true. Their mother worried far too much about them. 

As always, the drive home was, like the drive anywhere, void of conversation. 

Lance knew that signing to someone, having them interpret signs and replying in ASL while driving is not only distracting, but also terribly dangerous. He sat in a boring and silent vehicle and watched the autumn world around him go by in a blur of green and brown. Never once had he and Rachel even attempted to talk on their drive home. 

Ever since he was a kid, Lance had disliked car rides. He felt isolated and bored, and oftentimes, he would act out because of it. His family  _ loves  _ music. Cars have radios, radio have stations, and stations play music. While he watched his siblings sing and dance in their seats, he felt alone in the world. He was the only one who couldn’t hear what was so special to them. He doesn’t resent them, nor their ability to hear the world, he isn’t  _ that _ kind of a person, and he  _ was _ only a young child, a toddler, when these thoughts first entered his mind. Lance doesn’t hate their ability either, nor hate them for having it. He simply wishes he could enjoy things like they do. He only ever gets half of everything. He can see, and he’s grateful for that, but he can’t hear anything. 

One of his earliest memories revolve around feelings of jealousy. At the time, he was three years old, but hadn’t really picked up on conversational ASL yet, despite having seen it since he was just a few weeks old, when his parents first started using it. He  _ knew  _ ASL, but only ever signed very basic words like ‘food’, ‘drink’, ‘hungry’, and ‘thirsty’, along with many other basic needs. Lance had also learned how to greet people and how to sign ‘I love you’, along with a plethora of other phrases, but still, only signed very little. Aside from very basic ASL, Lance couldn’t really communicate with anyone. 

He remembers the day in odd, choppy details, but the most important part was perfectly clear. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Lance sat quietly on the living room floor with his sister. The two of them had picture books laid out in front of them. Rachel had one about some sort of puppy, and Lance had one about a tiger. Back then, he didn’t know these books had much meaning, but the book he had was his absolute favorite. He  _ loved _ how cute the little tiger cub was. His parents learned each word of the book and would sign it to him before bed. And while he sat on the soft carpet, Lance tried to remember which pages had which signs. As he looked through the pictures, he noticed Rachel get to her feet. He sat there watching his twin sister grab her hardcover children’s book from the floor, run over to her mother, and  _ say _ something, and her mother  _ said _ something back. Lance, just like Rachel, had wanted to be read to. He had his own picture book in his hands, his  _ favorite  _ picture book, but he could neither understand the plot nor the story without ASL. 

Lance looked around and saw his father a few feet from his mother, and an idea popped into his head. Copying his sister, Lance got to his feet, grabbed his book, ran towards his father and tried to produce some sort of sound. He didn’t hear anything, but he knew he had produced sound from the tiny vibrations he felt in his throat. Instead of getting the response Rachel had gotten, however, he was given a parental look of warning. His father asked him if he would like the book read to him. Lance shook his head, signing ‘no’. He didn’t want  _ sign language _ , he wanted  _ spoken words _ . He wanted to  _ hear _ and  _ say _ what his mother and sister had  _ said _ and  _ heard _ . The toddler tried again, making the same noise, but louder. He wanted to hear himself say something, but no matter how loud he raised his voice, he heard nothing. Lance didn’t understand that his volume was close to screaming, he thought he was behaving just like his sister. He was so confused when his father asked him to be quiet and told him not to yell. Lance didn’t know what he had done wrong, but he knew he might be in trouble.He couldn’t understand the difference between his actions and his sister’s, as he had no reference for proper volume levels or anything like it. And so he did what any toddler would do. He began fussing, then whimpering and finally, crying. His father immediately tried to soothe him, apologizing for worrying him, repeatedly signing ‘you’re okay’, ‘I’m sorry’, and ‘please don’t cry’. 

He saw how easy it was for Rachel to get what she wanted, and how difficult it was for him to get just about anything. Lance only ever wanted to be a ‘normal’ child, one who could hear and talk, and seeing how much more ‘advanced’ and ‘able’ his sister was hurt him. Instead of going to his mother or father when he needed something like a hug or a story, or help with anything, he started going to his sister Veronica. She taught him how to use ASL in proper conversations as well as she could. Being only four years older than her brother, Veronica was learning ASL with him. She had been using it since she originally learned it back when he was an infant, but even she needed practice. This was something Lance didn’t seem to mind. He liked her imperfect speech, as his too was less than perfect. He began to use ASL in all sorts of different ways and quickly began communicating with his hands in the same way Rachel and others did with their mouths and ears. 

At first, he thought ASL was a special secret language between him, his siblings and his parents. And he liked it that way. 

Eventually, Lance did figure out that ASL was a language that  _ many  _ understood. 

For a while, Lance was happy. He could communicate with his parents and siblings, and with their help, he could communicate with others. 

But starting school was hard for him. Instead of helping Lance to understand that his condition was normal, he once again grew more isolated and began to feel jealous of his siblings for  _ actually  _ being  _ normal _ . After three years in a school with only deaf children, Lance begged his parents to put him in the same school as Rachel. He wanted to act normal and be treated like how his siblings were treated, not be treated special and attend a school for ‘special needs children’. Even though school got increasingly harder at his sister’s school, he was happy there. Lance wasn’t isolated from his siblings, nor was he made to feel any different from them solely because of the school he attended. 

Of course, attending public school with Rachel was nothing easy. He was bullied almost every day, but when asked how it made him feel, he would always say ‘I can’t hear them so it can’t hurt me’. Although, it did hurt him. He was  _ different. Different  _ than everyone else at school. And until he met Pidge and Hunk four years after switching schools, he was alone with his experiences and pain. 

Perhaps Rachel  _ was _ right. Maybe he did want to be friends with Keith simply because he was the only other person he had met who had any sort of similar experiences. 

Maybe he just wanted to be reassured that he wasn’t alone in his struggles. 

The kinds of struggles he had dealt with and tried to overcome since a very young age. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


It didn’t take long for Lance’s mother to welcome him and his sister home from their first day. She greeted Rachel first, asking a few questions, most likely about her day, before giving her daughter a quick hug. 

Lance purposely took a while to take off his shoes, in a sense, stalling until it was his turn to be asked about his school day. 

Though being a sixteen year old junior in high school, Lance still received the same welcome as he did when he was five. Sensing his mother’s eye on him, Lance looked up, smiled and signed ‘hello’. He barely had time to breathe before he was in his mother’s arms. Gently, he returned the gesture kindly, but pulled away after a moment. 

She proceeded to ask him the same questions she had asked Rachel. Questions about his day, his friends, his classes, teachers; basically the entire eight hours he spent away from home.

Halfway through his near interrogation like conversation, his mother stopped signing and looked to Rachel in a puzzled manner. 

‘What did she say?’ Lance asked, glancing back and forth at his mother and sister. 

‘Who is Keith?’ 

For a moment, Lance didn’t know how to answer. Should he start by explaining that he and this new student are both ‘disabled’, or should he clarify that Keith is the new student and not mention his lack of vision. Or maybe, he should just say they were friends now and not mention that Keith was a new student, nor the fact that he was blind. 

‘Pidge and Hunk had him meet us for lunch.’ He began, pausing after the first sentence to gather his thoughts, and finalize how he would introduce the other student’s condition. ‘He’s new.’ Lance paused once more before making eye contact with his mother and signing ‘Keith is also blind.’

From facial expression alone, Lance could tell that his mother desperately wanted to know more about this new student. For the past seven years, Lance had been the only student at his school with a sensory disability, although no one in his family ever called his condition a disability. At least not in conversation, in their thoughts, maybe, but not in conversation. 

‘Are you friends?’ His mother asked hopeful for a positive answer. 

‘I think we are.’ He replied, smiling a little at his mother. ‘He did agree to sit with us at lunch.’

This made his mother tremendously happy. ‘That’s wonderful, Lance.’ Her smile was so wide she had forced herself to squint. ‘I am so proud of you and happy for you.’

‘Thank you, Mom.` Lance signed quickly as he gave a slightly nervous smile. He was glad that he had made another friend, especially since three years ago he though nobody would  _ ever  _ want to talk with him. He was glad his new friend might be able to understand him in a way most others cannot. And he was glad that this all made his mother happy. However, he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Keith wasn’t the best addition to his friend group. Perhaps they had tried to strike up a friendship too soon, or maybe Keith really wasn’t used to being around other people. Whatever the reason, Keith  _ had _ said almost nothing to him and his friends for an entire 45 minute lunch period. That was definitely odd. But could he really blame him? He was a new student at an incredibly posh and sought after high school. A school whose students often act like wild beasts around newcomers. Keith was within his rights to be hesitant, and Lance understood this. He, for whatever reason, simply couldn’t stop wondering if maybe this new and quiet student was hiding something more than what he said at lunch. All Lance and his friends knew was that Keith was living with his brother and had been blind for the past three years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not going to lie, I really enjoyed writing the little flashback for Lance. As we venture further into the school year, you'll encounter more memories and mentions of their past. Hopefully they won't be boring.  
> I should clarify that I don't believe in normalcy when it comes to someone's ability or lack there of. I have what is considered a disability, and I absolutely hate when people say I or anyone like me isn't normal. The only reason I would describe either Lance or Keith as 'abnormal' is because the chapters are from their perspective, and often times, society can give one a negative image of themselves, thus the words 'disabled' and 'abnormal' find their way into my writing.  
> I really don't want to offend anyone, so I wanted to make that clear.
> 
> Thanks for reading  
> ~Picci


	5. Chapter 5

Week four of junior year. Things were going well, or as well as things could go. Keith still felt terribly isolated and uncomfortable each day at Meadview high, but even he couldn’t deny that lunch was the best forty-five minutes of his monday-friday school schedule. 

He didn’t know anybody other than Pidge, Hunk and Lance, at least not personally. He only ever talked with the three of them, unless he was forced to talk with another classmate. Other than homeroom, he had three of his eight academic classes with his friends. Of course, Keith had never admitted they were his friends, but he, along with the three of them-- and Shiro-- knew they were friends. 

Keith shared Precalculus with Hunk, and English Literature with Pidge. His most enjoyable class was Chemistry, which he shared with all three of them. They were, of course, lab partners, and although he and Lance contributed to less than 50% of the actual lab work, they all enjoyed one another’s company. Until this school year, Keith had never enjoyed group work, probably because he had never had the ‘honor’, as Pidge called it, of working with any of them. 

Kosmo led Keith from his fourth period class to his locker, weaving between students eager to enjoy their daily lunch period. From there, the two headed to the patio. Keith wasn’t the only one who was getting something out of this little group of people, Kosmo too enjoyed the company of Keith’s new friends. Lance absolutely _loved_ Kosmo and always sat next to Keith for the sole purpose of being able to pet the dog. Although Keith had been warned _against_ allowing others to get close to his service animal, he didn’t think it was right to deny Lance, Pidge or Hunk time with Kosmo. Especially since the dog adores the attention. 

“Hey Keith!” Hunk greeted his friend once Keith took a seat at the table. “How was your test?”

Keith, who had just finished a test in his english class, was less than willing to discuss the whole ordeal. “Don’t even ask.”

“Lance wants to know if you failed.” Pidge voiced Lance’s question, knowing full well Keith wasn’t one to fail on assessments. 

“No. I didn’t  _ fail _ . It was just incredibly stupid.” 

“If you didn’t even read the assignment, then yes, it would have seemed _stupid_.” Pidge said in a mocking tone. “I don’t find the plot particularly interesting, but you _have_ to actually _read_ what’s assigned.”

With a sigh, Keith said, “Thanks for the tip.”

“Anyway!” Hunk ended the previous conversation, much to everyone’s satisfaction, and changed the topic to a far more positive one. “It’s Friday, which means it’s game night, and we were wondering if you wanted to join us, Keith.”

“Me?”

“I don’t know of any other Keiths… So, yes, you.”

“I guess, although I’m not sure I would be of much use.” He was talking about his impairment. He has used his blindness as a reason for getting out of almost any social or interactive situation. 

“You don’t need your vision or your hearing to take part in our game night.” Pidge’s tone was surprisingly soft, a rare occurrence for them. 

“Oh right. I forgot to mention,” Hunk was the one to clarify both his and Pidge’s lack of explanation, “for us, ‘game night’ is more of a friendly hang out. It started as dinner and games at one of our houses way back in seventh grade. But over the years, it’s become more of a therapeutic talk session kind of thing. Although, nobody really has to do anything, we just find comfort being around one another since we’re so close.”

“What Hunk is _trying_ to say is that if you don’t want to actually participate in the conversations, at least come for the food.” There was a slight silence before they said, “And Lance wants you to go because… He knows you have nowhere else to be.”

“Well he’s not wrong.” Keith said, taking no offense to Lance’s comment whatsoever. He had nowhere to go, other than home. 

“Will you come?” The AI in Lance’s phone asked the question shortly after Keith spoke.

By now, the three of them were used to Lance using his phone to talk with his friends. He tended to only use the AI around or with Keith since he could neither understand ASL nor see typed out thoughts.

Keith, who had never before been asked to hang out at someone’s house was extremely reluctant to answer yes or no. He didn’t want to say no, but at the same time, he didn’t quite want to say yes. 

The rest of the group was silent as they waited for him to give an answer.

Finally, he spoke. “What time?”

His positive sounding answer received a very positive response from both Pidge and Hunk.

“Typically, we shoot for five thiry.” Pidge answered. “That way we can have dinner and hang out afterwards. You’re welcome to leave at any time, though.”

Again, Keith took a moment to respond. He thought long and hard about his final answer, and after considering many outcomes, he gave his answer, but of course, in an odd way. “Can Kosmo come too?”

“Absolutely!”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Never in a million years would Keith have thought he would be standing outside of someone else’s house to _hang out_. Shiro had dropped him off at Pidge’s house a few minutes ago. Keith however, got a long, overprotective pep-talk from Shiro before he was allowed to even think about leaving the car. Now, he stood outside of a friend’s house. Yes, Keith called this a friend’s house. If it was just him alone, this suburban home belonged to a friend.

Kosmo sat next to Keith as he knocked on the door and stepped back, waiting patiently.

Less than ten seconds passed before the door swung open. It opened so quickly that Keith felt a slight breeze on his face. “You came!” Pidge’s excited voice met his ears, and Keith couldn’t help but give a little grin.

“Why wouldn’t I…?” Keith asked, despite the fact that he doubted if he would even show up.

“You were kind of hesitant at lunch, but you _are_ here now, so come on in.”

The amount of kindness in their voice made Keith feel quite good about coming here. Even if he wasn’t all about socializing with others, he did see people’s feelings as something that was of great importance. 

Kosmo led Keith inside, following Pidge into their house.

“To be completely honest, Hunk and I weren’t sure you weren’t going to show up.” 

“I guess I can’t blame you for that.” There was a strange silence between the two before he asked “am I the only one here?”

“Yeah. First one. Hunk and Lance usually walk over _at_ the time we’re supposed to gather. We all live so close to one another that walking _is_ possible, but they may never understand that ‘at five oclock’ means to arrive at that time, not start walking at that time.”

Keith nodded slowly, he hadn’t expected to be the _first_ to show up, if at all. Yet here he was, first guest in a friend’s house. So far, the evening was full of unplanned firsts. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Dinner was more than a bit awkward. Keith had never eaten anything other than hastily made tuna sandwiches in front of his friends. Tonight, he was given baked ziti, provided by Pidge’s mother and Hunk’s homemade garlic bread. Both Pidge and Hunk made it perfectly clear that it was not required for anyone to prepare food, other than the host, but that Hunk simply liked pitching in. 

Somehow, Keith had managed to get through his meal without making a fool out of himself. He was definitely used to eating almost anything and his lack of vision didn’t alter his ability to eat any specific type of food, he simply hadn’t ever eaten anything ‘fancy’—requiring forks and knives— in front of anyone except his brother and a handful of nurses since going blind. 

The odd thing about this evening was the lack of word from Lance, the one who put in the ‘extra effort’ to get Keith to show up. Lance had not arrived yet, but the three teens were already upstairs in Pidge’s bedroom. 

Nobody thought much of it, as Lance periodically needed or wanted a night just to himself or to spend with his family. 

Each of them had an idea of why Lance hadn’t arrived or sent a text, but none of them knew exactly why. At least, not until Pidge finally received a text from him, an hour and a half _after_ they were all supposed to meet up. 

“Oh… Lance just said he won’t be able to make it tonight at all.” They sounded let down, but as they summarized the message further, their tone softened to an understanding one. “He was looking forward to seeing his older sister this weekend, but she won’t be home.”

“Does his sister impact what he does _that_ much?” Keith asked, still knowing very little about the family dynamic the others had. 

“Veronica? Yeah. She and Lance are the closest siblings to ever exist.” Hunk answered, using a similar tone to Pidge. “Rachel, his twin kind of made Lance feel isolated as a kid. Unintentionally! But he had trouble fitting in as a young kid because of his ‘inability to communicate’, as he calls it.”

“And I’m guessing Veronica helped him out or something?” 

“Yeah.” Hunk went on, answering Keith’s question in the same tone he had used before. “She taught him most of his sign language, and so did his mom and dad, but he felt more comfortable with Veronica since Rachel got everyone else’s attention.”

Keith felt an odd sense of empathy for Lance. He could understand why one would rely on their sibling and not their parents, as he had relied heavily on Shiro in the years that followed his mother’s death, and solely on him for the past three years. “How old is his sister?”

“Twenty one.” Pidge said quickly. “She has a shit ton of classes and a stupidly demanding internship, both of which eat up a lot of her free time. She’s in the same intern program as my brother, Matt and he hasn’t been home for more than a day in _months_.”

“Are you all close with your siblings?”

“Yep, and each other’s.” Finally, Hunk’s tone changed to a far happier one, saying, “Lance has the biggest most loving family in the world. Once they found out we had befriended their son, their _deaf_ son, all six of them were obsessed with us coming over. And that’s how ‘game night’ started.”

“Whoa what?! Six? Six siblings or six family members?”

Pidge snorted as they struggled to provide Keith with an answer. “Lance is in a family of seven.” Pausing to catch their breath, Pidge calmed themselves and continued. “He lives with his parents and his sister Rachel. His brothers Marco, Luis and his older sister Veronica are all at university.”

“If he has such a loving family, why doesn’t he ever talk about them?”

“Why don’t you talk about yours?” Pidge asked, making it quite clear that they weren’t here to pick apart Lance and his choices. 

Keith didn’t mean anything by his question, but from Pidge’s tone, he felt he should say something in case the others misread his intentions. “My family is everything but happy and loving. I’d just make you all depressed if I talked about it.”

When Pidge said Keith didn’t talk about his family, they meant it. Keith had _never_ talked about his family. All he said was that he lived with his brother and that was it. 

“Is your brother a dick?” Asked Pidge. “If so, I can totally kick his ass.”

“What?! No! Shiro isn’t a dick. He can be really annoying, but he’s not a dick.” 

“What about your parents? I remember you said you lived with your brother. Do you see them much? Or not at all?”

Keith instinctively looked to Hunk who had asked the question, frowning a little as he lowered his gaze. “I haven’t seen them in years… Both of my parents are… Well… Dead.”

He heard simultaneously gasping sounds from his friends. Apparently neither of them thought he lived with his brother for _that_ reason. 

“I thought your parents were just out of the country or something like that. I am so sorry I asked you in such a rude tone. Please don’t feel the need to talk.”

“It’s fine.” Keith reassured Pidge that he took no offense to their question earlier. “I just assumed that everyone knew already.”

“No. No one knew.” After Pidge said that, the room fell silent. 

This was a bad silence. The kind of silence one experiences in tense and uncomfortable situations, like this one. 

Keith kept his head down as he stroked the top of Kosmo’s head, running his thumb over the dog’s ear. “I should probably mention that they’ve been dead for a while… At least my mom has…”

“Seriously, Keith. You do not have to talk about this.”

Clearly, Keith wasn’t hiding his feelings well, as his confident tone did nothing to mask his hesitation with his words. “It’s fine, Hunk. I should talk about it. You all know everything about each other, why should I keep my depressing life a secret?”

“Because Hunk and I are _not_ licensed therapists, and this seems like something you should tell a therapist, not your friends whom you have only known for four-ish weeks. It took weeks for all of us to learn about one another. We didn’t just sit down and vent about everything all at once. We talked in stages overtime. You don’t need to get it all out in one sitting.”

“If I can’t talk about myself in front of friends, who else am I supposed to talk to?”

Neither Pidge nor Hunk could really combat that with anything. Keith had a point, a good one too. 

Truth was, however, Keith _didn’t_ want to talk about his mom or his dad. Something inside him thought it would be good to brief them on his past. He decided not to go into too much detail, just enough for them both to know the basics. 

“Please don’t say anything like ‘I’m sorry about that’ or anything even close to an apology. I appreciate that you both seem to care, but I don’t want your sympathy.” Once he got a positive response from them, he began his summary. “I don’t remember anything about my mom. My brother does, but that’s because he was _ten_ and I was _three_. I was only ever told that she was ‘sick’, nobody had the heart to tell me that my mother was actually dying of cancer. So that’s the start of my life. I never made friends, and was a total bum who only hung out with his brother,nothing special ever happened. But then, three years ago, there was…” Keith paused suddenly. A very large part of him did _not_ want to talk about _anything_ even remotely related to his father. His therapeutic action of petting his dog was his only sense of calm. He started fiddling with Kosmo’s floppy ears, stroking the long fur around the dog’s ears, face and neck. “There was an accident of some sorts, my dad died, I was blinded and got a really shitty amount of depression. But I got Kosmo because of all of that, and he keeps me happy, don’t you?”

In response to Keith’s question, Kosmo sat up and licked his face, something he knew would make Keith smile.

“Gross, Kosmo.” Keith withheld laughter as he wiped the dog’s saliva from his cheek. “I said you make me happy, not grossed out.”

Kosmo panted as he lay back down at Keith’s side, resting his chin on the teen’s knee. 

“And that’s my life. Really not the brightest of stories…”

“Well, I hope you know that we are _all_ here for you if you ever just need someone to talk to. About anything. Although, Pidge is pretty bad with words, but they’ll help.”

“I’m fine for now, but thanks for the offer.” Keith gave a considerate smile and sighed. “So, what about you guys? Have any angsty backgrounds to talk about?”

“We all grew up without friends, if that counts…” Hunk mumbled quietly, and Keith could tell that he would much rather talk about something more uplifting. 

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Pidge paused for a moment, as if debating to ask their question or make up a new one, “when did you get Kosmo?”

“I was hospitalized for a while when I went blind. Shiro found a local organization that had service dogs and he, more or less so, surprised me with him before I went home. I guess it’s a good thing I like dogs, right?”

“Yeah, but you’re not the only one who likes Kosmo.” Hunk’s cheery tone signified the end of all negativity for the rest of the evening. “He’s a great addition to our hectic school and our friend group. You know, his cute, little, gray snout, and fluffy ears and those nice, loving, navy-blue eyes. He’s such a good boy.”

Keith wasn’t expecting any sort of praise for his dog, but couldn’t deny Hunk’s words made him happy. “Well, of course he is. He’s Kosmo.”

“Clearly Kosmo makes you quite happy.” Pidge commented, using a calm, relaxed voice. “Anything else make you happy? Or is it just your dog?”

Shrugging, Keith hummed and ran a hand down Kosmo’s back. “I wouldn’t say _happy_ , but I don’t mind art and music.”

“Oh really? What kind? Emo, MCR type of stuff?”

“I’m not _emo_ , Pidge! Just because my world is totally black doesn’t mean I’m emo.”

There was silence for a few seconds before Hunk hesitantly asked, “was that… was that a joke?”

“That was totally a joke, right, Keith?”

Keith nodded, giving a little grin. “Yeah, it was. Sorry if my humor is a bit bleak.”

“I’m just surprised you actually made a joke.” Pidge said, using their brosque, sarcastic tone. “Seriously, you always seem so… ‘meh’ about everything.”

“Sorry about that…’’ Keith forced a tiny smile as he said, “I am working on that. It’s kind of lingering mentality from when I was an antisocial middles school kid.”

“Don’t worry, we all have some lingering middle school quirks.” Hunk let out a content sigh. “We won’t judge you.”

“Well that’s a relief. If you guys judged me, I’d be pretty fucked.” 

Keith _was_ being sarcastic, at least, he was trying to be. And he was glad that both Pidge and Hunk read his tone as sarcasm and not him being serious. He had said enough about himself for the evening and didn’t plan on disclosing any more information about himself for a while. Keith isn’t one to talk about his past or his parents, and he is surprised that he even said anything about his mother, and even more surprised that he talked about his father. But here, with these two, he felt calmer than usual, in a sense, he felt somewhat comfortable talking to the both of them. And maybe, after some time, he would feel comfortable talking with Lance as well, but they’d have to find a proper way to communicate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now you know how his mom died. I spent hours trying to figure out a way to realistically keep the 'raised by father' background in Keith's character since this is an AU. It was really hard since I'm no medical expert, and I also didn't want to make it cliche. I could've done a car crash.... But then I thought Keith's backstory would be too much like Nanako from P4..... So I settled for cancer. Both options were very angsty.   
> Also, Keith has reasons for hardly ever acknowledging he has friends, and sorry if my crappy writing made that really odd.  
> This is also the last chapter I have written out before publishing chapter 1, so I maybe might not get chapter 6 published on Friday(also cuz that's my bday and I don't know if I want to get second-hand-depression that day or not....)
> 
> Anyway!  
> Thanks for reading!  
> ~Picci


	6. Chapter 6

No matter how many times Lance apologized for missing the game night on Friday, and no matter how many times he was reassured that an apology was  _ not _ necessary, he  _ still _ felt terrible for missing it. He had apologized at least three times at lunch, despite already doing so multiple times throughout the weekend. 

Most people would, by now, let it go, but Lance is not like most people. He is, in simple terms, a compassionate and selfless person. Instead of leaving it be and moving on, Lance wanted to make up for his actions, something he definitely did not have to do. Even Keith, the quiet one of the group made it clear that Lance did not need to ‘make it up to them’. 

But Lance has a compassionate heart, and he wants nothing more than to make sure he does what he believes is right. And right now, that means attempting to make thoughtful, yet unnecessary plans. 

As always, after the final class, he made a quick trip to his locker, taking home only what he needed for that evening. Lance closed the metal door of his locker, fastening the lock to ensure his belongings were safe, and made his way to the front of the school to wait with his friends. He watched his fellow students converse and catch up after the school day, and wondered what it was like to be able to converse with others like that. Lance had this thought often, but it wasn’t always in a negative or self depreciating way. Today, it wasn’t. 

He joined Hunk at the front after a short walk, and at first, it was just the two of them. He and Hunk talked for some time about nothing in particular. Soon, they were joined by Pidge and then, after a few moments, Keith joined the three of them. 

Lance gave an awkward, almost secretive smile before letting go of the straps on his backpack and giving a little wave to indicate he wished to talk. He waited to have their attention and signed ‘does anyone want to grab some food?’ lowering his eyebrows as he signed. ‘I thought we could go someplace quiet and study.’ He added, hoping his request wasn’t too short notice. 

Pidge and Hunk exchanged confused glances. Lance had _never_ made it clear that he wanted to study in the past. He enjoyed studying with others, but he had never asked to do anything like this, he had always waited for an invitation. Despite their confusion, they seemed to discuss the question with little reluctance. 

Lance watched Hunk say something to Keith, assuming it was his own question, and waited for his response. 

‘Keith said he wouldn’t mind. But he will have to ask his brother.’ Hunk informed Lance, adding that this request _was_ rather last minute. 

Keith stepped back from the others, taking his phone from his pocket and presumably contacting his brother, as he was soon holding his cellphone to his ear. 

‘What about you two?’ Lance asked, knowing he could at least get their answers. 

‘Yeah, I think it would be fun.’ Pidge replied as politely as they could, still utterly confused as to how and why this idea came to Lance. 

‘Hunk?’

Nodding, Hunk answered, ‘yeah, I can, but I’m not sure about Keith.’

In silence they all waited for Keith to give an answer. Lance hoped his answer would be yes. He didn’t like the thought of one of his friends being unable to hang out. Especially not when the others all can. But he also understood if Keith answered ‘no’, as this was completely last minute and Keith more or less so lived by his brother’s schedule. 

Lance watched hopefully as Keith informed the group of what his brother had said. He still hadn’t gotten used to reading Keith’s lips, as the other student often had poor enunciation or talked too quickly, but he had become accustomed to Keith’s expressions and body language. At a glance, Lance noticed that Keith seemed to be rather positive as he talked, and he didn’t look like his words were apologetic either. 

‘Can he come?’ Lance asked after Keith had finished, more optimistic now than before. 

Pidge nodded, signing ‘Yeah, if he’s home by six. Tell Rachel we’re getting food so she doesn’t freak out.’

None of them expected to arrive home later than five, but at least they had a three hour time frame. And with that, the four of them were off to find somewhere to eat. Pidge offered to drive everyone despite their car being in a rather messy state. No one opposed this option as their only other mode of transportation was their own two feet. Lance relied on his sister for transportation, Keith relied on his brother, and Hunk and Pidge had a weird every-other-week carpool system in which Pidge would drive Hunk to school one week, and Hunk would drive the next, and so on, and so on.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Not far from Meadview High was a small, outdoor burger shop. A quaint fast food restaurant with covered patio seating and a short drive through for customers who don’t have time to sit down and eat, as most of them don’t. However, this group of four teens only come here to sit and chat, and of course, order some food.

Hunk and Pidge went to order the four of them their request food, while Keith and Lance found a table in the shade. The two sat across from one another, neither making an effort to start a conversation. 

The benches weren’t super comfortable. They were those red pentagonal tables with the weird diamond patterns instead of a solid seat or tabletop. Despite that, they were extremely clean, unlike most outdoor seating areas.

Lance watched Keith mindlessly run his finger over the surface of the table, back and forth from one side to the other like a bored toddler. Lance knew that touch helped familiarize the blind populace with their surroundings, but this wasn’t the same sort of action. This wasn’t for familiarization, but something else. Keith fiddled with his hands a lot, and it was quite obvious, as he hid his action quite poorly. Whether this was from nervousness or boredom, Lance figured there was a better use of their time than just sitting and fidgeting.

Pulling out his phone, Lance typed out a small message in his Notes app, highlighted it and had his AI speak his thoughts to Keith.

‘Sorry for missing game night on Friday’, he had typed. ‘I hope you’re not mad.’

Keith looked surprised to hear an apology. His facial features softened slightly, as much as he would allow, and shook his head. Quickly, Keith grabbed his own cell phone and said something into the microphone of the device before turning the screen to face Lace.

‘Don’t apologize. I’m not mad, you had your reasons.’ Keith had said.

Surprisingly, this was the kindest Keith had been in the past month. Not only that, but it was probably the most he had ever said to Lance. Keith normally would have only said one or two words, but this was two whole sentences. 

Reading these words made Lance smile, he was pleased to know that Keith did not feel bitterly towards his absence. He typed out another message before allowing the AI to speak the words to Keith. 

‘Thanks.’ The AI said to Keith. ‘I promise I won’t ditch this week.’

As he waited for Keith to respond, he couldn’t help but wonder why his friend was suddenly so ‘talkative’. Two sentences really was nothing, unless, of course, one is talking about Keith, the student who _barely_ says a word even when talked to. Maybe something clicked in his mind on Friday. If so, this would mean that Lance had missed something, which only made him feel worse about not showing up. 

If that were true, and something had changed in Keith because of the ‘game night’, then it was probably due to a conversation they had had. A conversation Lance had not been a part of. Had he made a mistake in not going? Or was it best that he had stayed home. Whatever conversation the three had was, in one way or another, an important, or worth it conversation. A part of him questioned if him staying home was actually a good decision or not. Lance didn’t like to look down on himself, but he did see himself as the reason for slow and difficult conversations. He needed an interpreter in almost every conversation he had. 

His mind wandered through this dangerous territory of self deprecation and harmful questioning for a while. Definitely more than just a few minutes. He was only pulled back to reality when he felt a tap on his wrist. It was only then that Lance had realized that he was staring off into the distance, looking at nothing in particular. The tap to his wrist, though gentle, did startle him. He turned his head back to face Keith, and found that Pidge and Hunk had returned with their food, fries and milkshakes. 

‘Sorry I scared you.’ Pidge signed once they had Lance’s attention. ‘Everything alright?’

Lance gave them a quick nod in return. ‘Yes. I’m fine. Lost in thought.’

Pidge slowly nodded their head, shrugged and sat next to Keith. ‘We have our food now, so that’s fun.’

This subject change tactic was something that Pidge often did to avoid a conversation they would deem as ‘awkward’ or ‘untimely’. Lance did this as well, and believes he picked this up from them. Regardless of how he started the tactic, he knew to move on, and he thought it was best to not mention his inner monologue. 

Instead, he wanted to ask his own question. Lance lifted his hands from their resting position in his lap, but placed his palms on the tabletop when he saw Keith begin to speak. 

Based on his facial expressions and the lowering of his eyebrows, he had asked a question of his own, in a sense, beating Lance to it. Pidge and Hunk shook their heads in response to Keith’s question. 

‘What did he ask?’ Lance asked his friends. 

‘If we told you what he told us on Friday.’ Hunk answered quickly adding, ‘and we haven’t.’

Lance hesitated with his follow up question, but finally decided it was best to ask. ‘Am I allowed to know?’

‘Yes. I think he wants you to know.’ Pidge made this assumption and had based it off of, quite literally, nothing. And so, they confirmed this assumption with Keith before telling Lance ‘you’re his friend too, and he thinks it is wrong to keep secrets.’

And so, Pidge and Hunk gave Lance the story the two of them had been given on Friday. Lance learned of the untimely death of Keith’s mother, and of the ‘accident’ that killed his father. Although Keith never explicitly stated _what_ the accident was. This led to the formation of theories in Lance’s head, theories he thought best to confirm on Keith’s time and not his own. 

Along with the death and loss aspects of Keith’s past, Lance was told of how Keith wasn’t great at making friends and didn’t have anyone to talk to, other than his brother and father, until this school year. Even though this wasn’t a pleasant bit of information, it made Lance feel special, or good about himself and his friends for inviting Keith into their little group. Even if Keith was still quiet and reluctant to talk about everything, he seemed happy when with Lance, Pidge and Hunk, his friends. 

Of everything his friends told him, Lance found Keith’s interests to be the most intriguing. Art and music. Lance had  _ always  _ loved the idea of music, but had distanced himself from it as he can’t enjoy it, at least he thinks he can’t. He knows he can feel the vibrations of sound, but something about not being able to  _ hear _ it, makes him a bit stubborn. Art on the other hand, the visual aspect of creativity, Lance loved. He wasn’t, in his eyes, a good artist, but he enjoyed going to galleries with his mother and sister Rachel. He also enjoyed sketching mindlessly on his notes. He never produced anything more than a rough sketch or scribble, but it was art nonetheless. 

With his curiosity pegged, he asked ‘what kind of art?’

Hunk voiced Lance’s question and informed him that Keith enjoyed ‘mixed media, mostly paint and oil pastels’.

‘Is he taking a class?’

Lance saw Keith nod, to which he and the others were quite surprised. 

It wasn’t that Lance was being small minded, or inconsiderate, he simply didn’t understand how Keith produces something that requires visual strength, something he doesn’t have. More importantly, Keith had never mentioned taking an art class before, and he didn’t seem like one to just lie about something like this. 

Pidge began signing, and Lance focused his attention on their hands. ‘He says he doesn’t need his vision with what he uses. He relies on touch and memory to know what he is making.’

To this, Lance was even more interested. Keith was blind, but he had trained his mind to create visual works with only his hands and his memory. Lance wondered how long this had taken him to do, and he wanted to know, but instead, he asked a more practical question, one that doesn’t question Keith’s ability. ‘Is his art going to be in the show? There is one every month, correct?’

Keith looked a bit taken aback by Lance’s question. Had he not thought about entering in the show? Or did he not know there was one? Whatever the reason, he answered the question, but his posture suggested it was reluctantly, as if he didn’t want to talk about it.

‘Keith doesn’t like displaying his art.’ Hunk told Lance, explaining that Keith isn’t always happy with or proud of what he produces. 

This, Lance understood. He could understand why something one worked on might not be adequate enough for them to show to or perform for others. In fact, pretty much everyone in the world knows this feeling. 

‘Tell him that I’m sure his art is wonderful.’ Lance signed, quickly adding ‘and if he ever feels comfortable, I would like to see it.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
> Sorry for the l o n g delay  
> I hit a bad patch of writers block and bad cell service  
> Anyway, I hope to get chapter 7 out on Tuesday and resume my posting schedule of Tues/Fri  
> As always:  
> Thanks for reading!  
> ~Picci


	7. Chapter 7

Keith’s final class of the day was his art class, the one class he never talked to anyone about. It 

was Wednesday, and his friends had only just learned about this class of his two days ago despite him attending Meadview for just over a month. 

As always, Kosmo was right by his feet, lying down comfortably until Keith needed his assistance. 

He had his own work space, one separate from the rest of the class. He had requested this at the beginning of the year, as he was far more comfortable being away from others when he created his pieces of artwork. His teacher didn’t mind his request, and gave him what he asked for, as long as he returned the folding table to the back wall when he was done for the day. This compromise was fine for both of them, and over the last few weeks, Keith had found a very odd sense of comfort in his art classroom. His teacher seemed to be the most caring of all of his teachers, and seemed to be the most flexible when it came to Keith’s needs and requests.

Just like every other day, Keith had both earbuds in his ears, drowning out the chatter around him with his music. Unlike most people’s assumptions, Keith wasn’t all too keen on pop music nor the emo or edgy styles. He had gone through an ‘emo phase’ in his middle school years, but nowadays he mostly listens to calming or acoustic sounding songs. It helps him relax and calm down if he ever feels stressed, and after using it as a coping mechanism, his relaxation playlists became his daily mix. 

Although he didn’t have any fancy music app like Spotify or Soundcloud, he did have what would be called ‘illegally downloaded music’ that he got from YouTube, along with ten dollars worth of songs from the iTunes store. Shiro’s ex-boyfriend had gifted Keith a ten dollar gift card when he turned fourteen, claiming that he didn’t know what Keith liked. At the time, Keith had thought it to be a rather shitty gift, as his father _had_ just passed away a month and a half before, and he was quite bitter and negative back then. looking back on it now, however, the gift card was a good present after all. 

Through the sound of his music, he heard the computerized bell ringing over the PA system. The day was finished. 

Keith never kept track of time in this class and thus was always caught a little off guard when the bell sounded. 

Pausing his music and sliding his phone and earbuds into his backpack, Keith heard his teacher hurriedly announce a reminder to the class. 

“Don’t forget the monthly show is tomorrow!” She said, hoping to raise her voice to a volume louder than the voices around her. “Anything you want displayed, put it on the counter near your portfolios! I’ll start setting everything up tonight and need to know how many displays I need.”

In all likelihood, nobody had listened to her. Keith had barely heard a word of what she had said, but he knew the gist of it. Something about the art show and where to put your work. 

After placing his backpack on his chair, Keith picked up Kosmo’s leash in his left hand, his works in his right, and made his way to the counter where his portfolio was kept. As he placed his work down, his teacher asked him a question. 

“Keith, you _do_ know that’s the pile for the show, right?”

“Yes, Ms. Willis, I know.” He answered, faking a smile. 

“Oh, you’re okay with me displaying your art?”

“Yeah…?” He answered hesitantly. “Should I not be?”

“You just… Have been rather secretive about your work since day one, that’s all.” 

Ms. Willis certainly had a point. Keith had definitely been _extremely_ private when it came to his art. He didn’t even try to argue, he just nodded and shrugged. 

“I guess I just want to try something new…”

In a cherry, supportive tone, she said, “alright then! I’ll put up whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Quickly, Keith picked up what he had begun to set down and placed the works on the empty table beside him. “If I only wanted to show a few… say two or three… Which ones would you say were best?”

Ms. Willis hummed as she approached Keith, examining his artwork as he had asked her to do. “Well, you know I think they’re all beautiful.”

“Yeah, but _they_ might not…”

“If anyone rips on your work I’ll send then to detention faster than the speed of sound.” 

Keith gave an uncomfortable smile, pleased to know she had his back, but thought her wording was odd and somewhat cheesy. “Thanks… But seriously, what would be good to—”

The blind student didn’t finish his question as another, far more energetic voice cut off his own. 

“You have Ms. Willis?!”

Keith tensed up at the sound of Pidge’s obnoxiously excited voice. turning around to face the doorway of the classroom, he quietly said “hey, Pidge…”

“Dude! Ms. Willis is literally the _best_ teacher at this _entire_ school.” 

“You know this trio of trouble makers?” The teacher asked Keith. 

“Sadly, yes.”

To that, Pidge whined like a child. “Are we really _that_ bad of friends that you can’t even support us?”

“Just you.” Keith teased, leaning against the table behind him. 

“Okay shut up, you’re so mean.” 

Keith gave one of his quiet chuckles, the ones he reserved for when he was in a teasing or competitive mood. 

“So tell me, Katie, how is it that you three are friends with my star student?”

“Well you see—”

“Wait. Katie? I thought your name was Pidge?!”

“Oh… Right…” Pidge made a noise suggesting they were in an awkward situation, which, explaining one's name might be. “On my birth certificate it doesn’t actually say Pidge. That’s just a nickname. Katie is my actual name. Nobody uses it except my family and teachers I had before tenth grade. I’m not _against_ it, I just prefer Pidge, you know?”

Keith simply nodded in response to their explanation. He wasn’t an expert on gender identities and names and what have you, but he thought agreeing with what they said was better than asking anything else. 

“We met Keith on the first day.” Hunk explained, using his friendly tone as always. “He sat with us at lunch, and, well, we were friends after that, although we never knew he was an artist until Monday.”

“I’m not an artist… I just… Like to paint and draw…”

“And Lance isn’t deaf.” Pidge said under their breath, more or less so calling Keith out on the falsities of his statement. 

Keith heard the rustle of fabric moving, and the room went silent. Lance was signing. 

“So that’s why you’re here…” Ms. Willis tapped the table behind her. “Keith was wondering which pieces he should put in the show tomorrow, maybe you three could help.”

Keith made the assumptions that Lance had either been in Ms. Willis’ class and she had learned some sign language for her student, or she simply knew the language already, as neither Pidge nor Hunk had translated what Lance had signed. 

“If Keith would let us see his work, we’d love to help.” Hunk said cheerily. He, like the others, clearly wanted to see what Keith had created. 

With a sigh, Keith stepped aside, spreading out the paintings he had done over the last few weeks. “This is what I’ve done… It’s not much, but… Yeah. Whatever you think is good, let me know.”

“You painted these?!” Pidge seemed to explode with surprise and curiosity. “Keith, these are _amazing_!”

“Yeah, Keith. These are beautiful.” Hunk had a very similar reaction as Pidge. “Lance wants to know you do it.”

“How I do it…? Like… How to paint or how _I_ make _my_ art?”

“How _you_ do it, dingus.” 

Keith wasn’t expecting Pidge to call him a dingus, but his question was rather stupid. Everyone knows how painting works, Lance obviously wanted to know how Keith made his paintings. 

“Um… Well…” Unprepared for the question, Keith stumbled over his words. He couldn’t figure out how to explain it to them. He wondered if they would understand how his process could work. 

“Think of this like practice for tomorrow. I’ll leave you four to it.”

Keith wasn’t pleased with his teacher’s comment. He didn’t want to talk to anyone about his art. His throat seemed to shrink as he thought that he would have to talk to strangers about his art. But as Ms. Willis walked away, he got an odd and unexpected wave of courage.

“I start with a blank canvas. I never used much color before I went blind and I don’t want to screw it up, so I use black and shades of gray. I also label all of my paints with handmade stickers. They have braille on them so I know what it is. That sounds OCD but it helps. My art has been described as cubistic… Cubism is an art form that I actually hated looking at, but enjoyed doing.” Keith had never talked this much nor said this much and in such an enthusiastic tone before. He himself was surprised by how much detail he was giving. “How I actually do it though makes no sense to anyone else, but it works for me. I start and finish with just a few supplies. On an empty canvas I use tape to sketch out my lines. from there, I use my paints to finish it. And to sign it, you know, to make it officially done, I paint on a stencil that I made. It’s my name, in braille, obviously it’s kind of 2-D so isn’t always legible, but it’s what I use as my signature. I freehand the date so that’s the messiest part. Even when I could see, my handwriting was disgusting. And, yeah. That’s how I paint. It’s the same with oil pastels.”

“You do all of that with just your hands?” Hunk asked in awe. Judging by the way he had asked his question, it was quite safe to say that his jaw had dropped, he was stunned.

Keith gave a quick little nod. “Yeah. I mean… I use my imagination too.” He used a childish voice as he said ‘imagination’, hinting at the fact that he wasn’t a huge fan of the word in all of its positive glory.

“Dang, Keith. That’s incredible!” Pidge spread out a few of the pieces to get a better view, the lightweight canvas paper making a rather pleasant noise as the artworks were separated. “Holy cow! Is this a painting of Kosmo?”

“Which one…?” Keith asked before giving another nod. “Oh, yeah. I painted his portrait for fun. Ms. Willis helped with the eyes. I thought he should at least keep his blue eyes, you know, so it’s obvious it’s him.”

“Well Lance wants you to know that they’re all very beautiful pieces, but he likes the way you painted Kosmo the best.’ Informed Hunk.

“Thanks Lance, that means a lot.”

Pidge suddenly took ahold of Keith's wrist, holding his hand upwards. “To say ‘thank you’ in sign language, just place your hand to your chin and then point your fingers towards the person you’re thanking. Kind of like blowing a kiss but not as awkward or gross.”

Slowly, Keith imitated what Pidge had described as well as he could, hoping he got it right. “Like that?”

“Close enough.” They answered, hiding their amusement horribly.

“Just tell him for me. I feel like an actual idiot.”

  
  


***

  


Thursday. After school. The main building was absolutely packed. Probably because the space wasn’t meant for anything other than passing period and a few students passing through during the day. It really wasn’t made for an art show. But it was the only open space that wasn’t a classroom. This was a high school, art shows are profession, and that means open spaces, even if the open space was cramped. Even though the forum was only occupied by art students at the moment, it was still full and loud.

Keith found his way from the front entrance to the forum. He was accompanied by Kosmo like every day, but he also had his brother Shiro with him. Shiro wanted to see his little brother’s work and meet with his teacher, but before the total chaos ensued. 

“I can’t believe my little brother agreed to enter in a school art show.” Shiro thought aloud to himself.

“Yeah, I know right.” Keith mumbled sarcastically.

“Something must’ve changed in you.”

Shrugging, Keith neither concurred with nor denied Shiro’s statement. He simply walked in silence until he found his teacher, from whom he would collect his artwork.

“Keith!” Ms. Willis called out his name in a tone so cheery one might think they were best of friends, if the two were the same age of course. “I’m so glad you could make it, you must be his brother, Shiro, right?”

Shiro and Ms. Willis talked for a few moments, getting familiar with one another before Keith was given instructions on what to do.

“I have your pieces in you portfolio, it’s on the other side of that easel just to your right. You’ll find a small tupperware box with a few push pins and your artist signature. If you have any questions, just let me know.”

“Great, thanks.” Keith gave a small nod of approval before heading off to set up his work.

“Sit, boy.” Keith instructed Kosmo once he was standing in front of his designated easel. “Good boy…!” He rewarded his dog with a few quick pets and rubs, then did his best to set up his station.

The container made an upsettingly loud _click_ as he opened it, making Keith feel very awkward as if he had disturbed the entire room. He had not, and in all likelihood, no one had heard the noise. Keith, however, did not know, nor consider this as he was far too occupied hoping nobody had looked towards him.

“Want some help?” Shiro asked his brother kindly.

“Um, yeah, sure.”

Pleased by his brother’s answer, Shiro replied, “just let me know where you want each one.”

“Yeah, but please don’t comment on my work. It’s weird…”

“Your work or me commenting?”

Biting his lip, Keith took out four pushpins and reached for his portfolio. “Both.” He answered quickly.

Although Shiro had promised not to talk about Keith’s artwork, he couldn’t help himself when he saw the first painting. At first it was just an audible gasp, but it soon escalated to praise and compliments.Keith had tried to silence his brother, not wanting to draw any attention to himself whatsoever, and definitely did not want to talk about his work, but he gave in when Shiro mentioned that he could get the information he wanted from Keith’s teacher. That just sounded so wrong to Keith. He was a junior in high school, he could most definitely talk for himself. And so, he answered all of his brother’s questions, but limited his answers to just a few words so as to not have to talk too much. 

The two worked for a few minutes, making small and brief conversations every so often. Keith hadn’t chosen many pieces, only four, and thus, set up was easy. Shiro had tried to get Keith to explain more to him about how he created his paintings, but Keith refused to disclose any more information to Shiro. 

Once finished, Keith took a seat on the floor next to Kosmo who quickly curled up next to him. 

“So, I can stay or walk around or simply come pick you up when it’s over. What do you think?”

Keith hummed quietly as he thought, softly stroking Kosmo’s ears. “I don’t mind… You probably won’t want to be here when the younger students get here, though.”

  
  


***

  
  


So far, the art show had gone very smoothly. The show was reaching its end, and the crowd was beginning to die down. Hunk, Pidge, and Lance had stayed near Keith’s display the whole time, but occasionally one or two of them had wandered off to view other artwork, grab a few snacks, or use the restroom. 

Over the past few hours, the crowds had come and gone in waves, but hardly anyone seemed all too interested in making conversation with Keith or any of the other artists. 

At Meadview, art shows were quite like conventions, in that artists stayed near their work in case passerby’s had questions or comments they wanted to voice to the artist. Some artists wandered around, but Keith stayed close to his work, never going more than a few feet from the board which displayed his paintings. 

Pidge and Lance had wandered off to find the four of them some snacks before the snack bar ran out for the night, leaving Keith and Hunk at the display. 

Keith was sitting on the floor with Kosmo, rubbing the dog’s cheeks and ears, occasionally messing up the dog’s appearance in a playful way. Hunk was next to Keith and the two had made some small talk every so often, but never got into any sort of deep or meaningful conversation. Keith wasn’t that type of a talker. He wasn’t into those types of conversations and everyone knew this. 

“Excuse me.” A voice said over the crowd around them. “Are you the blind artist? Keith Kogain?”

Keith did everything he could not to correct the mispronunciation of his last name. It wasn’t American, it was Japanese. His last name was mispronounced by almost every single person at this school, but he never bothered correcting them. That would be needless energy spent that might cause an unwanted conversation about his heritage. 

“Yeah, I’m Keith.” He said as he got to his feet, dusting off his pants out of habit. “Do you… Do you have any questions…?” He asked the other in the least confident voice known to man. 

“Yeah, I think your work is really cool! I’m Jessica, a freshman here.”

“Oh, it’s nice to meet you.” Keith forced himself to use a kinder tone than his normal one, doing his best not to sound rude or inconsiderate. 

“I came by a few times earlier, but your area was kind of crowded, so I waited ‘til people cleared out.” Jessica seemed to be delighted to talk to Keith, something most people never are. “I was wondering how you do your paintings. They look so lifelike, and the monochrome look is so cool.”

Keith was completely unprepared for anyone to praise his work, and he certainly wasn’t ready to explain his process to a stranger. “Thanks, it’s nice to know someone likes them. But process, that’s a bit hard to explain. It’s a simple process, but I’m terrible at explaining things. Sorry.”

“It’s okay!” Jessica quickly said. “You don’t have to go into a whole lot of detail, I’m just curious.”

“Well, Jessica,” Hunk said, stepping up to stand next to Keith and Jessica, “Keith wasn’t actually expecting anyone to come talk to him, so he doesn’t have a good explanation ready. But I can try and explain it, if that’s okay with you, Keith.”

More than happy to pass the baton of center-of-attention to anyone else, Keith quickly nodded. “Yeah, of course. Go ahead.”

Hunk did his best to summarize Keith’s process, checking with Keith every few words to make sure he was correct. His explanation was brief, but undoubtedly gave the freshman enough information to be satisfied with. 

“Wow… That’s so cool. You’ve really _never_ been in an art show before?”

“Nope.”

“Well you’re _really_ good. Good luck with the rest of the show.” And with that Jessica wandered off to view the other artists. 

Keith gave a deep exhale the minute she left, sitting back down again and leaning back on the easel. 

“See, people _do_ like your art. And it’s not just your friends and your brother.”

“One person, Hunk. It’s just one person.”

“Yeah, but one is better than none.”

Nodding, Keith returned to his task of petting his service dog. “Yeah, I guess. And thanks for covering for me… I wasn’t prepared to talk… About anything…”

“You did pretty well though, and you can now say that you _have_ talked to more than three students.”

“I talk to other people than just you three…!” Keith quickly defended himself. “Just… Not often…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *makes a loud groan*  
> I'm sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
> I forgot to update last weeeeeeeeeeeeeek  
> Please don't be mad at me 😔  
> I have chapter eight almost done so I will definitely get that out on Friday.  
> But from there on, I'm not sure how often I'll update. The fall semester starts on Monday and it's going to be hectic for a while. I want to prioritize my art and writing, but that's not possible because grades are a jerk.  
> Well  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter  
> It's happier than the others, and it'll stay happy for a while, I promise. Also this character Jessica will probably never show up again, no offense to her, but she's like one of those characters from the first episode of the show when the trio failed their sim. Not important except for one scene. sorry kind freshman..... But hey, she gave Keith a compliment, so yay!!
> 
> Thanks for reading and feel free to leave feedback/comments of any kind  
> ~Picci


	8. Chapter 8

After the art show, things at Meadview seemed to go really well for Keith. He began to interact more in class, only in those he shared with his friends, but it was better than nothing. Keith had gone through another month’s worth of time at the school, making it late October now. Since late August, Keith has attended this new school, and so far, it was proving to be far nicer than his private school, Pierce Academy. This was caused mainly by the fact that here, at Meadview, Keith has friends. Real friends who he feels comfortable hanging out with. He still never asks to spend time with them, nor make an effort to make plans, but he has friends nonetheless and enjoys their company greatly, even though he is still hesitant about admitting it. 

Lunch was always a good and calming experience for Keith. He had the pleasure of forty five minutes of relaxation which came with no stress. Plus, he got to spend those forty five minutes with Pidge, Hunk and Lance. Apart from going home, Keith’s lunch period was his favorite part of his day. 

As it was a Friday, the four friends were gathered for Game Night. This week, Hunk hosted the get together, providing his friends with homemade—and self made— dinner. 

Keith liked when they went to Hunk’s house the most simply because of the food. Pidge’s house was nice, and in a close second on Keith’s list of ‘favorite friends’ houses to visit’, but dinner was always the best at Hunk’s place. Lance’s house, however, was a different story. There were often too many people there whom Keith didn’t know, nor tried to get to know. Lance’s mother also didn’t seem too keen on him. She was kind, but Keith believed that she didn’t think he really fit in with their group of friends. It was, overall, a weird place to be. Too many people, and too many worries. 

The four had moved from the dining area on the first floor up to Hunk’s room on the second floor. It was a tidy, and comfortable, yet small space. Hunk’s home also came with cushions for them to sit on since his floors were hardwood and not carpet. 

“Hunk, as always, your culinary skills have failed to disappoint me. Dinner was absolutely superb.” Pidge said, pretending to be a posh and pius food critic. 

“Why thank you, good sir.” Hunk replied in a terribly bogus British accent. 

The two of them broke out into a fit of laughter, leaving both Keith and Lance confused and omitted from their joke. A joke which Keith thought was rather lame and somewhat overused. He had heard it _many_ times before, but he supposed that is what friends do, tell the same joke far too many times and still laugh about it even if it isn’t funny.

After some time, the two calmed down, opening up the conversation to the whole group again. Keith didn’t feel like being the first to say something, he never did, so he left it to the other three to make conversation. 

It was quiet for a moment until Pidge spoke. 

“Oh, right! Thank you, Lance.” They probably simultaneously said and signed that, as it was directed to Lance. “I almost forgot.”

Keith, interested in what information the two had exchanged, vocalized his question. “Almost forgot what?”

“This is for you.” Pidge said quickly as they placed a box in Keith’s lap. 

“What is it…?” Keith asked, picking up the object he had been given. It was small enough to fit in his hand, but large enough to need a whole box. “And, is it wrapped?”

“Yeah…?” Pidge answered hesitantly. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t know… But… What is it?”

“It’s a present.” Hunk explained. “For your birthday.”

Keith’s heart skipped a beat when he heard those words. “A present?”

“Yeah.” Hunk sounded so kind when he said that. “We didn’t know if we’d see you on Saturday, so we bought you something to give to you today.”

“Nobody’s ever gotten me a gift before… Nobody but my family…”

“Well…” Pidge began, using a kind tone to show their compassionate side, “that’s why we’re friends. We get gifts for each other.”

Not long after Pidge said that did Keith begin to remove the wrapping paper from the box he was given. Most would assume he would be the type to just rip it all up and toss it to the side. That, however, could not be farther from the truth. Keith knew that some people put a lot of effort into wrapping gifts and or mailing cards, and always does his best to respect their efforts by being gentle with the paper. Never to the point of boring anyone or taking far too long, but he does take his time. 

The box seemed to be more like a small case now that the paper was gone. Keith ran his thumb over the top of it, finding the case to have a smooth leathery surface. He fiddled with it a few times before finding the hinges and opening it. Keith barely touched a finger to the object inside before tilting his head up from his lap. 

“You guys got me glasses?”

Both Pidge and Hunk hummed a quick “mhm,” both waiting for Keith’s verdict on the gift’s acceptance.

“You _do_ know I’m—”

“Sunglasses, Keith. Those are sunglasses.” Pidge was quick to correct him. “It was actually Lance’s idea, and sorry if they break… We don’t exactly have a lot of money so they’re kind of cheap. But they survived us dropping them on the floor a few times on accident, so they should be fine.”u case, he tilted his head back down, slowly and cautiously putting them on. “Do they fit…?” He asked quietly.

“That’s for you to answer, but they look pretty cool on you.” 

“Thanks Hunk, but why’d you get me sunglasses exactly?” Keith carefully removed the glasses and put them delicately back in their case. 

“Do you not like them…?”

“No, Pidge, no. I do. I just… Don’t know why you got me sunglasses.” Keith added a nervous laugh, confused by the gift he was given.

The soft tapping of fingertips on wood grabbed everyone’s attention, and soon, Keith heard the fabric of Lance’s jacket move as the teen signed to his friends. 

Hunk was the one to translate Lance’s ASL into spoken words. “Lance thought it would be a nice gift since you seem very cautious about your surroundings. We all thought you were a bit uncomfortable with people judging you based on your condition, and thought that sunglasses could help. They’re nothing special, but they might help relieve some stress. And they’re stylish and make you look cool.”

“You guys know about that…?” Keith ignored the compliment, focusing only on the fact that his friends knew he was anxious about how people viewed him. 

“We’re kind of very observant people, so yeah, we noticed the difference in how you act with us versus the rest of the world. Hunk and I thought it was just you being a new student at first, but then when we went to that burger shop, you were really hesitant about looking at anything but the table.”

“I hope we’re not overstepping any sort of boundaries, we just wanted to help you out, because you are our friend, and friends look out for each other.”

Keith couldn’t help himself, he started smiling, a touched kind of smile. “I’m sorry if I made things awkward… I guess I just don’t like not knowing if people are staring at me. It’s just weird… I hate not knowing, so I just stay silent and keep my head down.”

“Yeah, we get that.” Pidge said with a sigh. “For a while, people thought I was some freaky mute or ‘challenged’ kid because I never talked. We’ve all had our secluded and lonely years.”

“I guess that’s why we’re such good friends…” Keith laughed sarcastically. “We’re all the misfits and freaks.”

A computerized voice spoke up, entering the conversation. “If anyone calls you a freak I’ll knock their teeth in.”

The room erupted in a chorus of laughter, all three were taken aback by Lance’s rather violent display of affection and care he had for his friends. 

“That’s _my_ job.” Pidge joked. “I did that once and I will _gladly_ do it again.”

“You beat some up…?” Keith asked, surprised to hear the sheer seriousness in their tone. He had always thought that Pidge was a pacifist or at least wasn’t the type to want to get into a physical fight. Especially because of their small stature. 

“Oh yeah, back in seventh grade I got into a nasty fight. I got detention for it, but it was worth it.”

“Can I ask who and why?”

“Just some asshole who needed to learn to keep his mouth shut. But that’s a story for another day.”

“But this also isn’t about you guys,” Hunk hummed as he entered the conversation, “it’s about Keith, because tomorrow is his birthday and he’s going to be seventeen!”

Ever so slightly Keith nodded. “You make it sound a lot more special than it really is.”

“You can _finally_ sing _Dancing Queen_ and have it be about you!” Pidge sounded far too excited by this bit of information. 

Though typically he was an expressionless person, Keith contorted his face into a severely confused state. “What’s _Dancing Queen_?”

Hunk gasped loudly, being quite over dramatic. “You don’t know ABBA…?”

“No…?”

“Expect a package in the mail tomorrow, I’m paying extra to get you their best album.”

“Pidge! What— No…!”

Keith tried for many tiring minutes to make Pidge change their mind, but once both Lance and Hunk sided with them, there was no hope for Keith. Even with his best persuasive tactics, he couldn’t get any one of them to change their minds. He would just have to accept the package when it came and deal with it when the time comes. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


The cold, moist touch of Kosmo’s nose to the back of his neck pulled Keith from his sleep. His neck felt slimy, and when he put a hand to it, he found that it was covered with slobber. Used to his dog’s gruesome routine of licking him awake, the teenager simply wiped off the drool with his blankets and lay back down, making sure to pet Kosmo to keep his service animal from licking him anymore. 

“I’m up, Kosmo.” He whispered sleepily, pushing the dog’s nose out of his face. “I promise you I am up.”

There was a light knock before Keith heard the bottom of his wooden door slide over the soft carpeted floor. 

“Hey, Shiro…” Keith mumbled, forcing himself into a sitting position. “What’s up?”

“Well…” Shiro began, staying in the doorway as he talked, “today happens to be a somewhat special day, doesn’t it?”

“Maybe…” Keith answered, doing everything he could to show as little emotion as possible. 

Shiro let a sigh escaped his lips as he clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth. “Really? Every year? Come on, Keith! It’s your birthday…! Lighten up a bit, please?”

“Um, no…?”

“Please?” Shiro asked again, using a fake begging tone. “Do it for your big brother.”

“Only if you promise not to do anything stupid or embarrassing.”

Shiro said nothing in response, and this deeply worried Keith.

“ _ Please _ tell me you didn’t plan something stupid!”

“It isn’t stupid! It  _ is _ , however a secret.’

Keith groaned loudly as he got out of his bed, making zero effort to move elsewhere. “Do I have to get dressed now, or can I at least eat breakfast before you drag me someplace against my will?” 

“You have some time to relax, but don’t take too long. I’d like to leave in an hour or so.”

And so, Keith did as Shiro asked, only taking slightly longer than he should have to get ready. But that was reasonable. Keith never wanted to leave their apartment that day, and he certainly had his doubts about what his brother had planned for him. This  _ was _ Shiro, the master of creating embarrassing and uncomfortable situations.

After breakfast, the two walked to the car, and made their way to this ‘special’ surprise. 

Kosmo sat quietly in the back, most likely napping while Shiro focused on driving, and Keith did everything he could to not show any sort of interest in anything. 

“So, where  _ is _ this place?”

“Just a friend’s house.”

“What?!” Keith finally sat up in his seat, completely surprised by his brother’s answer. “You’re taking me to someone’s house?!”

“Relax…” Shiro said with a soft chuckle. “It’s worth it. He’s cool, and also, has decent culinary skills.”

Raising an eyebrow, Keith asked, “why the  _ fuck _ does that matter….?”

“Because you deserve a decent meal on your birthday and we both know I’m not a good chef. Plus you don’t want to go out for dinner since you’re afraid I’m going to do something  _ embarrassing _ .” Shiro mocked his brother, using a nonchalant tone when saying ‘embarrassing’. 

Keith sighed and said nothing more. He was not looking forward to whatever Shiro had planned for him. For starters, he had no intention of leaving the house today, so this was the exact opposite of his vision of a day well spent. 

A few more minutes of driving, most of which were spent in total silence, and they had arrived at their destination. 

“So who is this friend of yours?” Keith asked, opening his car door and getting out. 

“Are you doubting my decision making skills?”

“Absolutely.” The teenager replied, letting Kosmo out from the backseat. 

Shiro locked the car and stood next to Keith before the two walked to the front of the house they had come to. “His name is Curtis, and trust me, he doesn’t bite.”

“But I do.”

Ignoring his brother’s comment, Shiro simply ruffled up Keith’s hair and stepped up onto the porch. 

Kosmo sat patiently at Keith’s heels, letting the teenager pet him a few times. 

Shiro knocked on the door, and there was a moment of silence before the door clicked open. 

Keith let his brother talk to his friend for a few minutes, drowning out their conversation with an inner monologue of his own. A monologue that questioned all of Shiro’s planning ability, an angered tone, and quite a few curse words. He was in mid sentence when he heard the real, spoken conversation change it’s focus. 

“You must be Keith.” 

Nodding, Keith gave a quiet, “yeah.”

This friend of Shiro’s seemed rather pleased by his presence, or at least Shiro’s. “I’m Curtis, it’s nice to meet you. Shiro talks a lot about you.”

“He does…?” Keith wasn’t aware Shiro had ever mentioned his name unless he was talking to him. 

“Yeah. Good things, of course.” 

Keith nodded slowly, he wasn’t all too fond of talking to new people, and hoped that Curtis figured this out or his brother intervened. 

“So!” Shiro placed a hand on Keith’s shoulder as he spoke in a tone far too excited for Keith to enjoy. “Now that we’re here, we may as well explain the surprise.”

Keith and Shiro were led inside while Curtis and Shiro made small talk, which Keith didn’t pay much attention to. He didn’t know why he was here, nor what Shiro’s friend could possibly have, say or do to make Keith’s time here worth it and enjoyable. 

“How is Kosmo with other dogs?” 

Curtis’ question grabbed Keith’s attention, who in turn asked a question of his own. “You have a dog?” 

“Puppies, actually.”

“Surprise…!” Shiro used a childish tone, trying to get his brother to smile. “Curtis is fostering puppies and I thought you’d like to meet them.”

This couldn’t be real. Shiro didn’t actually think that spending time with  _ puppies  _ was a good way to spend a birthday. Sure, Keith liked puppies, and dogs, but  _ how _ and  _ why _ did Shiro think  _ this _ would be a good idea?

“They’re a little crazy, so you might want Kosmo to sit outside of their pen.”

“Uh, yeah. Okay, sure. That sounds fine.” Keith did his best to not sound rude or disrespectful, but he still couldn’t wrap his head around Shiro’s—seemingly nonexistent—logic. 

A door opened to Keith’s right, and the three of them entered the room. Kosmo immediately perked up. Despite years of training, he always got a little excited around other dogs. 

“Here are the troublemakers. They’re a small breed, we think beagle-something, but we don’t know for sure.” 

It wasn’t even a second after Curtis finished speaking did the puppies begin to bark and pant, jumping on the side of the metal playpen, begging for attention. 

“There are three of them, Tau, Phi, and Theta. Nerdy names of course, because I am a nerd.”

Keith couldn’t help but laugh at the names Curtis had chosen for the three puppies. The names were incredibly stupid in his opinion, but also rather cute. 

Curtis offered that Keith could sit inside the playpen  _ with _ the pups. At first, Keith refused, not wanting to sound too interested or childish. But after he was asked, ‘are you sure’ a few times, he gave in. He was barely on the floor for more than a second before the tiny puppies were sniffing him. 

It took Keith a few moments to relax and shed his hard outer shell, but once he did, he was quite happy and content.

Kosmo sat outside the pen, sniffing the little puppies each time they would run over to him. Occasionally one would bark or whine at him, but Kosmo only gave an assertive growl. He wasn’t here to make friends with tiny pups, he was here to protect Keith, although Keith seemed far too happy to need any sort of protection. 

“That one,” Curtis said as one of the three puppies curled up in Keith’s lap, “is Tau. She’s the sweetest of them all and likes napping on laps. Phi is docile, but he nips a lot. And last, but certainly not least, Theta, well he just sort of runs around and chews on things.”

“I like Tau… Just looking for somewhere to relax.” Keith muttered in a pleasant voice, running a gentle hand down the puppy’s back.

Although this most definitely was not how he had planned to spend his birthday, he was glad he agreed to the surprise. Keith spent an entire four hours with the three rambunctious puppies, and didn’t regret a single second of it. It had been a while since he felt like this, since he felt calm and happy in an unfamiliar place. Maybe it was the fact that he was with three little puppies who all wanted his attention, or the fact that Curtis had been quite kind and welcoming. Perhaps it was another reason, but Keith was glad he had come and glad that he had spent his day here with the puppies. 

In simple terms, Keith’s 17th birthday was a day well spent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I started my classes yesterday. It seems like the workload might be light this year! YAY!  
> But that doesn't mean I will be updating twice a week, I'll update as much as possible, and am hoping to do at least one chapter a week, if not two.  
> Thanks for your patience and not harassing me about writing more😅
> 
> Kudos, comments, questions, all that good stuff is always appreciated.  
> And just to get this out there: Shiro and Curtis are not dating.... yet.... I plan to do more with their relationship, but right now, I don't know how the rest of quarter 2 is going to play out.
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> -Picci


	9. Chapter 9

Red bricks, green grass, blue skies and white clouds. Parked cars, large crowds and goodbye hugs. Third grade was about to begin.

This memory came to Lance often, it wasn’t a great memory, but once it entered his mind, he went through the entire day whether he wanted to or not. His mind raced through it in a split second, but for him, that second was as long as the day itself had been all those years ago.

Lance held tightly to his mother’s hand as she led him and his twin sister up to their classroom. His older brother Marco, who was ten at the time, had already said his goodbyes and had darted off to find his friends. Lance was only seven, and had never been to a ‘traditional’ public school. With one hand gripping tightly to his mother’s hand, he held his lunchbox in the other. He was nervous, but he was excited. He  _ wanted _ to be here. Lance had  _ longed _ to go to school with his siblings, not at some school for other children like him. Lance didn’t want to be  _ different _ . In his eyes, he  _ wasn’t _ different.

The walk to his classroom was shorter than expected. He thought that Aspen Elementary would have been much bigger than it was. Though it was larger than his old school. His previous K-12 school, South Hill, was a school for the blind and for the deaf. In full, the school was known as South Hill Academy for the Blind and Deaf, but that was far too long for anyone to ever use in conversation, and is thus shortened to South Hill.

Rachel gave her mother a big hug, allowing for multiple forehead kisses and cheek squeezes before hopping backwards to let her brother get his send off. 

Unlike Rachel, Lance wasn’t as hyped up, and he wasn’t prepared for what school here would be like. He felt his mother loosen her grip on his hand and Lance immediately held on tighter. 

‘It’s okay, Lance.’ Rachel signed kindly. ‘Everyone here is nice!’

To that, Lance glanced up at his mother who instantly noticed how worried he had become. 

‘Lance, my sweet boy, it will be okay.’ She told him, her kind, loving smile as clear as day. ‘You can do this. I promise. This is what you wanted, so be excited. Can you do that?’

‘I think so.’ Lance hesitantly signed. 

‘That’s my boy.’

Lance earned a loving kiss to his forehead and one last hug before his mother pointed him towards his sister, to his classroom. 

The seven year old was just three steps away from his classroom when he turned around, ran after his mother and embraced her tightly. ‘I love you, Mama.’ 

His mother smiled again, stroking his cheek with her thumb. ‘I love you too. Have fun today.’

Lance gave a quick nod and hurried back to his class, following Rachel inside. He _was_ nervous, but he was also terribly excited. He couldn’t wait for the day to start. He had something special that he had prepared just for today, and he was determined to use it. 

Once inside, he was brought to the front of the class for introductions. Each student in his small class of 25 children stared up at him. 

His teacher tapped his shoulder gently, and instructed him to do something. Lance couldn’t hear what the man had said, but he had a basic idea that he was to say hello or something. 

But no one here knew any ASL, and he didn’t want _Rachel_ to translate _his_ introduction. So he looked around until his eyes landed on the white board behind him. Tugging once on his teacher’s sleeve, he pointed to the white board. He got a nod and hurried over. 

With a blue marker, and large, somewhat sloppy handwriting, Lance wrote his introduction. 

_‘Hello. Nice to meet you. I’m deaf, and talk with my hands. It’s called ASL.’_

As some of the students read his writing, Lance signed it to the class. Some looked intrigued by his own language, others confused, and the rest didn’t see. 

His teacher pointed to an empty seat at a table of four boys and one girl. The girl was his sister. Rachel was to be his translator if he ever needed her help. 

And so the day went on. The first day was rather fun. No one was asked to do anything too complicated, and the academics seemed rather simple. After the first three classes, they were released to an hours worth of lunch. Once done with their food, they could go to the playground. 

Lance looked around the large lunch room, trying to find somewhere to sit. He quickly noticed the four boys whom he sat with in class. Taking a seat next to them, he gave a little wave, and they all waved back. 

To make conversation easier, he pulled out a blank notebook and wrote on it. _‘What are your names?’_

Thankfully, he got their answers, and all of them seemed eager to get to know him. This excited Lance as he had never made friends with a hearing person before. 

_‘Nick’_ , _‘Aaron’_ , _‘James’_ , and _‘Spencer’_. 

One of the students, Spencer, pointed to Lance, who assumed should introduce himself properly, as he had not written his own name. 

Lance bit his lip hard, he had never done anything like this before. He had practiced for _weeks_ with his mother. She had helped him learn to talk, and he wanted to introduce himself properly. With a deep breath, Lance said “My name’s Lance. Nice to meet you.”

The four boys seemed to stare at him in shock, as if they didn’t know deaf people could talk. They all stared for nearly ten or twenty seconds until one of them opened their mouths. 

To talk? 

No.

To laugh. 

Spencer was the first to laugh. He laughed so hard it looked as though he was about to fall off of his chair. 

Then James, then Nick, and finally Aaron. All four of them were laughing. 

Lance didn’t know what to do at this point. He didn’t know what had gone wrong. To him, his pronunciation was _flawless_. That’s what his mother had told him. ‘Lance you sound amazing!’ she had told him. If she had said that, and his mother _never_ lied, then what was so wrong about what he had done. 

Quickly, he wrote on the paper, _‘sorry, have to go’_ before he grabbed his belongings and ran off. 

Luckily, all grades shared the same lunch and recess period. He knew where to go. 

It took mere seconds after leaving his table for Lance to arrive at his brother’s table. He took a big deep breath before he ran the few steps to stand behind Marco. 

He tugged forcefully on his brother’s arm multiple times before Marco _finally_ turned around. 

‘What, Lance?’ Marco asked, his face displeased by Lance’s untimely need for his attention. 

The seven year old didn’t know what to say. He tried to keep a straight face, but his lower lip began to tremble against his will. 

Marco’s facial expression softened. He stood and led Lance to the back of the playground behind the school. Nobody went here. This was the place one only went if they didn’t want to be seen crying or fighting. 

‘What happened?’ 

‘They laughed at me.’ Lance was pouting. Not in a defiant way, but in a hurt, saddened way. ‘I talked, like how I talked with Mama.’ 

‘What did you say?’

‘I said my name and nice to meet you. And they laughed at me.’ Lance hugged the notebook he had used, his head was tilted down to his feet, and his eyes felt hot as if he were about to cry. 

‘What do you want me to do?’ Marco asked his little brother. ‘Maybe this place isn’t for you.’

Lance whacked his brother as hard as he could. His own hand stung from the force he had used. His notebook dropped to the ground along with his lunchbox, but he paid no attention to it. ‘No!’ He signed, his face furious with his brother’s response. ‘I’m not different! I want to be here! You can’t say that! Mama says I can go here!’

Marco cocked an eyebrow and shrugged. ‘Mom says that because she’s your mother.’

‘No!’ Lance folded his arms angrily, but had to quickly undo his action as another argument come to mind. ‘I can go here! I’m supposed to go here!’

‘You’re deaf, Lance!’ Marco signed the word deaf multiple times over. ‘You don’t sound like everyone else when you talk. I’m sorry, but you don’t.’

Lance squatted defiantly, pouting more than ever. 

Marco sat in front of his brother, slowly signing, ‘I think you sound normal. But those kids are mean. Don’t let them get you down.’

‘You said I sound weird.’

‘You sound unique, not different.’ Marco messed with Lance’s hair, trying to get him to smile. ‘Just ignore those guys, you’ll find a friend soon.’

And Lance believed that. He believed his brother as he had no reason to doubt him. Marco had attended this school for far longer than Lance had, he knew how things worked here, which meant that he  _ must _ know that Lance would soon find a friend. Marco wouldn’t tell Lance something like that if it weren’t true.

But that’s the thing about being little. Young children are gullible in impressionable. He was reassured that he would make friends, and even re inspired to try talking again. Both of which were done for good intentions only, but both ended in terrible ways.

Lance went back to school the following day and tried talking to other students. If those boys he talked to on the first day were mean and bullies, then he would simply find others to befriend.

His childish mind failed him. 

Day after day, Lance tried so hard to make friends with anyone. He tried for weeks. He tried talking, and he tried writing. But every time he tried to make conversation with someone he was ignored. No one wanted to  _ write _ their thoughts out. That’s what the classroom is for. For these students, lunch was about  _ verbal _ conversations. 

After three weeks and no progress made whatsoever, Lance gave up. He stopped talking to anyone, and  _ refused _ to participate in class. He wasn’t liked by any of his classmates, and they all liked to make fun of him with insensitive hand gestures and signals. During his lunch and recess period, he sat in his classroom and ate his lunch alone. His teacher stayed in the room, and became his ‘friend’. That sucked. Having your teacher be the only one who didn’t hate you. Lance  _ hated _ that. 

He  _ hated _ his class because they all shunned him.

But when asked if he wanted to leave or stay, he  _ always _ said he wanted to stay at Aspen. His reason was simple: ‘I can’t hear their insults, I don’t care’.

Although, he did care. He cared a lot. He cared so much about having no friends that he spent a solid hour crying in his room After the third week of school. His mother had tried to tell him that things would work themselves out, and he  _ desperately _ wanted to believe her. He really did, but after everything he had been through since starting his public school academics, Lance just could no longer believe her. After those three weeks, Lance swore off talking with his voice. He hated what others thought of him, and he couldn't do anything to fix the situation. Nothing but stay silent and seclude himself from the others. 

And this was _hard_. He didn't like being alone, he _wanted_ friends. Here, at Aspen Elementary, however, He would find none.

But he stuck with it.

Lance never wanted to go back to South Hill. He didn’t want to be different. He grew up as any child would. Lance had a typical childhood, and he didn’t care that his hearing kept him from making friends. He had his family.

After many years, he did make friends. Pidge and Hunk were like him, and they didn’t judge him nor treat him differently. They formed a friendship close to a familial bond. Lance loved his friends. Even if his early public school years were difficult, he didn’t regret any of it. He found his friends. It took four years, but Lance made friends, just like everyone told him he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [insert interesting keyboard smash here]  
> Okay so I'm sorry if this was a crappy chapter. I really am sorry. No, really, I am. This started as a free writing thing and I just thought 'hecc, why not post this'  
> Aaaaaaaaaaand so I did  
> I was trying to emphasize the struggles Lance faced, and it might seem extra, but public school is rough if you aren't like everyone else. I know this first hand...🙂  
> Anyway, chap. 10 will be wayyyyyyyyy better, I promise!
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> -Picci


	10. Chapter 10

“So, Keith!” Pidge grabbed their friend’s attention as they say next to him. “How was your birthday?”

Keith, who was in the middle of taking a bite of his sandwich simply nodded and gave a thumbs up. His friends allowed time for him to chew and swallow before he gave them a better answer. “It was good. Shiro took me to some dude’s house to play with his dogs.”

“What?! You got to play with dogs?! I want to do that!” Pidge whined, jealous of what they had heard. “Who was this ‘dude’ anyway?”

Shrugging, Keith answered, “I don’t know. Some guy my brother knows. He probably wants to fuck him anyway so—”

“Whoa!” Hunk cut Keith off as quickly as he could. “TMI, Keith. T. M. I.”

“Hunk, shut up. Your brother is gay?”

“Yes…?”

There was a long period of absolute silence, in which things became very awkward. 

“Is that a problem?”

“No!” Pidge quickly made sure to reiterate how accepting they all were. “That’s not a problem. I _probably_ would have chosen a better way to say it, but you _are_ Keith, and you _do_ have a shitty way with words.”

“I’m taking that as a compliment.”

In that instant, Keith realized that Lance always got a signed version of what he or his friends said, meaning, someone would have to sign his previous statement. 

“Is there a sign language… thing… for fuck?”

“They’re called _signs_ ,” Pidge corrected with a sigh, “and yes. There is…”

“What is it?”

“Oh, um it’s—“

“Hunk no! Don’t teach him that!”

“Why not?” 

“His first ASL _can’t_ be profanity!”

Keith cocked an eyebrow and turned his head towards Pidge. “Says who…? Also, you taught me ‘thank you’, so this _won’t_ be my first sign.”

“Okay, if I did teach you that, what is it?”

Keith’s mind went blank. “Um… It’s like…” With a completely random guess, Keith moved his right hand in a way he thought was ‘thank you’.

By doing so, he earned a highly amused laugh from Lance. 

“Was that wrong…?”

Pidge burst out in laughter. “Dude! That was _way_ off.”

“Put your hand to your mouth and tilt your palm upwards.” Hunk instructed his friend. “I think Pidge said it was like blowing a kiss, or something like that. But that’s ‘thank you’. Not whatever you did.”

Keith rolled his eyes and folded his arms. “Well I’m sorry I’m not an expert in the ASL language.”

Lance, who _was_ aware that Keith simply wanted to know how to use profanity in ASL decided to fulfill his friends wishes. 

A soft tap on his lunch bag met Keith’s ears. He raised his head slightly, showing interest in the sound. 

Before he could think. He felt someone’s warm hands pulling lightly at his arms. With no verbal communication or audible cues, Keith figured out these hands belonged to Lance. Plus, it was quite obvious by the feel and size alone. Pidge was a lot smaller in stature than he was, and Hunk was a bit larger. So, his only other option was Lance. 

Gently, Lance positioned Keith’s hands into the proper signs, making a ‘V’ with both of his hands. Then, to complete the sign, Lance moved his friend’s hands by touching them together. 

“Oh my god…” Pidge sounded as if they were about to explode with laughter, but they were trying so desperately hard to convince the others they were unimpressed. 

Keith felt Lance let go, before the student tapped on his forearm. 

“He wants you to repeat the sign he taught you.” Hunk informed him. 

“Oh… Okay…” Keith kid his best to recreate the motion Lance had done, hoping it was right. “And that means… fuck…?”

“Yeah, that’s one way.”

“There’s more than one way?!”

“Um, yeah? There’s an infinite amount of ways to say it in english. ASL is kind of the same way.”

This somehow excited Keith. He wasn’t obsessed with profanity, and ‘inappropriate’ language, but he found it a bit interesting how intricate the language was. Plus, he could, if he played his cards right, figure out how to cuss without anyone knowing. Anyoneone meaning everyone accept those who know ASL.

“So, about your birthday, did a  _ special _ package arrive on your doorstep?” Pidge asked in a childish and anticipating tone.

“Well, I live in an apartment, so it’s not actually my  _ doorstep _ , but yes, I got the thing you sent.”

“And? What does Mr. Emo Boy think of ABBA?”

“Hunk, I’m not emo, I’m just antisocial.”

Pidge made a quiet grumbling noise as they complained about how Keith was ‘dodging the question’ and ‘purposefully stalling’.

Keith, of course, denied this, as he would. He didn’t take kindly to insults, teases or judgy comments. He knew Pidge was only joking, but he was Keith, and he had to keep his ego supported and his demeanor as solid as a concrete wall. “I’m not stalling, Pidge, I’m just… thinking of my answer. I don’t want to offend anyone, you know?”

“Oh come on. You can be a bit blunt sometimes, but you’re not going to  _ offend _ us.” Pidge did their best to reason with Keith, sounding rather desperate to know what he thought of the CD they had bought him. “Besides. It’s just music.”

After many protests and pushbacks, Keith finally gave his answer. He finally gave Pidge and Hunk what they wanted, although it was a rather lousy excuse for an opinion. Regardless of how short and simple his answer of ‘it wasn't bad’ was, the others took his answer graciously and kindly, not pressing for a longer or more detailed answer.

And that’s how Keith liked it.

That’s why Keith liked his friends.

They all respect his boundaries, his wishes, his needs and his wants. No one in this group forced any other to talk. That’s how friendships should work. 

And that’s how he liked it.

Keith wasn’t a talker. He didn’t like holding long conversations. Yes, his average word count when talking  _ has _ increased quite a bit since August, but he still isn’t a fan of giving detailed answers or information to anyone.

In simple terms, Keith is a secretive person. He’s known his friends for two months, and has still only told them very little about himself. All they know is that he likes his art classes, he likes dogs, and he hates cats. Of course, they know other little things like his favorite and least favorite foods and places, the music he likes, and the activities he likes to do, but those are all simple things that most people can learn simply by watching someone. Hardly any conversation is needed for learning the basics to someone’s likes and dislikes.

In his defense, he is correct for thinking that no one _needs_ to know about his past. No one needs to know the whole story about his mother’s death, nor his father’s. No one needs to know how the ‘accident’ he had mentioned had happened, nor how he went blind. No one needs to know why he blames himself for his parents’ deaths. No one needs to know any of that. 

Keith believes that talking about it would only lead to others asking questions which he would then have to answer. In short, more talking, which he absolutely did not want to have to deal with. 

Keith had his open and talkative side, which he tried to show as much as he could because he enjoys the company of his friends, and doesn’t want to lose it. But he still has his quiet and closed off side. The side of him where his tall and protective walls are still set up. The tall walls he has had since he was just a young child. They protect him and keep him safe from judgement and questioning. He likes the walls he has set up since they’re the only thing that has stayed the same since he was little. To him, it seems like everything else has changed. 

If there’s anything positive about this, it’s that his friends know there are topics which he wishes not to discuss, ever. 

It’s just who he is. And at least they’re okay with that and don’t force him to talk. 

Unlike his therapist, whom he _has_ complained about multiple times. Keith does not enjoy his therapy sessions, as it’s all about talking. She asks him questions, he answers. She points out things he could correct, he has to tell her how. She talks, he talks. She suggests something, he is forced to agree. If he doesn’t, she asks why, and then he has to give another explanation. 

The perpetual state of those meetings drives Keith  _ mad _ . He  _ knows _ he has issues, and he  _ knows _ he should correct them. He  _ knows _ this. So why can’t he just do it by himself? 

Shiro has agreed to end the sessions after the winter exams, knowing it would be the best way to, more or less, motivate his little brother to keep up his grades and stay in a positive attitude. 

It was late October, and November was _next_ week. Which meant that Keith only had seven-ish weeks until Finals Week. This definitely stressed him out, as exams are _never_ fun to deal with, but he did make Shiro a promise. He can stress and complain all he wants—or needs to— but as long as he doesn’t give up, he can be rid of his therapist. 

It’s a protective and annoying trade, but if it gets him out of his hour long Saturday sessions, Keith will do it.

He just has to stick with it. He can do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, the next three are going to be looooong. At least 12 and 13 will be. :)  
> I don't know how well Tuesdays will work for me for posting, I have ASL classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays (yes, I am learning ASL, I love deaf and blind studies). I might post solely on Fridays one week, or both Tues and Fri, or not at all, just depends on the workload I have that week. I hope you understand.  
> Anyway,  
> Thanks for reading, as always.  
> I absolutely love seeing those '...left kudos' or 'commented on' emails because I know I'm doing something right.  
> -Picci


	11. Chapter 11

The last couple of weeks had _flown_ by. It seemed like only yesterday teachers were finally getting into the rhythm of classes again. And now they’re already talking about exams happening in a couple of weeks? 

Today was November 28th, Thanksgiving day. This was, out of all of the holidays, his favorite. His family wasn’t big on the history of the holiday, like many families, and prefer to spend the day with family, friends, and a good meal. 

Like every morning he wasn’t going to school, Lance slept in. He enjoyed sleeping in until ten or sometimes even noon. His body wasn’t really awake until about ten o’clock anyway. Sure, he loved Thanksgiving, and loved spending the whole day with his family, but he liked resting too. 

But siblings are siblings, and they will _always_ find some way to annoy the heck out of one another. 

Lance was pulled from his sleep by some forceful and obnoxious shaking. 

Rachel. 

Of course. 

It was always Rachel. 

Pouting and shaking his head sleepily, Lance weakly signed ‘it’s too early’ and rolled onto his chest, planting his face in his pillow. 

Rachel was significantly weaker than Lance in comparison to physical strength, but that didn’t seem to stop her from trying to pull him out of bed. 

Slowly, he rolled onto his side, signing, ‘you’re so childish, Rachel.’

‘I know.’ She signed back, sitting on the edge of his bed as she sighed. ‘Mom says come downstairs, you can’t sleep anymore. It’s already nine o’clock.’

If Lance wasn’t who he was, he would’ve complained about his mother’s wishes, but he sucked it up and crawled out of bed, yawning every ten or twenty seconds. 

He slipped on a pair of socks and headed down the hallway to the stairwell. As always, he passed the lines of pictures his family had hung up on the walls. They were nice pictures, some older than others, but they were all family photos. Yearbook photos, pictures taken by Lance and his siblings, or photographs taken by the parents. No matter how the family had acquired the pictures, they were all special to someone. 

Lance liked the ones where it was the entire family, as he rarely sees all of them in one place nowadays as it’s just him and his twin at home now. 

Greeted by his mother, Lance was given a hug and a loving smile. 

‘Good morning, mom. Sorry I slept in.’ He signed apologetically to his mother who was already in her old and overused apron. ‘Do you need help?’

‘Yes,’ she signed, nodding. ‘Marco, Luis and Veronica are coming for dinner. Rachel is on vacuuming and cleaning duty. Can you help me in the kitchen?’

Lance smiled and nodded. ‘Of course.’ 

Although preparing meals wasn’t his favorite task, he liked when he was helping someone, or when someone was helping him. Solo tasks are quite lousy and boring. He much preferred completing his chores and tasks with others. 

As he followed his mother into the large, spacious and open kitchen, he noticed that the radio was off. He was surprised by this, even if it was only just past nine o’clock, his house was almost always filled with music. 

He quickly signed ‘one second’, not checking to see if anyone had seen his signs, before he crouched down in front of the old stereo and opened up the small cabinet underneath the counter. 

His eyes read the labels of all of the family’s CD’s, of which there were well over 200, before he found one he thought would be appropriate for an early morning. 

From the corner of his eye, he saw his mother trying to get his attention, and turned his head. 

‘What are you up to?’ She asked him.

‘Just putting on a CD.’ He answered, placing the disk inside of the stereo. ‘Trust me, you’ll like it.’

Gently closing the lid of the machine that was far older than him, he pressed play. 

_‘Reading Disk’_ flashed on the monitor with faint orange lights. The words _‘Track One’_ appeared, and then the time stamp. 

_‘0:00’_

_‘0:01’_

_‘0:02’_

Lance looked away from the machine to see if his mother did in fact approve of his selection. 

‘Good?’ He asked her, hoping for a positive answer. 

‘Absolutely.’ She started smiling as she signed her answer. ‘I’m always up for some awful disco music.’

Lance had no preference on music, but he knew Rachel had gone through a long and embarrassing disco phase. She had forced her parents to listen to disco music as she had bought multiple CDs for her birthday one year. 

She was eight during this phase and a regrets her awful phase every day. 

It was true that Lance couldn’t hear the music he had put on, nor any music. He was completely deaf. He knew about the ways deaf people could hear music, but for him, seeing his family’s reaction to the songs was enough for him. He didn’t need to hear the music to know how it made people feel. He got that from those around him, and consequently felt the same— or similar— emotions. 

After a few minutes, Rachel stormed into the kitchen, begging her mother and brother to turn off the music. Both of them refused. When she tried to turn it off herself, she earned herself a light smack on her wrist from her mother who quickly informed her daughter that Lance had chosen the music, and that it would be disrespectful to turn it off. She was, of course, just joking about it all, as the whole thing was a joke, and Rachel decided not to meddle with it anymore. 

‘I hate you so much.’ She told her brother, glaring at him angrily. 

Lance simply smiled and formed a heart with his two hands before signing, ‘I love you too.’

Rachel looked as though she was about to burst into laughter as she walked away, dragging the vacuum up the stairs to be as far away from the music as possible. 

Lance received a high five from his mother mere seconds before the two of them had their own laughing fest. 

One thing people learn very quickly about Lance and his family is that they all love each other very much, but will stop at nothing to humiliate and embarrass each other in every situation.

Lance and his mother worked for a while by themselves before Rachel joined them, after the CD had finished of course. Lance was kind, and let her choose the next selection, which he knew would be something she liked; i.e Shakira, Imagine Dragons, or some other popular artist. 

Hours passed, and the three took a break, deciding that two and a half hours of preparation earned them a well deserved break. In that time, the three enjoyed a light breakfast, talking about anything that came to mind. 

‘Is Lisa coming this year?’ Lance asked after he washed off his plate. 

Lisa was his brother Luis’ girlfriend who Lance had never had the pleasure of meeting. The two had met a year and a half ago, but neither had ever gone to the other’s family events. 

‘Dad said she was.’ Rachel answered. ‘He said he was going out to pick them up from the airport.’

‘Really?’

His mother certified Rachel’s statement. ‘Yes,’ she signed, ‘I must have forgotten to tell you she was coming.’

‘It’s fine.’ Lance ensured her. ‘As long as she’s coming, I don’t really mind how or when I find out.’

Lance was quite eager to meet his brother’s girlfriend, although he had no idea why. Maybe Luis’ excitement was rubbing off on him. 

Whatever the reason, he was looking forward to meeting Lisa and seeing his entire family in one place again. 

And at home no less. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Lance was busy tidying up his room when someone jumped on him from behind, tackling him to the floor. 

Their tall frame, skinny arms and the stench of far too much cologne signaled to Lance who this was. 

Marco. 

Easily he shoved his brother’s weight off of his back and stood up, brushing himself off before smiling at the nineteen year old who had just thrown him to the ground. 

‘Lance! You got so tall! How are you doing?’

Marco’s enthusiasm and his excited facial expressions pleased Lance and made him feel very happy. ‘Mom said I had another growth spurt. I’ve been good. Made a new friend, he’s cool. And you?’

‘That’s awesome! Mom said you’re really liking school this year.’ Marco seemed to ignore Lance’s question, which wasn’t all too surprising. Marco wasn’t the one to talk about himself, nor enthuse about his own interests. He was a complete mess and a goofball at times, but he had a kind heart and always preferred to talk about what made others happy. 

Paying no attention to Marco’s lack of answering his question, Lance simply continued the conversation form where Marco had ended. ‘Classes are fun. My friends are coming around for dinner too, so you’ll be able to see them again.’

‘Really?! That’s cool.’ Marco paused a moment before asking, ‘Do you want help cleaning? Mom just told me to come up and see you. I don’t want to clean the dining and living room or cook, but I’ll help you out if it gets me out of doing that.’

Lance giggled softly, completely unsurprised by his brother’s request. ‘Sure, Marco. You can stay here to avoid your chores.’

The two had planned to organize Lance’s room _before_ starting a discussion. 

That was their plan. 

But that didn’t happen. 

Marco and Lance worked for just under five minutes before getting bored. They were brothers. They didn’t want to work, they wanted to goof off and mess around. 

Lance leaned back on his bedside table as Marco picked at the carpet, bored out of his mind. 

Waving his hand in front of his brother, Lance waited for Marco’s attention before signing, ‘I went to the doctor a few days ago.’

‘How did it go?’ Marco asked quickly. He, like the rest of the family was very interested —and worried— about Lance’s heath, especially pertaining to his hearing. 

‘No change in my right ear. Left is, as always, completely useless.’

‘Have you thought about giving the aids another chance? I heard the new ones are really good.’

Lance shook his head, frowning as he signed, ‘No. I don’t want to. I’m used to the silence. What if it’s too loud and I have to stop using them? Mom and Dad would have wasted money.”

Marco sighed as he shrugged. ‘You can always try, right?’

‘I don’t want to.’ Lance told him again. ‘It’s too expensive and they look weird.’

‘That’s fine. As long as it’s your gut talking and not your heart.’

‘It is!’ Lance quickly defended himself. ‘And what’s wrong with thinking about others?’

‘Nothing.’

‘I just don’t like the idea of them.’

Marco nodded, taking a moment to process Lance’s words and to think of a reasonable response. ‘Well, you have always been quite proud of your condition.’

‘I’m not proud of being deaf, Marco. I hate it, and you know that.’

‘Sorry, you’re right.’ Marco let out a sigh, giving his brother an apologetic smile. ‘I just meant that you’ve never wished to have your hearing… Or something like that.’

Lance didn’t say anything more, but he nodded, letting Marco know he was in some way correct. 

A few seconds passed before Marco suggested the two should go downstairs. 

‘Why?’ Lance asked. ‘I thought you were avoiding chores.’

‘I heard the door open. I think Luis is home.’ 

‘Really?’

Nodding, Marco got to his feet and extended his hand to help his brother up. 

Lance rolled his eyes at the unnecessary gesture, but took his brother’s hand nonetheless. 

‘Don’t let Mom see you looking so sad. Smile. Or else we’ll both get the hour long talk about being open about our feelings.’

That last comment made Lance giggle. His brother was absolutely correct. If his mother thought any of her children were sad or down about anything, she would pull them aside and talk to them about how it’s important to be open to help from others and listen to what others have to say. Lance and all 4 of his siblings hated this conversation, and did everything they could to keep themselves and their siblings out of it. 

Following Marco downstairs, Lance found himself greeting his oldest brother, Luis and his girlfriend, Lisa. 

The first thing he noticed about Lisa was undoubtedly how pretty she was. She had shoulder length brown hair and had a far smaller stature than Luis. But Lance knew this wasn’t someone he should pick apart based on looks, he wanted to get to know Lisa as she had been dating his brother for some time now. 

Lance waited behind Rachel, thinking it might be best to let the hearing people speak first. 

Lisa, however, seemed to have a different idea. She spotted Lance almost immediately and invited him to join the conversation. ‘Hello.’ She signed, a bright and cheery smile on her face. ‘How are you?’

Lance’s jaw dropped. ‘You know sign?!’ He asked hurriedly. ‘I’m so glad. That makes me so happy.’

‘Please sign slowly.’ Lisa asked, adding, ‘I know a little sign.’

‘I tried teaching her more than just the basics, but between classes and work, it was hard to have a decent lesson so to speak.’ Luis signed to his brother, a slight frown on his lips. ‘She only knows basic phrases, but she does want to learn more.’

Nodding, Lance focused his attention back to Lisa. ‘Sorry. I thought you knew more.’ He did his best to sign each word slow enough for her to understand, hoping she would catch on to what he was saying. 

‘It’s okay.’ Lisa slowly fingerspelled. ‘I’m learning for you.’ 

Lance suddenly noticed that half of what she was signing was actually fingerspelling. He thought he had noticed it before, but his brain clearly didn’t register it until just now. ‘Thank you for learning. It means a lot to me.’ Stepping back, Lance suggested that Luis showed her around the house and maybe even the ‘grounds’ —although it wasn’t much more than a front and back yard— while Lance, Marco and Rachel helped their parents finish setting up for the evening. 

Both Luis and Lisa tried to offer to help, but Lance’s mother and father both insisted that it was not necessary. 

And so, the three youngest McClain siblings aided their parents in the final preparations for tonight’s meal. Each of then doing one small job or another. Their goal was to have the dining table set and ready for dinner by six, which gave them about three or four hours. 

As always, the teenagers got terribly distracted and ended up sitting at the kitchen counter and just talking. 

‘Quit wasting time.’ Their mother ordered, folding her arms with a disappointed scowl on her face. ‘The sooner you get it done, the sooner you can goof off.’

‘Or we could goof off right now.’ Lance suggested, a cheeky smile on his lips. ‘We do have a while until everything needs to be ready.’

His mother was clearly unimpressed with his suggestion. ‘Lance. You, Rachel and Marco will finish your tasks or I will—’

She never did finish her statement. Lance wondered what their punishment was going to be, and he wanted to ask her, until he figured out why his mother had stopped talking. 

Turning around to face the rest of the house, Lance made a quick and short gasping sound as he leapt from his chair and ran towards the front door. He tripped over his own two feet but made it to his destination without meeting the floor. 

There she was, Lance’s best friend since he could think, home again. 

Lance didn’t give her a second to breathe or even to notice he was there. He threw himself into her arms, burying his face into her shoulder. He felt like a child, acting so clingy and emotional. To many, this was an overreaction. But for Lance, this was a perfectly normal way to act. 

For almost seventeen years, she had been his best friend. The two were described by many as the closest siblings to ever exist. And that couldn’t be any more true. 

Though caught off guard by her brother’s welcome, Veronica returned the gesture, wrapping her arms tightly around his back. 

Lance didn’t move for a moment or two, but when he did, he started asking questions immediately. ‘How are you?’ He signed, barely pausing before asking, ‘How is college? Your new roommates, are they good? What about your classes?’ He asked nearly twenty questions before realizing he hadn’t let her answer any one of them. 

‘You haven’t changed a bit.’ Veronica slowly signed to Lance, giggling as she did so. ‘I’m fine. But I’m far more interested in you and your friends.’

Giving a nervous smile, Lance nodded and signed, ‘Later. You should get settled first.’

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Once all was set and ready, the McClain family was ready to enjoy one more Thanksgiving dinner together. Like every year for the past three years, Lance and his family were joined by Pidge and their family as well as Hunk and his family. 

Truth was, the house could barely fit all sixteen of them, but they made due, arranging the furniture and seats to accommodate all of them. 

Pidge, Lance, Hunk and Rachel were, as always, ‘banished’ to the kids' table, but that didn’t seem to bother them much. A nice private table for the ‘guests of honor’, as Pidge called it. 

Lance had hoped that Keith would be here with them, it would’ve been nice to get to know him more and maybe even his brother. That being said, he never expected Keith to come in the first place, it was just a suggestion he had made, one he knew Keith wouldn’t agree to. 

But the lack of Keith’s presence didn’t seem to upset the mood of the night. Things went on as things do, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. Just how Thanksgiving dinner should be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware this is not a Tuesday or a Friday.  
> I just didn't want to post this tomorrow and have you all wait a while between 12 and 13. You'll understand why soon :)  
> I didn't really make it totally clear, but each quarter is like a part or an arc I guess, I kind of only made it known to myself, oops. We're in part 2/4 and there is a total of 3 chapters left until we get to quarter 3, which is when-- Well I shouldn't spoil it. You'll see soon.  
> Thanks for reading and gather tissues for chapter 12 :D
> 
> ~Picci


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get tissues :)

Everything was dark. Everything was loud. Everything was so painful. 

What had happened? 

A sudden, uncontrollable wave of nausea hit Keith like a truck. He tried to roll over, although he had no idea how he did so, his head was pounding and his upper body seemed to beg him to roll back over. Keith didn’t know what would happen if he let this nausea take over, but he had no other choice than to succumb to his needs. 

Bitter, hot and foul vomit raced up his throat and fell from his mouth. None of it got on him, which was great, but it smelled horrible. Coughing and sputtering, he felt a hand on his back. The hand touched his skin. It was cold, so cold that he flinched. He wanted to ask a million questions, but the nausea came back like an after quake. It was not as bad the second time around, but the total damage caused to his senses—smell and taste being the most affected— was too much for him to bear much longer. 

The thirteen year old boy rolled back over on his back, moaning in the pain it caused. He coughed a few times, gasping for air between each one. 

Finally, his body seemed to calm down. Taking a few deep breaths, he figured it was best to get an idea of his surroundings. Keith looked around, but everything was dark and black, as if someone had placed him in a room with no windows or light sources of any kind. It was like he was out in space, so far from even the brightest of stars that no light could reach him. 

In the time he chose to spend looking around, his hearing and touch finally clicked back in. His ears started to process the sounds around him, and his nerves began to send signals to his brain about his attire and what he was lying on. He deduced that he was on a bed of some sorts, and was possibly in a robe.

“Yes, he’s awake!” A feminine voice said in an angry tone. “The meds made him vomit, but he _is_ awake! Go get his brother!” 

Brother…? Meds…? What was this woman talking about? The only thing he understood was that he had woken up, and had thrown up. Other than that, nothing made sense. Why would he need his brother? And what medication was he given? 

“Keith…?” The same voice asked him. “Keith, can you hear me?”

Keith barely nodded. He was so confused. 

“Good…!” This woman sounded like some sort of professional. And she talked to Keith as though he was in a life threatening condition. “I’m going to give you an oxygen mask, okay…?!”

She was practically yelling at him, but that kept him awake. He needed something to do that, he felt drowsy. 

“I’m just going to lift your head to get the strap around your ears…! This might hurt a bit…!”

And she was right. It hurt like hell when her hand touched the back of his head. He didn’t feel _her_ _touch_ , but he felt a _cloth_ _squeeze_ against the back of his head. Was that a bandage? Was that why he couldn’t see?

“Can you breathe comfortably?”

Keith only nodded. He didn’t want to speak. At least not to her. He didn’t know her, and this mask hurt his cheeks. He didn’t want to try moving his lips and mouth in case it added any sort of pain. 

“Keith!” 

That voice was familiar. He knew that voice. 

That was his brother, his best—and only—friend, Shiro. 

“You’re awake… Thank goodness…” 

Within seconds Keith felt Shiro’s arms around him. Shiro hugged Keith for nearly an entire minute and judging by the time alone, Shiro had missed him quite a bit. Or he really had been in a life threatening situation. 

“How do you feel…?”

Keith wanted to talk now. He wanted to talk to Shiro, but the mask hurt his face even more when he opened his mouth. Closing his mouth slowly, he gave a basic thumbs up before blindly pointing to the mask and mumbling ‘hurts’ with his mouth closed. 

“What…? Oh! The mask hurts to talk! That’s okay, I can work with hand symbols.” Shiro sounded so happy to be here. Wherever here was. 

Keith had worked out he was in a hospital, but many questions remained unanswered. 

“I heard you threw up… Those meds must be pretty nasty.”

With his left hand, Keith formed a wolf, placing his middle and ring finger to his thumb, keeping his pointer and pinky finger up. Using this wolf as his own head, he tilted his hand up and down in a nodding motion. 

Shiro gave a tiny chuckle, amused by Keith’s way of communication. “Bringing the talking wolf back, I see. Man… Dad is going to be so glad to hear that you’re okay-- that you’re _alive_. For a while nobody thought you’d come out of your coma. I’ve been sitting here for a few days now, waiting for you to wake up. Keith… I can’t tell you how glad I am that you’re okay.”

So many things were still a mystery to Keith. Why was he here? Why was his head bandaged up? And why was Shiro so happy he was okay?

But one of the most prominent questions in his mind was why is father was not here. Why was Shiro here, but not his dad? Keith’s father loved him very much, and he knew that if something had happened to him, that his dad  _ would _ be here. If that were true--and Keith had zero doubts about it-- then where was his father?

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Shiro seemed to spend hours at his brother’s bedside before Keith was able to talk. Keith had maintained a ‘stable’ condition for long enough, and the med staff agreed that he could do without the oxygen mask for the time being. 

So he could talk now, and that was amazing, he could have a real conversation. He just couldn’t see. 

“Everything fucking hurts…” Keith moaned, giving a long and dramatic sigh. 

“I’m sure it does, but you know, you don’t _have_ to cuss about it.” 

Keith didn’t say anything in response. He didn’t want to be babied by his brother. It was bad enough that the medical staff treated him like a toddler, saying ‘okay’ and ‘alright’ after every instruction. He wasn’t a baby. He was thirteen. And as far as he could tell, he was responsible and mature enough to be a high schooler. 

“Do you remember what happened?” 

Shiro’s question caught Keith off guard. He wasn’t expecting Shiro to ask about what happened. 

Slowly, Keith shrugged and shook his head. “Not really… There was a loud noise and then everything went up in flames. That’s all I remember. Sorry...”

“No, it’s fine. I asked Dad for his side of the story and that’s pretty much all he remembers.”

“Can Dad come here…?” Keith was very attached to his father, his only remaining parent. He tried his best to act his age, and not like a clingy child, but the fact of the matter was that Keith depended very much on his father and brother for companionship and company. 

“He’s still in his own room, but I can tell him what you say and vice versa.”

This upset Keith. Of course he was sad that he couldn’t see his father, but his father was in the hospital, and so was he. Meaning neither could see the other until one has been discharged, which might take weeks. 

“What caused the fire…?”

Shiro exhaled and hummed, a kind of hum one makes when they think it best to not say what they are about to say. “The authorities say it was leaked gasoline or something, but they could be wrong.”

“Oh…”

“Is something wrong…?”

Keith shook his head, grumbling a negatory sound as he slumped back into the pillow behind him. 

For a moment, the room was quiet. All the two heard was the chatter from outside in the halls, the humming of the pipes as the AC worked to keep the room temperature regulated, and the metronomic beeping of the machine behind Keith’s bed. And then the young teenager spoke up, ending the hospital room’s silence with a terrible question.

“Is dad going to die…?”

“What?!” Shiro tried to hide his surprise and sudden worry with a cough. “No! No. I don’t think he will. He’s sustained some nasty injuries, but I think he’s going to be okay.”

Nodding, Keith fell silent again. He didn’t believe his brother’s words. He didn’t trust him, but he didn’t want to know the truth either. 

“Keith… I know you don’t think I’m telling the truth, but what else am I supposed to tell you? I’m an optimist, you know that. Plus, with today’s medical advances, I’m sure he’s going to be fine. All of us will go home, and we’ll all be okay.”

“Then _why_ did the nurses say today might be the last time you leave this room? Because I _know_ it’s not because I’m going home.”

“When did they…” Shiro trailed off as he answered the question. “I don’t think anyone—”

“They did.” Keith said bluntly, cutting Shiro off. “They said that you wouldn’t be going back and forth much longer. Either I’m going to die, or… Or Dad…”

“Hey, hey. Listen. Dad is going to be fine, okay? I believe he is, because that’s what I desperately want to happen. You’re going to get better, and so is he. You two are both going home. Trust me.”

Keith only nodded, rolling onto his side, his back facing his brother. He heard Shiro sigh, and he knew that his brother was either stressed or caught in a lie. But he chose not to dwell on the technicalities of his brother’s noises, just as Shiro has chosen to be optimistic. 

“What’s wrong with me…? Why can’t I see anything…?”

“I actually don’t know.” Shiro gave his answer quietly, and if Keith’s assumptions were correct, he had shrugged too. “They did some x-rays or something, I don’t know what they’re called, but they think the nerves or something like that in your eyes are damaged. Your pupils didn’t react to light properly when they tested you yesterday. Sure, you were unconscious, but they did something medical.”

“So… I’m blind…?”

“No, not exactly. They said you can still see, but your vision is limited to light…? I think. I’m not really sure what they said exactly, but you’re not blind.”

This certainly wasn’t the answer Keith wanted. He had hoped the bandages around his head were just because of a concussion or burns, he never thought it was because he had lost his vision. Whether it was completely lost, or partly lost, he had still _lost_ it. 

Slowly, he rolled back over onto his back, pulling the light blanket up to his chin. “Can they do the test again…? Maybe it healed, or got better. You know? Maybe they did it wrong. I am awake now, so maybe it’ll be different. 

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” Shiro’s optimistic tone poked through his words. “I’ll ask for them to run the tests again. And I can even go see if Dad can come see you tomorrow while you’re being tested. How does that sound?”

The teenager smiled. It was a tiny smile, but a smile nonetheless. “That sounds good.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


That was not the answer Keith had wanted to hear. None of what the nurse had said was anything close to what he wanted. 

He wasn’t completely blind, but his vision was, in simple terms, close to nothing. 

The nurse had explained to the teenager that he had suffered some serious head trauma, along with the story of how he ended up here. 

He was recovering from multiple life threatening injuries. 

The second story of his house had fallen due to the weekend structural support of the first floor. The paramedics had to work very hard to resuscitate him. Some sort of plank or board had fallen on the back of his head, maybe a pipe even. By the time the firefighters and paramedics had arrived, the house had collapsed. All they found was a man and his son, both unconscious on the pavement a few feet in front of where their home once stood. 

Keith’s father had run back inside to pull him from the flames. 

His father saved his life. 

But none of that really mattered anymore. Nothing mattered to Keith. Nothing except whether or not he and his father could ever leave this place. 

And so he asked. He asked for an honest answer, one that wasn’t sugar coated and fluffed up for a child. He wanted the truth. 

The truth was given to him. 

Keith would be able to completely recover. He would leave in a week or less. He would be trained to get around without his vision, with a guide animal or a ‘stick’ as he called it. He would live. He would go home, wherever home was now. 

His father, however, would not. 

If Keith’s father was selfish and uncaring, and had left Keith in the burning home to die, his father would live. If there had been no fire, his father would be fine. 

But no. There was a fire, Keith had a loving father, and reality played its cards in the worst way possible. Keith would live. His father would die. 

So he was an orphan, or would be soon. 

He had been in the hospital for nearly four whole days, but he had only been awake for half of a day. He had regained consciousness around 2 in the afternoon. It was ‘after hours’ now. 

No more visitations, no more chatter. Just silence. 

Keith had asked for the bandages to be removed from his head. Maybe if they stopped wasting time and supplies on him, they would have a little more time and resources to save his father. That’s not how hospitals work, but he would do anything the try and spin reality to a positive state. 

They said no, explaining that the stitches on the back of his head had not healed. 

He asked again, rephrasing the question to ask for the bandages to be removed from his _eyes_ , not his entire head. 

They agreed to that, saying that it would be okay for him to try and get used to his limited vision. 

Everything they had said about his limitations were absolutely true. He could see close to nothing, but he could make out basic shapes and shadows. 

Around ten o’clock, Shiro decided that it was time Keith stopped asking questions and went to sleep, which he agreed to, but didn’t like. 

The nurses left and the room got darker. It was impossible for him to see anything anymore. 

“Shiro…?” Keith whispered quietly, a part of him not wanting to wake his brother if he was asleep. 

“Yeah…? Are you okay?”

“Mhm… Just want to know if the bathroom is on the left or right side of my bed.”

“Right side.” Shiro answered before asking “Can you manage by yourself?”

Keith scooted to the edge of the bed and hopped down. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Goodnight, Keith.”

“G‘night, Shiro.”

Keith felt his was around the room, but didn’t get far from his bed when something pulled sharply on his left hand. 

His IV. The piece of equipment that caused him so much upset, that restricted where he could and could not move his body and his arm. Sure, it kept him healthy, providing him with the fluids and medicine he needed, but unlike Shiro, Keith was not an optimist. 

“Shiro…” Keith groaned, whining like a child as he said his brother’s name. 

“What’s wrong?” Shiro asked instantly. “Is everything alright?”

“The stupid IV chord only goes so far and I don’t know how to move it.”

His brother gave a slight chuckle, clearly pleased to know that Keith’s only issue was his lack of ability to go to the bathroom by himself. “Alright. Let’s see if I can’t figure out how to move this thing…”

Keith lifted himself back onto the bed, his short legs dangling over the side. He wasn’t _short_ , just below average height, although Shiro never missed an opportunity to comment on Keith’s smaller stature. 

“I can just take it out.” Keith offered the solution after Shiro had been fiddling with the machinery for some time. “They can just put it back in, right?”

“That’s not how IVs work, Keith.”

“Says who?”

“Every medical technician ever.” Based on his voice, Shiro was unamused by Keith’s attitude. “You could hurt yourself and you might cause yourself to bleed.”

Sighing, Keith scooted back onto the bed, sliding off the little slippers he was given by the medical staff. “Just forget about it. I’ll pee in the morning.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm.” Keith lay down on the bed, curling up on his side. “If I get desperate I’ll just ask for one of the nurses.”

“Okay.” Shiro stepped away from the equipment, ruffling up his little brother’s hair as he returned to the makeshift bed; the small couch he slept on.

Keith was silent for a moment, before he sighed, and asked Shiro to get one of the nurses. 

Shiro could barely contain his amusement as he left the small room to get one of the medical staff members like his brother had requested. 

The room got a bit brighter as the light from the hallway leaked into his room. Keith knew he was far from the check in desk where he had sent his brother. That meant he had a solid minute or two by himself. 

In that minute, Keith did the unthinkable. 

He ripped off all of the stickers, causing the monitors behind him to erupt in a chorus of one note harmonies. 

His chest and abdomen stung with an indescribable amount of pain caused by removing the medical stickers, and for once he was glad he hadn’t completely hit puberty yet. 

The noise from the machine would alert anyone nearby, meaning that Keith only had a few seconds to complete the rest of his plan. His dangerous and stupid plan. 

As quickly as he could, he ripped the medical tape off the back of his left hand, wincing as it pulled at his skin. He took a deep breath, pinched the end of the IV and pulled as hard as he could. 

It came loose. 

Just as he wanted it to do, the IV slid right out of the hack of his hand. 

But not without a trail of blood. 

Keith stumbled to the bathroom, found the paper towels and held a wad of the course paper to the back of his hand. 

He bit down on his lower lip in an attempt to distract himself from the searing pain in his hand. Slowly, he backed out of the bathroom, using his shoulders to push the heavy door open. 

Sure enough, people were outside of his room. 

“Keith, what did you do?!” One of the nurses asked. 

Lowering his head, he gripped his left hand tightly, hoping the bleeding would stop soon. 

“Come on, let’s just go back to bed, alright? You’re angry and upset, but you’ll feel better if you sleep.” Again, the nurse was trying to tell him what to do, talking to him as if she had known him for years. 

“You don’t know _anything_ about me!” Keith argued. “You’re just some bossy bitch who thinks she has status over me because you know how to operate some stupid machines!”

“Keith, please.” Shiro sounded so worried as he talked to his brother. “Please listen to her. She knows what she’s talking about.”

“You’re supposed to be my brother! You’re supposed to have my back! But all you’ve done is agreed with them! You don’t know what I’m going through! You’re not blind! You’re not injured! And you’re not the one who killed your dad!”

Keith didn’t let anyone else say another word. He ran forward, shoving through the small crowd. 

One of them almost grabbed his shoulder, but he somehow managed to slip through their grasp. He didn’t know how, but he didn’t put any thought to it. He just ran. Letting go of the towels around his left hand, the blood soaked paper fell to the ground behind him. Blood continued to trickle out of the wound he had created, but he paid no attention to it.

He had other priorities. 

Footsteps echoed through the hallways, people were yelling after him and to others about him. They said things like ‘someone grab that boy’ and ‘get back here’. Such rude and angry orders that it fuelled Keith’s determination more with every word they uttered. 

Keith may have been short, but he was gifted with the athletic ability of his parents. He was short, but he was fast and had a considerable amount of stamina. 

He would run as far as he could. His goal was to find his father. He had no idea how far he’d have to go, nor how many stairs he’d take, or turna he’d make. But he _had_ to keep running. This may be his last chance to see his father again. He _had_ to take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY!  
> So that's what I call my angsty writing. This IS a two part chapter, and the rest will be out on Friday.   
> Sorry if that upsets you, it just got so long, I had to split it between two chapters.  
> But, hey, on the bright side, you know how Keith went blind! Yay!  
> (That was sarcasm)  
> Um... My writing brain died a few minutes ago, but thanks for reading... AND Happy 35th Anniversary to the Voltron series!!!
> 
> Have fun waiting for part two :D
> 
> ~Picci


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may need some tissues :)

The light of the hallway started to have a negative effect on Keith. A terrible effect. His head began to throb, he wasn’t used to light this bright. For the past few hours of consciousness, his vision was obstructed by the bandages, and when he could see, his room had been relatively dim. 

He grew dizzy, and he knew that soon he would either be caught, or have to stop. 

Keith didn’t know exactly how far he had run, but he figured he had reached the end of the wing he was in when his body slammed into a large wooden door. The long rectangular handle was pushed inwards from his momentum, opening the door enough for him to try and push it open. 

But before he could do that, he had to get over the pain of running face first into a heavy duty hospital door. 

He groaned loudly as he leaned on the door, holding his head tightly with both of his hands. He felt tears in his eyes as he pushed all of his weight on the door. 

Keith was weakened by his injuries and it seemed to take him forever to open the door. 

Finally he opened it enough to slip through. 

Again, he ran down the hallway, but he was limping now. He knees hurt from the impact, and he knew he'd have to give up very soon. 

The door behind him slammed open, startling the teenager. 

Quickly, he scooted over to the wall, feeling around for a door of any kind. 

His eyes were closed shut, the darkness was better than the lights. The hallway lighting hurt his eyes. 

Whether it was luck, or not, his right hand reached a small, plastic sign on the wall. He quickly ran his hands over the sign, desperate to find somewhere to hide. 

He had found a bathroom, he had never felt so relieved by the plastic symbols of a family restroom sign. He slipped inside and locked the door as soon as the door was shut. 

The motion activated lights switched on and Keith fell to his knees. 

He curled up into a tiny ball on the ground, whimpering in pain. 

Keith tucked his head into his lap, trying to block out as much light as he could. 

He was crying now. 

Every bone in his body hurt. Every muscle, every limb. All of it. His entire body ached in one kind of pain or another. 

Suddenly, there was a clicking sound from the door. 

Keys. 

Of course they had keys. 

Why wouldn’t they have keys?

Keith tried to scoot back into a corner or under the sink, but he didn’t get farther than a foot before the door swung open and someone grabbed him. 

“No!” He screamed, struggling to break free of their grasp. “Let me go!”

Whoever had grabbed him was strong, and viciously so. Their grip added to his pain. Keith cried out in agony, trying everything he could to make them let go of him. 

Whoever it was who had grabbed him wasn’t letting go anytime soon. They were telling him to do something, but he wasn’t listening. He just wanted them to let go. 

And then a kind, concerned voice came over the ruckus Keith and this other were causing. 

“Let go of him!” 

Shiro. 

Shiro had Keith’s back. 

“Let go of my brother! You’re hurting him!”

Before Keith could process anything else, he was being lifted backwards, away from whoever was forcefully tugging on his arm. 

“Please just let me handle this.” Shiro said from behind Keith. “I know he shouldn’t have run off, but please don’t hurt him like that.”

So Shiro had come to his rescue. Shiro had taken him from the other person. Which should have been obvious since he was being so gentle. 

Keith felt Shiro loosen his gentle grasp on his arms and he immediately shrunk to floor. Shiro seemed to copy his motion, either squatting or kneeling beside Keith. 

“He _needs_ his medications _and_ he’s bleeding all over the place!” 

That wasn’t true at all. Keith wasn’t bleeding ‘all over the place’. He _was_ bleeding, his left hand was covered in a tacky and warm, half dried liquid. But he wasn’t bleeding out. 

“I _know_! Okay?! I know what he needs. But he’s my brother! He’s scared and he’s in a lot of pain, and he just needs to calm down. But _dragging_ him back to that room while he’s kicking and screaming and then sticking him with needles isn’t going to make _anything_ better.”

There was a jingling sound, like keys or something, probably belonging to a hall monitor. Whoever it was spoke, saying, “He has caused a panic.”

“Don’t touch my brother!” Shiro yelled that time. Shiro rarely ever yells. He’s always so calm and collected. “Please…! Let me deal with this. Alone.”

“He cannot stay here in the public restroom.”

“People have restrooms in their rooms. I’m sure they can manage five minutes with this being occupied.”

Keith listened to his brother argue with the security guard and the medical staff members. Their conversation seemed to last an hour. The noise made his head ache more and more. He held his hands to his ears, shutting his eyes so tightly that his eyelids began to hurt. 

He felt Shiro’s hand rub his arm gently, it was calming, and it distracted him from the pain every few seconds. 

“Please just leave the two of us alone. Five minutes. That all I ask. I’ll leave the door open, or we can sit in the hall.”

“You are to take him back to his room immediately.”

Keith shook his head, whimpering as he did so. His hands still covering his ears, and his eyes still shut tight. 

“He is in pain and he needs to be medicated.”

“You think I don’t know that?! He’s my brother! I know what he does or doesn’t need to feel better and less in pain. I know that, okay? But he’s terrified right now. He’s just afraid. He’s going blind and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get to be with his father again. Please. All I’m asking for is five— at most ten— minutes with him. Alone. I’ll bring him right back afterwards, I promise.”

There was a moment of silence, and then quiet whispers as the others conversed. Keith had no idea how many of them there were, but he had heard three different voices, four if you count Shiro’s. The teenager assumed it was only the two nurses who were looking after him and a hall monitor, but there could have been more. He didn’t care to check. 

“Ten minutes. But you’ll sit in the hallway.”

“Thank you.”

Keith heard footsteps as the other adults walked away. Slowly Shiro led him outside of the bathroom and into the hallway. The others must have left since the doors just down the hall opened and closed. 

Then it was just silence. 

Once outside, Keith backed against the wall and shrunk to his knees before sitting down on the tile floor. 

“Hey… Are you okay?” Shiro asked his brother, adjusting the teen’s bangs to see his face. “You hit those double doors pretty hard…”

Keith pulled away from his brother, making a small whimpering noise as he did so. “Don’t touch it.” He mumbled. “It hurts.”

Shiro let a sigh escape his lips, abiding by Keith’s wishes. “Do you want to tell me why you ran off…?”

Although he did answer, Keith had mumbled it so much that even he barely understood what he had said. 

“To what…?”

“To see dad…” He said again, clearly this time. “They said he was going to die soon... I just want to see him…”

“I know you do… But you can’t see him if you don’t get better first. You know they won’t let you leave that room unless your injuries heal.”

Shiro tended to use a parental voice when he talked to his brother about what to and what not to do. Keith was used to this, and the two were a whole seven years apart. Though embarrassing at times, Shiro often succeeded in comforting his brother if he used a more calming or parental tone. 

But it didn’t work this time. 

Keith shook his head, stubbornly disagreeing with his brother’s words. “I have to…”

“But you don’t want to worry him, do you? He’d much rather see you in good health than in poor health. Right?”

Again, Keith shook his head, making tiny whimpers as he did so. It wasn’t long before he began to cry. It was quiet at first, he wanted to keep it that way, but when he took his first breath, it was clear what he was doing. 

Shiro noticed this instantly. He scooted next to Keith and pulled the boy into his lap, something he has done since the two were just little children. “It’s okay… Just breathe, ‘kay?” 

Keith curled up in his brother’s lap like a toddler would do in their mother’s or father’s. “I’m sorry…” He said in a hushed whisper. 

“What? Sorry? For running off?” Shiro laughed for a moment, saying “I’m not mad about that. You don’t have to apologize.”

“No…” Keith shook his head, hugging his knees and whimpering. “That’s not why I said sorry…”

“Well, whatever you’re apologizing for, I forgive you. I’m your brother, not your overprotective father.”

Keith quickly buried his head in his hands, and even he wasn’t sure if he had done it because of the light or because of his tears. 

“Hey… Its al—”

“I’m sorry!” Keith yelled suddenly. “It’s all my fault! I didn’t mean to do it!”

“What? Do what?” Shiro asked hurriedly, now confused by his brother’s insistent apologies. “You didn’t do anything other than run off. Why are you apologizing?”

Keith didn’t answer. 

“If it’s because of your injuries… Keith… I don’t care what happened or what will happen. As long as you’re okay, I’m not going to worry.”

The teenager stayed silent again. He had stopped crying, but his breathing was quick. A pace one breathes at when stressed or worried. 

“Keith…? Come on… Talk to me, buddy. I can’t help you unless you talk…”

“It’s all my fault.” Keith said again. “All of it. It’s my fault. He’s going to die because of me.”

“Your fault…? Keith, none of this is your fault!”

“Yes it is!” When Shiro said nothing in response, Keith took the opportunity to explain himself. “It’s all my fault… I left the stove on. I didn’t think anything would happen! It wouldn’t turn all the way off, and I was going to tell Dad, but then… I got distracted and sat in my room. And the next thing I know is that the entire house is on fire… I’m sorry, Shiro! It’s _all_ my fault!” He barely got through his explanation before he was crying again. 

“Don’t you _dare_ say that!” Shiro gripped his brother’s shoulders firmly. “This _isn’t_ your fault! It was all an accident. Everyone makes mistakes! It’s _not_ your fault! Don’t you _ever_ say that again!”

“It _is_ my fault!” Keith argued, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I killed Dad just like I killed Mom!”

Shiro couldn’t think of any better way to say what he said, he just said it, without thinking. “You don’t know what you’re saying! You’re probably too young to even comprehend this all, okay?! You’re just saying whatever comes to your mind, and none of it is true!”

Keith shook his head, sniffling and whimpering. “Mom would still be here if it weren’t for me. She waited so long for that surgery because of _me_! And by the time she got it, it was too late. She’s dead because of me.”

“Mom kept postponing her surgery because of our entire family. Not just you. She didn’t want to be absent for the beginning of school, she didn’t want to miss your birthday, she didn’t want to miss Halloween, or Thanksgiving, or Christmas. She didn’t want to miss _any_ of it! She _knew_ she’d only have a few weeks to live after the procedure if it was unsuccessful. Mom didn’t want to leave you or me or Dad.” Now the both of them were crying. Shiro had planned to have a calm conversation, and this was everything but that. “She pushed it back over and over again, trying to find the best time to go through with it. Keith. Mom loved you _so much_. She couldn’t bear to think of you going through any part of your life without her. She didn’t want me to go through elementary school or middle school or high school, or any sort of academics without her there to support me. And she hated knowing that she might have to leave all of the responsibility of raising two stupidly poorly behaved and obnoxious boys to our father. She thought about _everything_! Do not _ever_ say it was your fault!”

Keith desperately wanted to argue. He wanted to say everything on his mind. He wanted Shiro to understand his point of view. He _needed_ to explain himself again. And again. And again. 

But he couldn’t. 

Instead of talking, he fell forward, wrapping his arms tightly around his brother. “I’m sorry Shiro…!” He managed to say through his sobs. “I just want to see him once more! To explain what happened, and to thank him for getting me out of the house. I tried to run, Shiro. I tried to get out. But I tripped on something. Dad came back to get me, and he’s stuck in that room all alone because of me. I just want to see my dad one more time!”

“I know… It’s okay…” Shiro did what he could to calm his little brother, stroking his upper back and his arms. 

He had said much more than just two simple phrases, but Keith had accidentally blocked out all of his brother’s words after that. He was far too distraught and emotional to comprehend much more than simple phrases by now. 

It took him nearly an entire five minutes to collect himself, and it was understandable why. He had to stop crying first, which took a while. After that, he had to keep himself from crying again through breathing exercises Shiro forced him to do. It seemed to take forever, but eventually, Keith was quiet again.

“Why don’t you and I head back to your room?” Shiro suggested kindly. “It might do you some good to get some rest. I’ll see if you can be allowed a few minutes with Dad tomorrow.”

Without putting much thought into Shiro’s words, Keith agreed to head back to his room. He gave a small nod, and forced himself to stand. Keith took a few steps towards the double doors, stopping when Shiro comment on his limp. 

“I know you’ll hate me for this, but let me carry you back. Your legs are all bruised and sore and everything in between. I might not be able to fix everything, but I can at least do you a favor.”

Nodding, Keith leaned back against the wall and allowed Shiro to lift him off the ground. He muttered a few sentences accompanied with some curse words, his own way of protesting a ‘necessary evil’. Keith had forgotten just how tall his brother really was compared to him. He had expected to be able to touch the ground with his toes if he tried, but his attempts were futile.

As the two headed back to the room, Shiro spoke softly to his brother, telling him about college, his dorm, and his classes. Making a one sided conversation to keep Keith’s mind off of the fire, the hospital, his injuries and their father. 

Although Keith would never admit it, he was glad Shiro tried to make him forget reality, even just for a few moments. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


A week had passed since Keith woke up. Their father had died a few hours after Keith’s ‘escape attempt’, as it was called, and nothing in the world could describe how that affected Keith. Even six days after finding out his father had asked to be taken off of life support, Keith was still silent. He hadn’t said a word to anyone other than Shiro. His longest conversations are his self destructive monologues and his hurtful thoughts. 

It was around noon and Keith was packing up his things to take to his new home. The dormitory Shiro coincidently shared with his boyfriend, Adam. Shiro had become Keith’s legal guardian six days prior, meaning that Keith would have to live with his brother for four whole years until he turned eighteen. Somehow this didn’t annoy him, possibly because Shiro was the only family Keith had left. Either that or he was too emotionally detached to care. 

“Are you ready to leave?” Keith’s nurse asked in a positive tone. 

Keith simply shrugged and shook his head once. He didn’t know if he felt anything. He didn’t want to be here, but he didn’t want to go to Shiro’s dorm either. 

“Well your brother should be back anytime now, and then you’ll be on your way.”

Shiro had left about an hour ago, claiming he had to ‘pick something up’ before they left, and that this something was a ‘necessity’. 

Keith didn’t believe this, however. He thought Shiro was just messing with him, or he had run back to his dorm to straighten out a few things before bringing his brother there. Most of his thought process was negative. Keith has always been a rather negative person, but after his father died, everything that came into his mind and out of his mouth was something rude or blunt. 

“One last vitals check.” The nurse said, pulling Keith from his thoughts. “This’ll be the last one you have to do for a while. That’s exciting!”

The boy sighed as he hopped up onto the bed, extending his left arm for the blood pressure cuff. He followed her instructions, breathing in and out when asked, holding his breath, releasing it slowly, and so on. 

The velcro of the cuff ripped apart slowly as the nurse removed the light piece of equipment from the teenarger’s arm. Keith instantly placed his hands in his lap, rubbing his left arm with his right hand. He wasn’t consciously doing it, the action was an automatic one he had begun to do more and more in recent days. 

A knock at the door caught Keith’s attention and he instinctively looked up from his lap. 

“Sorry I’m a bit late.” Shiro always seemed to apologize for everything he did. “I tried to get here sooner, but got a bit delayed?”

“It’s fine.” Keith sighed, lowering his chin until it barely touched his chest. 

Shiro stepped into the room, taking a seat in the chair in front of his brother, the leather seat cushion making a terribly off putting noise as he did so. “Well, he certainly seems to be happy to see you.”

“As if _he_ could possibly want to see me.” Keith muttered under his breath. “Your boyfriend hates me, Shiro.”

“Adam…? What? No. I’m not talking about him.”

“Then who _are_ you talking about?”

For a moment, Shiro said nothing. “You can’t see him?” He finally asked Keith after the uncomfortable silence. 

Keith only shook his head. He didn’t know what his brother was talking about. “I can’t really see anything anymore.”

“Oh… Well that’s okay.” Shiro paused before suggesting, “Why don’t you come here and find out?”

Unamused by his brother’s way of dodging the question he had asked, Keith gave an annoyed sigh and slid off the bed. He barely made it three steps from the bed when something touched his knees. Something cold and moist. Soft, yet slimy. 

“Keith, meet Kosmo. Your own personal service dog.”

“Kosmo…?”

“Yeah…! Kosmo.” Shiro confirmed Keith’s question with an enthusiastic and compassionate tone. “He’s a black retriever with pretty blue eyes. Just like you always asked Dad for.”

Ever since Keith could talk, he had been asking for a dog. His mother agreed with his reasoning, if one could call them reasons. Keith was always saying, ‘We should get a dog because I like them.’ Although that isn’t much of a reason, it _was_ enough to persuade his mom. His dad, however, wasn’t too keen on the idea. He knew Keith and Shiro wouldn’t look after the animal and the responsibility would fall on him and his wife. But that didn’t stop Keith from asking. Even years later, when Keith was entering elementary school, and even middle school, he still asked for a dog for his birthday and for Christmas. It had become a tradition, although he knew his father wouldn’t change his answer. 

Keith sat down on the ground, allowing the dog to sniff him and check him out. 

After a few good inspections, Kosmo was ready to receive attention. He stood on Keith’s knees, panting excitedly as he waited for the teen to react. 

Slowly, Keith reached up a hand, placing his palm gently on the dog’s cheek bones. Keith began stroking Kosmo’s ears, immediately falling in love with the soft fuzz behind them. Without thinking, he pulled the dog towards him, into a hug. Kosmo didn’t seem to mind this, which pleased Keith. 

The dog was outfitted with a vest of some sort, a harness maybe. It had sewn on letters which Keith figured out speller ‘SERVICE DOG’ in bold, capital lettering. Under those words was some small print. It felt as if it were made of plastic or leather. The words were too small for Keith to make out, but assumed it said something like ‘Do Not Pet’ or ‘Please Don’t Pet Me’ as most service animal harnesses did. 

“Here you go.” Shiro held something out to Keith who slowly extended his arm to take the item. “He’s yours, so you should probably be the one walking him out of here.”

Keith took the item from Shiro, quickly finding it to be a leash. He let the leash fall to his side as he wrapped his arms around the dog once more, this time burying his face in the canines haunches. 

Kosmo whined quietly and pulled away.

“Sorry…” Keith whispered as he let go. He didn’t mean to hurt or upset the dog, he just wanted some comfort. He _needed_ comfort. But maybe this wasn’t the best time or the best one to get it from. Feeling for the leash, he held tightly to it, slowly getting to his feet. “Let’s go… I don’t want to be here anymore…”

“Okay.” Shiro was hesitant with his reply, but he didn’t fight his brother on his words. “Let’s get you back to my place and see if we can’t find somewhere for you to sleep and study.”

Nodding, Keith stepped forward, but was surprised when the dog followed him. “He’s trained…?” Keith asked his brother, stopping in the doorway. 

“He _is_ a service dog.” 

“How old is he?” 

Shiro chuckled and placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Let’s leave the questions for the car. You said you wanted to leave, right?”

“Oh… Yeah…”

“Come on…” Shiro gently pushed his brother out the doorway and into the hall. “Let’s go home.”

Kosmo stayed close to Keith through the whole walk from the hospital room to the parking lot. He would occasionally stop to sniff something, but once he heard Keith call to him, he picked up the pace to walk next to the boy again. 

Shiro led Keith out to the car as carefully as he could, asking him about his condition every so often to make sure he was okay. 

Once at the car, Keith climbed into the back seat, letting Kosmo sit next to him. He wanted to sit in the front, but Shiro had warned that if the light had bothered him even a little while outside, then he didn’t want him sitting in the front. Keith didn’t feel like protesting, and he did like the idea of sitting with his dog in the backseat. 

His dog. 

That was a nice term. 

Kosmo was his dog, and this made Keith very comforted to know. He had a companion now. Not just his brother. He now had his dog. 

“Shiro…?” Keith asked quietly from the backseat. 

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for Kosmo…”

“Don’t mention it. You’d need some sort of guidance sooner or later. But I knew you’d choose the dog over anything else.”

Keith nodded as he stroked the retriever’s soft, silky. ears and whispered, “Dad would’ve liked you, Kosmo… If he got to meet you, I know he would’ve liked you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not going to lie... I cried writing this. I did. I actually did.  
> I thought 'wow this is some deep stuff' as I was planning it out, and ended up crying while revising it all.  
> I hope this didn't hurt you all too much...  
> My intention of writing this was to explain Keith's past and health in a way without describing it in long, boring, explanatory paragraphs. I hope this was in fact a better approach.
> 
> As always:  
> Thank you for reading!!!!!  
> You all are so important to this story. If I'm ever behind, I just remind myself that there are a few people who are waiting for a new update, and that motivates me to write more.  
> Thank you all so much for your support so far, I promise chap. 14 is much more peaceful.
> 
> ~Picci


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THE END NOTES  
> Thank you!! :D

“How was your last session?” Shiro asked his brother as Keith got into the passenger seat of his car. 

Keith shrugged as he gave his answer. “It was fine. I’m just glad I’m finally done with it.”

“That’s good. But you can’t revert to your old self. You know you have to actually prove to me you can work through it on your own, right?”

Nodding, Keith said, “Yeah, of course. But it doesn’t change the fact that she’s annoying.”

“She’s a therapist, Keith. She’s only there to help you. Even if you don’t want her help.”

“Sure…”

With a content sigh, Shiro pulled out of the small parking lot and onto the main road. “At least you get to see your friends, that’s fun. Isn’t it?”

“Mhm.”

Shiro was quiet for a moment before he asked a risky question. “Are you feeling alright? You’re kind of… Quiet…”

“Just thinking…”

“About…?”

“About how this will be yet another Christmas without Dad.”

“Well that’s kind of depressing.” Shiro said with a sarcastic laugh. “Did you talk to—”

“Yeah and she just gave me more shitty tips on dealing with it.”

The vehicle fell silent. Shiro didn’t want to say anything that might rub Keith the wrong way, and Keith didn’t want to say much more than he already had. 

But Keith wasn’t heartless. He gave a long sigh before quietly apologizing. “I’m sorry… I just… It’s harder during the holidays.”

“It’s alright.” Shiro sounded understanding, as always. “It affects us both in different ways, and we handle it differently.”

“Do you think Dad would have ever gotten me a dog?”

“Nope.” Shiro barely got the word out without laughing. “If you had asked for a cat, he probably would have taken you to the shelter in a heartbeat.”

“Yeah, but cats are fucking assholes. Kosmo isn’t an asshole. He’s Man’s Best Friend.” Keith reached his hand into the backseat, earning a gentle, yet slobbery lick from Kosmo. “How could anyone say no to him?”

“How do you hate everything so much, yet have this tender spot in your heart for Kosmo. I don’t get it.”

Keith hummed quietly to himself, slowly shrugging his shoulders when no answer came to mind. “He’s… He’s Kosmo. He gets special treatment.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Keith didn’t get a chance to knock on the door before it swung open. 

“We did it, Keith! We made it through exams!” Pidge pulled their friend into the house and shut the door behind the both of them. “We’re all upstairs by the way.”

Kosmo started panting as an automatic reaction to Pidge’s excited tone. 

“I mean… Yeah, we did, but maybe we could not talk about exams…?”

“Oh, of course. We all kind of decided not to discuss them because we’re just tired and no one wants to think about school right now.”

With a slow nod, Keith gave a small grin. “Well that’s good.” After removing his shoes and hanging his jacket on the small coat rack by the front door, he stepped from the door and into the house. 

“Also!” Pidge suddenly blurted out. “Lance said he saw snowflakes a few minutes ago but no one believes him.”

“And you want me to verify his words…?”

“Nah. But come on. We’re all upstairs!” Pidge dragged Keith behind them the second they finished what they had said. 

“I can just follow you, you don’t have to pull me behind you.”

Letting go, Pidge sighed. “Fine. But you’re so slow.”

Keith opened his mouth to speak when someone else spoke. 

“Hey, Keith!” Hunk called to him from upstairs. “Sorry if Pidge is being chaotic. They get like this after exams end. They’re like an uncontrollable ball of energy and no one knows why.”

“No need to be so  _ rude _ !”

Keith made a low grumbling noise in an attempt to show his disapproval of the childish banter. “Well, you two can screw around arguing about whatever pleases you, but I’m going to head upstairs.”

As he headed up the stairs, he heard Pidge follow behind him. They seemed to be continuing the ‘conversation’ between them and Hunk, but in a hushed whisper, as if they didn’t want to draw attention to themselves. 

“So, how was today?” Hunk asked his friend when Keith reached the landing. 

Shrugging quickly, Keith said, “Not bad. I’m done with therapy so that’s fun.”

“Really? Man, that’s great!” Hunk congratulated Keith by patting him on his back. “Do you want a high five too?”

“Sure. Why not?” Keith felt like he was being humiliated by receiving a pat on the back  _ and _ a high five, but he really didn’t mind either gesture. 

“Yeah! You deserve it.” Hunk said enthusiastically as he gave his friend a high five. “You got through about four months worth of Meadview Hell, and hardly complained. Most kids drop out, so you're doing pretty good.”

Keith had heard the ‘most kids drop out’ spiel from many people many times, but it always seemed to make him feel a bit better about life. It was annoying and overused, but it was an entertaining short story and a good way to get his mind off of other, more negative, things. 

Led by Hunk and followed by Pidge, Keith made his way down the short corridor to Lance’s bedroom, where the final member of their chaotic group was. 

“Is he still staring out the window?” Pidge asked in disbelief as they entered the room. 

“Yup.” Hunk answered. “Maybe you should’ve just believed him.”

“You two are so childish.” Keith groaned as he took a seat on the soft carpet of Lance’s bedroom. Gently he undid the leather buckles on Kosmo’s harness, letting the dog roam the room as he pleased. Keith wasn’t supposed to allow his dog to go wherever he felt like going. He was told it would cause bad mannerisms, but he didn’t pay much attention to the little nit picky rules he had been given over the years. And this was just one room, Keith thought it couldn’t hurt. 

Kosmo shrunk back, pulling out of the harness as Keith removed it. He shook himself off and padded around the room until comfortable and sat down, letting out a happy whine. 

The high pitched clinking and jingling of his collar and tags signaled that the dog was receiving attention, which pleased Keith, as he liked it when his friends paid attention to his dog's wants. But since there was no audible words from the person— Hunk and Pidge typically spoke to Kosmo in a very childish way, blending four words into one— Keith figured it was Lance who was giving Kosmo the pets and pats. 

“Lance said he’s happy to see Kosmo again. And you.’’ Hunk informed Keith. 

“Thanks, Lance. Kosmo is probably happy to see you too.” Keith was still getting used to showing gratitude and being thankful. His words often came out wrong or skewed, not exactly matching up with how he wanted them too, but the message was received nonetheless. “Tell Lance that I believe he  _ did _ see snow, even if you all don’t.”

Shortly after he said that, Keith heard the childish noise of someone sticking out their tongue accompanied by a teasing tone. 

That made Keith laugh. He had always known Lance was quite the character, having a rather flamboyant and extra personality, but something about his childish acts and behavior were especially entertaining. 

There was a big difference between the two of them. 

Despite being in similar conditions, Keith being blind, and Lance being deaf, the two of them lead very different lives. Lance undoubtedly has his negative and somber moods and emotions, but he always seemed to show his happy and cheery side. Lance was always competitive and playful, going out of his way to make others smile or laugh. 

Keith was almost the exact opposite. He was learning how to be positive again. He doesn’t know what happiness is anymore. Unlike Lance, he’s not able to push through everything. Keith finds himself in a very negative mindset almost every day. But it would be unfair to disregard the fact that he is doing his best to enjoy himself more. And since August, he has found himself smiling and laughing quite a bit more. 

He still has a long way to go, but progress is being made. 

Suddenly, Keith felt someone’s hands on his own. He jumped slightly, unprepared for the feeling, but his nerves settled down quickly. 

For the past month, Lance, Pidge, and Hunk had been trying to get Keith to learn ASL, but most of what he was taught had left his mind by now. Language wasn’t his strong suit, and he found it hard to converse in a language he needed to see, but couldn’t. 

The only person, however, to teach him anything hands on, was Lance. 

Slowly, Lance placed Keith’s right hand over his own and made four different hand signs before lightly holding both of Keith’s hands and moving them in a very specific motion. Then he signed the first four again, making sure Keith could make out what he had done each time. 

“What is he saying…?” Keith asked hesitantly, doing his best to replicate four of the five signs Lance had shown him. 

“Uh… Can you show me?” Pidge asked, unable to read whatever Keith had ‘signed’. 

Nodding, he tried again, replicating what he thought Lance had done. 

There was a bit of silence before Pidge spoke again. “Oh! Snow. I couldn’t figure out what the first two were. But yeah. He signed snow. Fingerspelled it, then signed it.”

“Finger… what…?”

“Fingerspell.” Hunk repeated the word. “It’s basically signing, but only using the alphabet. Beginners use it to communicate words they don’t know, or names and some other stuff.”

“Lance wants you to remember that one. He says to sign it whenever it snows, so you can easily remember it.”

“Yeah, I’m not going to be able to do that.”

“Aw, come on..!” Pidge wasn’t exactly happy with Keith’s response. “It’s just four letters. And the sign is pretty simple too.”

With a sigh, Keith hung his head and shrugged. “I suck at this though. I don’t know what any of it means.”

“That’s why you practice.” As always, Hunk gave his advice with a kind and positive tone. 

“Fine, fine. I’ll practice this one.” Keith finally agreed to his friends’ pleas. Slowly, he tried to fingerspell the word ‘snow’. He knew ‘O’ and ‘W’, those were simple. ‘S’ and ‘N’ were a bit more challenging, but he did his best nonetheless. “Okay, so…” As he signed each letter, he said them aloud, hoping he had done it right. “S… N… O… W…?”

“Yay!” Pidge clapped their hands a few times, congratulating their friend on his accomplishments before saying, “now do some jazz hands to celebrate.”

“Really…?”

“Please?”

In an unenthusiastic and embarrassed tone, Keith mumbled, “Yay…” while making slow and lame jazz hands. “What is that?” He asked when he had finished his short and lousy display of congratulations. “Is it like clapping in sign language or…?”

“Kind of.” Their tone suggested they didn’t quite know the answer. “That’s what I was taught, so if it’s wrong, blame Lance.”

Slowly Keith nodded. “So exactly  _ how  _ did the three of you become friends?”

“That’s an odd question, even from you.” Hunk said matter of factly. “I don’t know if we really want to go into detail with that right now…”

“Why?” Keith asked from an innocent viewpoint. 

“Well…” Pidge extended the vowel sound to prove their hesitance. “It’s not all that fun to talk about. Plus I want to de-stress right now. And that story would do the opposite.”

With a slight shrug, Keith agreed to leave the topic alone. “Well, if you want to destress, could you all help me teach Kosmo how to fetch?”

“He doesn’t know how to fetch ...?”

Keith shook his head in response to Pidge’s question. “His trainers always told me not to treat him like a regular dog, so he doesn’t play with toys much, but that’s kind of boring.”

“I think I have some tennis balls in okay shape we can use.” Pidge informed their friend. “Bae-Bae more so chews up her toys than play with them, but if you're okay with it, we can go to my place.”

“I’m fine, and so is Lance.” Hunk said in a cheery tone. “It’ll be fun, you know, trying to play fetch with Kosmo.”

“Really? Wow, I didn’t expect you to agree to that so easily.”

“Are you kidding?” Pidge asked half jokingly. “I’d do anything, well, almost anything, to be able to play with Kosmo.”

Keith snapped his fingers a few times, calling Kosmo to him. He slipped the harness over the dog’s head, fastening the buckles as he always did. “I assume we’re walking.” Keith said as he clipped on Kosmo’s leash, checking the dog’s harness to make sure it had been fastened correctly. 

“Yeah, my place is a five minute walk. Thankfully it’s not too cold either.”

And with that, the four of them headed to Pidge’s home. Keith made sure to text Shiro and let him know where he was, not wanting to worry his brother if he turned up to Lance’s house to find that Keith was not there. 

Kosmo, who had never walked around the neighborhood in which Keith’s friends lived, was very interested in the smells and sounds, as well as sights around him. Although he kept close to Keith as his training had taught him to do, he was on high alert, occasionally turning his head to stare at something as he walked past. 

Lance had commented on Kosmo’s curious nature, saying that it was rather amusing to watch such a well behaved dog act like a curious little puppy. 

Once the four of them arrived at Pidge’s home, they went straight to the backyard. 

Keith had never been in their backyard. He had never been in anyone’s backyard. 

“It’s fenced in, so you can let him run loose.” Pidge suggested, their tone happy and cheery. “Hopefully he doesn’t mind smells too much. Bae Bae won’t touch anything if it smells like another dog she doesn’t know.”

“Well, seeing as Kosmo doesn’t even play fetch, I think smells are the least of our worries.” Keith replied with much amusement in his voice, carefully removing the harness as he spoke. “Kosmo doesn’t do much other than guide, whine and lick.”

“But that's what he’s been trained to do. He’s a good boy.” Hunk said, squatting down to provide Kosmo with attention. 

Keith shrugged, unclipping the leash from Kosmo’s collar. “Yeah… But I’m pretty sure you guys won’t be able to get him to fetch.”

There was a hollow smacking sound, which took Keith a moment to process what it was. A tennis ball. Pidge had clearly found one and was testing if it would bounce or not. 

“Stop giving up before you even try!” Pidge whined as they hurried back to where everyone was. “Kosmo might just surprise you.” Pausing only to breathe, Pidge said, “here. See if he’ll go after it.”

Keith took the tennis ball from Pidge, tossing it to the ground in an attempt to catch it when it bounced back up. 

To everyone’s surprise, Kosmo lunged forward and caught the ball. The tags on his collar made a satisfying jingling noise as he shook himself off, still holding the ball in his mouth. 

“See! He knows how to fetch!” Pidge exclaimed, as if making sure everyone knew their predictions were correct. 

“Maybe…” Keith, unlike his friend, wasn’t ready to accept that his guide knew how to play such a game. Dogs are natural hunters, but not natural fetchers. 

Kosmo dropped the ball at Keith’s feet, the hollow sphere dropping to the ground with a low thud. He panted a bit before sitting next to Keith again. 

“Throw it this time.”

“How far?” Keith asked Pidge. “I don’t want it to go over the fence.”

“Dude. This is the suburbs. Our backyards are huge. You can’t make it to the fence.”

Hunk burst out in laughter. “Lance just said ‘bet’! Keith! You better throw it over the fence!”

“What?! No! I’m trying to see if Kosmo will  _ fetch _ the ball, not if I can throw it over the fence!”

“Yeah, please don’t lose the ball. The neighbors back there are mean and never return it.”

Keith gave Hunk an ‘I told you so’ look before he bent down and picked up the tennis ball. “Pidge, how far?”

“Just toss it.  _ Lightly _ .”

Nodding, Keith did his best to toss the ball in front of him, hoping it went somewhere close to him, but not too close that Kosmo could get it without any effort.

“Go on, Kosmo!” Pidge said in their enthusiastic, dog-person tone. “Go get the ball!”

Kosmo, confused as to what he was supposed to do, looked up at Keith and whined. 

“Go on.” Keith pointed to where he had tossed the ball. “Fetch it.”

Again, Kosmo whined. He didn’t know what Keith wanted him to do, and he felt bad for not knowing. 

“The ball. The one I just threw. Go get it…!” Keith tried a more energized voice in hopes he would evoke some sort of feeling inside his dog to make him fetch. 

But his attempts were pointless. Kosmo didn’t fetch. He didn’t know how, and he certainly wasn’t interested in trying. 

“Well, we tried.” Keith said with a sigh, stroking Kosmo’s ear to let him know all was alright. “Kosmo doesn’t know how to fetch, and that’s okay.”

“You have all of break, maybe you can try to teach him.” Hunk suggested. “Lance said he’d help you out if you want, although he’s not really a dog person.”

“I am aware that Lance sides with the feline enemy, and it's fine if he wants to help, but I probably won’t try much. He’s not  _ supposed  _ to be a pet. He’s a working service dog.”

“Sure, but more importantly, why  _ don’t  _ you like cats?”

“Pidge, that is none of your business.”

“Aw… Did a wittw kitty scwatch you when you were just a wittw baby?” Pidge asked in a teasing tone. 

“What?! No! I have a rational fear of cats. They’re demons!”

“They’re nine pounds. They’re tiny fuzz balls.” Hunk said, clearly a cat person by the way he said ‘fuzz balls’ with such a loving and sweet tone. 

“No. They’re demons. They don’t like me, and I don’t like them.”

“But why?!” Pidge was desperate to know why Keith was so against cats. “I’m a dog person myself, but I don’t hate cats.”

Keith groaned as he gave into their questioning. He knew Pidge would never let it go, and would continue to ask him over and over again until he answered them. “Fine. I was a kid, maybe third grade or so. Shiro and I found a little cat near the school, and we thought we should take it home. I went to go pet it and it attacked me. So yes, cat’s  _ are _ demons. It bit my hand and scratched by neck. That’s why I don’t like cats.”

“Dang, Keith. That  _ sucks _ .” Pidge sounded as if they felt bad for asking. They probably did. “That’s a good reason to hate cats…”

“Lance had a kitten once.” Hunk said, changing the subject. “He was a little calico. Lance wanted it to be his kitty, but it only liked Veronica. But then it ran away. There’s a picture at his house of him holding Flash— that’s what they named it— when they brought it home. I don’t think his parents were very happy about owning a pet.”

“Probably because it was a cat.” Keith said, knowing full well that his negative comments were less than necessary. 

“Okay, so maybe we don’t all like cats, but we can  _ all _ agree that Kosmo is a very good boy.”

Keith nodded, a soft smile on his lips. “Yeah… Kosmo is a very good boy…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it is the Internal Week of the Deaf, I feel as though I need to say this. Lance is NOT perfect. Please do not assume that Lance is a happy go lucky teenager with zero issues. Lance has MANY complications because of his condition and because of his surroundings. But he is able to ‘fake’ a cheery persona because he does not want his friends/family/those around him to worry. He is selfless. So is Keith, but in a much different way. Keith doesn’t care about himself to the point where it became detrimental to his health (his reasons for needing counseling). While Lance is selfless in that he puts others before himself. He still tries to take care of himself, mentally and physically, but occasionally falls short. Regardless, he always makes sure to mask whatever feelings he has to be as positive and cheery as he can be. I know this chapter was not about Lance, but I NEEDED to explain this ASAP. I meant to publish this last week, but totally forgot and feel terrible. And if you don't completely understand what I'm getting at/want more, don't worry, this will all be explained in a few chapters.  
> Please please please PLEASE do not assume that just because Keith and Lance are ‘opposites of a spectrum’ that Lance has a perfect mental/physical/overall well being.  
> Sorry for the lengthy note. It is important. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and for your understanding.  
> ~Picci


	15. Chapter 15

Lance pulled on his winter jacket, slipped on his boots and grabbed a pair of gloves and a hat before writing a note to his parents on a piece of paper and sliding it under their bedroom door. 

_‘Rachel and I went outside to play in the snow. We’ll be back soon._

_-Lance’_

Although he and Rachel were six months short of being seventeen, the two were still children at heart when it came to the winter season. Little snow had fallen for the past two weeks. There had been a ‘White Christmas’, but after Boxing Day— December 26th — there had been no sightings of more than just a few stray snow flurries. Today, January 6th, the students of Meadview High School were supposed to return to school to start the third quarter, but the night before, nearly two feet of snow had fallen and the roads had completely iced over. 

Rachel grabbed her phone and her house keys from the kitchen counter, dashing out the front door after her brother. 

Watching his sister fiddle with the keys, Lance bent down and picked up a handful of snow. It was hard and firm, good for making snowballs. Just as he saw her turn towards him, he threw the hastily made snowball at her. 

The snowball exploded in a puff of white powder as it hit Rachel’s right shoulder. 

‘Lance!’ She signed angrily. ‘That’s not fair! I wasn’t even off the porch yet!’

‘You’re just salty because I got the first hit.’

Rachel flipped her brother of before she jumped off the porch, nearly face planting from the slippery ice, and ran after her brother. 

Doing his best to conceal his laughter, Lance hurried towards the street, hoping to make it to the sidewalk before his sister could toss her own snowball towards him. 

Had Lance seen his sister slip on their porch? Yes, yes he had. Did his mind warn him that the sidewalk might also be covered in ice? No, no it did not. Lance was far too energized and excited to make connections of any kind. 

He took one step onto the sidewalk and wiped out. 

His feet slipped out from underneath him and down he went, falling to the ground. 

Rachel quickly caught up with her brother, stopping short of the sidewalk, not wanting to slip like her brother had. ‘That’s what you get for disrespecting your elders.’ Rachel teased, squatting in the grass next to her brother. 

‘Elder? You’re my twin!’

‘I’m older than you, Lance. By ten whole minutes.’

‘Fuck your ten minutes, my ass hurts!’ 

Rachel tried to keep her assertive and authoritative face, but she lost it after what Lance said. She started laughing, immediately telling Lance about her point of view, how she saw him slip and fall. 

Lance gave his sister the stink eye, tossing a handful of snow at her face. ‘You’re such a bully, Rachel.’

‘I’m your sister. You’re my brother. We’re meant to bully each other.’

Pouting, Lance got to his feet, brushing the snow from his pants. ‘It hurts so bad.’

‘At least you put ice on it.’

‘Not funny.’ Lance signed, stepping onto the snowy grass next to the sidewalk. ‘Let’s go.’ He told Rachel, slowly walking towards the end of the street. 

The two walked for a moment in silence, without conversation of any kind. 

After almost a block of walking with no communication, Rachel tapped her brother’s shoulder, waited for him to look and asked him a question. ‘Why don’t we invite your friends to come with us?’

‘Do you think they’re up?’ Lance asked, raising an eyebrow as if to suggest that Rachel’s idea was a terrible one. 

‘Pidge doesn’t sleep. We both know that. But Hunk might be awake. It doesn’t hurt to ask.’

With a slight shrug, Lance brought his phone out of his pocket, pulled up the chat with him and his three friends and typed out his message before sending it. 

_‘Rachel and I are headed to the park. Do you want to meet us there?’_

Not two seconds after Lance’s text was delivered, did a small notification pop up at the bottom of his screen. 

_‘Keith is typing…’_

The notification said. 

_‘What park?’_

Lance couldn’t help but give a little smile after reading Keith’s reply. 

_‘Denhill Park. Near my house.’_

Lance replied. 

The notification popped up again and Lance waited for the reply. 

_‘Can I get a ride back home?’_

Lance showed his phone to his sister, in a sense, asking her if she could drive Keith home if he were to come. 

Rachel nodded, signing, ‘Of course, I can take him home.’

Lance signed a quick ‘thank you’ and told Keith that Rachel could drive him home afterwards. 

_‘Thanks. I’ll be there in a few minutes, depends on when Shiro gets his shit together.’_

_‘Bring Kosmo.’_

Lance quickly replied. He knew Keith took Kosmo everywhere, he had to, but Lance was used to asking people to bring their pets places. And he also wanted to see Kosmo again. 

_‘Pidge is typing…’_

This notification didn’t surprise Lance in the slightest. What did surprise him, however, was how long it had taken them to reply. 

_‘I’ll bring Bae Bae. But it’ll be a few minutes until I get there. So sleepy.’_

_‘See you two soon.’_

Lance put his phone into sleep mode, slid it into his pocket, and began walking to the park again. 

Rachel followed closely behind her brother, allowing him to go first in case there was ice. She thought he should be the one to lead, and made it clear that it was because she ‘trusted him to take a good path’. When in actuality, she didn’t want to slip or trip on anything. 

A few more blocks and a short hill later, the seventeen year old twins made it to their destination. Rachel took off immediately, running in front of Lance and hiding behind a tree. She was eager to get back at her brother for hitting her with a snowball. 

Lance slipped behind a large tree nearby and pulled out his phone. 

_‘Rachel is being so childish. Please hurry.’_

A few seconds passed and a message from Keith popped up on his screen. 

_‘Why is this park so fucking big? Where are you?’_

_‘South side. On Dearborn Street.’_

Keith sent a series of messages, all short and concise. _‘Shit.’_ He had typed. _‘I’m not there.’_ Followed by _‘Please come find me.’_

Lance giggled quietly, pulling up his message with Rachel and letting her know he was calling for a time out. Finding her behind the tree which she had hid behind, Lance explained to her that he would be back soon, but had to go find Keith who had been dropped off on the wrong side of the park. Adding that his friend was probably lost. 

Rachel replied with a simple, ‘that sucks’ before wishing her brother luck in finding him. ‘He’s probably dressed in all black.’ She signed. ‘His emo attired will stand out against the snow.’

‘Yeah, thanks for the tip. I know what my own friend looks like.’

Lance hurried off to find his friend. He knew how Keith wasn’t a fan of being in new spaces, and didn’t want him to become uncomfortable or unhappy. 

But Denhill Park is huge. 

It takes over ten minutes to walk from the South end to the North end. And that’s not including the sidewalk route, which is even longer. 

However, Lance had time on his side. He had spent many hours here since he was just a young child. He knew the fastest ways around, and the longest. Lance knew where to go. His only issue was, that he didn’t know which street Keith had been dropped off on.

_‘What street are you on?’_

Lance asked his friend as he walked. 

He got a reply back immediately. _‘idk.’_

_‘That’s okay. I’m looking for you. Just stay put so I can find you easily.’_

So he didn’t know what street Keith had been dropped off on, which would make this harder, but Lance didn’t have much choice. He couldn’t not look for his friend. It wasn’t like he was looking for Pidge or Hunk who knew Denhill Park like the back of their hands. This was Keith. 

He would simply have to check each side of the park. 

And he did. 

Lance checked the East side first, but there was no sign of his friend. 

Nor was there sign of Keith on the North side. In fact, it looked as though the only people at the park were Lance, Rachel and Keith— wherever he was. No footprints presented themselves to Lance’s eyes. No children, no dogs. No one. Just the three of them. 

Lastly, he checked the West side of the park. By process of elimination, Keith _had_ to be on this side. 

And he was. 

Lance covered his mouth as he tried to hold in his laughter. His friend looked like a young child. 

Keith was curled up under a small tree. Kosmo

was in his lap. The two looked like they were huddling together to keep warm, but Keith had a winter coat on, along with a scarf, gloves and a beanie. And if Lance’s eyes had not deceived him, Kosmo had on a sweater and little boots. 

Hurrying over to his friend, Lance knelt down in front of Keith, slowly fingerspelling, ‘I found you’ in Keith’s palm. 

Although he knew close to nothing when it came to the ASL alphabet, Keith seemed to figure out what Lance had signed to him. Keith did his best to spell out the word ‘thank’ and then pointed to Lance. 

There was a sign to say ‘thank you’, and Lance was definitely used to official signs, rather than Keith’s made up ones, but he got Keith’s gratitude nonetheless. 

Kosmo stretched in Keith’s lap, hopping to the ground and shaking himself off. He seemed to smile at Lance, the way dogs do when they see a friend they haven’t seen in a while. The dog panted a few times and rubbed his face against Lance’s thigh. 

‘I missed you, Kosmo. Don’t tell Keith though, please.’ Lance signed, a cheeky smile on his lips. Bending over, Lance took ahold of Keith’s hands, pulling his friend to his feet. ‘Let’s go.’ He signed, waiting for Keith to nod before leading his friend to where he and Rachel had been. 

Lance walked a little faster than his friend, but he made sure to stay near him. He was leading him after all. 

Things were going well when something hit Lance in the back of his neck. Something solid and cold. Flakey and wet. 

Turning around he saw Keith standing there, a look of surprise in his face, his gloves covered in snow. He began laughing, something Lance didn’t expect him to do. 

Quickly, Lance typed out the word ‘cheater’ and let his AI speak the word to Keith. ‘That’s a penalty for you.’ 

That only made Keith laugh even more. 

Lance had never seen his friend look so merry, nor laugh. A real laugh. Not just a little chuckle or a smirk. This was a real laugh. 

Lance only wished he could hear his friend’s laugh. He looked so happy. Keith hadn’t looked this happy. Ever. Slowly, Lance began to smile, and soon he was giggling along with Keith. 

Something about how others reacted influenced how Lance reacted. He was happiest when those around him were happy. 

And right now, Keith was very happy. 

Gently taking ahold of Keith’s wrist, Lance pulled his friend through the snow filled park, looking back every now and then to make sure his friend was still happy. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


‘What took you so long?’ Rachel asked, placing her hands on her hips and pouting dramatically. 

‘Sorry. We got a bit off task.’ Lance answered, brushing snow off of his jacket and pants. ‘Sorry.’

With a sigh, Rachel shook her head and signed, ‘whatever. You two are on a team.’

‘Team?’

Nodding, Rachel answered her brother’s question. ‘Yeah. Team. Pidge got here a while ago and they want to have a snowball fight.’

Lance turned to Keith and signed ‘Snowball fight. Okay?’

He watched Keith frown, say something and point to his eyes. 

Keith’s actions caused Lance to frown himself. He had forgotten that a major part of snowball fights is aiming at the opposition, and if his assumptions were correct, Keith had poor aim due to his lack of vision. 

With quick fingers, Lance typed out a simple question. 

_‘Can you make snowballs?’_

After hearing the question, Keith gave a small, hesitant nod. 

_‘Good. It takes me a while to make one. You can be my backup.’_

To that, Keith seemed to perk up, but his positive facial features quickly reverted to his typical gloomy expression. He spoke to Rachel, and he looked apologetic. 

‘Keith says he’s never been in a snowball fight. At least not since he was a kid.’ Rachel signed, interpreting his words for her brother. 

‘Tell him it’s okay.’ Lance instructed her. ‘If he’s got me on his team, we’re sure so win.’

Keith immediately began to protest the game. He was doubting his ability to not only participate, but to also contribute to his and Lance’s two man team. Unlike Lance and Rachel— and Pidge once they joined the small huddle —Keith was not all that gung-ho about playing in the snow. 

‘It’ll be fun.’ Pidge signed their words as they spoke, including Lance in the conversation. 

‘Yeah!’ Rachel added. ‘The winning team gets to relax by the fire pit while the others make hot cocoa.’

Keith seemed to take no interest in Rachel’s offer. He shook his head slowly and stepped back. 

‘Keith doesn’t want to make it competitive. He wants to just have some fun.’ Rachel made sure to sign Keith’s words to Lance. 

Lance nodded and smiled. ‘That’s okay. We don’t have to make a whole game out of it. We can just mess around for a bit before going home to warm up.’

Waiting for his sister to finish telling Keith what he had said, Lance watched Keith closely, hoping to see a positive response and reaction to his suggestion. 

As Keith gave his answer, Lance saw Rachel sign something and quickly focused his attention on her again. 

‘Deal.’ She signed. ‘No official game. Just four idiot teens running around at Denhill Park.’

‘Four teens and two dogs.’ Lance added with a smile. 

He looked forward to this activity. 

It would be fun. 

Although it sucked that Hunk couldn’t be here with them all, Lance enjoyed spending time with at least two of his friends. 

Especially Keith. 

For the first time, Lance got to see Keith’s playful side. Never before had Keith been in such a good and energetic mood. He looked so happy. And was surprisingly very competitive despite not wanting to make a big deal about who wins or loses. 

After the four were tired out and frozen from head to toe, they walked the few blocks back to Lance’s house. Pidge had to carry Bae Bae as her paws had gotten too cold. 

The four warmed up by the fire as Lance’s father made them all a cup of hot cocoa. Keith sat a few feet from the fire, which confused Lance, but he didn’t question it. Keith did strange things sometimes that Lance didn’t understand, so he rarely questioned the things Keith did. 

Hunk joined the group for hot cocoa, as it was later in the day and not just after seven in the morning. 

They would return to school the next day, and for Lance, there was no better way to spend his final day of his winter break than with his friends. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this. It was so fun to write this!  
> Personally, I think that sibling relationships are really important, which you'll see over the course of the next few chapters-- in many different ways.  
> Lance and Rachel have a really special bond, similar to that of Pidge and Matt, loving, but also teasing. Hopefully I was able to illustrate that in this chapter.  
> And yes, there is a reason why Keith was sitting away from the others at the end, I think chapter 12-13 kind of explained why :)
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading and for your support!!  
> ~Picci  
> [I was recently asked about fan art/my art of this au, and yesssssssss fan creations of this are totally okay. I would love to see them if you do them. There is a hashtag on instagram, klsoundsofdarkness , and that's where I post all of my art related to it. SO! If you ever think 'why not do a doodle' or whatever, that's a tag you can share it to!]


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> -Mentions of abuse   
> -Mentions of suicide

“Shiro! Come on! I’m going to be late!” Keith yelled from the kitchen. “Just because you don’t have class doesn’t mean I don’t!” 

Shoving his tuna sandwich into a plastic bag, he tossed the butt of the bread to the floor for Kosmo. Keith dropped his sandwich into his lunch bag and zipped it up. 

Still, Shiro was absolutely silent. 

“Shiro!” Keith called his brother again. “I swear to god, if you don’t get out here right now I am going to kill you.”

Finally, Shiro’s bedroom door opened and he stepped out. “What on earth are you yelling about?”

“Um, what do you mean ‘what am I yelling about’?! It’s seven forty! We have to go!”

“Oh, shit. Already?!”

“Yes! What have you been doing?!” Grabbing his backpack, Keith headed for the door, hastily slipping on his shoes. “Did you forget?!”

“No, of course not. Let me put on something acceptable and I’ll be right out to drive you.”

Keith moaned as he leaned against the door. “Hurry up! I don’t want to be late!”

A minute went by, a minute of silence. Keith kept checking the time on his phone, yet each time, it still said 7:43. 

Finally, Shiro joined Keith by the front door, apologizing profusely. “Keith, I am so sorry. I completely lost track of time.”

“Quit apologizing and just get in the car and drive.” 

Keith unlocked the door and stepped out, Kosmo following right at his heels. He waited until Shiro had locked the door before walking to the parking garage where the car was located. 

Kosmo was lucky enough to have his natural winter coat, and a sweater, plus his little boots which he was still getting used to. Keith on the other hand, didn’t have much more than a small coat and a beanie. He had accidentally left his gloves and scarf at Lance’s house the day before. He’d get them back today, but not until after he had already walked a fair distance in the cold outdoors. 

The snow crunched beneath his feet, and occasionally he or Shiro slipped a bit on the ice. Although the slip and scratch of boots on ice made Keith’s skin crawl, he found the crunch and crush of the snow to be quite pleasant. That sound of snow being squashed and pact together by boots helped calm his nerves, even in the strangest of times. What didn’t help was the frozen patches on the parking garage. Snow on cars often melts when the engine is running, but then freezes back over if it’s on the ground for too long. 

Keith and Shiro strategically maneuvered through the garage until they made it to the car, and somehow neither of them slipped. 

Opening the back door, Keith tossed in his backpack and lunchbox, and then asked Kosmo to hop inside. Once Kosmo was comfortable, he closed the door and climbed into the front seat. 

“So, what happened this morning?” Keith asked his brother, using a much calmer tone than before. 

“I overslept, I’m sorry.”

Nodding, Keith asked another question. “Was that perhaps because you were absolutely shit faced last night?”

“I wasn’t shit faced, Keith. I had had a few drinks with some friends. There’s a difference.”

Keith simply shrugged. He didn’t believe his brother. “Who were these friends? Because the last time we talked, you weren’t into drinking like your classmates are.”

“Do you want me to drive you to school or not?”

“Answer my question.”

“Why does it matter?” 

“Because it matters! Now answer my question.”

Sighing, Shiro reluctantly answered his brother’s question. While most people would think this was an invasion of privacy, these two had always been open and honest about their social circles. They looked out for one another and always made sure they did what was best for not only themselves but for the other. “It was two people. Just me and two others. You actually know them.”

“Okay, fine. But you  _ passed out _ last night.”

“It was one in the morning, and why were you up? If you care so much about school, then why were you awake?”

“Because I was waiting for you to get home!” Keith snapped. “In case you forgot, I am actually being medicated for anxiety, which spikes when I don’t know where the fuck you are! So yes, it  _ was _ important that I was awake until you got home!”

“Then take your medications…! Maybe that would help…?!”

“You’re  _ not _ the one who’s ‘broken’, Shiro! Don’t tell me what to do!”

Kosmo let out a loud, worried bark, whining a couple of times before barking twice more. 

“Just… Drive…” Keith said quietly. “We can talk later…”

Listening to his brother’s request, Shiro put the car in reverse, pulled out of the parking space, shifted gears to drive, and headed for Meadview High. 

The car ride was silent. 

Neither of them talked.

Kosmo made the occasional sniff or yawn, but other than that, the car was void of sound.

Keith was mad at his brother. He didn’t believe him and he suspected Shiro was lying. He never wants to talk to someone if he’s in a bad mood, and especially despises talking to someone he is angry with.

After a few minutes on the road, Shiro turned into the school parking lot, the chatter of students muffled by the car’s body.

“And we made it on time.” Shiro quietly commented. “Go, have fun on your first day back, and try to smile.”

“Sure, thanks.”

Without saying anything else to his brother, Keith stepped out of the vehicle, collected his bag and his dog and walked up to the front of the school.

Per routine, Kosmo led Keith from the front of the school to the classrooms. By now, Keith doubted he needed Kosmo to guide him around Meadview. He knew the school well enough to walk alone, but even with his gained knowledge of the school’s layout, he didn’t feel comfortable without Kosmo at his side.

Thankfully, he made it to his homeroom class before the bell rang.

“Yay, Keith is here!” Pidge sounded as happy as always. “We thought you caught a cold from the snow and freezing temperatures yesterday. Are you alright?”

“Yeah…” Keith answered, taking his seat next to his friends. 

There were four blocks of homeroom a year. One at the beginning of each quarter. It was twenty minutes long for first and third quarter, and fifteen minutes long for second and fourth. Keith enjoyed homeroom since it was a period of time in which he didn’t need to do anything but sit and relax. Most students used it as a study period or for finishing their homework last minute. Keith, however, used homeroom for ‘socializing’. He would talk with Hunk and Pidge for the entire period.

At least, that’s what he had done last time. 

But this time, he wasn’t so sure. He didn’t feel like talking much. 

“Are you sure…? You look… down…”

“I’m fine, Hunk. Just tired.” He paused for a second before adding, “Shiro forgot he had to drive me to school.”

“What?” Pidge sounded so surprised. “Dang, that sucks. If you ever need a ride, you can always ask me or Hunk.”

“Thanks…”

Hunk tapped his fingers on his desk a few times, hummed, and said, “Well, on the plus side, you  _ did _ make it here on time.  _ And _ you’re lucky we start with homeroom today…!” 

Keith gave an emotionless smirk. “That’s true… But still… He has  _ always _ been there when I need him. Why not today…?”

“Who knows.” Pidge said with a sigh. “But I doubt he’s giving up on you. You guys are bros, brothers, compañeros! You have to stick together. I’m sure he just messed up and probably feels badly for it. Matt and I had a few moments like that, especially when I came out as non binary, but we worked through it. That’s what siblings do…!” 

The optimism in their voice rubbed off on Keith. He tried to hide it with a shrug, but the corners of his lips tilted up into a smile. “Yeah… I hope so.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“Keith…” Shiro spoke hesitantly as he sat across the dinner table from his brother. “Can we… Can we talk about this morning?”

“Sure.” Answered Keith, who had blocked out the incident from memory almost entirely. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize it was so late, and I am so sorry that I could have made you late for school.”

Ignoring his brother’s apology, Keith wanted to ask his own questions. “Thanks for the apology, but that’s  _ not _ what I wanted to hear.” He didn’t care about whether or not Shiro was sorry. He already knew Shiro felt badly for what happened. But he didn’t know what caused the whole ordeal. That was what he wanted from his brother. Not an apology. He wanted to know what Shiro had done the night before. And so he asked. “Where were you if you didn’t get ‘shit faced’?”

“I told you…” His brother answered, his tone suggesting he felt hurt by Keith’s question. “I was out with some friends. I already told you.”

“Yeah, sure, but you and I both know you don’t just go off with your friends and then forget about your responsibilities.”

“Keith, what are you getting at? Do you think I did something or that I don’t care about you anymore? I already told you what happened, and apologized. What more do you want?”

Keith shrugged, slightly biting his lower lip before he spoke. “I just want to know where you were for four hours yesterday. You’ve never left for so long without telling me, so how am I supposed to just believe you right away?”

“I… I don’t know. But you know me. I don’t do things behind people’s backs. I’m sorry I came home late, and that I didn’t tell you were I was. I’m sorry I slept in and almost made you late for school.” Shiro’s apology was sincere. He meant it. Shiro always meant his apologies. 

“So maybe I don’t believe you. You’re not just going to let it go, are you?”

“Well I can’t force you to believe in something you don’t.”

The teenager sighed, tapped his finger to the table a couple of times and exhaled. “Who were you with?”

“Keith, as much as I respect you and our agreement to be open with each other, I don’t think this is necessary.”

“But you want me to trust you, don’t you?”

“Yes…”

“Then tell me, Shiro. Who were these people you were with for  _ four whole hours. _ ”

“Just friends from my classes. It’s not important.”

“It’s a  _ question _ . I would answer the same one if you ask me.”

Shiro scoffed. “You absolutely would not. You never answer any of my questions. I ask you how your day was, you say ‘fine’. I ask you what you did, you say ‘not much’. You  _ don’t  _ answer my questions. Ever. Two words isn’t an answer.”

“That’s because I don’t like talking! You would know that if you actually paid attention to my health. But  _ clearly  _ you’re more interested in your  _ friends  _ than your own  _ brother _ .”

“You can’t control what I do, Keith. I’m trying to be there for you, but it’s hard when you don’t say anything.”

“Well maybe you should actually try and spend more time with me, your  _ brother _ , and not that guy you’re so desperate to fuck!”

“So now I’m not even allowed to find happiness?!”

“I’m your  _ brother _ ! You  _ promised  _ me you’d be here for me!”

“I can have a boyfriend and still look after you, Keith! Just because I’m not with you 24/7 doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”

“Statistically, you  _ can’t _ .” Keith muttered under his breath. “Remember Adam? Remember what he did?”

“Don’t drag him into this, please. I know he wasn’t the best of people, but—”

“Not the best of people?! Are you fucking with me?!” Keith slammed his hands down on the table in front of him, the sounds silverware and glass hitting one another was so loud. He didn’t expect to use so much force. “He was a  _ monster _ !” He shouted, getting to his feet. “How dare you talk like that! You  _ know _ what he did to me! You  _ know  _ what he said to me! He manipulated me! He messed with my head! He took advantage of me!”

“Keith, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—“

“No! You don’t get to just apologize! Adam  _ hated _ me! He wished I had died! He wanted you to abandon me! I thought of killing myself because of him! I was just a  _ kid _ , but I wanted to hang myself because of  _ your _ boyfriend! All you ever told me was to just ignore him and to just focus on myself and my studies! That was  _ all _ you  _ ever _ said to me! That’s all I got from you. From my  _ brother _ until—” Keith suddenly stopped. He took a deep breath and continued, but his voice cracked several times when he spoke again. “Until you found me trying to make a noose out of sheets. I was  _ fourteen _ ! I wanted to hang myself because of Adam! So don’t you  _ dare  _ tell me that I shouldn’t be concerned about you and relationships, because the last person you thought was your Romeo wanted me dead.”

“I know, and I-”

“No you don’t know! You  _ don’t _ know how that felt! You  _ don’t _ understand! Adam  _ abused _ me! He would hit me all the time! He tormented me! He treated me like  _ shit _ !” Keith paused for a second, just enough time to breathe before he went on. “I heard his conversations with you. I was ‘useless’, a ‘ _ burden _ ’, I ‘got in the way’. He tried  _ so  _ hard--  _ so very hard _ \-- to make me leave! He told me I would be better off at an orphanage! Adam drove a blind and grieving teenager to a point so far from happiness all by himself. He made me want to commit suicide! And you  _ know _ I would’ve done it. I would’ve hung myself from  _ anywhere _ I could find all because of him! How  _ dare _ you tell me to be kind to him, to not ‘drag him into this’. I have  _ every _ right to drag him through the dirt after what he did to me. I am allowed to question your actions because I didn’t the last time. And because I didn’t, I almost killed myself.”

“Keith—”

“Just shut up.  _ Please _ . Shut up.” Slowly and quietly, Keith left the dinner table. He walked to his room and went inside, shutting the door behind him immediately. 

Kosmo scratched at his door, hoping Keith would let him in. Since the argument began, Kosmo had been barking at Keith, whining at him. But Keith hadn’t noticed any noise or action from his dog. 

“Go away…” He mumbled, hitting the door with his fist as he slid down the wall to his knees. Keith heard Kosmo bark once, followed by a worried howl. “No…! Go see Shiro…! I’m done with listening to you and him…”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


The plush carpet made a soft scraping noise as the bottom of the wooden door slid across it. Keith had fallen asleep on his bed shortly after he had entered his room, and though he was awake now, he didn’t look over his shoulder nor give his brother any sort of attention. Not even when he spoke. 

“Hey, Keith… I just came to check on you. I put your dinner in the fridge for you… That is, if you want it.”

“I’m not hungry…” Keith muttered, squeezing his pillow tightly. 

“Can we… Can we talk?” 

“Why…? You clearly don’t understand—”

“Please stop. Stop saying that. I am  _ so _ sorry. I lost my temper and I regret everything I said. I’m sorry for not thinking about how my actions could impact you. Everything you said was right and true. I am your brother, and if I don’t respect you or your wishes, then that’s just wrong. Adam was awful to you, and I am  _ so sorry _ for everything he ever did or said to you. I  _ never _ wanted you to hurt yourself. We were both so lost and confused after Dad passed away, and I thought that staying with him would help, but I know now that it didn’t. I should’ve known then, but I was stupid. I took everything for granted, and I don’t ever want to worry about losing you again. I can’t go through that again.”

“Where’s Kosmo…?” Keith asked, trying to ignore his brother’s words. “I want him here with me…”

Shiro patted his lag and whistled, and sure enough, Kosmo came running. The soft jingle of his tags faded for a split second before the dog jumped up onto Keith’s bed and curled up next to him, shoving his body into the small space between Keith’s chest and the edge of the bed.

“I just don’t understand why it took you so long to leave him…”

“Because I was scared. I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I had to take care of you, and I am so sorry for everything that happened.”

Keith would have remained silent. He would have pet Kosmo’s ears for an hour, or however long it took to fall asleep. He would have, but something unusual met his ears. Slowly, he sat up, turning to face his brother. “Shiro…? Are you… Crying…?”

“No, I’m not crying.”

A soft, almost touched smile appeared on Keith’s lips. He knew his brother was lying that time. “I know what your stupid whimpers sound like…”

“Please stop bypassing what I’m saying.” Shiro begged. “I need to know you’re hearing my words and not just ignoring them because it’s easier to do so.”

The teenager nodded slowly. “I hear you… And… I owe you an apology… I just… You know… With everything that’s happened… I can’t…”

“It’s okay.” His voice was so calm and sweet, so reassuring and tender. “I understand what you’re trying to say.” Shiro paused for a moment and asked, “Forgive me for intruding on your own responsibilities, but is it possible you’ve been skipping on your meds?”

Keith didn’t answer immediately. He began to shrug as he heard his brother approach his bed. 

Shiro took a seat next to Keith and sighed. “I’m going to assume that’s a yes.”

“It makes me feel weird…” Keith admitted. “All of them.”

“How so…?”

“The mood stimulators make me feel too happy, and it’s scary. But when they run out for the day, it’s like a drop on a roller coaster. It’s an automatic drop back into my depression. It messes me up, and it scares me. Which makes my anxiety worse. And then that makes my mood worse, which then--”

“It’s alright, I get what you mean.” Shiro said with a slight chuckle. “It’s a spiral. If I know one thing about your mental state, it’s that you have negative spirals.”

“Mhm…”

“Why don’t you try only taking half of the pills?” Shiro suggested. “I mean, half a pill each day. To use your metaphor, it’s more like a kiddie coaster. Sure, you might still have that nasty drop, but it’ll be less since the climb was less.”

That sounded like an okay idea to Keith. “Yeah… I can try that.”

“And… Could I maybe schedule you for a meeting with your counselor?”   
“Absolutely not!” Keith was quick to go against his brother’s wishes. “I can’t stand her.”

With a sigh, Shiro suggested it differently. “I know. But it’s been a few weeks. Why not just thirty minutes. Just to check in. It might be beneficial. If so, maybe we try once a month instead of weekly.”

“Will it make you shut up and calm down a bit?”

“Probably”

Keith took a deep breath, exhaling dramatically as he spoke. “I suppose half an hour wouldn’t hurt… But I’m  _ only _ doing this to make you feel better… You know how much I despise those meetings...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone says anything, no, I don't hate Adam. I really liked his character in the show and do feel badly for making him out to be such a terrible person to Keith. But I needed to give an explanation to his and Shiro's separation, and in a modern, non-space-related way. Plus, it adds to Keith's background and character. In case anyone is offended by the way I made Adam a cruel person, I am sorry, but you have to understand that certain things have to happen for character and plot development.  
> This chapter was under the works--so to speak--for a while. I didn't quite know how to write this, and originally I was going to go into more detail about where Shiro was, but I scrapped that to focus on Keith and the incidents with him and Adam. Also, I needed that ending scene because if you know me, I hate leaving things on a sad/unpleasant note. I also wanted Shiro to apologize to his brother and offer help, which I hope worked to enforce his loving and nurturing character.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading!!  
> ~Picci


	17. Chapter 17

‘It’s not fair!’ Lance signed angrily to his mother. ‘I’m trying so hard in school and when I complain about the unfair treatment, I’m punished because it’s my fault I’m behind!’

‘You know how they are, Lance.’ She signed back. ‘Public school teachers aren’t as considerate and caring towards deaf students as those at South Hill were.’

Her response didn’t please Lance. ‘But it’s not fair! I can’t help that I’m abnormal! I didn’t choose to be deaf. I’m trying just as hard as everyone else— no. I’m trying harder than my peers and even then, all I can get are C’s. And it’s my fault, because I’m deaf!’

He was absolutely correct. Lance was expected to perform and learn at the same level as his peers even with his congenital disadvantage. Because Lance was at a mainstream public school, he was expected to receive certain grades for certain tasks, assignments, quizzes and tests. But for Lance, school is more than a bit unfair. 

For the past eight years, Lance had become accustomed to the norms and expectations of his schooling environment, but he had never been able to adapt to them. 

Like many deaf and hard of hearing people, Lance isn’t able to learn in the classic classroom setting. That’s why he’s always in a class with his friends or his sister, so that he can ask questions and receive answers in a convenient and timely way. 

But just because he has an interpreter, doesn’t mean everything is perfect. 

‘I’m trying so hard to get my grades up, but what am I supposed to do, Mom?’ He asked, desperate for answers. ‘At this point, my GPA is so low that colleges won’t want me. How am I supposed to achieve anything in life if I can’t even perform well on simple assignments?’

‘Now you know that isn’t true.’ His mother was quick to halt her son’s self deprecating thoughts. ‘You are a very smart boy. You know so much more than your peers. Grades don’t define you. Your actions do. You’re special, Lance. Maybe school isn’t so easy for you, but it was hard for Marco too. And he’s doing quite well in university now.’

Lance shook his head. He disagreed with her and signed his thoughts in hopes that she would see things from his perspective. ‘Marco was not deaf. I am deaf. I don’t learn like everyone else, but nobody seems to care. Nobody wants to take on the challenge of teaching me properly because it is extra work. Everyone wants me to change, but I can’t.’

‘But you can’t give up.’

‘I’m not going to get very far if I can’t even get a B in simple classes. I’ve always struggled with learning, Mom. Just because I’m almost seventeen doesn’t mean I’m somehow able to change. I’m still your disabled son, the one who’s incapable of learning on his own, and the twin who fell behind because he’s deaf.’

Although his words were born of self hate and resentment, they were not far from the truth. Like many sets of twins, one tends to be dominant over the other, learning quicker and growing faster than the other. Lance was not that twin. Rachel was. Rachel excelled in everything she did. She talked early on, she walked soon after that, and was able to complete basic tasks with such ease that even as a young child, Lance knew he wasn’t ‘as good’ as her. Lance may have signed his first word before his twin sister could talk, but he didn’t start walking until he was almost eighteen months old. He was clingy, he had separation anxiety, he wasn’t ‘normal’. 

For a while, it was thought that he had a learning disability, that it wasn’t just his lack of hearing that set him apart from his sister. That was, after a few years, debunked, as he excelled in academics at South Hill. But South Hill taught him in a way he could understand. Imagery, explanation and one on one learning. Lance was able to understand so much back then. He got 100’s on assignments of all kinds. He thought it was too easy. He was excited to go to school with Rachel in 3rd grade, but when he failed his first quiz, his heart broke. 

Ever since third grade, Lance has done everything he can to receive good and adequate grades. C’s aren’t good, not for him, and certainly not for Meadview. Receiving a C on an assignment means you’re ‘average’, you’re not stupid, but you’re not smart either. At least, that’s what public school has drilled into his mind. 

C’s aren’t bad grades, average isn’t bad. Especially when the person whose grades are in question has a disability. 

‘Well… Why don’t we try the cochlear implants?’

Lance’s jaw dropped. ‘No. No way. Mom you know I don’t want those.’

‘But what if it helps?’

‘I don’t care! I don’t want hearing aids. You know they didn’t work back then.’

‘What if they’re different now?’

‘The only thing that’s different is me! I’m different, Mom! I’m deaf, remember?! I can’t hear anything! The implants will not help!’

He didn’t wait for her response. He just left. Marching upstairs, Lance went to his room and slammed the door. He thought that would relieve some of his stress, his anger, and built up emotions. But it only made things worse. 

The door didn’t make a sound. It was silent as it shut. He knew it had made a sound, but he hated that he couldn’t hear it. 

Lance couldn’t hear anything. He couldn’t even successfully slam a door. It was like he was dreaming, always trying to do something, but never having enough strength or energy to do it. Screaming, but still whispering. Running, but still walking. 

Slamming his fist on the door, Lance shut his eyes and tried to yell. He tried to yell as loudly as he could, but even in all of his anger, he could produce no sound. Lance hadn’t made any sort of sound other than little ones— mumbles and laughs— in years. He was angry. He felt broken and cheated, as if he would never amount to anything. 

As he stood there, he closed his mouth, his anger quickly turned to angst. 

Falling to his knees, Lance curled up on the floor of his bedroom, doing everything in his power to hold in his tears. He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t want to be anything but happy. 

He wanted to be like his friends. Normal. He thought they were normal, and he wanted to be just like them. 

They could hear. They could be happy. They could smile and enjoy life. 

But Lance could not. 

He had sound stolen from him before he was even born. Lance never heard his mother’s voice, nor her singing. He never heard his father, nor his laugh. He never heard any of his siblings’ voices nor their arguments and jokes. 

Why was he so cursed? Why was he unable to hear the beauty of the world around him?

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Lance stayed close to his mother’s side as he walked down the brightly lit hallway of the doctor’s office. He was seven years old and desperate to hear what conversations sounded like. 

Since he was entering 3rd grade soon, and attending a whole new school, he wanted to try out hearing aids.

‘They could help you at school.’ His father had told him. 

And Lance believed him. 

His mother noticed his nervous posture and acted accordingly. Gently and sweetly, she ran a hand through his silky hair, resting her palm on his upper back as they walked. 

Lance ducked beneath her hand, grabbed onto it and continued to follow at her side. 

The receptionist led them to a room, took Lance’s height and weight, and asked the two to sit and wait for Lance’s doctor. 

‘Are you excited?’ His mother signed when it was just the two of them in the room. 

‘Yes.’ Lance signed back. ‘What does your voice sound like?’

Smiling, his mother replied, ‘It’s no fun if I tell you, now is it?’

The little boy gave a small giggle, swinging his legs over the side of his chair, waiting impatiently for his doctor to bring him his hearing aids. 

He would try out three today, they were said to be the best and newest ones. He was terribly excited. He couldn’t wait to hear his mother’s voice, to go home and hear his father, his brothers, Marco and Luis, and his sisters, Rachel and Veronica. He had barely slept from all of his excitement. 

From the corner of his eye, Lance saw the door open, immediately focusing his attention there. 

‘Hey, Lance!’ His doctor said happily. ‘Ready to try out these hearing aids?’

Nodding, Lance signed with a smile, ‘Yes! I’m so excited!’

‘I can tell.’ She signed back, placing a small box down on the counter as she took a seat in front of Lance and his mother. ‘Now, I know you’re optimistic, but there is a chance that these won’t work. You know that right?’

‘Yes… I know…’ For a moment, Lance's optimism left him and he frowned for a good few seconds. But he quickly regained his positive attitude and smiled, ‘But I think they’ll work. I really want them to.’

‘I know you do.’ His mother signed before tussling his hair. ‘Are you ready to try them?’

‘Yes, please!’ Lance signed, leaning forward on his chair. He smiled so big and wide when his doctor picked out the first hearing aids for him to try. They looked sort of weird to Lance, but at the same time, they were everything he wanted. 

Beckoning him over his doctor signed, ‘Let’s see if these will work. Each of them are a bit different, so we’ll see which one works best, okay?’

Lance nodded and hopped off his chair, and taking the few steps to be in front of her. 

‘I’ll put the first one on, but you’re going to put on the second one.’ She instructed before gently and carefully placing the hearing aid on her patient’s ear. Handing Lance the second one, she said, ‘Now you put this one in.’

After fiddling with the technology for a bit, Lance successfully attached his aid to his ear. ‘Are they working?’

‘Turn them on.’ His doctor signed. ‘There’s a little switch on the side.’

Doing as she asked, Lance felt around for the switch she was talking about. His heart skipped a beat when he found it. ‘Okay, I’m going to turn it on now. Ready Mama?’

‘Yes, Lance. I am ready.’ His mother signed back, a tender, loving smile on her face. 

Lance could barely stand still he was so excited to hear the world around him. With his index finger and his thumb, he switched on the hearing aid. He saw his mother raise her hands as she began to talk and quickly told her, ‘No sign! I want to hear!’

He waited and watched. He listened for a sound. Anything. Maybe she was talking too softly for him to hear. He hadn’t heard anything yet, but the hearing aids were on. ‘Are you whispering?’ Lance asked his mother. ‘I can’t hear you…’

‘I’m not whispering, Lance. I am talking like you asked.’ She answered, giving an apologetic expression. 

Removing the aids, Lance switched them off and handed them back to his doctor. He was saddened by the fact that they didn’t work, but his childish and optimistic side kicked in and made him smile. ‘Let’s try the other two!’ He signed happily. 

He was so eager to hear everything around him. 

He was desperate. 

He was tired of being different. 

He wanted to hear. 

Just as he had done with the first pair, Lance put on the second pair of hearing aids, turned them on and waited for his mother to speak to him. 

Nothing. 

Just like the first pair. 

Not a sound. 

Lance then asked for the third and final pair. 

He wanted them to work. 

He _needed_ them to work. 

They _had_ to work. 

‘Okay, they’re on.’ He signed to his mother, rushing over to her and sitting next to her. ‘Say something in my ear.’

She did as she was asked, and spoke to her son. 

All Lance got was the silence he had always been given. 

‘No! Don’t whisper! Talk! Loudly!’ He signed quickly. Lance was convinced his mother simply wasn’t talking loud enough. His hearing aids had to work. They _had_ to. 

But instead of saying anything else, Lance’s mother removed the aids from her son’s ears, turned them off and signed, ‘I’m so sorry, Lance. I don’t think they’re going to work.’

Shaking his head, Lance pouted, arguing back immediately. ‘No! They have to work! I have to hear! Please make them work!’

He watched as his mother handed the hearing aids back to his doctor and his heart broke. 

It shattered into a million pieces, sinking to his stomach. 

Lance shook his head again, over and over again. ‘It’s not fair! I just want to hear you, Mama!’ 

In that instant, Lance burst into tears. 

From the hallway, one might think he had just been given a flu shot from the way he was crying. He sounded like he was in pain, physically. 

But he wasn’t. Nothing had hurt him. At least not Physically. Instead, his hopes and his heart had been broken so badly he felt like everything he ever wanted to do in life was impossible. 

Lance broke down in tears, crawling into his mother’s lap and burying his face in her chest. 

He just wanted his hearing aids to work. Why couldn’t they have just worked? Why?

He couldn’t understand why. 

All he wanted was to hear the world around him. 

Was that too much to ask for…?

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


The door to his bathroom opened slowly and Lance glanced over to see who it was. 

Rachel. 

Rachel had come to see him. 

‘How are you feeling…?’ She signed to her brother slowly. ‘I heard you crying a bit ago, and wanted to see if you were alright.’

‘I’m fine.’ He answered quickly, rubbing his nose and his cheeks which were still wet with tears. 

Sitting in front of her brother, Rachel placed a small plush toy down on the carpet between the two of them. A small tiger. Well loved with faded colors. ‘Mom found TI in your room and washed him for you. Says he was pretty stinky.’

TI was Lance’s first and favorite toy as an infant and child. TI was short for the word ‘tiger’. Lance didn’t know how to sign the whole word, so when he learned the alphabet, he shortened it to ‘TI’. Before the ‘official’ naming of his toy, Lance just carried it around and pointed to it if he ever wanted it. 

‘He’s clean now, and ready to keep you company.’ Rachel said with a soft, caring smile. 

Lance didn’t say anything back, but he did pick up the plush tiger. Placing it in his lap, he wrapped his arms tightly around the soft toy. 

He used to have to carry it with two hands, he remembered that. Now he only needed two fingers to pick it up, but despite his growth, Lance still held onto the plush toy with both of his hands. 

‘Mom told me you said no to hearing aids again.’

Lance only nodded. 

‘Then don’t get them. It’s your choice. Plus, Marco said you were kind of freaked out about them. Although I’m sure you have a much better explanation.’

Softly, Lance chuckled, giving a tiny nod. 

‘Personally,’ Rachel began, ‘I think they’re weird. Some of them just look odd. But if they allowed you to hear, that would be pretty neat, right?’

‘They don’t work, Rachel.’ Lance quickly told her. ‘They don’t work because I am completely deaf. My left ear could be chopped off and it wouldn’t affect me. And my right is also useless. They’re just monitoring it because it’s ‘formed normally’. What the fuck does normal mean anyway?!’

‘Well it’s certainly not you or me.’

‘I hate when they use that term.’

Rachel nodded, agreeing with her brother. ‘Same! It rubs me the wrong way. You’re not abnormal. You’re just deaf. Although, you sometimes say you are.’

That last part was true. Lance often said he was ‘abnormal’ and ‘different’ when he was frustrated or angry. But he knew he would never— he could never— say it about someone else. 

‘You’re perfectly perfect in every way. You’re my twin brother who’s a bit odd sometimes, but our differences are what make us who we are.’

‘Stop being all philosophical. It doesn’t suit you.’

Rachel stuck her tongue out at her brother before signing, ‘what do you say we go mess around for an hour or two? It’ll get us out of doing chores…!’

Shrugging, Lance signed, ‘I’m not feeling it today. Sorry.’

‘That’s okay.’ She signed with a smile. ‘You and TI can have some fun because I know you have a lot of catching up to do. You haven’t seen him in ages.’

Whether he wanted to or not, Lance smiled at Rachel’s statement. ‘I know.’ He signed. ‘Thanks for bringing him to me.’

Rachel signed a quick ‘you’re welcome’ before getting to her feet and waving childishly at her brother. ‘Later, Lance.’ She signed, turning on the balls of her feet and leaving his room. 

Holding the plush toy in front of his face, Lance laid down on his back, placed the tiger next to him and rolled to his side. ‘Don’t tell anyone… But I missed you, TI.’ Giving the toy a gentle pat, Lance felt his nerves calm down and he began to feel a bit better. ‘Sorry you’re not as soft as you used to be. That’s my fault. I think I squeezed you too much…’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to post this on Friday but I had PC issues and couldn't. Sorry :(  
> BUT! It's here now, so you can read it!!  
> I also meant to post this as well, a looooooong time ago, but lost the link. Oops.  
> I've been trying to find a good example of what Lance sounds like when he talks (or I guess talked since he doesn't anymore (._. ) ) and for me, the easiest way to understand what Lance's voice might have sounded like, is to listen to Shouka (from A Silent Voice) talk. SO!  
> If you wanted to know what I based Lance's speech off of, here's some exaples : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8Ip6KBDdQY  
> THE CLIP HAS SPOILERS FOR A SILENT VOICE  
> If you don't want spoilers, just watch the movie. It's on Netflix and probably a bunch of different places.
> 
> OKAY  
> So! Now that that's out of the way....  
> Thank you all so much for reading! I'm so glad so many of you enjoy this AU!
> 
> ~Picci


	18. Chapter 18

A few weeks had passed since Keith had lost his temper and yelled at his brother. He had taken Shiro’s advice and had cut all of his pills in half, taking only half of the prescribed dose a day. It was actually Shiro who halved most of the pills, as Keith accidentally cut his finger on the blade he was using. After that, Shiro got all protective and said he’d cut the pills for him. 

And for a time, this helped. For a time, Keith felt alright with the medication. Not good, but not bad either. This was a good period of time. 

But then, like most things in Keith’s life, that good time ended. 

The smaller dose, although not making Keith’s ‘drop’ as terrible, had begun to fade in its usefulness. Half of a pill no longer provided Keith with enough stimulants to get him through the day. He tried taking them in the morning, with his breakfast, but even that only lasted him until 1 or 2 pm. After that, he had little to no motivation, which didn’t help him to complete his homework, or any work for that matter. 

Keith sat on the floor of his bedroom, leaning his back against his bed. In his right hand, he held a small, slobbery tennis ball that Shiro had bought for him to use to play with Kosmo.

Kosmo sat down in front of Keith, panting happily, his tail thumping on the floor as it wagged. 

“Good boy…” Keith praised his dog in a whisper. Stroking Kosmo’s ears with his left hand, Keith let himself smile. Kosmo always brought him comfort. 

He then gently tossed the ball into the hallway, letting Kosmo trot out of his room and retrieve the item. Kosmo didn’t see it as fetch, but rather as a task he was to complete, like keeping Keith safe and happy. Kosmo though that when Keith pointed towards the ball, he had just dropped it and wanted it brought back to him. Kosmo didn’t quite understand that it was a game. 

A light knock on the door-frame grabbed Keith’s attention, which had been focused on nothing but his own thoughts. 

“We should head out pretty soon if we don’t want to be late.” Shiro suggested. 

Nodding, Keith got to his feet and headed towards the front door, but not before taking the ball from Kosmo and praising him. “You promise it’s only half an hour…?”

“Only thirty minutes. I promise. We’ll be back before six. Unless you want to grab some food on the way home.”

“I don’t think I want to go out afterwards…” He told Shiro in an honest tone. “It’s better if we just eat what we have, right?”

Shiro sighed, and tried not to sound too disappointed in his brother’s words. “You’re right. It’s best if we don’t let anything go to waste.”

Keith slipped on his shoes, tied the laces and grabbed his jacket from the coat rack. “Where would we even go? Every place is either too expensive or too busy in the afternoon.”

“Quit being so negative.” Shiro told his brother, poorly hiding his laughter. “You think it over for a bit, and let me know if there’s someplace you want to go. Does that sound good?”

“Sure.”

Taking Kosmo’s harness and leash from the rack, Keith clicked his tongue and made a few kissing noises to call his dog. 

Kosmo hurried over to Keith and stood still, patiently waiting for his harness to be on. 

Clipping on the leash and taking ahold of the harness in his left hand, Keith let out a small sigh and said, “Let’s get this over with.” He paused before he asked, “Was that positive enough for you, Mr. Picky Ass?”

“I’m not an ass, and I’m not picky.” Shiro was not impressed with Keith’s unnecessary use of profanity. “But yes, that was a good amount of positivity. We can, and will work on it.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“Wait, what?! You went back yo therapy?” Pidge asked their friend. 

Keith, who had answered their request to video call, shrugged and nodded. “Shiro wanted me to. We had… An argument a while back. So I’m doing monthly sessions now.”

“Understandable.” Hunk’s voice was barely heard from the background of Pidge’s phone. 

“What are you two even doing?”

“A project.” Pidge answered bluntly. “And you?”

“Why are you calling me if you’re working on a project. And you know I can’t see you, right?”

“Yeah, we know. We just called because we’re bored.” Hunk answered. “I did my part and Pidge is stalling. And also stupid for video calling a blind person, no offense, Keith.”

Keith was going to say ‘none taken’ to let Hunk know he wasn’t offended, but Pidge got their words out before him.

“I am not!”

Their childish behavior always seemed to cheer Keith up. Even if he was pissed about therapy and his nit picky therapist, one thing that almost always made him smile was the interactions between Pidge and Hunk. Their ability to tease one another was similar to his and Shiro’s, which made Keith happy to know that there are in fact friends who are close like siblings. 

“Well, since you asked, I’m _trying_ to work on an art piece, but I have artist block right now.”

“Draw Lance.” Pidge suggested as the began to type on their laptop. “He’s always wanted someone to draw him.”

“And you’re going to describe him to me in great detail, right?”

Hunk laughed at Keith’s comment. “No they are not. Because Pidge is _terrible_ with words. They can’t even describe what a sunset looks like.”

“Keith, don’t listen to him. A sunset is really pretty. The sky goes from blue to orange, and then it’s night time. Bam! Sunset description!”

“That was the _worst_ description of a sunset I have _ever_ heard.” Keith told them, bursting into laughter. “I can describe my dog, who I have _never_ seen, better than that.”

Pidge whined like a child, unhappy with both Keith and Hunk’s comments. “You two are so mean!” They said, still whining. “Lance wouldn’t bully me.”

“Speaking of Lance…” Keith paused for a moment before continuing his thought. “Where is he?”

“Oh….” Pidge extended the vowel sound for quite a few seconds. “We forgot to tell you. Woops.”

“Tell me what…?”

“Lance is really mad at his mom because he thinks she’s going to make him get hearing aids.” Hunk said, beginning his explanation. “He wanted them when he was younger, but now he’s not so sure. So he’s not talking to anyone but his siblings and—“

“Wait.” Keith interjected. “Lance is mad because his mom wants to get him something that would fix his hearing problem?”

He got no answer. 

“That was rude, wasn’t it…?”

“Mhm.” Pidge hummed, letting Keith know his statement was rude. “Lance doesn’t see his condition as a problem.” They said. “It makes him who he is, and he doesn’t like when people tell him to get aids or implants because it’s like they’re saying ‘well I won’t change my ways just because you’re not like me.’ Which, I would hope you can understand.”

Keith frowned as he responded. “I am so sorry… I just thought…. No. It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry for being offensive.”

“Nah, it’s cool.” Hunk told Keith reassuringly. “We never talked to you about it before, so you wouldn’t know.”

“No, it was wrong of me to assume things. I would gladly do anything to fix my blindness. Guess I just assumed it was the same for him.”

“You’re not wrong…” Pidge told him. “Lance doesn’t like _being_ deaf, but he doesn’t really want to be _hearing_ either.”

“What the fuck is hearing?”

“Well, that’s you and me. And Pidge, although most things go over their head because they never listen to anything.” Hunk didn’t need to tease Pidge, but he definitely felt like it was appropriate. Plus, it was like his way of making the conversation positive. “Lance is deaf, and people who can hear without impairment are ‘hearing’. Although there are some people who can hear, but not well enough, so they’re deaf.”

“That… Actually makes a lot of sense.” Keith replied. “It’s the same with blind people. Although, I’ve done everything in my power to _not_ come in contact with other blind people. I did once, and it was _really_ fucking awkward.” Keith laughed quietly as he said that last sentence. 

“How so?” Pidge asked. “Was it like the stereotypical stuff where they just touch everything?”

“Yes. That was literally all it was. I was fourteen, in a class to learn braille, and everyone else was a tiny kid. I was very pissed at my brother for putting me in that class.”

“Aw, come on, Keith.” Hunk whined. “Don’t be too hard on them. They were just little kids.”

Pidge made a sort of disgusted groan. “Ew, Hunk. Children are nasty. They’re just tiny demons. Nasty little creatures. Like Golum or someone as creepy.”

“The fuck is a Golum?”

“Jesus Christ, Keith. You seriously don’t have any taste in anything.”

“Excuse me, Pidge. I have _refined_ taste. You’re just judgmental. And furthermore, I’m Japanese — which Shiro cares more about than I do — and didn’t grow up with your typical Eurocentric culture.”

“That’s fair.” Hunk hummed quietly, acknowledging Keith’s statement. “Well, Pidge needs to get their work done and you should concentrate on your art too. Don’t forget to do the pre-lab work for Chemistry.”

Keith slowly nodded. “Will do, Hunk. I’ll talk to you guys on Monday.”

The three said their goodbyes, which wasn’t much more than a simple ‘bye’, and Keith hung up the call. 

In that moment, Kosmo let out a long, tired yawn. He growled softly as he stretched and hopped off Keith’s bed. After shaking himself off to wake up, he trotted over to Keith and nuzzled the teen’s hand with his snout. 

“Do you want to go outside?” Keith asked his dog, a tiny hint of excitement in his voice. 

Kosmo began to pant, and the tags on his collar made a soft jingling sound. He was doing his ‘happy dance’, as Shiro called it. When excited, Kosmo would stand still and — in a sense — hop from paw to paw. Shiro also called this the ‘tippy-tappies’, which always made Keith laugh as it was such a childish name. 

Getting to his feet, Keith gave a contented sigh, picked up his phone and headed for the hall outside his room. But something made him go back to his room. Feeling around on the top of his bookcase, he found a small box, the gift his friends had given him a few months ago. 

Normally, Keith wouldn’t wear the sunglasses he was given, he never wore them to school, but today, he decided to wear them on his walk. “Alright, Kosmo.” He said, slipping the glasses on, adjusting them until they felt right. “Let’s go take a short walk around the block.”

Stepping out into the hallway, Keith decided to let his brother know what he was up to. “Shiro!” He called. “I’m going to take Kosmo outside for a bit.”

“Should I come with you?” Shiro asked in return. 

Thinking for a moment, Keith clicked his tongue. “Sure.” He said. “If you want.”

  
  


***

  
  
  


“I take it your friends are doing well?”

Nodding, Keith said, “I would assume so. Well, not Lance. He is... He has family issues.”

“That’s too bad…” Shiro sounded sincere when he spoke. “I hope that clears up soon. Is it siblings or parents? Or the whole family?”

“His mom.” Keith answered. “Something about hearing aids. I’m not sure really. It’s deaf stuff. I don’t really understand all of that.”

“You should send him a text or something. Let him know you care about him. It’s important that friends know they have each other’s backs.”

Keith barely nodded. “Yeah, I’m not going to do that. That’s not really my thing.”

Shiro ignored his brother’s comment, instead, saying, “Child approaching.”

Immediately, Keith scowled. He hated when he came in contact with children. They _always_ wanted to pet his dog. 

“If it asks to pet Kosmo, I will kill it.”

“They’re not an _it_ , Keith. And that’s called _child abuse._ ”

“ _That’s called child abuse_.” Keith mocked his brother. “You know how much I dislike people touching him. It _distracts_ him!”

“Mhm.” Shiro simply hummed. “Regardless, the child _is_ headed our way and you better not be a jerk.”

Again, Keith mocked his brother.

Just as he always did, Keith shortened Kosmo’s leash and stepped closer to the edge of the sidewalk. To adults and teenagers, this symbolizes the lack of desire to interact with people. To children, this means nothing. At least through experience, Keith found this to mean absolutely nothing to children. 

“Can I pet your puppy?!” A child’s voice asked Keith loudly. “He’s really cute!”

“No, sorry.” Keith did his best to sound polite.

“Please?!” The child asked again.

“He’s a service dog. You can’t pet him.”

“Pretty please?!”

“Nope.” Keith was easily annoyed by young children, and his tone changed almost instantly from a considerate one to a rude one. “You can’t pet him. He’s a service dog.” 

Something Kosmo was trained to do, was to keep Keith out of situations that he felt would harm the teenager. Mentally or physically. If Kosmo noticed a negative change in Keith’s attitude, he would act upon it. 

But he also knew that children meant Keith no harm. He knew children were kind. Sometimes they were grabby and persistent, but overall, children had always been kind to him and to Keith. 

Kosmo stepped forward, standing between Keith and the child and gave a tiny snarl. 

This always seemed to work. Normally, all he had to do was snarl for a second or two, and the child would back off. 

“Alright.” Shiro spoke, finally entering the conversation. “He’s not in the mood for pets right now. Sorry, kiddo.”

Then another unfamiliar voice came from off in the distance. “I am so sorry. Is she bothering you?”

Keith assumed this was the child’s mother. To which he immediately decided she was a terrible mother for not watching her own daughter. 

“Just asking to pet our dog, that’s all.” Shiro was kind as he told the woman of the situation. “But Kosmo here is a service dog, he’s not allowed to be pet like other dogs.”

“Emily…” The mother said to her daughter. “You can’t just assume every doggy wants you to pet them. This is a working dog. You can’t pet him.”

“But I _want_ to.”

It was times like these that made Keith regret having a service dog. “You can’t.” He said bluntly. “He’s my service dog and you’re not allowed to pet him.”

He really did hate children. Keith tried his best to be caring towards them, but he really couldn’t find it in his heart to do so. 

“Come on, Emily…” The mother said, patting her daughter’s shoulder. “Let’s go on home. Maybe you’ll see another puppy on the way.”

“Okay…” 

Finally, the child agreed to leave. 

At least, that’s what Keith had assumed. 

But when Kosmo made a loud and rather viscous growling sound, Keith found out his assumptions were incorrect. 

The little girls shrieked loudly, frightened by Kosmo’s sudden movements. 

“I told you not to pet him.” Keith murmured. “He doesn’t like being petted by children.”

“I am _so_ sorry!” Shiro pulled Kosmo back towards Keith. “He’s normally—“

“That’s not a service dog, that’s an aggressive beast!”

“Excuse me?! Not a service dog?!” Keith yelled back to the mother. “He is _my_ _guide dog_! I am _blind_!”

“No, Keith.” Shiro pulled gently on his brother’s arm, trying to keep him from the woman and stop the situation from getting out of had. “Let it go.” Changing his tone, Shiro addressed the woman. “I am so sorry about that. We’ll be going now.”

“No we won’t!” Keith protested. “I need an apology!”

“All you need is to properly train your mutt!”

“Well you need yo teach you kid what ‘no’ means!” 

“She’s a _child_! Your dog shouldn’t be allowed to have _any_ status if it’s aggressive! Your dog could have taken her hand off!”

Keith scoffed and shook his head. “Well maybe you don’t know what a service dog does, but _my_ _guide dog_ protects me and himself. And if you’re child misbehaves, she should be taught a lesson.”

“Keith, that’s _enough_!” Shiro forcefully pulled his brother backwards, away from the woman and her child. “We’re going home and you’re going to leave it.”

Had it not been for Shiro’s authoritative and angered tone, Keith would have gone right back to proving his point. 

Keith lowered his head and mumbled, “I’m sorry… I went too far…”

“How about you teach your son not to talk back to his elders.” The woman snapped before she led her daughter away. 

Both Keith and Shiro were silent. 

Kosmo whined quietly as he rubbed against Keith’s leg. This got Keith’s attention, and Kosmo sat down, awaiting instruction. 

“Are you going to teach me a lesson, _Dad_?” Keith asked sarcastically. 

His brother, however, was unamused by this, and said nothing in return. 

“Shiro…” Keith quietly began. “Are you… Are you mad at me…?”

Shiro didn’t answer immediately. Instead he sighed. “I’m not ‘mad’, Keith… Disappointed, maybe… You need to learn when to let things go, to know when enough is enough.”

“She—”

“I know what she did and said, and I know that angered you. But sometimes you just have to say your sorry and walk away.”

“Yeah, but—” Keith cut himself off with a sigh. “I’m not good at that… It’s not my fault. She tried to claim Kosmo wasn’t a service dog.”

“And?”

“Well- That- It- She _erased_ who I am! That’s like—“ Keith paused, trying to come up with an analogy we quickly as he could. “Like if you were wearing a pride pin, or something, and someone made you take it off…! She can’t just go around saying that a dog isn’t a service dog. It means everything I go through is meaningless.”

“You _know_ that’s not what she meant, Keith.” Shiro told his brother, using his assertive tone, the tone Keith absolutely hated to hear when angered. “She was trying to protect her daughter. How was she supposed to know that Kosmo would give a warning nip or whatever it’s called.”

“Fuck off with your ‘that’s not what she meant’ speech.” Keith said quickly. “I don’t give a shit if she meant it that way or not because, _news flash_ , words can actually _hurt_ people _regardless_ of if they’re meant to or not! Do you need another reminder on how the brain works or will you _for once_ listen to me.”

Shiro said nothing more. He didn’t sigh, he didn’t make a sound.

Gently, Shiro placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder and led him forwards. “Come on… It’s cold… Let’s go home and talk it out.”

Keith shook his head and stepped away from his brother. “Fine. Don’t listen to me. Ignore everything I’m telling you just like you did when I _tried_ to tell you how awful _he_ was.” Patting his leg, Keith picked up his pace to a brisk walk, leaving his brother’s side. “Come on, Kosmo.”

As he walked off, he heard Shiro call after him. “I have the key…!” 

Without putting much thought into his actions, Keith flipped his brother off and kept walking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehehe.... Kosmo was bad.  
> Or was he??  
> Answer: Yes and No.   
> He did what he was trained to do, but maybe went a bit too far.  
> Moving on~~~  
> This seemed like a really weird chapter, and I think I might have tried to put too much in... Ooops :)   
> Did I? Idk... Maybe I did. I hope none of it felt rushed.  
> As always, thank you for reading!!! It means a lot!
> 
> ~Picci


	19. Chapter 19

Lunchtime. Lance’s personal favorite part of his day. He got to see Rachel for a few minutes before taking a seat on the grassy patch, _his_ grassy patch, by the basketball and four square courts. He was never asked to play, nor did he really want to, but he liked people watching. Not in a creepy stalker way, but Lance thought that if he watched how people interacted, he would be able to make a friend. 

Taking a seat in the shade, Lance pulled his lunchbox out of his backpack. Like every day, the zipper got stuck. It was an old lunch box that he had owned and used since he was in kindergarten, it was no surprise that the frayed hems obstructed the zipper’s path. 

Today, however, the zipper gave him more trouble than usual. He tried his best not to rip it, but he thought that if he was using so much force, he might accidentally tear a hole in the delicate fabric. 

Finally it opened. But not without an embarrassing show. 

His lunch flew everywhere. Dropping his lunch bag, Lance dove forward, frantically trying to pick up all of his food items. He was embarrassed to say the least. 

Lance managed to grab his snack items, which consisted of a bag of chips and a cookie, but right as he went to grab his sandwich, someone snatched it from him. 

Stuffing his snacks into his bag, Lance looked to see who it was. James and Spencer. The two who had bullied him the most since he first joined the public school system. 

‘Can I have that back, please?’ Lance asked, making his signs slow and coherent, hoping the others would understand his request. 

James handed the sandwich back to Lance, holding it out to him juin front of his face. 

Cautiously, Lance tried to take his food from James. 

Just as his fingertips reached the plastic wrap, James pulled the sandwich from Lance’s grasp. He said something nasty, insulting and rude. Throwing the deaf kid’s lunch far away from them, James stepped forward and pulled Lance to his feet. However, he let go once the other was on his feet. 

‘Please leave me alone.’ Lance asked. Signing the word ‘please’ multiple times to try and get through to him. 

Again the other boy said something. He seemed to yell at Lance. With his left hand, James pointed to Lance and then to Lance’s right, towards the parking lot. He ordered him to do something, But Lance couldn’t hear anything he had said. 

‘I’m sorry. I can’t hear you. I’m deaf.’ Lance signed slowly. Repeating the sign for ‘deaf’. He knew neither James nor Spencer knew any ASL, but he couldn’t just sit and take their insults.

Spencer stepped forward and imitated Lance, waving his hands in random motions, displaying a weak and unpleasant look on his face as he did so. Pointing to Lance, he stepped forward and told him something. Picking up Lance’s bags, he shoved them into the deaf boy’s arms and pushed him backwards. 

Lance, being unprepared for this, fell backwards. He felt his tail bone hit the ground, and barely managed to stay sitting. ‘I can’t hear you.’ He signed again, dropping his bags. 

James pulled Lance to his feet again. With firm hands, he turned Lance to the parking lot and pushed him away. 

But Lance didn’t give in to bullies. He had always been taught to stand his ground. 

And that’s what he would do. 

Turning around, Lance did his very best to speak to the other boys. “Stop!” He yelled, and from their reaction, he knew he hadn’t said it right. He barely remembered how to saw his own name, let alone produce hard consonants. ‘Leave me alone!’ He signed, moving his lips and mouth to impersonate speech. ‘I’m just deaf. It doesn’t make we weird! You’re just two mean kids who think I’m different because of my lack of hearing. But that’s not true at all!’

Spencer approached Lance and pushed him backwards again. He pointed to Lance and yelled something in his face. 

Lance now felt scared. He knew these two would go to any length to bully someone, and he was surprised he had survived so long without being physically hurt by them. 

James dragged Lance away from Spencer and shoved him into the metal fence that surrounded the blacktop and playground. 

Doing his best not to show he was in pain, Lance bit down on his lip. The impact with the metal bars left his head throbbing. Lifting his hands to try and sign, Lance had to quickly shut his eyes as a hand came towards him. 

Within seconds, he felt his right side slam onto the blacktop. Lance looked up to see James yelling at him. He was teasing him and taunting him. 

Suddenly, Lance felt someone pull him to his feet, but it wasn’t one of the cruel boys. It was someone else. 

This person pulled Lance to his feet, and asked him a simple question. 

‘Are you okay?’

It wasn’t spoken. It was signed. 

They didn’t know sign, as the order of their signs and their hand motions were incorrect, but they did point to him and ask ‘OK?’ 

Lance assumed this person was in his grade, as like all other seventh graders at Oak Ridge Middle School, he had been given a week long lesson about Helen Keller and the deaf and blind community, which included a brief explanation of the ASL alphabet. 

Lance felt a gentle hand on his chin and realized he hadn’t looked at the other’s face yet. And so he did. Looking up, he found himself looking at someone he had never seen before. 

She was shorter than Lance, but that clearly didn’t make her any less strong than him as she was able to pull him to his feet. She had light brown hair which was pulled into a loose ponytail and wore a little purple headband. 

Lance noticed she had signed something to him and asked her to repeat it. 

‘Are you okay?’ She signed again. 

Slowly, he nodded. pointing to the back of his head and signing, ‘it hurts.’

Suddenly, she looked away from him. Up until now, Lance had her undivided attention. But something had caught her attention. 

Instinctively, Lance looked like she had, but his gaze was met with a fist. 

He didn’t know which one of them had punched him, but he had been hurt nonetheless. 

The girl ran in front of Lance. She seemed to be standing up for him, though he didn’t know if she was saying anything or not. She probably was, but as he was deaf, he couldn’t hear her words if she was saying anything. 

Lance watched her stand there for a few minutes before noticing that Spencer and James were both talking to her. He didn’t know what they were talking about, but assumed it had to do with him or her. 

Then something else happened. 

Something Lance never expected. 

This short girl shoved James to the ground. 

Lance scrambled to his feet, rubbed his nose to remove the dried blood, and stepped to the side to watch the event play out. 

With her fist clenched, she landed a punch to James’ cheek. It looked so strong, as if she intended to maim him. 

Spencer was quick to defend his friend. He pulled the girl off of James and threw her backwards. Although she didn’t fall like he had intended. He hid his dissatisfaction of his failure with a quick and aggressive slap to the side of the girl’s cheek. 

Lance watched as she stepped back, holding a hand to her cheek. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her backwards, hoping to put distance between them and the boys. ‘Not safe. Let’s go.’ Lance fingerspelled to her slowly. 

But she didn’t listen to him. With a strong tug, she broke free of Lance’s grip and marched back to Spencer and James, immediately yelling at the two of them. 

Lance wanted to pull her back, to get her out of the situation, but he just stood there. He stood so still that he began to think he was stuck to the ground, unable to move. 

Until James confronted him. 

‘Bite me.’ He signed. 

With wide eyes, Lance looked from James to Spencer and back to James. ‘You learned sign… To bully me…?’

‘Bite me.’ James repeated. But he didn’t give Lance any time to respond. He just started shouting at him. 

So focused on James and his cruel and terrifying looks, Lance didn’t notice that the girl and Spencer were having their own argument. 

James smiled suddenly and flipped Lance the bird. He pointed to Lance and said something else. He had a devilish grin on his lips. It was easy to tell that his words were nasty and horrid. 

But what shocked Lance the most — even more than the fact that someone actually stood up for him— was how the boy in front of him changed his facial expression so suddenly. 

James looked to his left with an almost scared look on his face. 

Lance turned his head just in time to notice the girl yell something at James before she landed a rather violent fist to his face. He desperately wanted to help her out, but when he noticed Spencer reacting to the girl’s last display of violence, he knew he had to defend her. She had helped him out, and he owed her one. 

Just in time, Lance moved between her and Spencer, holding his arms out defiantly. ‘Leave her alone!’ He signed, stepping forward towards Spencer. ‘Both of you!’ 

And that was when Lance made his fatal mistake. 

He turned around to tell James to leave the girl alone, leaving himself wide open to Spencer’s attack of choice. 

He was stunned, but not all too surprised when Spencer shoved him to the ground and began to kick his shins.

‘Stop!’ Lance signed, tears brimming in his eyes. ‘Please stop! It hurts!’

But he didn’t. Of course Spencer didn't leave Lance alone. He shuffled sideways and kicked Lance hard in his stomach. 

After years of standing up to James and Spencer, Lance finally broke. 

Four years of torment and bullying. 

After everything, Lance couldn’t take it anymore. 

‘Please!’ Lance signed, crying now. ‘Please leave me alone!’

He curled up into a small ball on his side and wrapped his arms around his head, hoping, praying, that Spencer would get bored and leave. 

But then everything stopped. 

Lance was pulled to his feet again and he saw that a crowd of students and faculty had gathered around them. 

A security guard had lifted him to his feet and a teacher had pulled Spencer back from him. 

Another two teachers were fighting to separate the girl and James, who looked like they wanted to kill one another. 

And then, as if none of this had happened, as if Lance wasn’t crying and bleeding, everyone went back to what they had been doing. 

Everyone except Lance, Spencer, James, and this girl who had jumped in to save Lance. 

The teacher who was with the girl picked up Lance’s belongings and escorted the girl towards the office. Spencer and James were taken there too. 

Lance was taken to the nurse. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


‘Lance, are you okay?!’ Rachel quickly signed her question, looking her brother over to examine his wounds. 

He nodded slowly, signing, ‘I’m alright, my body hurts, but I’m okay. All thanks to her, actually.’

After a long examination from the nurse, Lance was brought to the office across the hall. Spencer and James were being asked about the situation, and he and the girl were asked to wait for their turn to tell their story. 

Rachel followed her brother’s gaze to the students sitting across from him. There was a girl there, and a boy. ‘He’s Hunk,’ Rachel signed, clearly missing Lance’s last statement. ‘He’s the office aid. He came to get me.’

‘I know that.’ He told her matter of factly. ‘What about her?’ Lance asked, paying little attention to the other boy. 

‘I don’t know her name. Do you?’

‘No. That’s why I asked.’

If it weren’t for Rachel and Lance’s excessive staring the girl wouldn’t have noticed that they were even talking about her. She slowly asked Lance, ‘are you okay?’ 

This made him feel happy. He was in quite a bit of pain, and still shaken up from the incident, but knowing that she was trying to communicate with him made Lance feel wanted. A feeling he rarely got at school. 

‘I’m okay.’ He signed back. ‘Thank you for standing up for me. It means a lot.’

Rachel quickly asked her brother if he’d like her to be his interpreter, to which he immediately said yes. She spoke Lance’s signs to the girl, who in turn, smiled sweetly and spoke back to Rachel, but kept her eyes on Lance. ‘Her name is Katie.’ Rachel signed to her brother. ‘She couldn’t watch them bully you anymore. She said she’s sorry she didn’t step in sooner.’

Lance’s jaw dropped. ‘No! Please don’t apologize.’ Lance begged her. ‘You stood up for me when no one else did. That… That means so much to me.’

He watched as Katie smiled. She quickly pulled her backpack— which had been on the seat next to her— into her lap and motioned for him to sit next to her. 

Doing as she asked, Lance got up and sat next to her. 

She pulled out a notebook and flipped through the pages. 

One thing he noticed was how colorful her notes seemed to be. Everything looked color coded, written so neatly and with lots of details on each page. 

Tapping her shoulder, Lance signed ‘I like your handwriting. And the drawings you make on your notes.’

That made her smile again. ‘Thank you.’ She slowly fingerspelled. ‘My know little ASL. My learning. My learn the ABC’s. Learning signs here.’

Lance didn’t let her improper grammar get in the way of his understanding of her words. He understood what she was trying to say. Katie knew some ASL, including the alphabet, and was currently learning more. A lot of people who are learning sign use ‘my’ instead of ‘I’ and ‘here’ instead of ‘now’. In English, here and now are used together a lot, so the mistake is understandable. As for ‘my’ and ‘I’, the signs are somewhat similar, and it is possible to get the general meaning if one was used and not the other. 

Lance, however, had never been signed to by a learner that much. 

‘You sign so well.’ He told her, smiling kindly. ‘I can teach you more, if you want.’

Katie looked to Rachel, and quickly back to Lance. ‘Yes, please!’ She quickly said to him. She held up a finger and looked back to her notebook, flipping through the pages again until she found a folded up piece of paper. Unfolding it, Katie examined the paper and looked at Lance. ‘You, and me,’ she signed, ‘friends?’

‘You want to be my friend…?’ 

After a brief moment without communication, Katie smiled and nodded her head. ‘Please. My have 0 friends.’

Lance gently took her hands in his own. The smile on his face was so big he felt like a cartoon character. He couldn’t stop smiling as he nodded his head. ‘Yes.’ He signed once he let go of her hands. ‘I would love to be your friend.’

She looked like she wanted to say something back to Lance, but instead, she turned her head to the boy on her left. 

Following her motion, Lance looked to the other boy. Hunk was his name. Kindly, he waved and waited to see what would happen. 

Rachel waved at her brother and Lance quickly looked back to his sister. ‘Hunk said he’s sorry for what happened to you.’ She signed. ‘He says he would expel Spencer and James if he could. But he’s glad the both of you are okay.’

An idea quickly popped into Lance’s mind. He knew Hunk from sixth grade. Not personally, but they had shared a class last year, and he knew that Hunk, like him and Katie, had no one to hang out with. And so, his caring heart acted on its own. ‘Hunk.’ Lance signed, politely waving to the boy. ‘Do you want to be our friend?’

Katie spoke to Hunk, possibly letting him know what Lance had said. 

In turn, Hunk slowly nodded. Grabbing a sticky notepad from the counter behind him and a pen, he wrote on the little square of paper before turning it to Lance. 

He wrote in all caps, which was something Lance had never seen before, but he admired the uniqueness of Hunk’s handwriting. 

_‘I’d be honored to be your friend. Can you teach me sign language?’_

‘Absolutely!’ Lance quickly signed. He was still smiling, and he couldn’t control his joy anymore. He hadn’t smiled this much in ages. ‘I’ll teach both of you sign! I’ll teach you everything about ASL! I promise! You’re my friends, I’ll teach you everything you need to know!’

Lance had meant everything he said. 

He taught both of them all of the ins and outs of ASL and deaf culture. He taught them about deaf identities, and the proper behaviors to make habit when around deaf people. But the first thing he did was give them their own name sign. 

A name sign is, to Lance, the most important part about sign language. It defines who a person is, and gives them a proper name, not just fingerspelled letters. 

He made sure to keep their name sign simple, but still have it highlight who they are. 

Lance had never had a friend before in his life, and having two now meant the world to him. 

Katie and Hunk did _everything_ with Lance. They hung out every Friday and each weekend. They went to all sorts of different places together. Katie introduced Lance and Hunk to an arcade which she and her brother frequented. Hunk introduced Katie and Lance to his endless knowledge and expertise in culinary arts. And Lance introduced his new friends to deaf culture and his family who instantly fell in love with both of them. 

Even though Lance had taught them that it wasn’t polite to talk in front of deaf ears, and that it was considered rude to exclude a deaf person from a conversation, he made a simple exception. He allowed them the converse however they were comfortable, as long as they learned ASL to communicate with him. 

Of course they both agreed to that. But neither of them ever excluded Lance from conversations. Before their knowledge in ASL was enough to have a decent conversation, the three would communicate through notes, charades and— once they had cell phones— text. Although, by the time they all had a phone, Katie and Hunk had learned enough ASL to have a deep and meaningful conversation. 

What Lance wasn’t expecting, however, was for his friend to come out to him and Hunk as non-binary. Lance had no idea what that meant, and had never heard the term before. 

He was quickly informed as to what it meant, and understood it immediately. 

‘Do you want a new name sign…?’ Lance asked his non-binary friend. 

‘No. It means a lot to me.’ They told him. ‘I took the name Pidge, a nickname my brother calls me. But I don’t want a new name sign. It defines me, and has no male/female gender… Kind of like me.’ Pidge signed with a smile. ‘I’ll keep the name sign. I just wanted you two to know that I don’t like the name ‘Katie’ anymore.’ They had signed their old name, not with their name sign, but instead fingerspelled it. ‘Pidge,’ they began, using their name sign and then fingerspelling it, ‘is my name now. But I’m still me.’

Lance nodded quickly after they said that. ‘You’re still you. Gender doesn’t matter, right? Im deaf, but I’m still me, even if I got aids, I would still be myself. Just because you’re using new pronouns and a new name doesn’t mean you’re not still you.’

‘Thank you, Lance.’ Pidge signed. ‘That’s just about the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me.’

‘What did you expect him to say?’ Hunk had asked with a laugh. ‘We’re friends. Our job is to stick together and be there for one another. We’ve had each other’s backs since 7th grade. Nothing is going to change that.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to say, but this will be one of the last childhood focused chapters. At least for some time. It's now time to dive into the quote un quote action of this AU. The climax, so to speak. So I guess we're almost halfway done :(  
> I'm honestly surprised this AU has so much attention. It means a lot since this is both somewhat personal and also somewhat educational as it focuses on two minorities in the world. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading, commenting and leaving kudos thus far. It means so much!  
> ~Picci


	20. Chapter 20

Keith found himself at school earlier than usual today. It was cold outside, and he desperately wanted to get into the school building. 

He stopped by his locker, input the combination and opened it up. Dropping the leash, Keith made sure to step on it so that Kosmo couldn’t just wander off. He held up his hand, asking the dog to stay before he began his morning routine of getting the things he needed for his first through fourth period classes.

Closing his locker, he picked up the leash and zipped up his bag. “Come on, Kosmo. Class time.”

As he turned to his right, he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. 

Slowly, he turned to find out who it was. 

“Hey, Keith.” Rachel’s voice came from a few feet away. “Lance wants to know if you’d be able to, or okay with talking to him about something that’s been bothering him.”

“Uh, sure…” Keith replied hesitantly. It took him a moment to process that it was Lance who had tapped his shoulder. “It must be bothering him a lot if he’s coming to  _ me  _ to talk about it. I mean… We have a communication barrier.”

“Yeah, I know.” Rachel said. “But Lance is Lance, and he has an interesting way of doing things.”

Keith smiled slightly, trying to be polite before asking, “Are you going to interpret for us?”

Rachel didn’t answer right away, but Keith did hear the ruffling of her puffy winter coat, and concluded she was signing to her brother. 

“Yes. He thinks he would have the most worth it…? No. Most productive conversation if I’m present. Sorry, he changed his mind halfway through.”

“It’s fine.” Keith told her politely. “Sometimes our mouths speak faster than our brains— or hands in his case.”

Keith felt Lance’s hands grab onto his wrist and he was pulled through the halls to wherever Lance wanted to go. Lance was extremely gentle, though, always asking if Keith was okay and if he was holding his wrist too tightly. 

Their destination wasn’t where Keith had imagined, as it was outside, but it was relatively quiet. 

He, Lance, and Rachel were the only ones here except for a few other students who happened to pass by every now and then. 

“So.” Rachel began. “Lance wants to ask you an important question.”

“Okay. Go on.”

“He says to answer truthfully and to not feel pressured to say one thing because of his presence or my own.”

Keith gave a thumbs up and nodded. 

“Lance wants to know if you would correct your eyesight if you could.”

Unprepared for the question, Keith couldn’t give an answer right away. “Well…” He paused for a moment. “I think… Yeah. I… I actually don’t know. A part of me feels like it wouldn’t be right.”

“How?”

“Just… Because…”

“Okay… I don’t know you all that well, so let’s move on. Lance also wants to know if you feel like you or those around you would benefit from you correcting your visual impairment.”

“Oh, yeah. absolutely. Life would be a hell of a lot easier if I wasn’t blind. For me and for others. But that doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone.”

“What do you mean?” Rachel asked, either for her own curiosity needs or her brother’s. 

“Well… It’s obvious that Lance is asking  _ me _ , a  _ blind student _ , about how I view my disability because he has thoughts about his own disability.”

“You’re not wrong… Lance wants to know if you know about what happened a few days ago. The little argument he got into.”

Keith nodded, but it was a rather hesitant nod. He didn’t want to sound like he was sticking his nose in other people’s business, but he had been told about it. “Pidge and Hunk mentioned something about hearing aids, but I don’t completely understand it all.”

“Yeah,  _ that _ argument.” Rachel told him. “Lance doesn’t want hearing aids and he doesn’t want to learn to talk. He’s tired of people asking him to change to benefit others. The reason he wanted to talk to you is because he wants to know if you experience the same, or similar, things.”

“First of all, none of what I said means I want Lance to change anything about himself. That’s just my personal opinions about myself. Second of all, Lance isn’t useless and he actually is proactive about adapting to new situations. I’m not. So of course me not being blind would make things easier.”

“But would your life be easier if I learned to talk and used hearing aids?” 

Keith’s eyes grew wide as the automated voice spoke Lance’s question. 

Quickly, he shook his head. “No. No it wouldn’t. It’d make things harder for you, and that’s not okay. You don’t need to do anything differently, trust me, Lance. The only one at this school who causes problems is me, because I can’t see, and don’t know how to adapt like you do.”

“But I’m still changing what I do. Is it not easier if I use aids and talk?”

Again, Keith shook his head. “Trust me, it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t make things easier for you, either.” Shifting his focus to Lance’s twin, he said, “Rachel. You know Lance better than I do. Please convince him that he doesn’t need to try hearing aids if he doesn’t want to.”

“Lance says thank you.” Rachel informed Keith. “He says thank you and that he’s sorry you feel that way about your impairment.”

“Oh… He’s welcome, I guess… Is that all he wanted?”

“Mhm. He’s not signing anymore so I would assume he’s done. And I think your last comment hit him hard… In a good way.”

Slowly Keith nodded. “Does he want me to walk with him to his first period class? I have nothing to do before school and I have no idea where Pidge and Hunk are.”

“He says you can, but he doesn’t want to make you late for your own class.”

Shrugging Keith said, “I don’t mind. The class is boring anyway.”

“Hey…” Rachel said to Keith quietly. “I know you and I aren’t technically friends, but Lance really cares about you. So do Pidge and Hunk. I’m sorry you feel the way you do about being blind, but know that they’re all willing to listen to anything you have to say. That’s one of the perks of having the misfit trio as friends. They look out for each other.”

“Yeah… I know… I’m glad someone does.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“Alright, Keith.” Shiro’s calm and caring tone pulled his fourteen year old brother from his thoughts. “Let’s try this assignment again.”

“I don’t want to.” Keith muttered defiantly. 

Sighing, Shiro scooted his chair closer to his brother. “I’ll help you out.” He said, gently placing his brother’s hands atop the book of braille. “You know it’s important that you learn this.”

“Sure, but everything is digital now. Why does it matter?”

“Because you’ve been asked to do so. Come on… Please. Just a paragraph.”

Keith groaned angrily as he focused on the braille beneath his fingertips. “These are just dots, how are these supposed to make words? And how am I supposed to just pick it up?”

“The same way you learned to read and write. Practice.”

Keith sat at Shiro’s desk in his brother’s dormitory room. He had been totally blind for three months now. It was early December, and all Keith cared about was that Kosmo had outgrown his harness and needed a new one. 

Kosmo was just under a year old, and still had a few more months of growth left. Despite his young age, he was still an intelligent and attentive guide and service dog. 

“If you finish a paragraph I’ll let you train Kosmo.” 

That got Keith’s attention. “How long is the paragraph?”

“Um… Let's see…” Shiro picked up the sheet of paper that contained what Keith called the ‘cheat sheet’. It had written versions of Keith’s practice assignments. “It’s six sentences. But they’re all very short.”

“This stuff is so childish… Why do I have to read stupid kid’s books to learn braille?”

“Because stupid kid’s stuff is how the majority of humans learn languages.”

Giving another annoyed groan, Keith focused on the book again. “The first word is ‘A’, right…?”

“Yep. A is the first word.”

Keith nodded and moved his hands along the lines of braille. He asked Shiro about every letter, every word, and every space. He had only been learning to read braille for a month and a half now. Although he had his reluctance to complete the assignment, he felt a sense of pride when he read the first sentence. “So… It’s… ‘A good friend is always kind’?”

“Yeah!”

“That’s so stupid…”

“Keep going, Keith. It gets better.”

“Okay, okay. I’m reading the damn dots.”

It took nearly ten minutes, but Keith finally read all six sentences aloud to his brother. 

“A good friend is always kind.” Keith said in a monotone voice. “A good friend is always helpful. A good friend cares for you. A good friend makes you smile. A good friend plays with you. A dog is a good friend.”

Once he read the last word, Keith slammed his head down on the desk. “ _ Fuck _ ! That’s  _ so _ boring! I’m not reading twenty paragraphs of childish lessons.”

“But it’s about  _ dogs _ …!” Shiro said, trying to show his brother the bright side of the so called ‘boring’ topics. “You like dogs.”

“I like  _ Kosmo _ .”

“And Kosmo is a  _ dog _ .”

Keith shrugged picking up his head and resting his chin in his palms. “Can I train him now?”

“Hey…” Shiro gently tilted his brother’s face towards his own with his index finger. “You don’t have to close your eyes.” He told him softly. “It’s only me and Kosmo here. Don’t be afraid to open your eyes. I find nothing wrong with them, you know that.”

“But everyone else does… And I know Adam doesn’t like my eyes. I want to keep them closed.”

“You can do that, but promise me that it’s not because of how other people think, feel or act.”

“It kind of is… But isn’t everything?”

Shiro was silent for a second before he sighed. “Go on, go train your guide.”

Keith hopped off of the chair and slipped under his brother’s lofted bed. 

“Where’s the bag of treats?” Keith asked his brother, feeling around for the item in question. 

“To you left. Atop the drawers.”

Finding the bag, Keith opened it up, grabbed a handful of treats and called Kosmo to his side. 

“Kosmo, sit.”

As he had asked, Kosmo sat at the teen’s feet, panting as he waited for a treat. 

Keith rewarded his dog and couldn’t help but smile when the dog’s wet tongue touched his fingertips. “Good boy…” He said softly. 

Sitting down in the beanbag behind him, he gave Kosmo another command. 

“Come.”

Kosmo came to Keith, sitting in front of him like he was supposed to.

“Good boy…! Shake.”

Slowly, Kosmo lifted his right paw and placed it in Keith’s palm. 

“Good boy, Kosmo…!” Keith rewarded his dog with a few treat that time, and even gave him a couple of pets and ear scratches, two things Kosmo loved. 

“He’s getting really good at that.” Shiro said in a laudatory tone. “You’re training him really well.”

“Thanks…” Keith mumbled, still unsure of how to react to praise. 

He could give praise to his dog, and he loved to praise Kosmo. Kosmo was so well behaved, he deserved all of the praise he got. Receiving praise himself had always been odd for him. 

“You know,” Shiro began, “I was thinking that maybe you and I could do something fun for my winter break. And for yours, of course. We could even go somewhere, what do you think?”

Keith slowly shook his head. “People don’t want to see a blind kid in public… It makes them uncomfortable. My eyes are all weird and gray, aren’t they?”

“You know that’s not true.” 

“Then how come everyone stares at me and talks about me?”

“Well, first of all, you can’t see them, so how do you know they’re staring? And second of all, I’ve never seen anyone stare at you. Are you talking about your classmates or people in general?”

“My classmates can go fuck themselves.” Keith snapped. “They’re all rich snobs who think they’re better than everyone else. I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about everyone else.”

“Like I said, I have never seen anyone stare at you.”

“Adam asked me what it was like to be watched in public by everyone around me. He said people stare at me.”

“He’s pulling your leg.” Shiro said with a laugh. “No one stares at you. He says that to me too. It’s like a ‘made you look’ kind of game.”

“Kind of shitty game to play with a blind kid, don’t you think?”

“Maybe.” Shiro was hesitant as he spoke. “No, it’s not a good game. I can ask him to stop if you want.”

Keith sighed angrily. “Ask him to leave me alone. He’s just an asshole. You know he teases me. I’ve told you he does.”

“Okay, so maybe he’s not all that nice to you, but I  _ promise  _ you I am going to talk with him. He’s just stressed because of winter exams and he also wasn’t prepared to have to look after you either. Neither was I, but unlike Adam, I’m way cooler and nicer.”

“Not if you don’t stand up for me you’re not.”

Suddenly, Kosmo let out a loud, worried bark. He ran from Keith’s side to Shiro, barked again and ran back to Keith.

“Looks like his warning training has been working.” Shiro commented. 

“Shut up…” Keith folded his legs like a pretzel and pulled his dog into his lap.

‘Warning training’ was what Shiro called the training session Keith had just begun. It was the next step in Kosmo being a service dog. He was learning to react and warn Shiro if Keith sounded or looked upset. 

“I don’t want people staring at me…” He said after staying silent for a moment or two. “I’m abnormal and I’m a freak. You should watch the idiots I go to school with. All they do is tease me and mess with me.”

“Bring it to the teacher’s attention.” Shiro suggested, getting up from his desk and sitting next to his brother. “I can talk to someone too, but I want you to stand up for yourself first.”

“Stop talking like you’re my dad.” Keith ordered grumpily. “Dad has been dead since September and  _ nothing _ is going to change that. Stop pretending to be him every time you talk to me.”

“I’m not trying to be Dad…” 

“Really?” Keith asked in disbelief. 

“Honest. I’m just trying to help you. You know that… I’m sorry if Dad and I had similar tactics for cheering you up… Guess it’s just genetics.”

Keith felt his throat swell and he quickly turned his head away from his brother. He felt a hand on his shoulder and had to quickly halt his breathing to keep his emotions locked up in his mind. That’s where he kept everything. Nothing ever came out. Not unless he felt he truly needed to. 

“Hey… It’s alright…”

Shaking his head, Keith said, “No it isn’t. Everything is all fucked up and I can’t do anything right.”

“That’s not true at all.” Shiro told his brother in a sincere and loving tone. “You’ve had some setbacks recently, and you’ve hit the ground pretty bad, but I  _ know _ you can get back up. You always do. That was what Mom and Dad always loved about you. Your resilience.”

“It’s hard to do anything when no one has your back.”

“What about me?! I have you back. You know that.”

“You’re my brother. You don’t have a choice…”

“I did actually.” Shiro muttered. “I was given the choice of caring for you or sending you into foster care.”

“I thought we had somewhere to go if anything happened to Dad…?”

“No… We were supposed to, but Dad was never able to finalize it. But what does that matter now?” Shiro asked. “I’m here and I will  _ always  _ be here for you. You know that. I’m your brother.”

Keith rubbed his eyes and his nose— somewhat violently. He was mad at himself for showing his emotions. “Promise?”

“Promise?!” Shiro scoffed. “Keith I will  _ never _ give up on you. I will  _ always  _ be here for you. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“Where were you two this morning?” Pidge asked, whining as they sat down across from Keith. 

In the wintertime, students were able to eat inside. They could use the main building, the classrooms or the music lyceum. 

Keith and his group always ate in their sixth period class, the chemistry lab. 

“At school.” Keith answered bluntly. 

“Were you two making out?” 

“Pidge that's disgusting. And I’m not gay, and I don’t think Lance is either, so no. Also, we were having a discussion. An important one about dead and blind culture.”

“Oh… That’s way less interesting than I thought it’d be.”

Sighing, Keith opened up his lunchbox and took out his tuna sandwich. “That’s  _ probably  _ because you think too sexually.”

“I don’t actually, but I will take that as a compliment.”

“Don’t listen to them.” Hunk suggested. “They didn’t have their caffeine this morning. Pidge is a bit coo-coo without it.”

“Rude. But in all seriousness, Keith, if y’all ever want to talk, we’re both good listeners.”

“Thanks, but I wasn’t the one ‘needing to talk’.” Keith told them, and added air quotes to his words. “It was Lance.”

Pidge let out a sigh, and it sounded apologetic. “Also… Sorry for asking the question before. It wasn’t appropriate, and it was really immature.”

“You apologize too much.” Keith said to his friend. “You’re fine. Just don’t say it again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Officially the last flash back scene for a while. Time to move on with the third quarter of their school year and to get on with the plot I have built up for the past 20 chapters!
> 
> Thank you all so much for your support thus far, I hope you will continue to read S.o.D until its end.  
> Just a warning, it gets really rough, and I will be adding trigger warnings at the start of some chapters because I know that's the right thing to do when offensive/painful/unpleasant things are mentioned.
> 
> Thank you again!  
> ~Picci


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning:  
> -Mentions of self harm  
> -Mentions of suicide

“What's the point of playing truth or dare if you can’t ask a dare?” Keith asked his friends. “It’s called truth or  _ dare _ !”

“We’re sixteen. Dares are childish.” Hunk noted. “Well, I’m almost seventeen and _you_ are seventeen, but that just proves my point even more.”

“But dares are fun…!” Keith whined, pouting slightly.”

“Okay, fine!” Pidge clapped their hands once and said, “Keith, I dare you to play without giving anyone a dare. There. You got a dare. Now let’s play truth or truth because we’re responsible people who enjoy a heart to heart.”

With a sigh, Keith leaned back on the wall behind him, gently stroking Kosmo’s ears. “I don’t like heart to heart conversations… Everyone gets all sappy and emotional.”

“Oh, trust me.” Pidge said. “None of us are emotional. A lot of it is just a rant about someone or something we hate.”

“Fine… We can play truth or truth…”

“Yay…!” Hunk sounded like a child as he gave a quiet round of applause. “Alright… So… What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done?”

“Are you not going to ask the question to a specific person…?” Keith asked in confusion.

“Nah. We ask the whole group. It’s kind of boring if we ask individual people. Honestly, I’m surprised we haven’t played this before.”

“I’m why you haven’t played before.”

“No. No you’re not.” Pidge told Keith bluntly. “We get distracted and just talk instead of having a round of t-o-t.”

“Well, I’ll just go ahead and answer because that way I get it over with.” Keith said, sighing as he spoke. “I mistook glue for chapstick when I was really little, and me in all of my nonexistent wisdom almost glued my mouth shut.”

“Are you kidding?! That’s amazing!” Pidge said, bursting into laughter. “I mean, yeah, it’s embarrassing, but also _really_ genius. You could’ve marketed that to people to shut them up.”

“I was _four_! I didn’t know anything about money. I thought a penny was the equivalent of being rich. I was a really stupid child.”

“We were _all_ stupid children.” Hunk corrected. “We all did some really dumb and questionable things. just how it is.”

“Sure, but I want to know the dumb shit _they_ did.”

“Me?” Pidge asked, slightly surprised. 

“Yes. You.” Keith confirmed their question. 

Pidge started laughing again. “Let me just preface this with the fact that I did _many_ stupid things. My entire childhood was me doing stupid things. All of which were, and still are, incredibly embarrassing.”

“You? Embarrassing?” Keith asked, his voice full of sarcasm. “That’s unlikely.”

“You’re on thin fucking ice, Keith.” Pidge teased. “I will slap you if you continue to be negative.”

“And Kosmo will bite you.”

Sighing, Pidge refocused themselves on the game. “I was about five or six, and I thought that since I could fly in my dreams, I could also fly in real life. It also didn’t help that I watched cartoons where characters seemed to be able to fly. So! I decided to jump off of the kitchen counter in an attempt to fly. I broke my nose and my ankle. Do not attempt.”

“That sounds painful. What did your parents think?” Hunk asked. 

“You know my mom. She was so mad at me for trying. My dad just wanted to know why I didn’t ask him for help. You know, he’s all science-y and liked my imaginative mind.”

Keith hummed quietly for a minute before he asked, “Did you try again or did you learn your lesson?”

“Of course I tried again! I was an idiot of a human being back then. Matt and I laid out cushions for my second attempt. But I still almost got a concussion.”

“My dad would never have let me do anything even remotely like that.” Keith commented. “Nor Shiro. They were both so protective of me.”

“Lance says the babies of the family are always protected.” Hunk said, voicing Lance’s thoughts. 

“Maybe, but Shiro was still the favorite. I was just ‘premature’ so I was mollycoddled until I was five.”

“Seriously?!” Pidge sounded so surprised. “No way! I was a premie too! Matt says that’s why I’m so short and tiny.” They added that last part with a laugh, proving how disappointed they were with their height. 

“You’re not _that_ short.” Hunk told them in a supportive tone.

“I am five feet, two inches. That’s short.”

“You’re only five feet?!” 

“Yeah. I told you, I’m really short.”

“How did I not know that…?”

“Probably because you’re blind.” The second after Pidge said that, they quickly tried to take it back. “I mean— Shit! I am so sorry! That was really rude of me.”

Keith shook his head, “That was actually kind of funny… If I’m being honest. It really was funny. I honestly wasn’t expecting you to say— or do—anything like that.”

“Really?” Pidge asked. “I already beat the shit out of some guys for bullying Lance. I am ninety six pounds of whoop ass.”

“You did…?”

“Yep.” Pidge answered, cracking their knuckles. “Sometimes you just gotta let loose and give the assholes a taste of their own medicine.”

“You actually got into a fight?!”

“Yes! I beat the crap out of James Griffin and Spencer Coleman for bullying Lance. That’s how we all became friends. Hunk was an office aid during fifth period, Lance and I got into a fight with James and Spencer during lunch, we were brought to the office, talked for a bit, and became friends.”

“Well, shit. That sounds way cooler than how I met you three.”

“I would totally _love_ to fight one of them again if you want to start some shit.”

“No.” Hunk quickly interjected. “You know they’re both six-foot-something now and they will kill both of you.” 

“How about we stage something?” Pidge suggested. 

“Pidge!”

“I’m kidding! It was a joke. I swear.” With a small sigh, they went on, but changed their tone to a serious one. “I really don’t want to see them again. They’re just assholes who shove their nose into business that isn't theirs. And they thrive off of hurting others…”

“Yeah.” Hunk said quietly. “Let’s continue the game, I’ll go ahead and look up good questions.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“Weirdest thing you’ve found in your house.” Hunk read the next prompt aloud from his phone. 

“I found a crispy sock in Matt’s bedroom once.” 

“Ew!” Hunk exclaimed. “Pidge! That’s disgusting!” 

“What?! You’re all guys! You all touch yourselves.”

“I don’t.” Keith said somewhat quietly. “Never have. Never will. It’s not my thing.”

“Are you ace?” Pidge asked. 

“Ace…?”

“Asexual. The lack of sexual attraction.”

Keith shook his head. “No. I didn’t even know that was a thing. I’m not ‘ace’. I don’t think about sex and sticking my dick in things much. But I’m not ace.”

“Christ, Keith’ TMI!” Pidge seemed to moan with disgust as they spoke. “That’s absolutely disgusting.”

“How is that disgusting and talking about your brother’s sock _not_ disgusting?!” Hunk asked suddenly. “You two are _both_ nasty. I’m going to have my own conversation with Lance unless you have something to say that isn’t sexual.”

The room went silent. 

It stayed silent for a while. 

Hunk must have begun signing to Lance, since no one was talking and Pidge and Keith were silenced. 

But then Keith answered the prompt. 

“I found Morphine in the medicine cabinet.”

“What?” Both Pidge and Hunk said in unison. 

“Yeah.” Keith said. “I found Morphine in my apartment.”

“Was it left by the previous owners?”

Shaking his head, Keith said, “Nope. It was actually mine. Technically still is. I was given it after I went blind. For pain relief and what not.”

“You use Morphine for pain relief?! You _do_ know the world has Ibuprofen and Tylenol, right?”

“I don’t take it anymore.” Keith admitted. “But I was honestly surprised it was still there. Although… Sometimes I have thought about using it since I found it.”

“You think about… Offing yourself…?” Pidge was so hesitant and fearful as they asked their question.

Keith held up his right hand, pressed his pointer finger to his thumb, and put some space between his fingers. “A little.” He said quietly. “Not all the time… But in theory, if I were to off myself—”

“Please stop talking.” Pidge suddenly said. 

“What?”

“Please stop talking.” They said again. “Please don’t talk about offing yourself.”

“I thought we were supposed to be telling the truth or something.”

“Pidge is _extremely_ sensitive to this topic.” Hunk informed Keith in a quiet tone. 

“Oh… I am so sorry… I didn’t know…”

“No, it’s fine.” They said quickly. “We’re telling the truth, right? I mean, you told us about your childhood and such, the least I can do is tell you that I used to hurt myself a lot. I wouldn’t eat for days and formed a habit of cutting my wrists.”

“You cut your wrists…?”

“Yeah. Both of them. Many times. All because of my dysphoria. Pretty stupid, right? My mom noticed when I continuously wore long sleeves in ninety-some degree weather. I probably would’ve kept going, probably would’ve ended up killing myself either through starvation or infected blades if it weren’t for my brother.”

The room was quiet for a bit. No one seemed to know what to say. 

“If you don’t mind me asking… What did he do…?” Keith hesitantly asked, hoping he wasn’t overstepping any boundaries. 

Pidge took a deep breath before they answered their friend’s question. “I heard him talking about it with my parents. He had come home after a few months at college and asked them what was wrong with me. Said I wasn’t my usual self. He asked them why I was so skinny and why I looked so sick. When I heard him crying, I felt so terrible that I came clean about everything. He said he wanted his little sister back, which—dysphoria aside—really broke me. I realized what I was doing and felt terrible for it. I don’t remember what I said or did exactly… But I do know that I begged my family for help. I couldn’t hurt them anymore.”

In a soft, almost whisper, Keith said, “I know that feeling… I had to go to the ER for cutting my wrist too deeply once… Scared my brother shitless. He locked up all of the knives and scissors and anything sharp. I even had to start doing special training with Kosmo so that he’d know how to keep me from harming myself. “ He gave an ironic and sarcastic laugh. “Guess we’re not all that different from one another.”

“Keith you have to promise me that you’re throw those fucking things out.” Pidge suddenly ordered. “I don’t care how you got them, nor why you still have them, but _promise_ me— no — promise us _all_ that you _will_ get rid of them!”

“Why? I don’t use them. They don’t pose a threat.”

“Yes they do. If you’ve experienced _anything_ like what I felt like, you _know_ their presence is a danger to you. Why do you think your brother kept sharp objects away from you? He cares about you, and he did that to protect you.”

“I’m not suicidal, though. Not anymore. I mean, I’m depressed, sure, but I don’t think about killing myself.” 

“I don’t give a shit! You should know that they’re dangerous. I don’t think for one second that I wouldn’t have used narcotics if I had the chance. I didn’t want to die, but I _know_ I would’ve used them. Their presence is a danger to you!”

“Whoa, whoa, Pidge…” Hunk’s calm tone broke the newly forming tension between Keith and Pidge. “He knows that, okay? He knows they’re dangerous. Don’t you, Keith?”

Keith only nodded. 

“And I’m sure he’s going to he very smart about this and give them up. He’s not suicidal, at least, that’s what he said, and you just have to believe him. Trust. That’s what friendship is based on.”

“I’ll get rid of the Morphine.” Keith said. “I promise. I’ll show them to my brother, and I’ll have him dispose of them. I promise.”

“Thank you…” Pidge quietly replied. “You don’t understand— or maybe you do —the pain and fear I feel when my friends talk about hating themselves. I am so sorry you ever felt like that… Keith if you _ever_ need to talk to _anyone_ we are _always_ available.”

Nodding, Keith said, “That means a lot to me, but really, I’m alright. I promise.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“Shiro…!” Keith called his brother’s name as he closed the door of the apartment behind him and locked it. Hunk had driven him home since Shiro had to take an exam that evening and couldn’t pick him up. “I have something to tell you. I found something.”

“Hey there, Keith. How was your evening?”

That wasn’t his brother’s voice. That was someone else’s. 

“Oh… Hey Curtis. I didn’t know you’d be here… Not that it’s bad, I just—“

“It’s alright.” Curtis said kindly. “Shiro probably should’ve told you, my apologies.”

“What? No it’s fine. Don’t apologize.” Keith slipped off his shoes and left them by the door. Removing Kosmo’s leash and harness, he hung it on the coat rack. “Is my brother home?”

“Yeah, he’s just grabbing something from his desk I think.”

Keith nodded slowly, running his fingers through Kosmo’s fur. 

“Keith!” 

That was Shiro. 

“I am so sorry about the whole exam thing. I tried to reschedule it, but the only makeup times were during another class.”

“No, it’s fine…” Keith muttered. “Hunk drove me home so it all worked out.”

“Good, good. I promise it won’t happen again.”

Doing his best to smile politely, Keith stood in an awkward stance. He was not comfortable in this situation. 

“You wanted to tell me something? I heard you say you found something?”

“Oh… Yeah…” Keith was ready to come clean about the morphine before he knew about Curtis. But now, he wasn’t so sure. He hardly knew Curtis and had never had much of an interaction with the man. “I just wanted to say that I found out when the spring exams are. They’re in June.”

“After mine. That’s cool.” 

From Shiro’s tone, Keith knew he had seen through his makeshift answer. 

“I also discovered a cool restaurant, I’ll text it to you if you want to check it out. We can talk about it this weekend.”

“Yeah, sure. I have some work to do for my art class… I’ll be in my room.”

And with that, Keith left the main area of his house and walked to his room, Kosmo following right behind him. 

Flopping down on his bed, Keith pulled out his phone and checked for the message Shiro had sent him, he knew it wasn’t a restaurant. 

Keith allowed his AI to read the message to him once he plugged in his earbuds. 

“Sorry.” It said. “We can talk later. He’ll only he here for an hour.”

Removing his earbuds, Keith tossed his phone to the foot of his bed. He rolled to his side and got to his feet. Finding his dresser, he opened the middle drawer and moved his clothes around until he found the medicine bottle he had hid there a few days ago. 

There was a label on it, a sticker with braille on it. 

_‘Morphine Tablets’_

That's what the label said. 

“They’re just for pain, right, Kosmo?”

His service dog whined quietly in response. 

“Can they really do all that much damage? I mean… They’re probably useless now, right? I got them when I was just a kid. I was thirteen. I doubt they’d work.”

Kosmo suddenly barked loudly.

In a hurry, Keith hid the bottle of narcotics and sat at his desk, rummaging through his backpack to try and find his work. 

“Everything alright?” 

Shiro’s concerned voice was muffled by Keith’s bedroom door. 

“Yeah…!” Keith replied. “I just… Stubbed my toe and cussed. Kosmo thought it was something else.”

“Okay.” Shiro said with a laugh. “I hope your toe feels better.”

Once Shiro was gone. Keith let out a long, tired sigh. 

“I’ve dug a deep fucking hole, Kosmo… I need to stop lying…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh I love my angst :)  
> Life is like a roller coaster, friends and readers, it has its ups and downs, but for some, there are more downs than ups. And for some, it seems like a never ending drop.  
> I hope I don't scare away or upset any of you with these next few chapters and I hope to all the higher powers in the universe that none of what I write makes you want to harm yourself. Please believe me when I say that I will gladly stay up until odd hours of the night to talk with you--regardless of how close we are.
> 
> Thank you all for reading, it means a lot to me  
> ~Picci


	22. Chapter 22

Lance flopped down on the couch in his living room, his legs dangling over the back of the couch. 

Rachel copied his actions, giving him a tiny wave once she was somewhat comfortable. 

It was Thursday, and the two of them had the house to themselves and like always, they would be extremely immature when they were alone. Their parents decided to go out for the evening, which Lance and Rachel both teased them about profusely. It wasn’t their anniversary, they were just in a ‘romantic mood’, as Rachel had called it. 

‘TV?’ Rachel asked her brother. 

‘No, nothing good is on until way later.’

Nodding slowly, Rachel flipped her legs over the back of the couch and attempted to be a gymnast as she rolled from the couch. 

Lance snickered as he watched his sister fail miserably. ‘Looked great, Rachel, almost as good as when you were competing.’

‘Shut up, Lance! I was a good gymnast. I just quit because I got bored of the fashion obsessed girls on my team.’

‘And because you sucked.’

Playfully flipping her brother off, Rachel grabbed his wrists and pulled him off of the couch. ‘Come on. Let’s do something fun.’

Lance, who was lying on the floor simply shook his head. ‘I have homework.’

‘You have a double period of study hall tomorrow. Remember? Juniors get a free English period since the seniors are in a college assembly or something.’

‘Not with Iverson I don’t. He’s so mean and forces us to do work even if 80% of the class is gone.’

‘Okay, okay. Let’s make a deal.’ Rachel offered. ‘For every half hour we mess around and do something fun, I’ll give you an hour to do homework.’

‘Sounds like a shit deal.’

‘Please? I have nothing to do and I don’t want to just sit around.’

Lance looked up at the ceiling and exhaled. ‘Want to go look for neighborhood kittens?’

‘Do you think they’re out this time of year?’

‘In the park, absolutely.’

Rachel extended her hand to her brother and helped him to his feet. ‘Lets go look for kittens.’

A few times a year, a handful of cats would breed and have kittens in the park near Lance’s home. The kittens were born almost all year round, except for winter, but the cats stayed in the park all their lives. People would leave some food, water and blankets for the animals, and the neighborhood all unanimously agreed to look after the ‘park pack’. That’s what Lance had named the group of cats. 

Sometimes, the cats would wander around the neighborhood, which is when Lance and Rachel would sneak one into their house to see how long they could keep it. Their mother always found the cat within an hour and forced her children to return the cat. 

This time, Lance hoped he would find another cat to bring home. He always did, but Rachel always warned him not to. 

‘If one likes me, I’m bringing them home.’ Lance signed to his sister after he locked the front door. ‘You know I will.’

‘I know you won’t.’ She signed back, unamused with his thoughts. ‘Mom and Dad will just be mad at you.’

‘Not if they don’t know.’

‘Quit using Pidge’s brother’s words as a motto. It’ll only get you into trouble.’

Lance shrugged and said, ‘Well it kept Pidge and their brother out of trouble, so I don’t see your logic.’

‘Mom will find it eventually. You know she will.’

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


‘You were just joking about bringing one home, right?’ Rachel asked her brother, dragging her feet through the slushy snow.

Lance shook his head, a smile clear as day on his lips. ‘No. I was serious. I want a cat.’

‘You better hide it well.’ She warned him, walking from the sidewalk and into the park. ‘You know how she’s against pets.’

Shrugging, Lance ignored his sister’s warning, and instead made a bee line right for where the cats hung out. 

Slowly, he poked his head around the trunk of a tree. His face lit up with joy when he saw a few felines snuggled up in one of the insulated boxes. Reaching into his pocket for a small bag of tuna fish, he squatted and tossed a few pieces of fish towards the cats. 

Instantly, one of them smelled the food and scurried out to snatch the fish.

Lance outstretched his hand to pet the cat, but pulled his arm back when the cat flinched. ‘Sorry.’ He signed. ‘You’re okay, I won’t hurt you.’

The cat, however, understood none of what Lance had signed. It wouldn’t matter if Lance had spoken or signed, a feral cat is a feral cat, and doesn’t understand humans. Quickly and swiftly, the feline turned and ran back to the box from which it had come. 

‘It’s okay. I’ll let you be. Go snuggle with your friends.’

A few gentle taps to his shoulder told Lance to look to his left. 

Rachel stood there with a big smirk on her face. ‘You’re bad at making friends with cats.’

‘Like you’re any better.’ He retorted, getting to his feet. ‘There’s a lot of cats here, I’ll bring one home. It might just take some looking.’

‘Oh shit. Cat fight.’ Rachel quickly signed. 

At first, Lance thought she was just ignoring him, but he quickly saw that she was pointing to real cats who were actually having a fight. 

What caught Lance’s attention, however, was that the two animals that were fighting were very different in size and appearance. 

‘Is that a kitten?!’ Lance didn’t wait for a response before he ran over to the fighting cats. One _was_ a kitten and the other seemed to be a bossy adult cat. 

With quick and forceful hands, Lance separated the two felines. He received multiple scratches in doing so, but he did what he had set out to do. Without thinking, he pulled the tiny kitten into his arms, and took a few quick steps backwards. 

His heart broke when he saw the kitten shaking and meowing. He didn’t know if it was hurt or not, but he gave the adult cat a nasty look. Lance kicked a small amount of snow towards the cat in an attempt to shoo it away. The cat scurried off into the bushes, and ran out of sight. 

‘You’re okay now.’ Lance fingerspelled slowly to the kitten in his arms. Holding his right hand to his cheek, he bit the end of his glove and pulled it off. Carefully and slowly, he slid the little animal into his glove. ‘There you go.’ He fingerspelled, smiling sweetly. ‘That’ll keep you warm.’

Lance sat down on the ground, ignoring the slush underneath him completely. His mind was focused solely on the little cat. 

With a gentle hand, he stroked the top of the kitten’s head and scratched its chin. Except for a small gray patch on the kitten’s ears and tail, they were entirely white with a little pink nose. 

His eyes grew ten times their size when the kitten started to purr. Lance was so surprised by the action that he felt himself gasp. 

With a loving smile, Lance held the kitten close to his chest as he continued to rub the cold fur. 

‘You’re going to be just fine.’ 

From the corner of his eye, he saw Rachel squat next to him. 

‘Boy or girl?’ She asked.

Lance only shrugged, fingerspelling, ‘I don’t know yet. But they’re really soft.’

Rachel copied her brother, stroking the kitten gently. ‘I assume you’re taking them home.’

Nodding, Lance signed ‘yes’ and focused his attention back on the cat. ‘They were being bullied. I had to help them.’

Rachelf got to her feet, walked behind Lance and wrapped her arms around her brother’s chest, pulling him to his feet. ‘Let’s go home.’ She signed. ‘No use in warming the kitten up outside if it’s this cold.’

The whole way home, Lance focused on the tiny animal in his arms. The kitten was small enough to fit in his palm. He was enamored with the little creature, but more than anything, he was in love with their purr. 

He couldn’t hear the meows, nor the sound the purr made, but he could feel the little vibrations in the kitten’s throat. So small and sweet, Lance couldn’t dislike it even if he wanted to. 

The purr was so strong he felt as if he could hear it. Nothing had ever come close to this before. 

Rachel had to unlock the house as Lance refused to let go of the kitten. 

Once he removed his winter attire, Lance went straight to his room. He grabbed a small tissue box, removed its contents and took the box apart. He sat the kitten down on his bed and checked on it every few seconds. Once the box was a flat net, he opened his closed and brought down a large box labeled _‘Lance 0-Now’_. This box contained everything he had kept since he was just a child. 

He opened it up and rummaged through the items until he found an old blanket. It was tiny and quite well loved compared to everything he owns now, but he figured it would be perfect for a kitten. 

Closing up the box of belongings, He placed it back on the top shelf of his closet. Folding up the little blanket, he layed out the box near the heater, placed the blanket on top of it and picked up his little kitten. 

Lance placed the feline on the blanket and waited patiently for the cat’s response. 

He stepped back and sat a few inches from the makeshift cat bed he had made. 

Instead of curling up on the bed like Lance had hoped, The kitten didn’t stay put. Instead, it ran over to Lance and climbed into his lap. 

Pulling out his phone, Lance found the chat named _‘Sibs’_ , short for siblings, and sent a message to his brothers and sisters. 

_‘It likes me’_

He sent the message accompanied with a picture of the small kitten he found in the park. 

_‘Don’t tell Mom or Dad, please.’_

He then pulled up a web browser and looked for a way to identify a cat’s gender. He was tired of calling the cat ‘they’ and ‘it’. He wanted to know if he had found a boy cat or a girl cat. And he also wanted to name the kitten. 

From what he found, all he had to do was look at the kitten’s rear end. He did so and glanced between the diagram and his own kitten. 

Lance wasn’t a veterinarian and therefore couldn’t be exact in his diagnosis, but if he had to choose one or the other, he believed the cat was closest to a girl. 

From there, he allowed the animal to curl up in his lap again as he searched for good names. 

He had always liked fantasy and mythology, so he thought choosing a name like that would suit the kitten well. 

A notification popped up on his phone from his sister Veronica. 

_‘So cute! What did you call it?’_

Lance tapped the notification and replied. 

_‘It was supposed to be fantasy based.’_

He quickly checked the kitten again to make sure he had the right selection. 

_‘I’m naming her Blue_. _It was going to be a combination of random pretty names I found, but her eyes are prettier.’_

_‘Aw! That’s so sweet!’_ Veronica replied. _‘I can’t believe Mom and Dad are okay with this.’_

_‘They don’t know :)’_ Lance sent back. _‘I said don’t tell them for a reason.’_

Lance scrolled up a bit, copied the picture of his kitten and sent it to his friends. 

He knew they’d be interested in seeing his newfound friend, but he wasn’t interested in their reply. 

He scooped up the kitten in his arms and lay down on his bed, letting his pet snuggle up on his chest. 

‘Your name is Blue.’ He signed. ‘I’ll take good care of you, I promise. His phone vibrated on his pillow and he turned to see the notification. 

_‘Leaving now. Be home soon.’_

Looking to his little kitten, Lance signed, ‘I’m not going to let Mom or Dad kick you out. I promise I won’t.’

The kitten stood, sniffed Lance’s chin, and cautiously walked towards the pillow. Curling up on the soft pillow next to Lance’s shoulder, Blue immediately began to purr. 

She was so happy. 

Lance rolled onto his side to face Blue and smiled. He placed two gentle fingers on the kittens back and let out a content sigh. 

Her purr was so beautiful and so unique. Lance had always been told what sounds were like, and something he had always loved to know for himself was the happy purr of a feline. 

Although he couldn’t hear the purr with his ears, Lance was able to feel it. Whether it was his imagination or his nerve overreacting, he felt as if he could hear Blue’s purr with his hands. Obviously, that wasn’t really possible, but for Lance, the ability to feel the sound of his kitten’s purr was enough for him to say he could hear it.

He did worry that he would have to give up the kitten, but for now, for the half hour he had until his parents came home, he would be with his kitten. 

She trusted Lance, quiet easily too. He had saved her life, and already felt safe around him. This not only made Lance feel good for helping an animal, but also made him feel loved and important. 

He was happy when he had those feelings. 

Feeling wanted and needed helped Lance to stay positive. 

School rarely lets him feel important, but now, now he had Blue to look after. He had an important task, and he knew Blue appreciated him for looking after her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some psychological rule states that your brain likes when your body is in a neutral state, not too happy, not too sad. Kind of like Goldy Locks (if that's how you spell her name, I honestly don't know). And because of that, I like to make my chapters follow or be guided by that pattern. Something big and intense, and something calm. Although, it won't always be an even 50/50 split, because that's not how life works.  
> So maybe this wasn't a necessary chapter, maybe this was a bit unnecessary, but Lance needs something to keep him happy. He's totally going to get busted for having a cat though, he knows that, but for now, he gets to enjoy the cuddles and snuggles with Blue.   
> And yes, she is named after the Blue Lion. I have to sneak in little bits of the show here and there, it's fun.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and for your support. Sorry for the delays from chap. 21, I got caught up in college stuff.  
> ~Picci


	23. Chapter 23

Trigger Warning:

-Mentions of Suicide

-Mentions of Self Harm

What on earth was Keith doing? Why had this idea  _ ever _ come into his mind. He had promised himself and his brother that he would  _ never _ do this again. Ever. He had made a promise. Why was he breaking it now?

_ ‘Just once can’t hurt _ . _ ’  _ He had told himself.  _ ‘Just once.’ _

Keith wasn’t a hoarder, but he did have issues with throwing things out. Even dangerous things. 

He had never gotten rid of the blades he used to cut his wrists with. He had managed to keep two of the little blades from his brother. But he had also promised himself and his brother that he would  _ never _ hurt himself anymore. 

Keith sat on his bed, his legs crossed. 

Kosmo was used to Keith putting things to his arms, he had always watched Keith draw on himself and had been trained to be calm if Keith was doing so since drawing was not harmful. But this wasn’t drawing. 

This was nothing like drawing. 

Shivering as the cold metal blade touched his skin, Keith regretted not getting rid of these little things, but he still didn’t stop. 

Applying light pressure, Keith winced as he pierced the first layer of his skin. 

What he wasn’t expecting, was for his phone to start ringing. 

The noise startled him. The silence of the house being interrupted so suddenly by his phone made him jump with fright. 

“Fuck…!” 

He hadn’t meant to cut so deeply, but his tiny little muscle spasm did it for him. 

Grabbing his phone, he ran into his bathroom. 

He felt the blood trickling down his arm. 

Keith dropped his phone on the floor, answered the call and pulled out the box of bandaids from underneath his sink. 

“Hey, Keith!” Pidge’s voice came through the speakers of his phone, but Keith didn’t answer immediately. “Are you there?”

“Yeah…!” He answered quickly, doing his best to hide his sudden and growing fear as he grabbed a wad of tissues and held them to his wrist. . “I’m here. What did you need?”

“I just wanted to know if you’d like to hang out. Lance is busy dealing with shit from his mom and dad for bringing home a cat, and Hunk just started working at some bakery. Also I’m bored.”

“Um… I…” Keith didn’t know what to say. Pidge was the one who knew how bad self harm was on a personal level. He didn’t want them to find out about what he had just done. But then he answered. “Yeah, sure…!” He said suddenly, not even thinking of what obligations his answer would entail. “When?”

“Are you alright…? You sound stressed… If you’re busy it’s fine.”

“No, I’m not busy. I just wasn’t expecting to hear from you.” Keith ripped open a pack of gauze bandages with his right hand and his teeth. He removed the tissues and placed the gauze over his wrist, folding it a few times and holding it in place with his foot. 

“Oh, okay. I can come over if you want, that way we don’t have to worry about having you back for a certain time.”

“That sounds good.” Keith replied. He hated himself more with every answer he gave. “Just give me a few minutes to get ready and… And to clean up. It’s messy in my room, sorry.”

“That’s fine, just text me when you’re ready.” They sounded quite happy to know they’d be socializing today. 

That only made Keith feel worse. After a quick goodbye, he hung up. 

“I am so fucking stupid.” 

Kosmo started to whine, now realizing what Keith had done. 

“You’re really stupid, Kosmo. You’re supposed to react  _ before  _ I harm myself.”

Whimpering, Kosmo forced himself into Keith’s lap. He was, in a sense, apologizing to Keith for missing the action, and also trying to make him feel better by forcing Keith to pay attention to him.

“I’m fine, Kosmo… Just let me get a bandaid and then I’ll be okay.”

Kosmo started to lick Keith’s arm, prompting Keith to realize that he forgot to wipe up the blood on his arm. 

“Sorry…!” He said to his dog as he shoved Kosmo from his lap and stood up. 

He pressed his thumb to the gauze and turned on the tap. With his fingers, he did his best to clean up the blood. There wasn’t as much as he had expected, but any amount of blood was worse than none. 

Keith held the gauze patch to his wrist, held onto the sink and felt around for the bag of bandages on the floor. He had one thing on his side, flexibility. That he inherited from his parents. Gripping the bag with his toes, he did his best to lift it up to the small counter next to his sink. Just before he could grab it, the bag slipped from between his toes. 

“Fuck…” He groaned, hearing the bag hit the floor. “Kosmo.” Keith used a more authoritative voice as he spoke to his dog. “Pick that up, please.”

Kosmo listened well, picking up the bag. He figured out Keith wanted it handed to him, so Kosmo stood up on his hind legs, placed his front paws on the countertop and dropped the bag in the sink. He panted happily, proud of himself for helping Keith out. 

“Thanks.”

After a few tries, Keith got the bag open, took out a bandage, placed it over the gauze and repeated the process once more, making sure the gauze was stuck firmly to his wrist. 

“Let’s just hope they don’t notice…”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“Is your brother home?” Pidge asked. 

Keith shook his head. “No. He’s at some study session or something and I’m sure he’s going on a date later.”

“Oh with the guy who had the puppies?”

“Yes, actually.” Keith said, somewhat surprised by their recollection. “His name is Curtis. And he’s alright. Certainly seems better than his previous choices.”

Pidge sighed, saying, “older brother have terrible choice in partners. Seriously. Matt tried to date some, quote, ‘hot girl from Europe’ or something. First of all, she wasn’t from Europe, and second of all, she was way older than him.”

“What was her name?”

Pidge shrugged. “No clue. He never said.”

Keith couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s something my brother would do.”

It was quiet for a bit before Keith asked, “Do you want to go to my room? Or is the sitting room area good enough? Sorry if it’s small…”

“It’s not that small. It’s really nice, actually. I am curious to check out your room, though.”

Nodding, Keith led them to his room, opened the door and stepped inside. “Ta-da…!” He said in an unenthusiastic voice. “This is my room. It’s nowhere near as nice as your room or Hunk’s or Lance’s.”

“What? No! It’s lovely!” Pidge said with enthusiasm. “I like it. It’s a good sized room.”

Keith took a seat on his bed. “You can sit here or pull up the desk chair. Whatever is comfortable.”

“God, Lance would kill you if he knew you had a queen bed.” Pidge said, laughing. “He hates his little twin bed. He hates a lot of things, actually…”

“What about the kitten? Does he hate that?”

“Hm?”

“You said he was in deep shit because he brought a kitten home.”

“Oh yeah!” Pidge pulled out their phone, and played a video, the sounds of meowing quickly filled the room. “He sent a video of his little kitten when she sees him after school.”

“To all of us?”

“Yeah. Did you not get it?”

“I probably didn’t check my phone. Sorry.”

“No it’s alright.” Pidge paused for a moment before they asked a question. “How’ve you been feeling…? You threw the stuff out, right?”

“Oh, yeah. I threw it out when I got home. Told Shiro right away and we sorted it out.” Keith lied. 

“That’s good. I really am sorry you feel the way you do. If you ever—”

Keith cocked an eyebrow suddenly. “If I ever…?”

“The fuck happened to your arm?”

Keith felt his heart skip ten beats. He couldn’t tell them the truth. Could he? That would destroy them and the trust between him and them. “It’s nothing…”

“Did you…” Pidge paused. “Did you hurt yourself?”

“Yes… I’m sorry. It was an accident.”

“Like… Self harm or…?”

“Breakfast prep.” Keith quickly answered. “I… I burned myself. It felt nasty so I put ice and bandages on it. Probably unnecessary.”

Pidge slowly turned his wrist over. “It looks like it’s bleeding… Want me to look at it?”

“No, that’s fine.” Keith answered, pulling his hand back. “It’s fine. Thank you for offering, but I’m okay.”

“Okay…”

The room went silent again. 

Keith bit down hard on his lip. He felt terrible for lying. He wanted to come clean. But he didn’t know how they’d react. What if they told Shiro? If his brother knew, that could mean he was back to weekly therapy sessions, higher medications, or constant watch. Maybe even admittance to a hospital. 

“Pidge…”

“Yeah?”

“Can I… Tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“You have to  _ promise  _ not to tell my brother. Please.”

“Keith if it’s bad I—”

“You can’t!” Keith snapped. “ _ Please _ , Pidge!”

“Okay…”

“I didn’t burn myself… I cut my wrist…”

“I know…”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Keith flinched when he felt a hand on his forehead. 

Pidge pushed his bangs up and out of his face, giggling quietly. “Even if you do everything to hide your looks, I can tell you’re lying. Your eyes say it all.”

“My… eyes…?” Keith asked slowly, pulling away from them. He wasn’t trying to hide his face again, at least that wasn’t his only motive. He was, however, mostly trying to move from their hand. Keith and physical contact we’re best of friends. 

“Yeah.” Pidge said, a hint of a more cheery tone snuck itself in as they spoke. “Just because you’re blind doesn’t mean you don’t react like most people do.”

“Pidge… I’m really sorry… I thought it wouldn’t be that bad. I thought that just once, you know? just one time would be okay. But then… Then you called and I freaked out and cut too deep, and it started bleeding, like,  _ really  _ bleeding, so I ran to the bathroom, and—”

“Has Shiro ever told you that you ramble?” Pidge asked calmly, interrupting their friend. “I do too. When I get worried or nervous. But sometimes you just need to take a deep breath.” They imitated what they had said, inhaling and exhaling slowly. “Now you.”

“No, that’s not what I need. I need to come clean about everything. I—”

“Trust me.” Pidge said, their tone was quite a bit sterner than their previous one. “It’s not necessary. I know you cut your wrist, and I know you didn’t mean to cut it that deeply. More importantly, The gauze looks really nasty and I doubt you used any disinfectants.”

Keith slowly shook his head. 

“Come on.” Pidge pulled Keith to his feet. “You don’t want Shiro to know, right?”

He nodded. 

“Then allow me to work some magic.”

“You don’t even know which room the bathroom is.”

“Yes I do. It’s the one that stinks.”

“Wait what?”

“I’m kidding.” Pidge said with a laugh. “It doesn’t stink, it’s just obvious which one it is.”

Keith and Pidge sat across from each other on the floor of the bathroom. Not the best place to spend time with friends, but Keith couldn’t deny that he needed a trained hand to look at his mistake. 

“You’re lucky I give a shit about this.” Pidge said, slowly removing the blood stained bandages. “Sorry if this pulls your skin.”

Keith winced as they removed the hastily placed bandages and gauze pads. 

“Sorry…!”

“It’s fine…” Keith mumbled. “I did this to myself.”

“Well that’s a shitty attitude.”

“It’s my only attitude.”

Pidge sighed quietly, dabbing the cut with a damp washcloth. “We can work on that.”

Keith sat in silence as his friend finished cleaning and properly dressing his cut. He thought that just a few bandages would help, but he hadn’t put much thought into the process. 

Unlike Pidge. 

“The way you had it, it was super obvious and also poorly managed. You really did just throw some gauze on there and hoped for the best, didnt you?”

Keith nodded. 

“You have to actually clean this shit out, Keith. Accident or not. In order for it to heal nicely, it has to be washed out, dried, disinfected and then wrapped up with a  _ single _ piece of gauze and  _ one _ bandage.”

“But…” Keith began, “What if I don’t want it to heal?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if I don’t want it to heal nicely like you said. What if…” He trailed off, not finishing his thought. 

“That’s extremely dangerous. If you get an infection—”

“I know what happens if a cut gets infected, Pidge!”

Pidge whined quietly, upset by their friend’s sudden display of anger. “Do you want my help or not?”

“Leaving a suicidal blind teen by himself seems like a really shitty idea.”

“You’re suicidal….?”

“What? No. I mean. No I’m not. At least—” Keith stuttered as he tried to fix his slip of the tongue, but he ended up cutting himself off. He couldn’t find his words. 

“Please tell me that was sarcasm…”

“And what if it’s not?”

“Keith! Please don’t  _ ever _ think like that!”

“Why not?!”

“Because I know what it’s like to almost off myself and you don’t deserve to know what that’s like!”

“You think I don’t know what that’s like already?!” Keith challenged. “You don’t know anything about me!”

“I do, Keith, I—”

“No you don’t! I’ve had a  _ long _ history of self harm. You’re not the only one in the world who feels pain! Why the fuck do you think I’ve been in therapy since my father died?! It sure as fuck isn’t because I’m just depressed and moody!”

Suddenly, Kosmo barked loudly and shoved his entire body into Keith’s lap. He started whining and whimpering like a puppy missing its mother. Kosmo barked again, leaning on Keith’s chest before he started licking the teenager’s neck and face. 

Keith stroked Kosmo nervously, burying his face in the dog’s long fur. “Just finish up, please.”

“Yeah, of course.” Pidge did as they were asked, placing a new and clean piece of gauze on Keith’s cut and keeping it in place with a bandaid. “All done…”

“Thanks…” Keith muttered, wrapping both arms arms his dog. 

Kosmo squirmed out of Keith’s grasp, licking his hands immediately. 

“Keith…” Pidge said his name quietly. “I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed anything about you… And it’s wrong of me to act like I’m the only one who can help you…”

Keith didn’t say anything in response, but he did give a tiny nod. 

“I really am sorry…”

“It’s fine.” Keith told them bluntly. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you… You’re just trying to help me… I’m such an asshole… I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Keith.” Pidge told him. “I promise you, it’s not your fault.”

“I’m a problematic and short tempered teenager… It absolutely is my fault.”

“But it’s not. Sure, you’re aggravated easily, but you know what, at least you react somehow. You’re not totally lost.” They said kindly. “Plus, you’ve got an amazing support team who is always here for you. You have Kosmo, me, Lance, Hunk, and most importantly, your brother, Shiro.”

“Still doesn’t change the fact that I want to die…”

“But you don’t. I know you don’t. If you wanted to, you’d be dead already. You’re just tired and done with all of life’s bullshit. Right?”

Keith shook his head. “I don’t have the motivation to do anything… If I did, I’d off myself in a heartbeat. I have  _ so many _ plans. Shiro knows that. Or at least, he knew it. But he doesn’t think much about me hurting myself anymore. He thinks I’m past that.”

“Then… Tell him. He’s your brother. He will always be here for you.”

“I can’t tell him, Pidge.” Keith said, shaking his head. “I’ll go back to weekly therapy and I might end up in a hospital. He’ll do anything to help me, but his ways of helping upset me.”

“Can you at least open up to your therapist?”

Keith shook his head again. “She’ll just tell him.”

“What about Hunk and Lance?” They suggested. “I’m not Wonder Woman, so I can’t help you all on my own.”

“Can you…” He paused a moment. “Can you tell them for me? I don’t want to know their reaction.”

“Yeah… I’ll do my best.” Pidge replied. “But before that, why don’t you and I do something fun? I don’t know, maybe play some stupid game or something.”

“Sure…” Keith said. “It’s probably best if Shiro doesn’t learn that I did absolutely nothing all day but sit on my bathroom floor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Crazy chapter, crazy day.  
> There were therapy dogs at my school and I got kisses from one of the nice little doggies. Kind of reminded me of Kosmo when he licks Keith and makes him feel better. Guess the lil dog sensed my stress.  
> I also got accepted to my top uni and that feels sooooo great.  
> Back to this chapter... I really wanted to highlight Pidge and Keith’s relationship (which is strictly platonic) and this seemed like a pretty good way to do so. Pidge understands Keith’s feelings, and he trusts that they won’t reveal any of what he says to Shiro.  
> Trust is a huge factor in friendships, which is also why Keith feels bad for letting Pidge come over. He has to lie to them and also lies about the morphine, which he still has! Not to get all AP English Literature Professor here, but pay attention to specific actions done by the characters. It’s going to be very important :)
> 
> As always, thank you for your support and for reading this AU. It means a lot.  
> ~Picci


	24. Chapter 24

‘Please don’t call the shelter!’ Lance signed quickly before he grabbed his mother’s phone from her hands. ‘She’s happy here, and you can’t take her away from me. ‘I’m not giving her away!’

‘She’s a cat, Lance! Your father is deathly allergic and so is your sister!’

Lance shook his head in defiance. ‘Rachel said she’d use medications, she’s fine with me keeping Blue!’

His mother was quite mad now. ‘You found a stray cat and brought her home without telling either me or your father! You will find a home for her or I will give her to a shelter.’ 

‘What’s so wrong with me keeping a cat?’

‘Because I said so.’

‘That’s not an answer!’ Lance argued. 

‘It is. You know you can’t have pets.’

Rachel suddenly butted into the argument. ‘Wait a minute.’ She signed, pausing to smile at her brother. She was on his side. ‘You don’t understand how much joy Blue has brought Lance.’

‘He can get the same joy from the games he plays and his friends and family.’

‘No he can’t. Have you even asked him why he’s so attached to the stupid cat?’

Lance watched as his mother slowly shook her head. 

‘Well maybe you should. Maybe that will change your mind.’

‘Why do you like the stray so much?’ 

‘She makes me happy.’ Lance said quickly. ‘She likes me. She gives me purpose. Blue needs me.’ Looking to the kitten at his feet Lance smiled for a short moment. ‘Blue isn’t like anyone at school. She’s a cat, sure, but she makes me feel wanted. I don’t get that at school. And not at home either. Unless I’m with someone.’

‘You’re keeping a cat because of that?’

Lance shook his head. ‘Not just that, Mom. Blue really likes me. I saved her from a bully cat, and it would be so wrong to give her away now. Plus,’ He smiled again as he went on, ‘I like her purr. It’s calming and relaxing. It’s like I can hear it. Nothing has ever come close to that before. Her purr makes me feel like I have my hearing. It’s the only thing in my life that has ever given me that feeling before.’

His mother looked as if she had gasped in response to his words. She didn’t say anything to her son, but she did pick up the kitten and placed Blue in Lance’s arms. ‘Is she purring, Lance?’

Slowly, Lance nodded. 

‘Do you promise to take care of her?’

Lance nodded quickly. 

‘And I won’t find anything nasty in the house?’

Adjusting the placement of Blue, Lance allowed himself to be able to fingerspell his answer. ‘I promise.’

‘You have a week to prove this to me. Afterwards, she’s yours.’

Lance looked to Rachel, a dorky yet ecstatic smile on his lips. 

‘Lance.’ His mother waved a hand in front of his face. ‘If you fail, she doesn’t stay.’

‘I know.’ He fingerspelled.

‘Go on, go sit with her or whatever you do with a cat.’

Lance nodded again, holding Blue in both hands. He ran up to his room, closed the door behind him and placed Blue on the carpeted floor. 

‘Mom said I can keep you, Blue!’ 

The kitten sat down and looked up at Lance. She meowed once before trotting over to him and rubbing against his legs. 

Lance picked up his kitten and placed her on his bed. He smiled as he signed to her. ‘I’m deaf, Blue. So I can’t hear you. But I can still look after you.’

Blue paid no attention to Lance’s signs. She rammed her head into his hands, nuzzling him and asking for attention. 

‘I communicate through movement, smell, touch and… Well everything but sound. Maybe I can find a way to teach you ASL… Kitten Sign Language.’

He smiled contently as he gave in to Blue’s persistent pestering, scratching her cheek gently. Her fur was so soft. At least it was now, after Lance had given her a warm bath. He knew cats hate water, but he didn’t want a dirty cat in the house and he guessed Blue wasn’t mature enough to clean herself. He had gotten some well deserved scratches from the whole ordeal, but now that it was all over, even Blue seemed quite happy with her fresh and clean look. 

Lance suddenly felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. Looking at the notification, he saw that he got a text from his sister. 

_‘Let’s go get her some real supplies.’_ Rachel had typed.

_‘Should I bring Blue?’_ Lance asked. 

_‘Seems dangerous but why not?’_

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Lance made sure to keep a tight hold on Blue as he walked through the small pet store. He had already found a nice collar for her, as he was told he couldn’t bring a cat into the store unless she had some form of identification. 

The collar was a light red color. Rachel had found a blue collar, but Lance though it distracted from her eyes. 

Rachel tapped her brother on his shoulder. ‘Tag acquired.’ She signed, holding up a small tag that said ‘Blue’ on one side. ‘I put your phone number on the back, as well as mine.’

Lance nodded, slipped the collar off of his kitten and handed it to his sister. ‘Help.’ He signed, implying that he couldn’t put the tag on the collar himself. 

Listening to her brother’s rather confusing request, Rachel attached the name tag to the ring on the collar, messed with it a few times to make sure it stayed put, and clipped the collar back around Blue’s little neck. ‘There we go! All done!’

Smiling, Lance scratched the kitten’s ears gently. ‘Thank you.’ He signed. 

He and Rachel walked through the pet store for quite a few minutes, trying to find food and other necessities. They were determined to get home sooner rather than later, but when Lance’s phone vibrated, their mission was put on hold. 

_‘Pidge to Chaotic Trio: I’ve got some bad news. Just spoke with Keith a bit ago and… ‘_

The message was longer, but the notification could only hold the first few characters. 

In a heartbeat Lance unlocked his phone to read the whole message. 

_‘I’ve got some bad news. Just spoke with Keith a bit ago and he’s not doing so great. He asked me to tell you all and doesn’t want a big reaction, he cut his wrist this morning and regrets it now, but this isn’t his first time. He’s harmed himself a lot in the past and says he is thinking of suicide, but he doesn’t have the motivation/energy to do it. Maybe send him some nice messages to make him happy or something. He went out with his brother to get food for the week, so he might not reply, probably won’t ever because he’s Keith, but it’s the thought that counts.’_

Without thinking, Lance showed his phone screen to Rachel. 

She read the text quickly, passed Lance back his phone and signed, ‘holy shit. I thought he wasn’t that bad.’

Lance shook his head. ‘Clearly not.’ He fingerspelled. 

‘Text him later. When we get home. Don’t worry too much, okay?’

Lance nodded slowly. Despite Rachel’s suggestion, Lance was already worrying. How could he not? Keith was one of his friends. 

‘It’ll be alright.’ Rachel signed, a kind smile on her face. ‘Trust me. If he talked to Pidge, then he’s probably going to be so mad about their shitty advice that he won’t be able to do anything but rant to himself about them.’

‘Not funny, Rachel.’ Lance signed angrily. ‘He could actually kill himself.’

‘I was trying to lighten the mood. I’m sorry.’

He and his sister eventually decided to continue on their search for ‘cat necessities’— that’s what Lance called them. The sooner they finished here, the sooner they could get home, meaning the sooner Lance could text his friend. 

Turning the corner, Lance pointed to a bag of dog food, quickly commenting on how cute the dog looked. 

‘We’re here for cat stuff, Lance.’ Rachel signed. ‘Yes, it’s very cute. But that’s not a cat.’

‘But it’s so cute!’ Lance signed enthusiastically. 

‘Come on, silly. Blue needs food, doesn’t she?’

Lance nodded, walking down the long aisle until they came to cat food. 

Again Lance pointed to the item on the shelf, but not to the advertised animal, this time, to the price tag. 

‘What now, Lance?’

‘The price.’ Lance signed, pointing to the price tag again. ‘It’s expensive.’

‘Bye bye earnings.’ Rachel signed sarcastically as she lifted the food from the shelf. Going to the end of the aisle, Rachel grabbed a basket and placed the cat food inside. 

‘We can’t afford Blue.’

Rachel nodded. ‘Yes we can. Mom and Dad will pitch in.’

Lance didn’t believe her, but he didn’t argue with her either. He just wanted to collect the last few supplies and head home. 

Rachel tapped Lance on the shoulder quickly, Pointing to somewhere in the store. 

‘What?’ Lance asked. 

‘There. Isn’t that your friend?’ Rachel signed her question, pointing towards the front entrance of the store. 

Without thinking, Lance dragged his sister backwards and away from the center of the store. He pulled her all the way down the side aisle until they were far from the entrance. 

‘Lance what the hell?!’

‘Don’t point at people, Rachel!’

‘Isn’t that him? Your friend, Keith?’

Slowly Lance nodded. 

‘Go talk to him, idiot!’

‘No!’

‘Why not?’ Rachel asked. ‘When I see my friends in public, I talk to them.’

‘That’s because you don’t have a huge language barrier between you and your friends!’ Lance had fingerspelled his whole argument, and possibly too quickly for Rachel to read. 

‘Wait… What? I got half of that.’

Pulling out his phone, Lance typed out his signs and showed the phone to his sister. 

‘Oh.’ Rachel nodded. ‘That’s true.’

_‘Also. It’d be really awkward.’_ Lance typed. _‘After what Pidge sent, it would be really awkward_.’

‘Because he’s suicidal?’

Lance nodded. 

‘Maybe we could tell his brother. You know, someone who’s with him a lot.’

_‘Absolutely not, Rachel! I don’t have that kind of authority! What if he doesn’t want him to know?’_

‘Then that’s an even bigger problem!’ Rachel rolled her eyes and sighed. ‘If you want to text him so badly, why not just do it now, or just say hi.’

_‘Because that’s weird as fuck, Rachel!’_

She sighed again, slowly shaking her head. ‘Fine. Don’t tell him you’re here. Let’s just get what we need and go home.’

‘Do we have everything?’

Rachel shrugged. ‘I can grab a spot at the cash register if you want to do one more look around the store.’

‘We have food, water and food dishes, a collar and a tag.’ He paused, then asked, ‘What else do we need?’

‘Toys, maybe.’

‘Right.’ Lance nodded as he stepped backwards. ‘I’ll go look for those and meet you at the front when I’m done.’

‘Alright.’ She signed. ‘Don’t get anything too fancy.’

‘Of course.’

A part of Lance felt weird for avoiding his friend, but another part of him wasn’t so worried. He couldn’t communicate with Keith unless someone voiced his signs, but what if he or Keith said something that crossed a line. What if he mentioned Keith’s situation. If Keith’s brother heard, then that would he terrible. Shiro might be overprotective like Lance thought he was. Or he might take actions that upset Keith. Lance didn’t want that to happen. That would be terrible. 

Lance kept his eyes on his kitten as he perused the store aisles. He thought that keeping his head down would limit the likelihood of him needing to interact with anyone. Specifically Keith. 

Turning down an aisle, Lance looked up for a split second to read the hanging sign. 

_‘Cat Toys’_

Lance noticed, in his quick glance, that the aisle on the other side of the store held the dog toys. Putting him in close proximity to where Keith might be. But Keith wasn’t a cat person. That’s what Lance had been told. Keith hated cats. So the likelihood of him being in this aisle or anywhere near Lance was quite unlikely. 

Picking out a pack of plush mice, Lance checked the price to make sure it wasn’t too expensive. 

Satisfied with the relatively doable price, Lance showed the toys to Blue, and waited for her approval. Once she showed interest in the mice, he adjusted how he was holding her, not wanting her to slip from

his grasp, and headed towards the register, where he and Rachel would meet.

As he stepped into the main aisle, he felt his body slam into something. 

A display?

Nope. 

Just his luck. 

He had run right into Keith. 

Literally. 

And physically too. 

Lance did his best to smile, but he felt somewhat scared when he saw Shiro. 

‘Hi.’ He signed hesitantly. 

He watched as Shiro waved back. The man was smiling kindly. He knew Lance. Barely, but he knew who he was. 

‘I’m sorry for running into you.’ He signed to his friend. ‘It was an accident.’

Something clicked in Lance’s brain that reminded him that neither Keith nor Shiro understood ASL. Holding up a finger, Lance pulled out his phone and typed out what he had wanted to say, then had his phone’s AI read the message aloud to the two of them. 

Keith seemed to smile slightly. He gave the ‘OK’ fingers as he mouthed the word. 

Or maybe he said it. Lance wasn’t sure. 

Quickly Lance typed _‘See you at school. I have to go.’_

And then he ran off. He ran to the check out and found his sister. 

Lance hurriedly threw the package of toys on the conveyor belt and stood next to Rachel. 

‘The heck happened to you?’ She asked, commenting on how freaked out he looked. 

‘Nothing.’ Lance answered, taking a deep breath. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘Okay…’ She hesitantly signed. ‘You sure?’

Lance nodded. 

‘Alright.’

He watched his sister swipe her debit card, pick up the bag of supplies and thank the worker. 

‘Let’s go home.’ She signed, taking ahold of her brother’s wrist and pulling him out of the store. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


‘Rachel.’ Lance signed her name slowly. 

‘Yeah?’

‘I ran into Keith.’ He hung his head as he signed. ‘I mean… Physically. I ran right into him.’

‘That’s embarrassing.’

He slowly nodded. ‘I didn’t know what to do or what to say. I blanked. So I started signing, but he doesn’t know any sign, at least, not enough to understand me, so he didn’t know what I had said. So I pulled out my phone and told him that way.’

‘I feel like there’s a ‘but’ to this statement.’

Again, Lance nodded. 

‘But I wanted to say more. I wanted to tell him more than just ‘sorry for bumping into you’. I really did.’

‘Then tell him now.’ Rachel suggested with a confident smile. 

Lance shook his head. ‘That’s not why I’m telling you this.’ He paused for a moment, forced a smile, and went on. ‘I’m tired of this stupid language barrier. It’s not fair. I can’t even talk to my friends without having difficulties. I feel so awful for not being able to communicate with him. I can’t be there, physically, for him. Because I can’t talk to him. It’s so unfair. I’m the one who understands his pain of being blind and impaired, but I can’t even talk to him 1 on 1 without using stupid technology. I—’ He cut himself off as he took a deep breath. ‘I simply want to be able to talk to my friends. Normally. Things are getting worse for him. I know they are. And all I can do is use talk to text and text to talk apps. I feel so useless…’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I keep writitng about happy stuff to trick my mind into thinking this doesn't get /that/ angsty. I really think I'm starting to do that.   
> Oops.  
> I never want to bombard you with a bunch of sad chapters all in a row, it'd be a bit much. For you and for me. We both read this stuff. I have to edit it, and honestly, I can't read only angst for hours. It's no fun :(  
> Anyway. I hope this was a nice little chapter for you. I really liked writing it. 
> 
> Thanks for your support thus far!  
> ~Picci


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <>  
> CERTAIN WARNINGS MAY GIVE AWAY PLOT LINES FOR A CHAPTER, AND THUS I WILL NO LONGER PUT INDIVIDUAL WARNINGS ON THE CHAPTERS.  
> INSTEAD, I WILL SAY, RIGHT NOW, THAT THE FOLLOWING CHAPTERS INCLUDE TRIGGERS SUCH AS :  
> MENTIONS OF SELF HARM/HATE  
> MENTIONS OF SUICIDE  
> MENTIONS OF BLOOD AND INJURY  
> MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION  
> AND OTHERS  
> IF ANY OF THESE UPSET YOU, I ADVISE YOU BE CAUTIOUS WHEN READING FROM HERE ON OUT

“Oh, Jesus Christ…” Pidge moaned. “Here comes the king of all assholes again.”

Keith, interested and confused by their comment, expressed his confusion. “Who?”

“Spencer.” Hunk answered. “He’s always getting under people’s skin. Or trying to.”

“Just try and ignore him.” Pidge mumbled under their breath. “If we don’t pay attention, he might get bored and walk away.”

Giving a slow nod, Keith kept to himself and tried not to show any interest in this other student. 

“How are the misfits doing today?”

“Great now that you’re here.” Pidge replied sarcastically. “Any special insults to share today?”

“Not with you, Four-Eyes.” Spencer said with such rudeness that Keith thought he might step in. 

But he stayed silent. He didn’t know what this student had up his sleeve, and knew Pidge, Hunk and Lance had a better idea of how to deal with him.

“Well that’s a bit overused.” Remarked Pidge, scoffing as they talked. “Why don’t you come back later? Maybe you’ll have better insults then.”

“I’m not focused on you today. I’m far more interested in this silent dunce over here.”

“His name is Lance.”

“I’ll call him what I want, fatty.”

“Really…?” Pidge sounded so disappointed. “You’re using a really old name now. Everyone knows Hunk isn’t fat. He’s quite ripped, actually.”

“Yeah? Well this faggotty little deaf twig sure looks like he could do with a face lift.”

“Excuse me?! You can’t use the f-slur!”

“Pidge…” Hunk whispered. “Don’t let him get under your skin…”

Spencer either didn’t hear the two of them or took no note to their words. “It’s kind of boring making fun of a deaf kid. I’d love to insult him, but he can’t hear me. So I guess I can call him whatever I want. He just sits there and stares at me, anyway. Why are you even friends with him? No seriously! He’s useless. You have to learn a whole other language to communicate with him. Just learn to talk, dick head. Quit making others adapt to you when you can _easily_ just talk. Or maybe get those fucking aids so you don’t slow our class down. You belong in special education, moron. You fuck it up for everyone else. Just go back to South Hill School for the Deaf and Retarded. It’s more you. You don’t belong here at Meadview. Meadview is for people who have a brain. You _obviously_ don’t have one since you can’t even talk. Fucking idiot.”

Keith couldn’t take it anymore. He knew this other boy wasn’t going to back off unless someone intervened, and not just in words. Keith placed his hands on the table, making a loud banging sound as he rose to his feet. “Will you just shut up?! What part of being an asshole is appealing to you?!”

“So cripples do stand up for one another.”

“What did you just call me?”

Pidge, the only one here who still had both common sense and courage stood too, standing by Keith as they quickly entered the conversation. “Dude, what the fuck?! You can’t just call people that! You’re being a total douche right now. Just leave them alone.”

“I’m not being offensive, nerd, I’m just saying that I’m surprised by how _this_ _one_ actually knows what compassion is.”

“Back off, dick!” Pidge yelled, stepping towards their friend and the other student. “Get a life and stop being an asshole all the time.”

“But I thought you liked me being an asshole? Isn’t that what got you a friend?”

“Whoa, hey, Spencer.” Hunk was always the one to try and defuse tensions between people, and he wasn’t going to let this slide. “Look, man. I know talking rudely to people is kind of your thing, and that’s cool, but maybe not today. My friend is going through some tough shit and I was hoping you could find some sort of kindness to just, for once, leave us alone.” He had started out sounding dainty and sweet, but by the end of it, he wasn’t kidding around. “You’ve tried for _years_ to get under our skin. You’ve sent your little followers too. And yeah, it hurts but why don’t you just back off.”

“Both of you stay out of this. This is between me, Lance and Three Blind Mice, here.”

“Say what you want about me, but don’t ever make fun of Lance again. Just because he can’t hear you doesn’t mean it can’t hurt him.”

Spencer laughed at Keith’s words. “You are all too kind and sweet to translate it for him. He’s just a deaf kid who got into our school because his mommy and daddy said he deserves it.”

“But what makes him any different than the rest of us?!” Keith challenged. “He doesn’t hear for shit. But who gives a damn?! He’s still a junior working his ass off to get good grades and a decent GPA just like everyone else.”

“So that makes you some idiot who spends his time in the art room because it’s the only thing you can’t be judged for, right?”

Kosmo suddenly snarled, barking protectively as he ran in front of Keith. He started whining pushing his nose into Keith’s legs to try and move him. This was a bad situation and he knew he had to get Keith out of it. 

“Keith, just leave it, dude.” Pidge offered their advice, hoping Keith would take it. “Spencer is a total jackass. Just ignore him until he gets bored.”

“Yeah, man.” Hunk agreed with Pidge. “Kosmo’s senses are going off, and I’d listen to him.”

“Listen to you puppy, Keith.” Spencer teased. “Can’t believe a dog’s got more common sense than you.”

Tugging backwards on the leash, Keith got Kosmo to settle down before he switched his attention back to the other student. “Leave us the fuck alone, Spencer. You’ve made your point, now leave!”

“No, I don’t think I will. I’m interested in how far your mut will go to protect you since you _clearly_ have _zero_ self control.”

“Whoa! Hey! Spencer! What the actual fuck?!” Pidge sounded ticked off, more so than Keith. “Why the _fuck_ would you do that?! Testing a service dog?! If you’ve stooped that low, give up!”

“Look, _Katie_ , you’re no one special! You just decided to take on a new name, you’re no stronger than you were four years ago. Sit down.”

Keith still wasn’t up to date on the mannerisms and do’s and don'ts of the trans community, but he knew a line had been crossed. “Leave them alone!” Keith dropped the leash in his hands and shoved Spencer backwards, away from him and his friends. “Don’t you _ever_ call them that again!”

“Did you just touch me?!” 

“Did you deadname my friend?!” Keith ignored the question he was asked, standing his ground.

“No, see. You don’t get it. Just because I said a few things, doesn’t mean you get you lay your hands on me. If you want to fight, then we’ll fight.”

“Spencer, come on, man.” Another voice called out to Spencer. He was a ways away from Spencer, but he sounded familiar. Keith recognized the voice quickly. James. One of Spencer’s friends, or ‘henchmen’ as Pidge called him. “You’re taking it too far.”

“Says the one who was fine with beating up the deaf kid ‘til he had to go to the nurse.”

“Yeah, when I was a kid. Just leave them alone. You’ve done enough to piss them all off for one day.”

Spencer would have listened to James if he had an ounce of common sense, but he didn’t. He had chosen to annoy and pester Lance and his friends until he was satisfied. However, now he was angered, for no one’s fault but his own, and needed to let off some steam.

Keith didn’t quite know what had happened, all he heard was Kosmo snarling and one of his warning barks before Spencer shrieked and fell to the ground. 

“Holy shit!” Pidge hurried to Keith’s side, grabbing his wrist and pulling him backwards. “Keith are you okay?!”

“I’m fine…!” He answered bluntly, pulling free of their grasp. “If this asshole wants a fight, he can—”

“Your fucking dog just bit me!” 

“What?!”

“You heard me!” Spencer yelled. “Your service dog bit me!”

Keith’s jaw dropped. “That’s not possible. Kosmo _never_ bites anyone.”

“Well he did!”

“Spencer, come on! He didn’t bite you!” James said, siding with Keith. 

“Of fuck you, James! You’re all soft now. This douche-bag's dog nearly tore my hand off! You saw it!”

“Kosmo didn’t bite you, Spencer!” Pidge yelled, pulling Keith backwards, away from the other boys. “Stop pretending to be hurt when you know damn well he did _nothing_!”

“Kosmo…!” Keith called his dog in a hushed whisper. “Come here, boy.” 

Listening to Keith, Kosmo padded back to him, picked up his leash and dropped it in Keith’s hand. 

“We need to go before he makes an even bigger scene.” Hunk muttered just loud enough for Pidge and Keith to hear. “The last thing we need is for someone to—”

“Spencer are you alright?!” A teacher’s voice called out to the unwounded boy. They were either passing by or had seen part of the incident. 

“His dog _attacked_ me!” Spencer lied. And by his snarky and self satisfied tone, Keith knew he was pointing at Kosmo and making some stupid and horrified face. But on the inside he was smiling, a victorious smile of hate and cruelty. 

“You two!” The teacher yelled, clearly talking to Keith and Spencer. “Principal's office immediately!”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“Sir! Please! You have to listen to me! Kosmo would _never_ bite anyone!” Keith yelled to the man in front of him. “Kosmo has been through _years_ of proper training. He would _never_ hurt anyone! I _swear_! It was just a warning! He’s trained to keep me out of dangerous and self harming situations!”

“The dog showed aggression, Keith.” Mr. Lin retorted. “You can say he was trained one way or the other, but the fact of the matter is that your _pet_ could have injured another student.”

“No! Kosmo wouldn’t do that! Please! You have to believe me!”

“If he wouldn’t ever hurt anyone then why’d he bite me?!”

Keith turned his head to face the other student before looking up at the ceiling in anger. “He _didn’t_ bite you, Spencer! Kosmo has _never_ bitten _anyone_ before, and I know _for a fact_ that he wouldn’t waste his energy on someone like you.”

“That’s _enough_ , boys.” Mr. Lin sounded tired and furious. “Both of you wait outside of my office. I’ll call your parents first, Spencer to inform them of what happened, and then yours, Keith.”

“Keith doesn’t have—”

“ _Spencer_! Here at Meadview we _never_ discuss anyone’s home life. You are a _junior_ and have been here for _three_ years. You should know better than to say such a horrid thing.”

“It’s fine.” Keith muttered. “Everyone knows my guardian is my own brother. Can I go now?”

“Yes. You two may sit outside.”

Giving a nod, Keith turned his head to the door, clicking his tongue once to signal to Kosmo to heel. He was inches from the door when the principal called after him. 

“If it’s alright with you, Keith, I’d like to keep the dog.”

“What?! Of course it’s not alright with me! He’s my service dog! You _can’t_ take him from me. Legally, you cannot take him from my custody without my permission, and I will _never_ give _anyone_ permission to take Kosmo from me.”

“I am aware of that, it’s simply for precaution. If something were to happen outside, consequences might be severe.”

Keith held tighter to the dog’s leash. “No! You can’t just take someone’s service dog from them!”

“Keith, I understand your fear and your worry, but it’s for your own good. We don’t want you or the other student to be punished for an animal’s actions.”

Somehow, and only god knows how, but somehow, Keith gave in. He felt so unstable, as if his body was about to shut down entirely. He felt dizzy, like he could fall to the ground in a split second. 

The second Keith sat down on the bench outside of Mr. Lin’s office, his entire body began to shake. 

Without thinking, he pulled out his phone, immediately calling his brother. He didn’t know what else to do. 

“Shiro?!”

“Keith? Is everything alright? You sound terrified.”

Taking a deep breath, Keith did his best to answer his brother. “No… I… He took Kosmo.”

“Who…? Who took Kosmo?”

“Mr. Lin, the principal.” If Keith’s emotions weren’t so out of whack in this moment, he would have noticed that he was completely bent over, hugging his knees with his left arm. “Kosmo bitatsomeone, and I gotinto afight and-”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down, Keith. I can’t understand you. What happened?”

“He’s going to call you, please don’t answer. Just come here. _Please_!”

“Okay… I’ll leave as soon as I can. Stay put and don’t do anything stupid. Are your friends with you?”

Keith didn’t give an answer, as he didn’t know the answer. 

“Alright, I’ll see you soon. Stay safe and try to breathe.”

His cell phone beeped quietly as the call was ended, and for the first time in ages he wished he was with someone he knew. 

“Hey… Keith…” Hunk’s kind and compassionate voice met his ears. “We brought your stuff… And just wanted to check on you…”

“Are you alright…?” Pidge asked him softly. 

Keith couldn’t give a verbal answer. He didn’t know if he was unable to talk, or if he was too afraid to. Instead, he shook his head. It was quiet for a few moments and Keith thought he was about to burst into tears. 

But something stopped him. 

Something kind and caring. 

Something he wasn’t used to, but was grateful for in the moment. 

He felt someone’s arms around him, and then that person spoke. 

“It’s going to be okay…” Pidge said calmly. “It’ll all work out okay.” 

Keith didn’t know what to do at this point. He didn’t receive affection well, and he couldn’t think straight. He wanted to agree with them, or thank them for caring. He wanted to do something in return, but all he managed was a slow nod. 

“Are you free to go? Hunk asked. “If so, we could find somewhere quiet to sit and talk for the remainder of lunch.”

“I… I can’t…” Keith barely managed to get his words out. “Shiro is coming… But I can’t go…”

“That’s okay.” Pidge was sure to make Keith feel at ease. “We’ll stay here with you until he comes if you want.”

“Please stay…”

“Thanks for standing up for me…” Pidge thanked Keith in a soft whisper. “It really means a lot… Like… _A lot_ , a lot.”

“Yeah…” Keith managed to get his words out without losing his composure. “You’re… You’re welcome…”

Someone to the left of Keith cleared their throat and Keith felt as if he was going to break down the second he heard their voice. 

“Keith… Um… I’m sorry…” Spencer mumbled. “I took it too far and—”

“Spencer.” Pidge spoke to him as if they were his guardian and about to punish him. “I’m sure Keith appreciates that you can _finally_ apologize, but for once in your life can you _please_ leave us alone…?! Can’t you see he’s on edge…?! The last thing he needs to hear is your pathetic apology for something you _never_ should have done. We’ll all be dead by the time you finish it anyway because you have a _shit ton_ of stuff to apologize for. Now go sit the fuck down on your own bench and leave us alone…!”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“Keith…!” Shiro’s worried and terrified voice met the teen’s ears. 

Keith thought he was about to burst into tears. He was so frightened, so anxious, so upset. Staggering to his feet, he stepped towards his brother, who knew what Keith wanted without any communication. 

“It’s okay…” Shiro whispered in Keith’s ear as he wrapped his arms around his brother. “You’re okay… Breathe…” Slowly, he pulled away, patting Keith’s shoulder gently. “I’m going to speak with him, alright? But I need you to just sit and do some of those breathing exercises you love so much.” There was a hint of sarcasm in his tone, and it was clear that he was trying to cheer his brother up. 

Once Shiro thanked Keith’s friends for staying with him, Shiro went into the principal’s office for a long, lengthy discussion. 

Keith sat back down on the bench, immediately curling up into a protective ball. 

“On a scale of one to ten, how are you feeling right now ...?” Hunk asked, expecting nothing more than one word, or even a hand symbol.

“What? Hunk, that’s a stupid question.” Pidge sighed with disappointment before they asked their own question. “How badly do you want one of those fucking amazing burgers right now?” They didn’t get an answer but that didn’t bother them. “For me, it’s about a one hundred. Those were some good burgers.”

Keith couldn’t help but give a tiny smirk. He liked that they were trying to distract him from his emotions, and although it didn’t work all that well, he still appreciated their attempt. 

“Lance says he’ll buy you one after school.” Hunk conveyed Lance’s signs to Keith in a sweet and kind tone. 

“Thanks…” Keith somehow managed to say the word without losing his self control. Slowly, he pointed to his mouth and shook his head. 

“You… can’t talk? Or don’t want to talk…?” Pidge asked quietly, and when Keith nodded, they said, “I get that… You don’t have to talk. Why don’t you think of some of those cute animal videos? Where the kittens tumble off the counter tops, or the puppies try and catch their tails. I think about those whenever I panic and stress out.”

Keith barely nodded. His mind had immediately thought of Kosmo, which made everything seem worse. Things were awful for him right now, and thinking of Kosmo, his best friend that had been stolen from him, it broke his stability down into tiny, unmendable pieces. 

There was a small click, and the creak of the door, and suddenly, something jumped up on Keith’s lap. 

Whining and panting, Kosmo shoved himself into Keith’s lap, forcing the teen to sit up straight. He began licking Keith’s face, his hands and even his neck, any part of his skin he could reach. He had missed Keith and knew he had to get right back to work, calming and comforting the teenager. 

Without warning, Keith wrapped his hands around the dog’s soft, floppy ears, and touched his forehead to Kosmo’s. Typically, he wouldn’t show his dog much affection in public. But Keith wasn’t his normal self at the moment. His body was shaking from fear and anxiety, and the only thing stopping him from letting it all out was Kosmo. 

“Again…” Shiro spoke softly to Keith and his friends. “Thank you for staying with him. It means _so_ much to me, and to him, though I don’t know if he’ll tell you…”

“No, it’s alright.” Hunk quickly said. “You don’t need to thank us. We’re just doing what friends do. Looking out for one another. I know he would do the same for us.”

Keith only nodded, his attention still focused on his service dog. 

“Do you think you’re up for classes…? Or do you want to sit here for another half hour or so…?” Pidge asked considerately, and Keith got the feeling this wasn’t their first introduction to incidents like this.

He tried to answer. Keith really did try and give a verbal answer. But when he opened his mouth to speak, he couldn’t find his voice. 

“I think I’m just going to take him home…” Shiro said, answering Pidge’s question for his brother. “He needs to put some space between himself and… The whole situation…”

“I totally understand….” Pidge quietly said. “I often distance myself from what stresses me out.” Pausing for a moment, they placed their hand on Keith’s shoulder and said, “We’ll get you the work you miss and even drop it off at your place. Hunk or I can also work through it with you. And we’ll try to get an extension for you as well.”

Slowly, Keith got to his feet and said in the lowest and tiredest of voices, “Thank you.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Keith slammed his head down on his knees. There were tears in his eyes. 

“What’s wrong with me, Kosmo…?” He asked his service dog. “Tell me… What’s wrong with me…? Why am I like this…?”

Kosmo simply whined quietly, nuzzling up against Keith. 

“I’m sorry, Kosmo… You’re probably tired of seeing me this way…”

Again, Kosmo whined. He stuffed his face between Keith’s head and his knees, panting adorably to try and make the teen smile. 

“I was fine last week. I was. You _know_ that.” 

Seeing as his previous attempts failed, Kosmo hopped off of Keith’s bed and rooted around for something on the floor. 

A high pitched squeak came from some toy he had found. 

Kosmo jumped up on the bed, squeaked the toy a few more times and dropped it at Keith’s feet. 

Finally Keith listened to his dog. He picked up the toy that as already covered in dog saliva. 

“Gross, Kosmo…” He squeaked the toy once and tossed it to the side. 

Kosmo dove for the toy, brought it back, dropped it and panted. 

“You’re not helping…” Keith moaned, tossing to toy again. 

Retrieving the toy, Kosmo squeaked it many, _many times_. He gave it back to Keith before he shoved the teenager onto his back. Lying down on Keith’s chest, Kosmo began licking his chin and his neck. 

“I said, you’re _not_ helping.”

Kosmo heard the anger in Keith’s voice and immediately stopped licking the teen, but he didn’t move from his chest. 

“Fine…! You can stay there. Just don’t fucking lick me…”

Although he understood tone and action, Kosmo didn’t know language. He knew commands, and he knew gestures, but he wasn’t the best when it came to understanding human conversation. He was, after all, a dog. 

And so, he licked Keith’s chin. He had been trained to do so if Keith ever looked sad or upset. It was his job. And he was determined to do it. 

“Fucking hell, Kosmo!” Keith yelled, shoving the dog away from him. “Just leave me alone!”

Kosmo listened to part of Keith’s request. He back up, away from Keith, but he still knew he had a job to do. He barked loudly. Shiro was in the house, and wherever he was, Kosmo knew he had to bring him here. 

Kosmo kept barking, waiting for Shiro to come find him and Keith. 

Again, Kosmo barked loudly, trying to drown out Keith’s orders. Keith was telling him to be quiet, it was almost like he was begging. 

But Kosmo was here to protect and look after Keith. He kept barking. 

Until he heard Shiro. 

“What’s gotten him all riled up?”

“Nothing.” Keith mumbled. 

Shiro let out a small laugh as he entered the room. He pulled up Keith’s desk chair and sat next toKeith’s bed. “You know I can hear you, right?”

“Your manipulative tactics won’t work.”

“The walls are quite thin, Keith.”

Keith sighed, leaning against the headrest of his bed. “You don’t know what you heard.”

Shiro clicked his tongue before he spoke. “I heard you yelling at poor Kosmo, here. And then he started barking.”

“So then why’d you even ask your stupid question?”

“Because. I thought I’d get an answer. I was wrong, but that’s beside the point.”

“Can I not have time to myself? Without him?”

Shiro scoffed. “That’s a no.”

Keith moaned and slammed his head on the board behind him. 

“Hey, hey…” Shiro stood up and sat on the bed to be next to his brother. “Come on… Talk to me, Keith. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“Nothing…”

“You know that’s not even remotely true… Your brain is always telling you something.”

Keith simply shrugged. “Doesn’t mean I have to tell you.”

“Of course not… But you know I’m a good listener.”

“No you’re not.”

Shiro let out a sigh, displeased with Keith’s defiant attitude. “How about you talk. Just… Talk. I’ll shut up and listen and I will only speak if you want me to.”

“You’re going to fuck it up.”

“If I do, I’ll leave. Promise.”

Keith groaned as he pulled himself into a ball. It was somehow comforting for him.

“I don’t know what’s wrong, Shiro…”

“Just say what’s on your mind.”

“Everything is so fucked up!” Keith suddenly yelled. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I… I was _fine_ last week. I had no issues last week. Then, today, I just fucking lose it at school. I broke down and I don’t know why. I don’t get it! How the fuck did that happen?! I don’t understand! Why can’t I just be a normal fucking person?!”

“Is that rhetorical…?” Shiro asked with hesitation.

“Of course it’s rhetorical!” Keith snapped. “When the fuck do I ever want an answer to my questions?!” Pausing to sigh, Keith felt himself choke on his own

saliva, and the feelings that came with crying quickly arose inside him. “I don’t understand it, Shiro…! How come I’m the one who loses his temper?! How come I’m the one who doesn’t get to be happy or calm or feel  _ any _ positive emotion?! All I get is shit and—” Keith cut himself off. He lost his passion for talking. When he did continue, he sounded hurt and on the edge of crying. “And fucking insane amounts of depression and self hate…”

“Do you want me to talk?”

“Didn’t you say you’d leave if you spoke out of turn?!”

“Well, yes, but—”

“Then _leave_.” Keith ordered. “Leave me alone. I already know that you can’t say anything to make me feel better.”

“Are you—”

“Don’t fucking ask me if I’m sure! I’ve made up my mind, okay?!”

“Okay…” Shiro quietly agreed with his brother’s request. “I’ll come get you when I’m making dinner.”

“Just _go_ …!”

Doing as he was asked, Shiro left Keith’s side. He put the desk chair back where he found it, left the room and closed the door behind him. 

The second he was alone, Keith seemed to lose it again. He felt a wave of emotions fall over him and there was nothing he could do to stop himself from letting it all out. 

Silently, he cried. 

He let everything out, but he didn’t make a sound. 

Maybe this was what it was like for Lance. Releasing emotions but hearing nothing. 

Keith suddenly felt bad for his friend. At least he could hear himself cry and yell and scream. Lance couldn’t. 

This thought, though random, made things worse. Somehow his friend’s pain made him even more upset. 

In this moment, Keith was vulnerable. Very vulnerable. So vulnerable that he shouldn’t be alone. He should have been with someone. He needed to be with his brother. 

His next action was born of self hate and disgust. He hated himself for his actions, his physical abilities, his impairment, and his mental state. But most of all, he hated himself for crying. 

Keith found the small tin of blades he used to cut himself with. 

It hadn’t even been a week since he harmed himself for the first time in years. 

He didn’t hesitate this time.

He just sliced his wrist as quickly as he could. 

He felt the blood accumulate and trickle down his wrist. 

He didn’t know what to do now. 

Kosmo crawled up to him, instantly licking his wrist. 

Keith started to cry again. He wrapped his arm around his dog, therapeutically running his hands through Kosmo’s fur. 

“I’m sorry, Kosmo…” He said in a whisper. “I’m sorry I make you work so hard…”

Kosmo was busy trying to stop Keith’s wrist from bleeding, the animal way. Licking the wound until it stopped bleeding. He didn’t pay much attention to Keith’s words. 

Keith buried his head in his dog’s haunches. He held tightly to a tuft of fur on Kosmo’s side as he cried. He didn’t know what to do now. He hated himself for everything. He hated that he cut himself again. And he hated himself for yelling at his brother, for forcing him to leave his side. 

Shiro was only trying to help Keith, but he had to go and yell at him. Keith just had to make him leave. 

“I’m so sorry, Kosmo… I’m such an asshole...”

Keith took a deep breath, instantly and accidentally choking on his own breath. He coughed to clear his windpipe, and something about doing this made him cry more. 

He was making sound now. He was no longer silent. 

“Keith…?” Shiro’s worried voice came through the bedroom door. 

“Go away.” Keith ordered through his tears, regretting his words as he spoke. 

“Keith, please…”

“ _Go away_!” He had yelled that time. “Please! Just leave me alone!”

He heard nothing more from his brother. The apartment was silent except for Keith’s crying and Kosmo’s occasional whimper or whine. 

All of this made him feel worse about yelling at Shiro. He was, after all, only trying to help Keith. 

But something inside Keith made him unable to accept help. Unable to accept love. He didn’t understand it. He told himself he didn’t deserve it. He believed he had gotten himself into this mess and he believed he alone had to get himself out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the 'all caps' msg at the top there, I had to make it obvious.   
> I hope you read it, though. It's important.  
> There will be circumstances where adding a TW would spoil the whole chapter. It isn't that I don't care, because I do. However, I know that reading a chapter or book and knowing that something big happens isn't always fun.  
> Which is why I put the big warning sign at the top.   
> To put it simply, shit gets deep. Really deep. And nasty. There WILL be a good ending, I promise you that, but you have to get through the nasty business first.  
> Speaking of ending, we've hit the point where we're not building things up anymore. You know the characters, you know the scenes. You know almost everything. And so, there's no need to build on development anymore. You have your chart all filled out, and now you're just waiting for three things, (1) the real action (2) the resolution and (3) the romance.   
> I did say this was a klance fic, did I not? :)  
> It /IS/ in the description.  
> Don't worry, you'll get your klance.  
> Just be patient.  
> Well, that about wraps it up for the notes. I don't have much else to say other than the fact that it took me 2 months (yes! 2 months!) to write this chapter. I started writing this in September-ish. In fact, I started the basic outline right after I published chapter 1!  
> That's how much work I've put into this chapter, so clearly, it's important.
> 
> As always, thank you soooooooooooooooooo much for your support, kudos, comments, whatever. I guess I should thank you and your soul for enduring this all. It means so much to me.  
> Thanks again!!  
> ~Picci


	26. Chapter 26

‘Is he going to be okay?’ Lance asked his friends as they watched Keith leave the school grounds. 

Pidge shrugged, ‘I don’t know.’ They signed. ‘I hope so, but I really don’t know.’

‘Should we go see him after school?’ Hunk asked. 

Pidge shook their head. ‘He needs some time to de-stress. I’m sure we’ll see him tomorrow.’

‘And what if we don’t?’ Lance signed with hesitation. 

‘What do you mean?’ Pidge asked. 

‘I mean. What if he kills himself?’

‘That’s not like him.’ Pidge said. 

‘How?!’ Lance signed. ‘You said he was suicidal!’

‘I know what I said, Lance.’ They signed back defensively. ‘But he’s in good hands. Shiro is there for him. You have to trust that he’s okay.’

‘And what if he’s not? What if Shiro leaves him alone or if he hurts himself while Shiro isn’t looking?’

‘If there’s one thing that we all know about Keith is that he isn’t stupid.’ Pidge signed. ‘He wouldn't hurt himself if he knew he could get caught,and since he doesn’t want to get caught, he won’t do anything’.

Hunk tapped Lance on his shoulder, waited for his attention and signed, ‘We will stop by his place later, when we drop off his work. I’m sure he’d like to know that we’re here for him.’

Lance only nodded. 

The day went on as if nothing had happened. As if his friend, Keith, hadn’t had a mental breakdown during lunch because some asshole dug too deep. 

He did his best to pay attention in his classes, but his mind was elsewhere. He couldn’t focus on the material. He was worried about his friend. 

And so were Pidge and Hunk. 

Both of them worried just like Lance. 

Lance, however, suffered more than his friends. 

He didn’t focus on the lessons, and he couldn’t hear the commentary of his teachers or his classmates. 

This was, technically speaking, on him for not paying attention to his friends’ ASL, but he couldn’t help himself. His mind wandered. It wandered through scenarios and through many different and sometimes dangerous territories. 

If Keith did off himself, then Lance would never see him again. He would lose a friend. A good friend. The only person at his school who could understand his troubles and struggles of going through life. He and Keith both had a sensory disability. Lance was dead, Keith was blind. 

If he lost Keith, he’s lose the only person who could ever understand his unique and at times awful impairment. 

He couldn’t bear to let that happen. 

But even as he planned out how he’d help his friend, he knew he was powerless. 

A verbal, face to face conversation would do more than one over text. Keith rarely checks his messages nowadays, and relying on technology seemed useless to him. 

For him to be unable to help Keith broke him. He was caring and kind, not as much as his friend Hunk, but Lance had a compassionate soul nonetheless. He treated friends like family, with love and respect. 

Friends were everything to Lance. 

His friends meant so much to him. 

He only wanted to help Keith. But he knew he could only do a little to aid him. That only hurt him even more. 

The only thing that pulled him from his thoughts was a light tap to his shoulder. 

Lance jumped slightly as he turned to his right. 

Pidge had tapped his shoulder and now they sat waiting. 

‘What?’

‘You were asked a question.’

‘What question?’

‘Homework question number five.’

Lance slowly nodded, looked to his paper and signed his answer. He was sure it was wrong, and thus asked Pidge to say the correct answer if he was wrong. 

‘You’re fine.’ They signed, letting him know he was correct. Then they voiced his answer. 

Lance watched his teacher smile, give a thumbs up and sign the word ‘correct’. 

Looking to his friend again, he signed, ‘can you ask Ms. Lahn if I can go to the bathroom?’

‘Yeah, of course.’

His teacher signed a simple, ‘yes’, and Lance left. 

Lance enjoyed his environmental science class. It was his— and Pidge’s —last class of the day. His teacher was also quite kind and even learned very simple ASL phrases to communicate with him. Ms. Lahn new ‘yes’ and ‘no’, ‘correct’ and ‘incorrect’, ‘nice work’ and a few greeting and farewell signs. It wasn’t much, but it was more than what some of his other teachers knew. 

Lance went outside and headed to the main building to use the restrooms. 

He kept his eyes on the ground. He didn’t care how long it took him to get to his destination, as he wasn’t desperate. If he was being honest, he didn’t have to go at all. He simply needed to get out of class for a few minutes. 

Entering the main building, Lance slipped into the bathroom and into a stall. He closed the lid of the toilet and sat down. Although Lance felt rather awkward just sitting in a school bathroom, he knew he needed the time to himself. 

He sighed and placed his head in his hands, rubbing his forehead in circles. 

Why did this have to happen?

Why was Keith the one to be the center of attention?

Why didn’t Lance do anything?

Lance felt absolutely terrible for not trying to interfere with the situation at lunch. He felt _awful_. Lance wasn’t anywhere near as willing to fight as Pidge or Keith, and definitely not as aggressive as Spencer, but he still could’ve done _something_. 

He was a bystander. He had done _nothing_. Which, according to all of the anti bullying presentations he’s sat through, made him just as bad, just as evil, and just as cruel as Spencer. 

‘No.’ Lance signed to himself. 

‘That’s not true.’ He told himself. 

‘I’m a good person.’ 

He forced himself to repeat that last phrase over and over again. 

He needed it to be true. 

He wasn’t a bad person. 

He was scared in that moment, and he felt powerless. 

But did that really matter?

Lance felt powerless in many situations, not just those having to do with bullies. 

If he was powerless during lunch, then he was undoubtedly powerless now. 

He couldn’t do anything to help his friend. Keith would live day by day with a cloud of self hate and resentment following him everywhere. And there was absolutely _nothing_ Lance could do to help him. 

His hands began to shake as he was filled with fear. If Keith really did harm himself— let alone off himself —then Lance would be blaming himself for it. 

Friends are supposed to be there for each other when they need it most. But he can’t even have a conversation with Keith without using some other form of communication. That’s no way to talk someone out of self harm. 

Is it?

Lance knew something was better than nothing. 

But he didn’t know if his broken conversations with Keith were really anything. 

Were they?

Or were they just as useless as he saw himself?

‘No.’ He told himself. ‘I can help him.’ 

The one thing Lance had going for him was his optimism. He was an optimistic person, and always tries to be focused on the positives. He wouldn’t allow himself to think he was useless. 

‘We’re connected.’ He said. ‘We’re both impaired. I can help him.’

But some new feeling crept up on Lance. A kind of fear. It wasn’t new in the sense that he had never felt it before, but new in the sense that he had never felt it like this before. 

Even though he had told himself he could help his friend, and even though he had decided to help Keith, there was a part of him that believed he could not do anything. Even after his optimism and determination kicked in, Lance still feared he was powerless. 

And that scared him. 

If he was doubting his own optimistic self, the self that had gotten him through everything thus far, then clearly something was wrong. Lance had never second guessed himself when he came to helping a friend or family member before. So why was he doing so now?

Lance forced the negativity from his mind in the best way he could; forgetting about Keith and focusing on school. He got up, left the stall, and splashed his face with water. 

Looking at his reflection in the mirror, Lance forced a smile and signed to himself, ‘It’s going to be okay. You can talk to him after school.’

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


‘Do you think he’ll want to talk?’

Pidge shrugged as they locked their car. ‘Probably not.’ They signed, before they flipped through a folder of papers to make sure they had everything for Keith. 

Hunk tapped Lance’s shoulder gently and smiled. ‘We can always ask Shiro to relay a message for us. Can’t we?’

Lance slowly nodded. ‘Yeah. Hopefully.’

The three of them walked from the street up to Keith’s apartment. 

Stopping at the little porch, Lance bit down hard on his lower lip, quickly releasing the pressure when he tasted blood. He saw his friends wave at him and decided to step up onto the porch. Lance had never been here, none of them had. Except for Pidge. Lance stuffed his hands into his pockets and took a deep breath as he climbed the short flight of three stairs to stand next to his friends. 

Pidge smiled kindly once he was standing next to them and Hunk. ‘Do either of you want to knock?’

Lance shook his head. 

‘I will.’ Hunk signed. ‘It’s better than drawing straws or something.’

Despite his previously sour mood, Lance couldn’t help but laugh a little at Hunk’s words. ‘That’s true.’ He signed as his friend knocked on the door in front of them. 

No one answered the door immediately, so the three waited there as patiently as they all could. 

‘It’s like we’re trick or treating!’ Pidge signed with enthusiasm. 

‘Not the time, Pidge.’ Hunk signed slowly. 

‘What? Why?’

Lance never got Hunk’s answer. Hunk had said his answer. He excluded Lance from the reply. Without thinking, Lance slapped his friend’s arm. ‘What did you say?!’ He signed angrily. ‘It’s rude to talk in front of deaf people!’

‘Sorry.’ Hunk signed the word at least twenty times. ‘I said that you seemed on edge. I didn’t want them, or me, to say anything that would offend you.’

‘I’ll tell you if I’m offended.’ Lance said bitterly. He let out a sigh before saying, ‘I’m sorry. I guess I am on edge. I’m just worried about Keith, okay?’

Pidge nodded. ‘Yeah, of course. There’s no need to apologize for it, Lance.’

Nodding, Lance gave an awkward and uncomfortable smile, signing, ‘I’m going to knock. Maybe no one heard it.’

Doing as he said he would, Lance went to knock on the door, but just as he raised his fist to the door, it opened. He quickly stuffed his hand back in his pocket, not wanting to seem impatient. 

Shiro stood inside the apartment. He smiled a little when he saw Keith’s friends. 

Tapping on Pidge’s shoulder, Lance signed ‘let him talk and tell me later, okay?’

‘Yeah, of course, Lance. Let me know if you get desperate.’

He nodded in response, but quickly asked Pidge to interpret for him. He was on edge and he needed to know how his friend was doing. 

Their conversation lasted a while, and many questions were asked. Lance forgot most of it through his own inner monologue, and thus asked both of his friends for a recap after they handed Shiro the school work and left. 

‘He’s doing alright.’ Pidge signed. ‘He’s in his room, with Kosmo, and currently, he’s letting some things out. You know, de-stressing, sort of. If it gets out of hand, Shiro will intervene, but for now, he’s alone with Kosmo, who’s a pretty great service dog. Keith has been in his room since he got home a few hours ago. He’s gone through a few emotions, sadness, anger, and tiredness. He also cried himself to sleep when he got home, or, I think he did. From what Shiro said, I would assume that’s what happened. Right now, he’s silent, probably because he knew we were coming and he didn’t want to worry us. But he is okay. Shiro has got Kosmo to alert him if Keith does anything bad or dangerous, and so far, Kosmo has been rather calm.’

Lance blanked on what to say back to them. 

‘Oh, also, Keith doesn’t want us to worry about him.’

‘How are we supposed to do that?’ Lance asked. 

Both Pidge and Hunk shrugged. 

‘Don’t mention it to him…?’ Hunk suggested hesitantly. 

Pidge slowly nodded. 

‘And if he does harm himself?’ Lance asked. ‘What then?’

‘He said he threw out the narcotics, and he definitely wasn’t lying. He seemed actually happy to tell me he did so.’ Pidge signed. ‘He said he told Shiro about them, so he does know about them, but they’re gone. Which is probably why Shiro is sticking close to his brother and monitoring him. There’s a possibility, but it’s not likely.’

‘Yeah, but he cut himself over the weekend.’ Lance signed. ‘How do we know he’s not slicing the hell out of his wrists right now?’

‘We don’t.’ Hunk signed, an apologetic expression on his face. ‘We have to trust that he’s okay. That’s all we can do.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith is okay.  
> He's okay.  
> Don't worry.   
> He'll be okay.  
> You all trust me, right?
> 
> ~Picci


	27. Chapter 27

Keith returned to school the following day. He desperately wanted to stay home. Every ounce of his body wanted to be at home. But Shiro couldn’t leave him alone. The trust between them was thin, and Keith assumed it was because of his reaction to the whole incident with Spencer the day before. But a part of him also thought that maybe Shiro didn't trust him anymore, not in a good, caring way, but instead, he thought Shiro’s mistrust was the bad, protective kind. 

Throwing his bag down next to his friends, Keith slunk down to sit next to them. 

“Hey, Keith…!” Hunk sounded rather happy to see him, either not noticing how angry he looked, or simply ignoring it. “How are you feeling on this rather nice morning. It’s finally getting a bit warmer.”

“It’s February.” Keith muttered, running a hand along Kosmo’s back. “It’s still cold as all fuck.”

“Yeah… Maybe it is, but at least it’s not below freezing.” 

Keith ignored his friend’s display of positivity, instead, beginning a rant. “My brother is such a fucking ass.”

“How so?” Pidge asked.

“He just is.”

“Did he go out with his friends last night? Or yell at you…Or...?” Hunk asked slowly, trying to figure out what was pegging Keith’s anger. 

“No. He doesn’t trust me to be by myself.” Keith answered quickly. “I’m seventeen! I can handle myself!” 

Pidge hummed for a quick moment before speaking. “Maybe he’s just worried. You did have a pretty big reaction to what happened yesterday.”

“So you think it’s okay for him to treat me like a baby?!”

“What?! No!” Pidge was quick to explain them self. “I’m only trying to see things from his perspective. He’s your brother, and he’s probably just worried about you.”

“Yeah, sure. Or he’s a control freak who _has_ to enforce his stupid rules.”

“Maybe…” Hunk said. “But maybe he really is just trying to look after you, like Pidge said. My sister, Naomi once forced me to go to school. It was way back when we first moved here. I wanted to stay home because I thought people would make fun of me. I was really worried about it and stressed about it all the time. But she made me go to school because she knew it was the best thing for me. Maybe that’s what Shiro is doing.”

Keith shrugged. “That’s not like him. Ever since he broke up with that cunt, Adam, he’s been watching me like a hawk. He won’t let me do anything without his approval. But yeah, sure, he’s just looking out for me. Of course he is. Yeah. Totally.”

“And what if he is?” Pidge asked. “You’d feel pretty badly for assuming things about him if he really is just trying to be there for you, right?”

“I guess…”

“So…!” Pidge said with a hint of positivity, “Why don’t you assume the best. That’s the best thing to do. Give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“I can’t. I’m not like you. I can’t do that.”

“That’s alright…” Hunk said silently. “But, you know, it’s Wednesday, which means you only have today and then it’s Friday Jr.! That’s fun, right?”

“I think you and I have a _very_ different definition of what _fun_ means. But sure. It’s ‘fun’, Hunk.” Keith paused for a short moment, he wasn’t done with his rant, and he felt the need to continue. “But I think you’re all missing my point here.” He said. “Shiro is micromanaging me and my choices. He wouldn’t even let me explain why I wanted to skip today. It’s bullshit!”

Neither Pidge nor Hunk responded to his words. As it was just the three of them, there were no signs to be interpreted either. No one had anything to say in response to Keith. 

“I mean. He knows how fucked up I was yesterday. He knows that! He took me home early! And yet he still ignored me when I tried to tell him that I didn’t want to come today! It’s like he’s pretending to care for me! He only really cared for a month or so after our dad died and for a few weeks after he dumped Adam.”

“Who’s Adam…?” Pidge asked. “You’ve mentioned him twice now. Who is he?”

“Shiro’s ex.” Keith answered bluntly. “He was a complete asshole who hated me. Shiro was in love with that fucker for so long. Until he _finally_ listened to me and realized how much of a dick he was. It’s stupid, you know?! How he only listens to me when it’s too late. He caught me trying to hang myself because of Adam. That was the _only_ time he cared. And now he’s doing the same bullshit again! Even though he _promised_ he’d never let anything like that happen again.”

“Holly shit…” Pidge was quiet as they spoke. They gasped quickly and went on. “So you tried to… you know… because of this Adam guy?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Damn… That's terrible. Keith I’m so sorry.”

“That’s the least of my concerns, Pidge. And should be the least of yours as well.” Keith told them rudely. “Shiro is ignoring me and controlling me. He’s doing what he promised not to do. He’s a lying son of a bitch. And eventually he’s going to find out that he’s not helping me. One way or another, he'll figure it out.”

“Hey, Keith.” Hunk hesitantly butter into his rant. “If I could, I’d like to give some advice.”

Keith nodded, allowing Hunk to proceed.

“Well, maybe he doesn’t know and maybe he won’t ever figure it out. So… Why don’t you tell him? Tell him that what he’s doing and how he’s acting is painful for you and isn’t helping.”

“As if he’d listen.” Keith muttered. “He doesn’t use his ears as much as his mouth. It’s better if I don’t say anything.”

“Could you write him a note?” Pidge asked. “Text him or something. If he doesn’t _listen_ , then make him _read_ your words.”

“The form doesn’t matter, Pidge… He won’t stop doing something unless he _knows_ it’s serious. He’s a controlling asshole who learns through experience. But then… He doesn’t seem to learn anything…”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“Why did you get a ride from your friend?” Shiro asked as Keith took off his shoes. His voice was full of innocence. “You know I easily could have picked you up.”

“Of course you could’ve.” Keith muttered. “Just like you could’ve let me stay home.”

“You know you can’t just skip school, Keith. It’ll look bad if you keep skipping.”

“Keep skipping?!” Keith scoffed. “I have _never_ skipped a school day in my entire life, thanks to you! You’re a control freak and an asshole who won’t let me stay home to recover!”

“Well I’m sorry that I’m just trying to look after you and your education. Your grades drop when your mental health does. Skipping school won’t help anything. You need to he focused on school. You’re applying to college in September. That’s a big deal. A dip like that could—”

“Fuck you and your stupid ass college bull shit!” Keith yelled. “You don’t give a shit about me! I know you don’t! If you did, you would’ve let me stay home today! You wouldn’t have forced me to go! I spent half of the day in the nurse’s office because of some stupid panic attack. That wouldn’t have happened if—”

“If you would take your medications!” Shiro suddenly interrupted his brother. He rarely ever cut anyone off, especially not Keith. “You’ve been skipping on your meds again. You should be on a new round by now, but somehow you still have half a bottle left. If you _really_ want to get better, you’d take your meds.”

“You snuck into my room?! What the actual fuck, Shiro?! You really don’t trust me, do you?!”

“I was just trying to see if there was a reason you’ve been acting so timid and edgy recently. That’s all.”

“No, fuck that! Fuck you. Do you not trust me?!”

“I do trust you, Keith, I do.”

“Well clearly you don’t because you did shit behind my back. You could’ve just asked me!”

“And you would’ve lied.”

“Oh so now I’m a liar?! I’m a liar and an edgy teen?!”

Shiro sighed. He didn’t answer immediately. 

Had Keith struck the nail on the head? Or was he just at a loss for words?

“Keith. I only ever do what I do in order to take care of you and look after you. All I want to do is make sure you’re okay. You know that.”

“Do I?! Do I know that?!” Keith shook his head, laughing from disbelief. “I really doubt you actually give a shit about me. You don’t trust me. I know you don’t trust me. But now I know that you think I’m edgy. Also, you don’t let me stay home because of that and what else? Let me guess, you think I’m making this all up, don’t you? You must think this is just one of my edgy teenager responses to life. Some stupid phase of mine because I’m seventeen. Right?!”

“No. I don’t, Keith. I know what you’re going through is real. Maybe I don’t understand it all, but I know it’s real and I just want to help you.”

“No you don’t!” Keith yelled. “Dad was the one who wanted to help me. I know he would’ve let me stay home. _Dad_ would let me recover in my own way. But not you because you’re my control freak of a brother.”

“Please don’t compare me to him.”

“Why not?! You sure like acting like him!”

“Because I’m trying to look after you, Keith!”

“You don’t know what you’re doing, Shiro!” Keith yelled. “You’re not my dad, you’re not a father! You’re not experienced in psychology or the human mind. You don’t know _anything_ about me!”

“I know, okay?” Shiro quickly said. “I know I’m not a psychologist. I know that. But _please_ don’t compare me to Dad. Please don’t ever do that.”

“Why not? Does that upset you? Maybe I’ll stop. But then again, you don’t care about my requests, so maybe I won’t.” Keith shoved past his brother, marching straight to his room. 

“Come on, Keith. Please don’t shut yourself in there again.”

“I will stay in my room for however long I want because you’re just my brother. You can’t make me do anything. Unless you can get Dad to come talk to me, I don’t give a damn about what you think or say.”

“Really, Keith?! You know I can’t—”

“I know you can’t bring him here. Why? Because he’s dead! I killed him, remember?! I killed both of our parents! So leave me the fuck alone until I want to talk to you!”

Keith waited until Kosmo was by his side before he slammed his door shut. 

Kosmo instantly began whining at the teens feet, rubbing up against his legs repeatedly. 

“I’m alright, Kosmo.” Keith said with a sigh. “Shiro is just a total douche.”

Hearing the calmer tone in his voice, Kosmo calmed down a bit. He sat down and licked Keith’s fingertips. 

“Thanks…” He muttered, and walked to his bed. 

He ran a hand along his wrist, frowning when his fingertips hit the scabs. 

“It’ll heal… Right…?”

Kosmo didn’t understand Keith’s question. He simply whined and flopped down in Keith’s lap. 

“Yeah…” He said quietly to himself. “It’ll heal…”

This time was on purpose. This wasn’t just an emotionally triggered reaction, nor an accident. This was a purposeful act. 

Keith cut his wrist, his right one this time. He didn’t cut it deep, but he did cut it twice. 

Kosmo immediately began whining. He tried to grab the blade from Keith’s hand, but before he could act, Keith put them away. Hiding them in his bedside drawer. 

“It’s okay, Kosmo… I’m alright. I deserve this, you know. It’s not like I do this for fun… I just know I deserve the pain…” As he spoke, he allowed Kosmo to lick his wrist. “See? You’re still helping… It’s all okay… I promise…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, he's fine. Keith is fine.  
> I didn't lie to you.  
> I really can't talk about the chapters in the comments I make anymore because the story get's quite ... Intense.  
> I don't want to risk giving anything away ;-;
> 
> But thanks for sticking with me thus far. It means a lot.  
> ~Picci


	28. Chapter 28

‘I don’t get it.’ Lance signed, confused out of his mind. ‘Shiro forced Keith to go to school today?’

Pidge nodded slowly. ‘Yeah. Kind of shitty of him, but he’s just looking after him.’

Lance shrugged in response. He didn’t agree with what they had said. He understood Shiro’s intentions, but he didn’t like the idea of Keith being forced to do anything against his will. ‘But Keith was on edge and out of it all day, right?’

They nodded. 

‘Then why didn’t he go home?’

‘He couldn’t.’ Hunk signed. ‘Shiro doesn’t want Keith to be alone. And since Shiro had class all day, then Keith had to stay at school.’

‘Speaking of not being at school.’ Pidge began. ‘Where the heck were you all day?’

‘Doctor’s office.’ Lance answered quickly. ‘My mom and dad wanted me to see my doctor again.’

‘For aids?’

Lance shrugged again. ‘Not sure exactly. She never asked me about hearing aids. It was just a bunch of tests.’

Lance had spent the entire day at the hospital. His parents were concerned about him for whatever reason, and wanted him to get an all around examination. His hearing was tested, but Lance had been promised that hearing was not the focus of the day. His mental and emotional health was also tested. That confused him. 

He typically had a good relationship with his parents and always talked to them if something was bothering him. But today, they had him talk to a psychologist without even asking him if he was alright. He had asked them about the unnecessary visit he had, and their response was simple. ‘We were worried about you’. Lance didn’t like their answer, but he knew it was better than no answer at all. 

Never once was he asked if he wanted hearing aids, but Lance suspected that a small part of his parents’ reason for setting up this appointment was to push for the aids. That rubbed him the wrong way. 

Hearing aids were still a ‘no’ in Lance’s mind. They hadn’t ever worked. Why would they work now?

‘And it wasn’t for aids?’ Hunk asked for clarification. 

Lance gave his friend a deadpan stare. ‘It’s always about aids. All they ever want is for my life to be easy and stress free,’ as he signed, his expression changed to a more angered one. ‘I understand that, but they don’t realize that pushing for hearing aids is actually erasing my identity.’

‘Well that’s parents for you.’ Pidge signed, a sarcastic grin on their face. ‘Always trying to help, but never quite understanding how you see it. But don’t worry.’ They signed. ‘We have your back. Always. We see it from your perspective. Plus, it’s nice having a deaf friend.’

‘How so?’

‘I can make stupid noises and not get made fun of by you for it.’

Lance flipped them off playfully. ‘You asshole.’

Pidge drew a heart in the air with their index fingers. ‘I love you too, Lance.’

Returning the gesture, Lance signed ‘Love you too, idiot.’ 

The three broke out into a fit of laughter. Despite the rocky start of the conversation, the three always found a way to end on a lighter note.

Always. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Tuesday morning. Lance hadn’t seen Keith since Friday. In fact, no one other than Shiro had seen him since then. And Kosmo if one were to count him. Monday was a teacher work day, so students were given the day off. 

What really upset Lance, however, was that Keith had not come to the game night that week. His friend had  _ always _ come. Keith  _ never _ skipped a game night. At least not without saying where he’d be. Keith updated his friends on his status, he always told them if he’d come or not, and gave a reason if he couldn’t. 

But this week was different. This week, Keith simply hadn’t shown up. No text, no call, nothing. He didn’t show and he gave no reason why. 

Lance sat in the passenger seat of Rachel’s car, scrolling mindlessly through his social media apps. He typically didn’t care much for the ‘social’ aspect of the apps, but more so loved the news and the positivity he could get from some accounts. Most of what he followed had to do with deaf culture, and that was how he liked it. 

A notification popped up on the top of his screen, and out of habit and instinct, his eyes gazed to the little banner. 

_ ‘Keith: Hey, Lance. Do you have a minute?’ _

That was certainly not what he was expecting it to be. He was not expecting to receive a text from Keith, and especially not in a private chat. 

Immediately, Lance tapped on the notification and began typing out his response. 

_ ‘Yeah. Everything OK?’ _

__ Keith seemed to respond quicker than usual. It was almost like he had the message pre-typed and was just waiting for Lance’s response to send it. 

_ ‘Pidge drove me to school today.’ _ The first line read.  _ ‘I couldn’t sit with my brother any longer. He’s been hovering over me ever since the incident with Spencer. Bullshit, right?’ _

Lance didn’t agree that Shiro’s actions were in fact 'bullshit’, that term was a bit too harsh for his own beliefs. Even still, he didn’t want to upset or anger his friend by defending Shiro either. 

_ ‘That sucks. Sorry to hear that.’ _

Keith’s next reply was strange. Almost rude even. 

_ ‘You can’t hear music, can you? _ ’

_ ‘No. I’m deaf, remember? :)’  _ Lance replied, pretending to not be bothered by the question. 

_ ‘Right. Sorry.’ _ Keith’s apology sounded fake. 

Even though it was typed, Lance still felt as though it was forced and made up. He didn’t get a sense of sincerity from his friend’s words. 

_ ‘Why did you ask?’ _

Again, Keith replied quickly.  _ ‘I’ve been listening to this one song recently, and it speaks to me. It’s like someone took my thoughts and put them into words.’ _

_ ‘How so? Mind sharing the lyrics?’ _

_ ‘Yeah, one second.’ _

__ Keith didn’t answer Lance’s question, but he did send a link to the song’s lyrics.

_ ‘Thanks. I’ll check it out later.’ _ Lance didn’t hesitate to send his next message.  _ ‘What about it makes you relate to the song?’ _

Lance didn’t know music, but he knew poetry. He enjoyed poetry and found it more fun to write than essays or short stories. And since songs are just poems with sound and instruments, then song lyrics were something he could understand quite well. Even without hearing the rest of the performance. 

_ ‘The end especially. It’s a bit morbid, but it voices my thoughts.’ _

_ ‘Okay. Sorry, I have to go. I’ll get back to you later.’ _

Lance didn’t have to go anywhere. In fact, he still had another four or five minutes left of driving. 

But after Keith’s mention of the word ‘morbid’, he couldn’t postpone reading the lyrics any longer. 

Clicking on the link, Lance waited for the website to load. It took a while. A long while. But he would wait until it loaded fully. He had to. 

Finally the page loaded and Lance scrolled to the bottom of the page, skimming through the last stanza. 

A few lines stuck out to him. 

A few lines terrified him. 

He couldn’t believe what he had read. 

_ ‘I don't wanna say bye’ _

_ ‘I'm so hollow’ _

_ ‘Sounds like complaining’ _

_ ‘Why don't I feel better?’ _

_ ‘It ain't working for me’ _

_ ‘Should I be good?’ _

Without thinking, Lance dropped his phone. 

He dropped his phone out of shock. 

Rachel noticed immediately and asked, ‘Are you okay?’

Lance shook his head. ‘Drop me off here.’ He signed. 

‘Let me park. It’ll only be a minute.’

Lance shook his head again and grabbed his bag from the backseat. ‘No! Drop me off here!’

Rachel rolled her eyes, pulled over and parked. 

‘Fine. Go.’

‘Lance practically leapt out of the vehicle. ‘Thank you, Rachel.’

‘Yeah, sure. Just go. I still have to find a parking spot, weirdo.’

Closing the door, Lance shoved his phone into his back pocket and ran to the front of the school. 

He had to find Pidge and Hunk. 

He had to. 

Checking the time, there were ten minutes until the warning bell rang. He had ten minutes to find them. Which was bad. Not because he couldn’t, but because he would probably find them with Keith. And he couldn’t tell them what he had found out if Keith was there. The one his realization entitled. 

Once in the main building, Lance leaned against the wall and sent a text message to his friends. Just Pidge and Hunk. 

_ ‘Meet me by the track. ASAP. Don’t bring Keith. Please. It’s important _ .’

_ ‘What? Why?’ _ Pidge had responded in a heartbeat. 

_ ‘He texted me this morning and shit is serious.’ _

__ Pidge texted back just as quickly as they had done before.  _ ‘No. He couldn’t have. I was with him all morning. He went straight to class after I dropped him off. He didn’t text anything and he doesn’t text anyone when he’s in a classroom. You know that.’ _

__ Lance took a screenshot the messages he received from Keith and sent that to his friends, saying,  _ ‘Unless someone took his phone, he texted me this morning.’ _

After a moment, he got a reply. From Hunk this time. 

_ ‘We’re coming.’ _

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


‘So what if he likes music?’ Pidge asked. 

‘Did you read the lyrics?!’ Lance asked.

Pidge nodded. ‘Yeah. Of course I did. It’s about a mentally unwell dude. Why wouldn’t he relate to it?’

Lance slapped his palm to his face. ‘You seriously see nothing wrong with that last stanza?’

‘I don’t like literature, Lance. I don’t know how to interpret anything.’

Hunk waved a hand between Pidge and Lance, breaking the building tension. ‘The last part sounds desperate. Even if you don’t know what he’s saying, it sounds desperate. And, if I’m not wrong, Keith seemed desperate to get away from everyone he knows this morning.’

Lance pointed to Hunk, his eyes still on Pidge. ‘Exactly!’ He signed. ‘Look, the lyrics mention suicide, or something like it. The speaker is lost and so is Keith. Right?’

Pidge pulled up the lyrics again, reading through them a couple of times before their jaw slowly dropped. ‘So… He just told you he’s thinking of offing himself… Through song lyrics?’

Lance shook his head. ‘I think he’s going to. He’s not pondering anymore. I think he’s set on it.’

Hunk quickly interjected his own thoughts. ‘But why would he tell you? And how would he do it? If Shiro is watching him all of the time, then how in the world could he do it?’

‘How should I know?’ Lance signed. ‘I’m not Keith.’ He looked to Pidge and asked, ‘You’re the one who understands this whole thing… How would you do it…?’

‘I never had a plan!’ Pidge defended themself quickly. ‘I had a dark patch, but I never really had a plan of killing myself! I wanted to, but I never made a plan. I have no fucking idea of how he could do it.’

‘Someone has to talk to him.’ Lance signed.

‘Yeah. You.’ Pidge said. 

‘How am I supposed to talk to him? And why me?’

‘Keith trusts you, Lance.’ Hunk told him. ‘He trusts that you wouldn’t tell anyone, which is stupid, but he thought that confiding in you for whatever reason he had was a good idea. He also knew that you didn’t listen to music so it’d be easy. But he didn’t know that you’re a poetry fanatic.’ 

‘But we can’t communicate…’

‘You can text him, right?’

Lance nodded slowly. ‘Yeah, but that’s not the same as talking face to face.’

Pidge shrugged. ‘That’s how he confronted you, so clearly it means something to him. Right?’

‘Right…’

‘Why don’t you try texting him now?’ Hunk suggested. ‘You know, before school starts.’

‘Yeah.’ Pidge said in agreement with Hunk. ‘That’s a good idea.’

Lance nodded again. He opened his chat with Keith and immediately looked to his friends for help. 

He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what he could say. 

‘Tell him you two can talk later.’ Pidge signed. ‘Or something like that. Let him know you’re available to talk.’

And so Lance sent Keith a simple text he thought would be enough. 

_ ‘Yeah, that last part is a bit morbid. If you want to talk about it, or anything, I’m never busy. If lunch works, that's cool. Or whenever. I’ll see you later.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to first say that the lyrics are from a song called 'Karma' by AJR. HOWEVER. Just because that song was released this year, does not mean that this is set in 2019. I honestly don't have a time frame/year. Oops...?  
> Okay, now that we got that cleared up, I'd like to caution that the next few chapters are going to be very suicide centered. I'm sure you could've gotten that from this chapter, but just in case, there will be a lot of mentions of self hatred and harm as we go forth. I don't want anyone to feel they need to stop reading, but I do feel the need to reiterate the warning I posted a few chapters ago.  
> Also! There won't be a chapter until next Tuesday. My cat (and best friend of 12 years) is getting surgery this week and I don't think I have the energy to review my writing for Friday. The only reason I posted today was because I've been editing this chapter for a while. And the next 5 (ish) but they're a lot heavier and lengthier than this one.  
> Thanks for your understanding. 
> 
> I hope I didn't stress anyone out too much with this chapter, but I do hope that you enjoyed it... Not in a 'yay Keith hates himself' way, but in a 'yay good writing' way. That's assuming I write well :)
> 
> Thanks as always. Your support means a lot!  
> ~Picci


	29. Chapter 29

“How was art?” Pidge asked their friend as Keith slouched down in the passenger seat of their car. 

Keith simply shrugged. 

“You don’t want to talk, do you…?”

Keith shook his head. 

“That’s okay.” Pidge said in a positive tone. “You don’t have to. Talking is boring, anyway. Want me to put on some music?”

Keith nodded. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to engage his friend in conversation, he had simply had a bad day. He wasn’t trying to be anti social, but today had not been his day. 

“Radio? Or Spotify?”

Quietly, Keith gave his answer. “Spotify.”

Pidge did as they had been asked, connecting their phone to their car and playing their 20 hour long spotify playlist. 

It really was 20 hours. 

Keith had, a few months ago, skimmed through it, and it wasn’t all that bad. He skipped about every other song that played, but in his opinion, Pidge had a pretty good taste in music. 

“I’m not driving unless you put your seatbelt on, Keith. Safety is my number one priority in this vehicle.”

Keith only nodded his head and clipped in his seatbelt. “It’s on…”

No further conversations were had. It was just the two of them, and Kosmo, sitting in silence as Pidge’s playlist played on shuffle. 

Keith had no reason to talk. 

He knew Lance had told someone about his song lyrics. He knew that all too well. He knew, going into the situation, that Lance would tell someone. For some reason, he had hoped Pidge and Hunk wouldn’t find out. But obviously, that’s not what happened. 

Keith, once again, didn’t get his way. 

Lance told them. They knew. He could tell they had sound out from the second they talked to him. Pidge and Hunk were being overly kind, supportive and caring. Keith felt they were trying too hard. To him, it didn’t matter what they thought. He was in a dark pit with no way out. He had dug himself a hole, and the only way to get out was to climb his way out. He didn’t want anyone’s help. He didn’t care how his actions impacted anyone. Quite contrary to his mindset earlier this month. 

Pidge knew he wanted to kill himself. Hunk knew. Lance knew. And even Kosmo probably had a sense of the idea. The only person that didn’t know what Shiro. 

That meant nothing could be done to stop him. 

In a sense, Keith was a ticking time bomb. 

He was in dire need of someone to cut the wires and fix him. But even if someone tried to help, if they cut the wrong wire, it would be game over. If even just a little incident triggered him, he would do it. He knew he would. And this didn't bother him. He didn’t care that he was one bad step away from death. 

Some in him believed it was the right thing to do. He may have wanted to get better, and to be happy, but he couldn’t. Not anymore. Not without coming clean. And he couldn’t do that. No matter how hard he tried. He couldn’t bring himself to come clean. He couldn’t tell Shiro. He had made his friends promise not to tell  _ anyone _ . He had convinced them he would solve his problems. But in reality, he wouldn’t be solving anything. 

He couldn’t. 

“Alright.” Pidge’s voice, which was barely louder than a hushed whisper, broke through Keith’s building mental wall of instability. “This is your stop.”

“Thanks…” He muttered, getting out of the car and calling Kosmo with him. 

Pidge made one last attempt to cheer Keith up. “Tomorrow is Wednesday..! Halfway through the week…!”

Keith nodded. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Keith…!”

He nodded. 

Shutting the passenger door behind him, he left the sidewalk. He shoved his hands into his pockets and felt around for his house keys. 

Kosmo led him to the front porch and sat once they were both at the door. 

Before he could find them, the door opened. 

“How’s my little brother doing today?” Shiro was, as always far too positive and cheerful for Keith to handle. 

“Fine…” Keith answered, barely enunciating the only word he said. 

“Rough day…?” Shiro asked as Keith stepped indoors. 

“What’s it to you?”

“So… Rough day…” For a moment, the house was silent. But Shiro spoke again, much to Keith’s dissatisfaction. “That’s okay, though. I was going to make chicken and waffles. I know you like those. It’s all pre made, but you know… I can’t cook, so frozen food is pretty much all we have.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Well, of course your not. It’s not even 4 o’clock and you did only just get home from school.”

Keith shook his head and slipped off his shoes. “I’m  _ not _ hungry. And I don’t want your shitty frozen food.”

“But… It’s chicken and waffles.”

“I don’t give a shit!” Keith shouted. “I don’t want it!”

Before Shiro could respond, Keith marched off to his room. 

Had this flicked the wrong switch? Was that the incident that tipped him over the edge?

Keith didn’t have a clue. 

He was mad. 

He didn’t know why. 

But he was  _ pissed _ . 

He slammed his door shut, proceeding to smack his forehead on the doorframe. 

It was purposeful. 

He felt the need to be in pain. 

Kosmo started whining. He wanted to remind Keith that he was okay. He didn’t like when Keith hurt himself. He wanted Keith to know he wasn’t alone. 

Snapping his fingers, Keith walked to his bed, sat down and curled up into a tiny ball. 

“He doesn’t understand  _ anything _ …” Keith moaned. “Shiro doesn’t understand a damn thing… He can go fuck himself. He doesn’t give a shit about me…”

That wasn’t true. Shiro did care about Keith. Shiro cared about him more than anyone else in the world did. 

But Keith couldn’t see that. He couldn’t understand that now. To him, Shiro didn’t even notice his presence. To him, Shiro was just another person who was on this planet to tell Keith what to do. That was it. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“ Are you ready to talk?” Shiro’s voice came through the bedroom door as he knocked. 

Keith groaned, slamming his head back on the headrest behind him. “I don’t  _ talk it out _ , Shiro! Just let me calm down on my own.”

Kosmo whined at Keith’s feet, pawing at the teen’s hands. 

Shiro ignored Keith’s words and entered his brother’s room, immediately having to dodge a pillow. “Well that’s not very considerate of you. I’m just trying to help you out.”

“Helping me, really?! You think  _ you’re  _ helping  _ me _ ?!”

“I’m trying to.”

“Well fuck you. Because you’re  _ never _ helpful. You’re a screw up, just like me.”

Shiro sighed as he approached his brother. “Yeah… So maybe I can’t talk, but I am trying.”

Shaking his head, Keith said, “Well you can stop. I know you don’t really care.”

“What happened to your wrists…?!” Shiro suddenly asked. 

“What…?”

“Your wrists. What happened?” That time, he sounded angry. Disappointed. Shiro knew what Keith had done, and he didn’t even need an answer to know.

“Just a scratch.” He mumbled. “Why?”

Keith got no verbal response, but instead, Shiro grabbed his brother’s wrists. 

“When did you do these?”

Pulling his hands back, Keith swatted angrily at his brother. “Stop…! It’s nothing.”

“This,” Shiro began, pulling Keith’s hands from his knees and placing his index finger on the scars, “is nothing? You’ve started cutting again. You  _ know _ this does more damage…! It doesn’t help you!”

“Stop yelling all the time! Juses Christ, Shiro! Maybe I wouldn’t be so fucked up if you would just listen to me!”

“Listen to you? Keith… I have done nothing but listen to you. I’m not yelling because I’m mad, Keith, I’m raising my voice because I’m  _ worried  _ for you!” Shiro let go of his brother’s wrists and sighed. “I’m sorry, okay, Keith. I’m sorry that I’m not the best when it comes to mental health, but I truly do care about you. I just… I just want to know that you’re okay.”

Keith placed his palms on his dog’s ears, rubbing the soft fur with his fingers. He was shaking. He knew Shiro could see he was shaking. “I am fine, Shiro. I just… I just need an hour or a few hours to calm down.”

“Can you at least tell me  _ why _ you feel the need to harm yourself…?”

Keith shook his head, saying nothing. He leaned back,trying to relax, as he gently stroked the retriever’s back.

“Is it because you hate yourself?” 

Again, the teenager shook his head. 

“Because you hate your life?”

Keith shook his head again. 

“Do you hate me? Do you hate living?”

Silence. Total silence. 

“Do you just hate your school? What is it? I can’t help you if you don’t say anything!”

“I don’t know, okay?! I don’t fucking know!” Keith let go of his dog, folding his arms around his knees. “Also! You’re not my… My  _ therapist _ ! You  _ don’t  _ know what I’m dealing with and you  _ don’t  _ understand that just saying ‘what’s wrong’ will  _ never  _ make all my goddamn problems go away!”

“I know I’m not a therapist, Keith! I’m just trying to help you!”

Kosmo started licking Keith’s face,then his hands and then began whining, trying anything he could to remind the teenager to stay calm. 

Keith rested his chin on his knees, his gray-hazed eyes red with tears, but he refused to cry, not in front of Shiro, nor anyone else. “Please, Shiro… Just leave me alone…”

“You  _ know  _ I can’t leave you like this…”

“I’m not  _ asking _ , Shiro. I’m  _ demanding _ . Get out.”

Shiro sighed, placing a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “I can’t leave you alone like this, Keith. Come on… Let’s talk it through. It’s the best I can do.”

Keith shook his head. “No. Get out. Please.”

“It’ll be okay. I’ll listen this time. I  _ promise _ I will. It’s just a little conversation.”

Keith slapped his brother’s hand from his shoulder, his own palm stinging from the impact. “I said  _ get out _ ! It’s  _ never _ a  _ little conversation _ ! You’re a fucking liar! You don’t give a shit about me! You just want to make yourself feel better! You have  _ never _ listened to me!”

“But I will now…! Keith, please give me one more chance.”

“No!” Keith grabbed a bottle of his antidepressants and threw them at his brother. “Go get a refill of this shit if you care so much about it!”

Shiro picked up the bottle and opened it. “Why is it empty…? Did you… Did you take them all at once…?”

Keith laughed sarcastically. “You wish. I threw them away. You wanted me to be done with them. Now they’re gone. Refill them.”

“Keith… I don’t understand… Why are you acting like this…?”

“Because I’m an edgy teen who skips on his meds. I’m a moody blind person who hates life. I hate school. It’s one of your  _ many _ reasons for my actions. Why don’t you tell me?”

“I can’t.”

“Then get the hell out of my room.”

Silence. 

Total silence. 

Keith was done talking. He only wanted to do one thing now. 

Shiro took a deep breath and screwed the cap on the pill bottle again. “Here. You can have this back. They don’t reuse the bottle anyway.” He handed Keith the empty container and sighed. 

“Please just leave…”

“I’m only going to do that, on  _ one _ condition. You take deep breaths, and listen to your dog.”

Keith barely nodded in response. “Just go… Please…”

Shiro let a sigh escape his lips again. He ran a hand through Keith’s hair and patted his shoulder. “I’ll check on you in thirty minutes or so, okay?”

“Yeah…”

Keith waited until he heard his bedroom door close before moving even an inch. 

Kosmo lay down at Keith’s feet, hoping the boy would pet him instead of staying in a ball. 

“What’s so wrong with me, Kosmo…?” Keith asked weakly as he tossed the medicine bottle to the floor. “What did I do to earn a life this shit…?”

He felt Kosmo shift his weight onto his shins. With a sigh, he ran a hand along the dog’s back before getting to his feet. 

“Come on… I’m going to solve this bullshit once and for all...”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Keith sat on the bathroom floor, his back resting against the bathtub. 

Kosmo nudged Keith’s hands, whining frantically as he padded from paw to paw, desperately trying to get the teenager’s attention. 

“I’m sorry, Kosmo…” Keith told his dog. “I’m just trying to make things right…” 

On his right, Kosmo stood next to him, whining and panting nervously. On his left, he had a glass of water and a bottle of morphine tablets as well as a knife from the kitchen. 

Kosmo didn’t know what his owner intended to do with those items, but he saw how Keith was shaking and twitching. He knew Keith was teetering over the edge and he desperately wanted to help him. Even if Kosmo had no training, he was a dog. And dogs are pack animals. They look after the pack. Kosmo  _ had _ to look after Keith. He knew something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. He had to do something. 

“I know you’re scared… But Shiro will look after you… I know he will. I’m just unneeded stress on your life. You work too hard because of me. Everyone does. It’s not fair. The world is way better off without me. You’ll understand that soon. They all will.”

If Keith was being honest, he had absolutely no idea why they even still had the bottle of morphine. He should have thrown them out when he said he would. He should have stuck with his promise. Keith should have thrown the tablets out long ago. He knew that was the right thing to do, but he, on the other hand, was determined to put the entire bottle to use. Or whatever was left of it. 

He knew it was from his time in the hospital after the fire, which would make the pills close to their expiration date. At this point, however, Keith didn’t care how, when or where he got the pills. He had them, and he would use them. If they had an expiration date like he thought they did, then they could do more damage to him than he intended. But wasn’t that the point of his plan? He didn’t care what they did. He just wanted his plan to work. 

He heard Kosmo run towards the door and start barking. Keith ignored the dog. He knew Shiro would find out soon enough. His time was limited. Keith’s entire body shook with anxiety and fear as he unscrewed the cap on the pill bottle. He tipped the container on it’s side and felt the entirety of it fall into his hand. Half of it fell to the floor as well. He lifted his hand to his mouth, swallowing far too many of the capsules and chugging the water to ensure he didn’t cough anything back up. His throat seemed to shrink as the pills slid down his throat. If the side effects didn’t kill him, he might as well choke to death on these drugs

The service animal continued to bark at the door, scratching at the wood and whining loudly. 

Keith continued to ignore his dog’s sounds, Kosmo’s calls for help. Deep down, he knew what he did was wrong. He knew how bad it was to do what he was doing, and he knew he already regretted even looking for the painkillers in the first place. But even when those thoughts began to creep up on him, he was covered in a shroud of darkness and self hate. He reminded himself of his plan and he told himself he had to continue through with it. All of it. 

Keith didn’t know how long it would take for the pills to have an effect, which was where the knife had come into play. He reached for it, fumbling for it, as he fought the urge to quit. 

Just as his fingers touched the wooden handle of the knife, the bathroom door swung open, the metal handle slamming against the wall with a bang. Kosmo yelped in fear, startled by the sudden noise. But then everything got quiet. Just for a moment. 

But that moment ended just as quickly as it had come. 

“Keith! What—Why—” Keith heard Shiro fumble with his words, he sounded shocked, horrified and confused. Anyone would be if they found a family member like this. 

He knew Shiro was watching him. Keith forced himself to look towards the doorway and tried to smile; instead, he began crying. Slowly, he lifted the knife but stopped before touching the blade to his skin at the sound of his brother’s voice. 

“Keith! Stop! Please!”

The teenager only shook his head, he couldn’t think of any cognitive or sensible thoughts. He knew his actions were so wrong in so many ways, he knew he had fucked up, but he couldn’t turn back. Not after swallowing what was probably more than half a bottle of deadly narcotics.

Shiro’s frantic breathing seemed to echo in Keith’s ears. He must have moved from the doorway and into the bathroom, but he wasn’t directly in front of Keith, or next to him either. 

Keith heard no more words from his brother, and knew that by now, Shiro had seen both the knife and the drugs. “Shiro… I… I’m… so… sorry…” 

He barely had enough time to get his words out before he collapsed. Keith felt a sharp pain in his arm before his head slammed onto the tile floor. The last thing he heard was Shiro’s trembling voice saying something along the lines of ‘overdosed on morphine’ and ‘please come quickly’. That’s all he heard before everything went silent. Had he called an ambulance? Or was Keith’s mind playing tricks on him. He didn’t have any time to think before his brain shut down. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy cow. I don’t know what to say. I mean it. I really don’t know what to say. Ia there really anything I can say after throwing that chapter at you all...? I should probably apologize... That was rough. So, yeah... Sorry for that... It was pretty deep and... Ick.  
> That being said... I take this stuff really seriously. I mean /really/ seriously. I really do. I know everyone says ‘dOnT tRUsT pEOpLe On ThE InTeRNEt’ but I am going to be honest... If you’re going through shit, I’m here. You read about 6,000 words of my writing every week, the least I can do is help you out if you need it.  
> I hope no one ever feels the need to take it that far, and I al so sorry for everyone who feels that they have to.  
> Shoot me a DM on instagram (picci.hats) if you ever want to. Unless I’m in a class or asleep, I’ll respond. 
> 
> As always:  
> I appreciate your support so much and I love each and every comment and kudo you leave for me to find. Thank you so much for your support. Sorry today’s chapter was kind :(  
> It’ll get better from here on out. I promise.


	30. Chapter 30

Keith gasped for air as he awoke. A sudden rush of adrenaline poured through his veins. It was like he had woken up in a cold sweat from a nightmare. But he hadn’t been asleep. He hadn’t been dreaming. A sense of panic shot through his entire body. He recalled nothing, could see nothing, and had zero idea of where he was. The first sense he regained was touch, which did everything but help him to calm down. His forehead was throbbing with a terrible aching pain. From there, his nerves slowly regained their senses. He felt the pricking of a needle in his left hand as well as some plastic like material on his face. It felt like there was something in his nose. A breathing tube? There was also some odd, terribly painful feeling in his left arm as if someone had dug some sort of animal’s claw into his skin. 

He was scared. He was terrified. Mortified. Petrified. He couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, and couldn’t smell, but his entire upper body hurt and he didn’t know why. He felt terrible, sickly, almost like he would throw up. His instincts told him to sit up. 

He didn’t get far off the bed-like structure he was in before a hand was placed on his chest and forced him on his back again. 

Keith seemed to have forgotten how to communicate verbally due to shock and fear, instead, he groaned and struggled to move from under the hand belonging to some unknown person. He squirmed and twisted his limbs, moaning and shouting. If he was correct, he was saying ‘no’ and ‘stop’, but his consciousness was not well enough to comprehend the truth. Keith did everything he could to move out from under this person’s hand. In that same instant, he lifted both of his hands to his face and pulled whatever the plastic thing was off of himself as hard as he could. This sudden action caused his cheeks to burn, concluding it was taped to his face to try and prevent him from doing just that. 

And then his hearing came back. 

“Keith…! Hey…! Hey, hey… It’s alright… It’s me, Shiro. Your big brother. I’m here.”

The teenager flinched as he felt the plastic tube be put back to where it was, in his nostrils. 

“I know you’re scared, but you do need this to breathe, alright?”

Keith heard muffled beeping noises from behind him, slowly figuring out where he was. He knew he was in a hospital, but he couldn’t recall why. The sound of his brother’s relieved sigh met his ears and he struggled to move his head to face his brother. “What… What happened…?”

Shiro didn’t answer at first. He did, however, take his hand from Keith’s chest. “You don’t remember…?”

Keith tried to shake his head, but a pulsating pain ran through his forehead as he tried to speak. “No…” He quietly mumbled. 

“Well… You… You tried to kill yourself…”

Those words alone sent a very different kind of pain through Keith’s body. This pain was in his heart and his mind. He now remembered taking the morphine and how much it scared not only him, but his dog, and his brother. “Shiro… I’m so sorry… I never should have—”

“Please don’t apologize. Just be thankful that you have a brother who knew to get you to the hospital as soon as possible.” In a more understanding tone, Shiro continued. “I haven’t really been there for you like I said I was going to be, and your actions, though unforgettable, are understandable if one considers what drove you to that point…”

The teenager brought his right hand to his forehead, feeling around until he located the gauze bandage, and the ‘plastic’. His thoughts were correct, it was an oxygen tube. “What time is it…?” He asked in an attempt to keep his mind off the fact that he was in a hospital and not at home, where he felt comfortable. 

“It’s about noon. You’ve been out for over twelve hours. Everyone said you weren’t going to wake up… I haven’t left your side since you got out of the ER.”

Keith slowly nodded, resting his hand at his side again. He ignored the last parts of what his brother said. He didn’t want to hear about how long he’d been in the hospital, nor the fact that he had also been in an ER. Again. 

With a sigh, he turned his head away from his brother, forcing himself to endure the pain it caused. He couldn’t help but hate the situation he was in. He hated that the drugs didn’t work, not because he hated the fact that he was still alive, but more so because of how his suicidal actions are going to influence and affect everyone around him. “I’m so fucking stupid….”

“No, you’re not, Keith. You’re not stupid.” 

He heard how Shiro’s voice softened, he heard his voice soften to the point where one might say the man was emotional. 

“You’re just, I don’t know, lost and scared and you don’t know what to do. Or something like that, right?”

Keith barely nodded in response. 

“If this is anyone’s fault, it’s my own. I just thought you were being your typical moody and quiet self. I shouldn’t have acted like everything was normal.”

“It’s not your fault, Shiro. How the fuck were you supposed to know anything was even remotely wrong when I never talk to anyone?”

“Because you’re my brother, Keith. I love you. I’m supposed to look after you and be there for you when you need me. And I’m sorry if I pushed you away. I didn’t know it got this bad…”

Keith didn’t say anything for a while, and neither did Shiro. The two of them were both silent. 

Shiro was waiting for Keith to speak before saying anything more. He had now realized how fragile Keith’s emotions and mental stability were, and he didn’t want to do or say or even think of anything that could push Keith to or over the edge. 

“I don’t want to die, Shiro!” Keith yelled suddenly. “I just want to live a normal life…! Is that too much to ask for?!”

“No, Keith, it’s not.” 

“Then why…? Why can’t I be happy? I don’t understand. What’s so wrong with me that I can’t  _ ever _ find happiness.” As he finished that last sentence, Keith’s voice broke and cracked. He felt his throat swell and his eyes water. “Everything about me is just…  _ wrong _ . No matter what I do I  _ always  _ fuck up.”

“That’s nowhere near true. You have  _ friends _ , Keith!  _ Real _ friends. Friends who  _ care _ and  _ worry _ about you. It might not be perfect, but you finally have people you can rely on! Pidge, Hunk, and Lance. All three of them want nothing more than to hang out with you and make sure you’re happy.”

Keith listened to his brother’s words, and as he did so, he cried, not because Shiro was wrong, but because he was  _ right _ . Everything he said was the absolute truth. Keith knew he had friends and he knew how much they cared for him, and this hurt him more than anything. He didn’t want to know what they’d say or how they’d react to his suicide attempt. Being reminded that he has friends was enough to make him regret everything he did up until now. 

“And if you need any more proof,” Keith heard Shiro pick something up off of a table before he went on, “In just the last four hours, you’ve received  _ so many _ messages from them. They’re asking questions like ‘are you feeling alright’, ‘do you want to talk’, ‘should we bring you your work’, and even multiple messages reminding you that they’re willing to listen and help you. I  _ know _ you have internal battles that you’re fighting, but please, don’t  _ ever _ think that you’re alone.”

“You know I can’t do that, Shiro… I’m not like you. I can’t dust myself off and move on like you…”

“I don’t care if you’re like me or not, Keith…! The only thing I care about is if you’re okay or not. I am  _ so _ sorry that I  _ ever _ doubted you. I am  _ so _ sorry that I turned my back on you when you needed me most. This is all my fault…”

“What…?!”

“All of it. It’s all my fault, Keith. I’m  _ so _ sorry. I promised you I’d do everything to keep you from harming yourself. I made you a promise and I broke it.”

Keith quickly shook his head. “No, it’s not. This isn’t your fault…!”

“Well it’s not yours. It’s not your fault that you have a weaker mental health state than most others. It’s not your fault you think about the world the way you do. Maybe I didn’t do enough to show you how much I love you when Dad died. Maybe I never told you how important you are to me. Maybe I am to blame.”

“But you’re not! None of this is your fault. You shouldn’t be the one apologizing. I’m the one who tried to kill myself. You didn’t try to do it for me. I did this all on my own. I’m the one who’s supposed to be apologizing…”

“You  _ never _ have to apologize for what you did. You’re not to blame here. Don’t blame yourself for this. Please.”

“Please stop crying…” Keith mumbled as he felt himself begin to grow emotional again. “Please.”

“I can’t help it… I’m sorry…” Shiro was quiet for a few seconds, probably because he was trying to calm himself like Keith had asked. “They told me you’d never wake up…” 

“But I did. So  _ why _ are you crying…?!”

“Because you’re my little brother…! You’re the most important person in my life. You’re the  _ only _ family I have left. I don’t know what I would do without you… Everything I do is for you. The money I earn, the classes I take, all of it. I do it because I’m the  _ only _ one who will help you get a life that you’ll enjoy. And I went and… And fucked it all up. I know what I did… And I will spend the rest of my life trying to earn your trust back…”

“But it’s okay now, Shiro…! I don’t care about that anymore…! I’m… I’m here. And I’m alive.”

“It’s not that simple, Keith… I made Mom and Dad a promise. I promised both of them that I would look after you. That I’d take care of you. And be at your side whenever you needed me. And I am  _ so  _ sorry that I abandoned you when you needed me most…”

Keith didn’t know what to say anymore. He didn’t know if he should say anything or if he should stay silent. 

“I’m so sorry, Keith…”

Quietly, he spoke. “It’s okay… I forgive you…”

“What…?”

“I forgive you…” Keith repeated himself in a slightly positive tone. “I forgive you. You can stop crying now. Everything is okay.”

“But it’s not… Keith I thought you were dead. Gone for good. I thought I’d  _ never _ see you again.”

Keith shook his head slowly. “You worry too much about me Shiro…” With a sigh, Keith forced himself to smile. He almost burst into tears just trying to do so. He didn’t know why. But he almost did. “Do you want to just… Hug it out…? Would that make you feel better…?”

“If you’re not opposed to it.”

Keith shrugged. “I tried to kill myself, Shiro… I think… I think I could use a hug.”

Not even a second had passed and Keith was in his brother’s arms. 

Shiro was crying again, much to Keith’s disappointment. 

But before he could say anything, he felt himself begin to shed his shell. Slowly, he buried his head in Shiro’s shoulder doing what he could to wrap his arms around his brother’s back. 

Ever so slowly, Shiro let go and stepped back. “I’m sorry I ever doubted your words. I doubt my promise means anything to you now, but I will do everything I can to make sure you get better and  _ always _ feel important and loved.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


In the time frame of an hour since Keith initially woke up from his coma-esque state, he remembered what he had done, received an explanation of what Shiro had done and multiple pep talks on why he is in fact loved and an important person to so many. He had also figured out why his arm hurt so much, a detail Shiro had forgotten to mention. When Keith had blacked out, the blade which he was holding had pierced his left arm, just below his shoulder. But that was the least of his worries. 

Around one o’clock, a doctor had come in to explain to Keith the dangers of addiction and overdosing on narcotics, both of which he knew very well. The doctor also explained to him that he was to be under constant supervision by either a family member, close and trusted friend, or a member of the medical staff. That bothered Keith; the lack of privacy rubbed him the wrong way. However, he understood why. One doesn’t simply make an attempt to commit suicide and then walk out of it without anyone worrying even the slightest. 

For the next week, he was stuck in the hospital, and was to meet with a psychologist daily until his discharge. 

It wasn’t until after he had eaten dinner did his hour long meets with some sort of doctor from nearly every field of medicine finally end. To call it dinner, however, was definitely an overstatement. It was food from the cafeteria. It was disgustingly healthy and almost tasteless. 

Keith was lucky enough to be in a room that had a window facing west, meaning, he got to ‘watch’ the sunset. Shiro, knowing how much Keith had enjoyed the daily spectacle before he lost his vision, explained the event in great, almost poetic, detail. 

“Shiro…?” Keith tilted his head to his left, away from the window once he was told the sun had set. He got a positive mumble from his brother and asked a simple question. “What makes you happy?”

“What makes me  _ happy _ ?”

The teen nodded, waiting for an answer. 

“Well… A lot of things, really. Why?”

Keith shrugged and sighed. “I used to like thinking of Mom and Dad, but now… Now it just hurts. And now I’m not sure what makes me even remotely happy.”

“It… hurts?” 

Nodding, Keith provided Shiro with an answer to his rather hesitation question. 

“Well that’s not good. Family is supposed to make you happy. Why does it hurt?”

“Honestly… I think I have too many painful memories. I mean… I don’t even remember anything about Mom.”

Shiro hummed for a moment, considering his options for ‘conversation’. “What if I gave you positive memories that I have? Might that help?”

“Until I get Kosmo back, I suppose it’s worth a try.”

Letting out an amused laugh, Shiro tousled his brother’s hair. “You’ll have him back tomorrow, I promise. The med staff just wants to see if you can get through the night without… you know… any deadly experiments.”

By that, he meant that the doctors who would look after Keith wanted to make sure he was stable enough mentally to be left with his service dog. If he lasted until morning with no need for intervention, he would have Kosmo back. 

With Shiro’s heart set on providing Keith with positive and uplifting memories of their parents, no further conversation of anything other than that was to be had, and neither seemed opposed to this. 

“Where do you want me to start?” Shiro asked his brother, prepared to wait a while for an answer. 

“Um…” The teenager exhaled through clenched teeth as he thought of what he wanted to know first. He wasn’t a fan of reminiscent conversations, but this was his parents they would be talking about. “I guess… Wherever you want.”

“Okay, well, I  _ know _ you can remember how kind Dad was.” Keith nodded, and Shiro went on. “Well, Mom was kind too, but on a different level. She had her serious, work related side, and her family side. She devoted every second of her free time to you and to me. My earliest memory, when you  _ were _ in the picture, was somewhere around the time you were to be born. I do remember how excited I was, but Mom… I don’t know, she was always just so happy. She was enamored and obsessed with everything about you, as she was with me.”

“I do recall how often Dad would tell us how kind and loving Mom was.” Just that thought alone was enough to make Keith smile. 

“I don’t know how she stayed so positive all the time. On the day you were born I, allegedly, acted out when I couldn’t skip school to be at the hospital when my brother was born.”

“Allegedly? I’m sure you  _ did _ make a scene.” 

That comment got Shiro to laugh. “Oh really? And you’d know that because?”

“You were annoying as  _ hell _ !” Keith teased, something he hadn’t done in a while. 

It was quiet for a bit as a peaceful silence fell over the room before Shiro continued. “She was always so patient and understanding. And Dad was too. Both of them were the perfect example of ‘good parents’. A lot of my happiest memories are of Mom. She loved you  _ so _ much, Keith. There wasn’t ever a time when you weren’t in her arms. Even when you learned to walk, you never left her side.”

“Until she died…”

“Yes… Until she died… I’ll never forget the look on your face when we left the hospital that night. You thought Mom was just sick, as in, she had a cold. So you were as happy as ever. The nurse who had been looking after her for the past few weeks drove us home that night. You waved goodbye to her and said ‘see you tomorrow’.” 

Keith heard his brother chuckle, but it sounded forced. “You don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to.”

“It’s alright… You should know this. It was your childhood too.”

The teenager only nodded. He listened to his brother’s stories for two whole hours. Some of them were happy, some sad, and some were a mix of both. But they all meant something to both of them. Keith never asked his father any question even remotely related to his mother. He didn’t feel it was right. But Shiro was his brother. They had the exact same relation to her. And that’s what made him feel comfortable asking. And something inside him knew it was right to know what she was like. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Keith isn't dead, that's good, right?  
> In case this wasn't clear, Keith tried to off himself on a Tues. night and found himself in the hospital the following day.   
> Also, I'm going to be 100% honest, I'm still trying to figure out how to work more of Keith and Lance's past into this. Basically, I was hoping to say that chapter 20 was the official halfway point of this AU, but the truth is, I can't wrap this u[ in 10 chapters. It'd feel way too rushed. I'm hoping it doesn't go too far over 50 chapters, since that's a LOT, but we'll see :)
> 
> Thank you for reading all of these last 30 chapters. There's lots more to come!  
> ~Picci


	31. Chapter 31

No one had heard from Keith in over two days. After he had left the school grounds on Tuesday, not one person had gotten any word about his whereabouts. Half of the school day had already gone by. More than half of it actually. Keith hadn’t been to any classes, and not even the school staff knew his whereabouts, at least they didn’t tell anyone. 

Lance entered his sixth period class desperately hoping to see Keith. He knew it was unlikely, impossible almost, yet he still felt his heart sink when the bell rang and his friend’s desk was once again empty. He turned to his right, where Hunk sat and asked if he had heard anything from Keith.

Hunk shook his head before signing, ‘Pidge hasn’t either’.

All three of them had some idea of what Keith had been dealing with. Each one of them knew he was suffering from depression, and it wasn’t hard to tell how much pain he was in. None of them knew why, and despite their efforts, not one of them could get him to talk for long enough to help him.

The class was dismissed to the lab room and Lance followed his group, looking back to the rows of desks, a part of his conscience thinking it wasn’t too late for Keith to enter the classroom. 

‘He’s probably just taking some time off to rest his mind’ Hunk signed to Lance and Pidge, in an attempt to lighten their mood.

‘What if it’s worse?’ Lance asked his friends, knowing it wasn’t helpful to dwell on the worst possibilities.

Both Pidge and Hunk shrugged. They didn’t know what any of them could do now. 

All of them wanted to help Keith out, each one of them wanted to make sure he was okay, but not one of them knew where he was. 

Lance let his eyes wander around the room, mindlessly surveying the crowd of thirty students. For a while, he stared at the door. He wasn’t quite sure why, since he  _ knew _ Keith wouldn’t just miraculously show up, but he didn’t look away. 

Hunk waved a hand in front of Lance’s face, trying to get his attention. Once Lance reacted, he signed, ‘I know you’re worried, we all are. Lets get through this day and figure something out later.’

To this, Lance didn’t protest, he knew it would do no one any good if he worried all day. He was about to focus his attention on his work when someone entered the classroom. 

Suddenly, all eyes were on him and his friends. 

‘What happened?’ Lance asked, wanting an answer immediately. He had noticed the hall monitor in the doorway and had immediate doubts about this being any sort of good or positive situation.

Hunk, who was the least worried looking of the three of them, answered Lance’s question. ‘Someone is here to talk to us. We are to go to the office immediately.’

Lance was the first to leave the lab room, quickly followed by Pidge and Hunk. His mind raced through every possibility as he walked to the main building. He knew this could not end well, and if it did, he figured he would have to go through some sort of hell to get there.

Not one of them had been told why they were summoned to the office, but they all knew it had something to do with Keith. Why else would these three ever need to meet with someone?

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


The three gathered in the vacant conference room, where they had been asked to wait for someone to talk to them.

‘You don’t think he did it do you?’ Lance asked his question with such hesitation that his own hands were shaking as he signed it.

‘No.’ Hunk quickly answered his friend’s question. ‘He’s just taking a health day or two.’

‘He said he threw them out.’ Pidge added quickly, hoping all of them would stay optimistic. However, they had never seen Lance this nervous before, and was beginning to worry about  _ his _ health. ‘Are you okay?’

Lance only nodded and for once he was glad he couldn’t talk because he knew there was absolutely no way he would be able to use his words now.

Minutes passed and it was just the three of them in the empty and silent conference room. Yes, every room was silent for Lance, but neither Pidge not Hunk had said anything, and since Lance had falsely informed Pidge that he was ‘fine’, nobody had signed anything either. 

The waiting was starting to get to them all, eating away at their self control and making each one of them increasingly more nervous and on edge with every passing second. 

Finally. Someone entered the room. 

Finally. 

Lance felt a wave of relief fall over the room, but the feeling vanished as quickly as it came when he saw who it was and the look on their face. 

Lance had only ever met Shiro two or three times in the past six months of knowing Keith. Like his own sister, Veronica, Shiro was busy with college, so if  _ he _ was here to speak with them, then whatever happened, must have been  _ bad.  _

He didn’t even wait for the man to sit down before signing his own questions. ‘Is Keith alright? What happened?’ 

Pidge placed their palm on Lance’s hands, gently pushing his hands into his lap. ‘Let him talk. Then we’ll tell you.’ They signed, knowing Lance would listen to their instructions. 

A silent conversation began, one Lance wasn’t a part of. He saw Pidge and Hunk speak with Shiro, he saw their reactions and their hesitations to talk, and he saw the fear and worry in his friends’ eyes. He saw the whole conversation, but nobody had told him what had happened. Lance was never one to complain, and he was never one to push his way into a conversation, but he deserved to be a part of this meeting, not a bystander waiting for a paraphrased translation. He watched in suffocating silence as Hunk and Pidge were told everything. But he needed to know the entire story too, not just Pidge or Hunk’s ASL recap. He deserved to know everything that had happened, just like the rest of them.

He turned to Pidge and signed, ‘what happened to Keith?’

Pidge simply told him to ‘wait’, and that they needed to get all of the details straight in their head before trying to translate it to him.

He tried asking Hunk the same question, but was given the same response.

Lance looked to Shiro, wondering if maybe this man could read facial expressions. Slowly, Lance signed, ‘I can’t understand you. Is Keith alright?’ He knew Shiro didn’t know any ASL, just like he couldn’t understand verbal communication, but he had to try something. His words didn’t get through to the one they were intended for, but his signing did grab Shiro’s attention.

This success was short lived. Soon, the three hearing people were talking again.

At this point, Lance didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t get pidge to talk to him, nor Hunk, and Shiro, the only one who knew the full story couldn’t understand sign language. He was beginning to grow aggravated, annoyed and left out in the worst ways possible. Keith was his friend, the only one at this school who seemed to have any sort of similarities to Lance. He  _ needed _ to know what had happened. He was determined to get the story from them.

It had been years since Lance had tried this, many years since Lance had tried to get anyone’s attention without his hands. But seeing as asking politely did nothing, he only had one other option. 

Taking a deep breath, Lance placed his fingers to his throat, making the slightest of humming sounds, reassuring himself that his vocal cords did work. Other than reactionary laughs or the extremely rare humming noise, Lance was mute. The last time he had tried to grab someone’s attention with his voice was when he was just a young child.

With one last inhale, Lance hastily got to his feet, the chair he had been sitting on slid out from underneath him as he let out an angered groan. The volume didn’t matter, he had their attention. He saw Hunk begin to sign something, but he countered with his own speech. 

‘Stop it! Stop talking, please. Both of you shut up!’ He signed, looking from Pidge to Hunk with begging eyes. ‘Tell me what happened! Everything that you know. He’s my friend too. I don’t deserve your b-s.’ Sign language doesn’t have italics or stressed words, it has facial expressions, pace and force. Lance made sure he  _ looked _ tired and angry. He made sure the others understood how upset he was. 

And it worked. 

‘What do you want to know?’ Pidge asked him, but didn’t even wait for a response. ‘Do you want to know how he is now, or the fact he tried to off himself two days ago?’

  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Rachel had tried everything in her power to get Lance to communicate. Since his meeting with Shiro, Lance hadn’t signed a thing. He hadn’t participated for even a second in his classes, and he hadn’t listened to anything anyone had told him. Even once the two were parked outside of their house, he said nothing.

He had hoped that he would be able to go inside of his home without anyone bothering him, but of course, that wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be possible. Lance knew his mother and sister were inside, and Rachel was with him now. There was no way he could end his day without talking to someone.

He felt Rachel tap his shoulder, and he slowly looked at her.

‘What happened?’ She asked, her facial features filled with worry.

‘I don’t want to talk.’

And he didn’t. He left the car, leaving his bag in the trunk and stormed off to the front door. Pulling his house key from his pocket, he unlocked the door and stepped inside.

As always, his mother was the first to greet him. She pulled him into her arms, hugging her son tightly. Letting go, she went to ask him about his day, but when she noticed his posture, she became terribly worried and Lance could tell. ‘Are you alright?’ She asked instead. ‘You look terrible.’

‘Fine.’ He answered quickly.

Lance didn’t wait for any more questions, he slid past his mother, heading for the stairs. With one hand on the railing, he felt his heart skip a beat when he saw his sister Veronica at the landing. The two of them had  _ always _ been close. He used to tell her  _ everything _ when he was younger. Even now, he would text her if something was on his mind.

After being there for Lance when he needed her most for nearly seventeen years, Veronica knew right away that Lance was on the edge of his stability.

The two had a silent and still conversation. With just looks alone, they had decided to talk.

As he climbed the stairs, Lance watched Veronica say something to her mother, and he assumed it was something along the lines of ‘I have got this.’

At the landing, Lance took hold of his sister's wrist and pulled her into his room, shutting and locking the door behind him. He let go of her once they were inside the safety of his room. He quickly did the same with the door to his bathroom, ensuring their privacy. 

‘What’s wrong, Lance?’ Veronica asked, pulling up Lance’s desk chair to sit in front of him as he sat on his bed.

The teenager raised his hands to begin his response, but didn’t get very far. His hands were shaking far too much for him to make any clear signs, and before he knew it, he was crying.

Lance hadn’t cried since he was just a kid. Nobody had seen or heard him cry since he was in sixth grade. Not like this. Yes, he had a few moments where he would cry for a few moments, but it hadn’t been like this in  _ years _ . 

Veronica understood the severity of this situation. and she moved to sit beside her brother. She asked no further questions.

Not knowing what to do, Lance instinctively leaned on his sister as he cried. He didn’t know how loud he was, but that didn’t seem to bother him. He had given up on keeping this chat a secret the minute he started crying.

Long, painful minutes had passed before either tried to communicate. Veronica was as patient and as caring as ever, allowing Lance to take as much time as he needed, waiting as long as he needed her to wait before asking any questions.

Slowly, Lance sat up, pulling away from his sister who simply gave him a sympathetic smile. 

‘Are you able to talk?’ Veronica signed slowly and clearly, making sure Lance knew she wouldn’t pressure him to talk. 

Lance shrugged his shoulders as he signed ‘don’t know’.

‘It’s okay. Take your time.’

He gave the slightest of smiles in response to her reply, thanked her and looked down, immediately fiddling with his bedsheets. It took a few more minutes, quite a few more minutes, but Lance finally looked up from his lap. Taking a deep breath he informed his sister that something happened a few days ago and it was today that he found out what that something was. He made sure to mention that it involved one of his friends, to which Veronica showed much more concern. 

‘Who?’

To answer her question, Lance had to gather a considerable amount of courage and also calm his spiking nerves. Saying his name acknowledge that this had happened, further proved that he and his friends had  _ failed _ to help him, but most of all, it meant accepting that Lance nearly lost someone close to him. He had never handled the idea of loss well, no matter if the person was a friend or family, Lance couldn’t bear to think about ever losing someone. 

Letter by letter, Lance nonchalantly signed ‘Keith’.

Veronica had never formally met or spoke with Keith, nor had anyone else in their family who wasn’t Lance or Rachel, but from her conversations with Lance, she had learned that in the short amount of time the two had known each other, Lance had formed a rather strong bond with Keith. Although it seemed as thought it was extremely one sided, but there was a friendship between them nonetheless. Most had assumed this was because both had a sensory disorder, and Lance had confirmed their assumption way back at the start of the school year. 

Lance understood what was making his friend feel so isolated, as he too only had 80% of his perception of the world around him just like Keith. In simple terms, he understood his pain. Not all of it, but some of it. 

‘Is he alright?’ She asked after a moment. 

‘No.’ 

To this, Veronica didn’t know how to respond. It was clear that she didn’t want to ask any question that might trigger some negative thoughts or emotions in her brother. Therefore, she was hesitant to ask her next question. ‘Can you tell me what happened?’

‘Yes.’

That got a smile from his sister, and he decided to continue. 

To the best of his abilities, Lance told her everything. He told her how for two whole days he and his friends had received zero word from Keith. He told her that despite his efforts and theirs, nobody could get in contact with him. Keith had left school in silence on Tuesday and had not used his phone since Tuesday morning. Lance told Veronica everything up to tuesday night, when he began to pause every few words. This subject was extremely difficult for him to talk about. With weary hands, he signed ‘suicide’ and from Veronica’s reaction, he knew he had said enough. Lance didn’t know what else to say after that, and was glad he didn’t have to. He looked at his sister, hoping she could say something to help him.

‘I am so sorry.’ She took her brother’s hands in her own, gently rubbing her thumbs along the backs of his hands. Slowly and coherently, she spoke, telling Lance that she loved him and that she was here for him. Both simple sentences she knew he could understand. Since he was an infant, he had been told how much he was loved, and she knew he could understand the words she had said even without hearing them. 

Lance couldn’t help the swelling in his throat, he felt as though be would cry again, something he didn’t want to do. Forcing himself to smile, he pulled his hands back and signed ‘he is in the hospital’, as if tricking his mind that this simple fact made everything all better.

‘Can he have visitors?’

He shook his head slowly. ‘He isn’t well and needs to recover.’ These words hurt him, but his facial features didn’t change from his forced, painful smile. In keeping his smile, Lance was able to keep his sorrows and worries at bay. He knew this wouldn’t last forever, but for now, for this small amount of time, it would do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to post something on Tuesday, so I’ll do a longer thing of notes after chapter 32


	32. Chapter 32

“What the hell even are these medications…?” Keith asked his brother as he mindlessly played with the pills on his tray of food. “And why are there so many?” He wasn’t hungry. He didn’t want his food. At least, not  _ this _ food. It was tasteless and bland. Nutritious and disgusting. Keith wasn’t against healthy foods, nor healthy eating habits. This, however, was something different. Hospital versions of healthy meals contain almost no calories and taste like water. That’s what most of it is, anyway. Veggies and fruit. There was no way he was going to eat another bite. 

“One of them is an antidepressant… And there’s one for anxiety.”

“So what are the other two?”

“Who knows.” Shiro said, somewhat sarcastically. “You better take them, though. You’ll get in trouble otherwise.”

Keith sighed with annoyance. “They don’t even do anything. They’ve had zero effect on me.”

“You’ve taken them once. Last night and now this morning will be the second time. It’ll take some time for the effects to kick in.”

Rolling his eyes, Keith took each pill capsule one by one. They all tasted awful. Their slippery coatings were absolutely disgusting. Bitter and slimy. 

“You can show your disgust a little more, I’m sure.” Shiro teased, watching Keith scrunch up his face each time he took one of the pills. 

“Do you want to taste these?!”

“Nope.” Shiro answered quickly. “I’m good. Thank you very much.”

“You’d think they’d make these baerable. You know? So people wouldn’t be so opposed to taking them?”

“I think the idea is to make you not want to take them. So you do your best to get better.”

“Classic occurance of a sane person trying— and failing —to make the life of a depressed person better.”

“Well aren’t you happy this morning?”

“I want my dog.”

“You’ll get him back in a few hours. Don’t worry.”

“I  _ always _ worry. That’s the perks of being me.”

“Okay, Mr. Grumpy Pants. Why don’t you try eating something?”

Keith shook his head. “I’m not hungry.”

“Come on. It’s almost ten o’clock. You haven’t eaten in over twelve hours.”

“I said I’m not hungry. Even if I was, there's no way I’d eat this crap.”

“You have to eat, Keith. They’ll be mad if you don’t. They’ll hook you up to another machine and force you to eat.”

Keith nodded slowly, mocking his brother’s words. “Like they’d force feed a seventeen year old. They only do that bullshit for kids.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“I told you you should’ve eaten your food.” Shiro sighed with disappointment. 

“I thought you were kidding…!”

“Why would I be joking about that…?!”

Keith shrugged. “I don’t know…! Please don’t let them stick me with needles…!”

It was rare for Keith to listen to instructions, especially if he was adamant about disobeying them. Unfortunately for him, this meant more medication. Something he absolutely did not want. 

He hadn’t even survived twenty four hours in the hospital and was already being prescribed  _ more _ pills to take. 

Food supplements this time. 

Not more antidepressants or anxiety pills. But instead, he was to be given iron pills, vitamins and an assortment of other medications Keith was far to upset and anxious to recall. 

Those were in the form of liquids. Those were to be injected hourly, or constantly through his IV. 

“Don’t you think it’s a little… I don’t know… Absurd?!” Keith asked his brother. “I mean. It was  _ one _ meal. I’ll eat later. You know I will.”

“Unfortunately, Keith. They don’t listen to me as much as you think they do.”

“What do you mean?”

“I told them you didn’t like needles and meds. I told them at least twenty times. But all they said back was ‘it’s for the best’. And ‘he needs sustenance’.”

“You’re fucking with me, right??”

“Nope. They’re going to up your meds and give you supplements because you didn’t eat your breakfast.”

“Because of the medicine! You know that!”

“Well they think it’s you being defiant.”

“Then they’re fucking stupid!”

“Maybe… But you still have to—“

“No! Shiro  _ please _ !” Keith begged. “You have to talk them out of this!”

“I can’t, Keith. I’m sorry. But I can’t. I tried that already, but it didn’t work.”

Keith shook his head multiple times. He felt his heart rate spike and fear filled his entire body. 

“ _ Please _ ! I don’t do needles. You  _ know _ this!”

“It’ll be okay; Keith.” Shiro said calmly. He placed a gentle hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You’ll be okay. trust me.”

Keith shook his head again. “No I won’t! You know I won’t!”

“What do you want to do? Be force fed three to four times a day or get this injection thing that’ll only last a second.”

“What about the IV?! Can’t they just use that?!”

“Do I look like a medical professional…?”

“No. But you’re smart!”

“I’m flattered. But I’m a grad student. Not a doctor.”

“Shiro,  _ please _ ! You  _ have _ to do something…!”

“I’m sorry, Keith.” Shiro’s apology was sincere. He meant it. He felt terrible for this. “I tried. I really did. I told them you had a fear of needles and injections. I told them that a hundred times. But I can’t help that they didn’t listen to me.”

Keith pulled his knees up to his chest and curled up into a small ball on his bed. “Can’t you try again…?!” He asked, desperation in his voice. “ _ Please _ … You  _ have _ to try again.”

“I don’t think—”

Before Shiro could say anything more, there was a knock on the door. A click, and then the door opened. 

“Okay…!” A nurse entered Keith’s room, and she sounded far too excited about all of this. 

Keith recognized her immediately. He didn’t know her name, but he knew he hated her. She was mean and forced things upon her patients. He assumed she was the one who was forcing Keith to take the injections. He hated her because she hated him. She looked down on him because he tried to kill himself. She treated him horribly because she had zero trust for him. If it weren’t for the fact that he only saw her during meals, Keith was sure he would be trying to off himself again. She made him feel like crap. How could a person like that work in a hospital?

“Let’s try and get this over with quick, shall we?”

Keith immediately pulled a blanket over his shoulders in an attempt to protect himself. It was childish, yes, but he was traumatized by needles. He didn’t know why, but ever since he was a kid, he hates needles and shots. 

“Actually…” Shiro spoke up, and for a moment, Keith felt relieved. “Could we possibly find a way for these to be physical pills? Or even just liquids he swallows? Keith  _ really _ isn’t all too keen on needles and injections.”

“This stuff?”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry, but these only come in one form. It’ll only take a second. He’s seventeen, I’m sure he can handle it.”

Keith whined like a child. He gripped his shoulders tightly with his hands. He was determined not to get these shots. 

“Alright.” She said, approaching Keith’s bed. “You can relax your arms now.” 

Keith shook his head. 

“I can’t give you your meds unless you do.”

Keith shook his head again. He wasn’t going to get the shots. He would do anything to keep himself from getting them. 

“It’s just a little prick.” She told him. “You’ll be fine.”

Keith felt her take ahold of his right hand, she was trying to force him to let go. He just held on tighter. 

“Come on, Keith. You need your meds.”

Keith shook his head over and over again. “It hurts.” He mumbled. “My shoulder. I injured it. Remember?”

“Oh, right! Can’t do that, then.”

“So… No shots…?” Shiro asked, someone happily. 

“I’ll just give it to him in his right. That’ll make moving his dominant hand a little difficult for a few minutes, but he’ll be okay.”

“Why do I need them?” Keith asked, hoping to delay her actions. 

“Well, you refused to eat this morning. You’ll get sick if you don’t eat.”

“I’m seventeen.” He snapped. “I know about nutrition.”

“Then you shouldn’t worry about these shots.”

“Excuse me?! I shouldn’t worry about shots?!”

“You  _ are _ seventeen.”

“It’s a  _ phobia _ …!”

“Of course it is.” She said condescendingly. “It’s a phobia, just like your meds are making you sick.”

“They  _ are _ !” Keith argued. 

“Your medicines don’t make you sick, Keith. They can’t. No one has ever complained about it but you.”

“Yeah and no one has seen Santa Clause but you adults are so adamant about shoving your Christmas cheer down children’s throats.”

“Okay, so clearly no one is happy about this.” Shiro was the voice of reason now. “Maybe we could postpone this. For an hour or so. It can’t hurt that much.”

“If you’re going to feed into his irrational fears, you’re welcome to sit outside.”

“I’m not a child!” Keith yelled at her. “Stop talking about me like I don’t exist!”

“Are you going to take the shots or do I need to call in a team to help me?”

“Excuse me?! You’re saying I’m lying about this?!”

“Your medications do not make you sick.”

“Shiro, please talk to her! She’s not listening to me!”

“Hold on.” Shiro did as Keith asked and tried to talk to the nurse. “I know my brother better than anyone, okay? He’s not a liar. I swear. He has never lied to benefit himself. Not once. And I know he’s not lying now. He has a real fear of injections. You can look at his charts. It’s in there. I know it is. You can’t just come in here and decide to stick him with needles with no regard for his own feelings.”

“It’s not on his charts.”

“It is.” Shiro told her. “Trust me. It’s been on every chart he’s ever had. It’s on all of his forms. I promise.”

Quietly, the nurse left the room. She placed the needles on the tray next to Keith’s bed and then just left. 

“Okay, what the  _ fuck _ …?!” Keith asked in a hushed whisper.

“Press the call button.” Shiro instructed. “She’ll be back eventually… But if I can’t sway her, maybe someone else can.”

Keith did as Shiro suggested, taking ahold of the remote next to him and pressing the button. “You  _ promise  _ me you won’t let her stick me with needles…?”

“I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you don’t get any shots.”

Keith nodded before he asked, “Is it really that bad that I don’t like shots…?” 

“Of course it’s not. You can’t help it. It’s a phobia.” Shiro said reassuringly. 

Keith nodded again. “Even though I’m seventeen…?”

“It doesn’t matter if you’re seventeen or seventy. You don’t like shots and needles, and you can’t do much about it.”

There was a knock on the doorframe before a concerned voice asked, “Is everything alright?”

“We have a slight problem.” Shiro answered. “Keith has been prescribed new medications, but they’re injections.”

“Is he allergic to it?”

“Nope. Just a fear or needles and what not. It’s on his chart, but your team may have missed it.”

“Oh, I am so sorry about that. I’ll go see if we can’t change that. Do you know where his nurse is?”

Keith stayed quiet as Shiro talked this dilemma through. He listened to the conversation, the whole time hoping that it would work out positively for him. 

A certain phrase caught his ears. 

“Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. It’s right there on the board.”

The board was what the medical staff called the list of warnings posted outside of each patient’s door. Keith assumed it was a literal board, but he wouldn’t be surprised if it was just a piece of paper. 

“I will change this  _ immediately _ .”

In that moment, they addressed Keith. Not just Shiro. But Keith specifically. 

“I’m so sorry for this mistake, Keith. I forgot all about it. I’ll make sure she comes back with pills and not any more needles.”

Keith gave a tiny smile and nodded. “Thanks…” He muttered. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“You better eat that.” Shiro instructed half jokingly. “I’m not going through another medical debate.”

Keith sighed as he picked up his plastic fork, poking mindlessly at the food on his plate. “Beans and couscous isn't really  _ dinner _ .”

“But it  _ is _ food.”

“And?”

“Just eat the food, Keith. You’re already on their watch list for malnourished patients.”

“I am?”

“Yes.”

“All because I didn’t eat my breakfast?”

“Yes.”

Keith scoffed, taking a bite of his food. “It’s the meds. I can’t eat after I take them. They make me sick.”

“I know they do, but you still have to try and eat your food.”

“Well that’s easy for you to say.” Keith mumbled. “You’re not the suicidal maniac who’s talking a hundred different pills to make him not hang himself from the ceiling.”

Shiro said nothing in return. 

Keith’s words had been too brash for Shiro. They were untimely and off putting. 

“I’m sorry…” He said quietly. “That was a bit much, wasn’t it…?”

“Yeah. It was.”

Keith sighed and slouched down into his pillows. “I’m sorry, Shiro. I fucked up again, didn’t I?”

“No, it’s not that. You just… Shouldn’t joke about that. Or talk about it in that tone. It’s upsetting and worrying.”

“I know… I haven’t gone this long without Kosmo and I’m getting desperate. I think. Or antsy. Or something like that. I don’t like being without him.”

Shiro sighed quietly before he tussled Keith’s hair. “Tomorrow. That’s what they promised. I’ll go get him tomorrow.”

“You promise he’s in good hands until then?”

“Yes. Curtis knows how to look after dogs. He’s sent updates on him, letting me know when he gets to our place, when he takes Kosmo out, when he feeds him. All of that good stuff. Kosmo is in good hands.”

  
  


***

  
  
  


For the past few days, Keith had done nothing but sit in a hospital room. He, thankfully, had moved from the room in the emergency wing in which he had originally found himself, and into a far more ‘homey’ section of the hospital, the inpatient wing. During the day, he could relax on his somewhat uncomfortable bed, or the equally uncomfortable chair or couch on the far wall. The one with the window. During the evening, he stayed on the bed as Shiro typically took the chair and used the couch to make a ‘bed’ of his own. Shiro was out during the day, but stayed in the room with Keith at night, leaving for university in the morning. 

Keith had protested Shiro’s stay on more than one occasion, but it was either Shiro or some doctor, and Keith disliked his other option far more than being watched by Shiro. 

The morning he got Kosmo back was the happiest moment of his junior year, and Keith wouldn’t even try and deny that. He had, for the first time in a while, smiled out of joy. And his smile wasn’t forced. Kosmo couldn’t stop whining and painting when he saw Keith. The seventy pound service dog had found a way to curl up into a tiny ball at Keith’s feet, while leaning all of his weight on the teenager. 

As for Keith, being able to have his dog at his side again was not only a huge relief, but also very impactful. Keith had to survive 24 hours after regaining consciousness with  _ zero _ issues to  _ earn _ the right to stay alone with his dog. And he managed to do just that. It wasn’t much, but it was an improvement from where he was the night he tried to take his own life. 

He had gotten used to the hourly check ins from the hospital staff, that he figured out how to time his day, almost perfectly, to accommodate for them. 

Sure, he was used to their arrival, but he certainly didn’t like it. Keith knew that after his actions on Tuesday, there were  _ many _ reasons for the hospital staff to keep such a close eye on him. 

Hearing yet another knock on the door didn’t phase him. Keith shifted his position, sitting up in his bed while forcing Kosmo off of his legs. The struggles of a dog owner. 

He heard the creaking of the door and forced a smile of some sorts. 

“How are you feeling, Keith?” The nurse asked him, closing the door behind her. 

Keith simply shrugged, “I’m not dead so I guess good, right?”

She let out a long, displeased sigh. “Is that  _ really  _ going to be your only answer to that question for the next week?”

“You all asked me to prove I’m not ‘suicidal’, so that’s what I’m doing.” 

“Well, there are some people who want to talk with you, and no, not more annoying PhD-holding adults.”

“Oh... Really…?” This was a surprise to Keith. He wasn’t aware he was allowed visitors after his ‘outburst’, and seeing as the only people who ever talked to him were staff members, maybe this ‘no visitors’ policy had changed. 

“Yes, really. But they can’t see you unless you give us the ‘ok’.”

“What do you mean? I thought I wasn’t allowed  _ any _ non-med staff people in my room.”

“It’s been almost a week, and we think it would be okay. Plus most of us know your little ‘I’m not going to eat anything’ incident was because of the medication and your frustration. So, yes, you may have visitors. You just need to verify that you do in fact know these people.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Keith was more than a bit surprised to hear that he would be allowed up to half an hour with visitors. He wasn’t complaining about the time limit, he was actually fine with it. Keith was, however, confused as to why anyone would want to visit him in what he called the ‘mental ward’. It was not the ‘mental ward’, nor was it in anyway like it. It was just a regular inpatient wing. 

Once he verified that he did know his visitors, he and Kosmo were taken to a small room down the hall from his. Keith ran his fingertips along the dotted braille marker next to the door. He wasn’t impressed with the words ‘family room’ nor the number ‘2’ that followed. Clearly the floor he was on was large enough for there to be more than one ‘family room’, which turned out to be a multipurpose room where family and patients could meet outside of the patient’s room. This was also where patients could visit with friends for a specific, and short amount of time. 

The nurse who had accompanied him led him into the room, seating him down on the right side of the room.

The chairs were comfortable, far more comfortable than those in the rooms. Probably because this room is meant to have a happier feel to it than the rooms in which the patients stay.

Kosmo took a seat by Keith’s heels, slowly lying down at the boy’s feet.

Once the nurse left, it was just Keith and his dog in a silent room. He let go of Kosmo’s harness and leash, folding his hands in his lap. 

His mind began to race with what he would say to them, how he would explain his actions. Would he apologize first or give an explanation first? He wondered if he needed to apologize and instantly became utterly confused and unsure of anything to say. He thought of excuses and explanations, scenarios and dates, anything to try and explain his actions. 

But once the door opened, his mind went blank. 

Every thought left his mind.

“Oh my gosh!” Pidge didn’t even wait a second at the door before they pulled Keith to his feet and tightly embraced him. “You’re alive!” 

“Yep…” Keith felt their grip loosen as the two pulled away from one another. “I—”

Before he had time to say anything more, a hand had struck the side of his face, stinging his cheek where the other had hit him. 

“What the  _ fuck _ ?!” Keith stepped back, almost falling over the chair behind him as he held onto his cheek, instinctively trying to ease the pain. 

“Do you have  _ any _ idea how much we worried about you?! You told me, you  _ promised _ me you threw those damn narcotics out! You promised  _ all of us _ ! We haven’t seen you in almost a whole week! Six days! You left school dead silent on Tuesday and all of us were just  _ trying  _ to  _ help you _ . We were in Chemistry, about to do a lab, scared shitless because you  _ still _ weren’t at school, when all three of us are pulled from class, brought to the office and told to sit in some conference room. Then your brother walks in and tells us you— that you— you tried to off yourself! Do you have  _ any _ idea what that does to someone?!”

“Pidge! That’s enough…!” Hunk stepped in to the militant conversation before Pidge could say anything to further their point and reasoning for acting that way. “You can’t talk to him like that. He’s been shut in a hospital room since Tuesday… At least give him some space to breathe before you shove your emotions down his throat.”

“They’re right…” Keith mumbled, his head down. “I’m a fucking idiot…”

“That’s—no! Keith that’s  _ not  _ what I’m saying! This  _ isn’t  _ your fault, you don’t have to apologize. You’re not an idiot.  _ Please  _ don’t say that.”

“You don’t understand. I had every opportunity  _ not _ to do this, I had a choice to make, and  _ clearly _ I chose wrong. How am I not to blame?!”

“Because we are your friends! And I’d rather eat my own foot than knowing that I didn’t do enough to make you feel wanted and important.”

The room went silent for a minute or two. Not an awkward or uncomfortable silence, but somehow it was calming. 

Keith slowly smiled, shaking his head as he shrugged. “Your own foot? That’s all you could come up with?”

“You could’ve died and you expect me to think straight?!”

“No…” Giving a weak, emotionless sigh, Keith lifted his head, staring towards the others. Though he couldn’t confirm that he was looking towards them, he felt it was the best he could do. “Look… I’m sorry for what I did… I didn’t think of how it would impact you all. I’m sorry I worried you… I really am, but I’m not ‘better’ if that’s what you were hoping. I’m in no better state than I was on Tuesday. But if it means  _ anything  _ to  _ anyone _ , I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have. I  _ don’t  _ want to hurt myself either… I  _ want  _ to get better, I just don’t know if I  _ can _ . I know it was a terrible solution, but it sometimes seems like my only option...”

“I  _ promise  _ you, Keith, it is not your only option.” Pidge was quite as the spoke in an apologetic tone. “I’m sorry I’ve been so obnoxious and loud and basically the opposite of understanding, I’m just bad at handling situations like this. But I  _ promise  _ I will help you get ‘better’. We all will.”

“I know you will… And I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Problem solved. Two chapters this week :D  
> Soooooo. Last chapter was a big mess of emotions, and this chapter was too.  
> As my friends know, I am obsessed with Veronica, and she may have made her way into this au, having a large role :)  
> The great thing about this chapter, however, is that the friend group has been reunited. The crappy thing, is that Keith had a panic attack because of some nurse. Gotta love that.  
> But on a different note, yes, Pidge did slap him, and yes they are mad. But they also don’t know how to handle this stuff, so it comes out in anger.  
> Don’t worry, they’re all good friends still.   
> Also!!! On instagram (@ picci.hats) and twitter (@ piccionedraws), I’m doing a little comic of the story thus far (actually all of what I have written). If you’re interested, you can check it out! I will be posting the last of the panels very soon when i publish their corresponding chapters!
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I hope you likes these last two chapters.
> 
> ~Picci


	33. Chapter 33

Lance didn’t quite know what was going through his head when he visited Keith that day. He was, overall, just elated to see that his classmate wasn’t dead. After a week of waiting to see him, Lance was finally able to visit Keith. Even so, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything, he didn’t ask for his signs to be translated, nor did he participate in any sort of conversation with anyone. He didn’t want to. It wasn’t as if he didn’t care to make his friend feel better, he simply didn’t want to participate in a conversation for a reason unbeknownst to even him. He didn’t know  _ why _ he stayed out of all discussions, but he had done so nonetheless. Most of the time he was there he was questioning if any of this was even real or just his imagination. On one hand, he didn’t want any of it to be real, and instead simply wished none of it had ever happened. On the other hand, he was both flabbergasted and ecstatic to know that Keith  _ isn’t  _ dead and  _ is _ alive. 

While he always knew he cared deeply for all of his friends, something about seeing Keith in the hospital sent a shiver down his spine, it evoked a fear in him that he had never felt before. He and the others were briefed on his current condition and visitation schedule. Lance couldn’t drive, but he was determined to visit Keith whenever he was free. And so were Pidge and Hunk, but something inside him thought he and them had different reasons. Maybe it was because he had a different understanding of Keith’s state than the others. That, or something else he had never put much thought into. Or maybe it was just him overthinking the situation. Whatever it was, he knew he needed to go back as soon as he could. Keith  _ needs  _ their help and their time and Lance would stop at nothing to help him. 

He thanked Pidge for the ride home before grabbing his school bag and heading up to the front porch of his house. Lance unlocked the front door, waved one last time to Pidge and closed the door behind him. He barely finished locking the door before someone tapped on his shoulder. Lance turned around, his curious gaze met with a kind smile. 

Rachel quickly welcomed him home before she asked ‘how did it go?’ She had opted out of visiting Keith as she both barely knew him and felt it would be best for just Lance, Pidge and Hunk to go. Despite her choices, she still cared for her brother’s friend, even if she only met him a couple of times. 

‘Fine.’ Lance told her as he shrugged. ‘He won’t be home for a while. I want to visit him often, I think he feels lonely.’

‘He won’t be lonely if you see him every day. I can drive you there after school if you would like.’

Lance nodded quickly. ‘Yes, please. I would like that.’

This answer made her smile, a cute, pleased kind of smile. ‘You seem happy. Mom will be pleased.’

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


That evening, after dinner, Lance spent hours in his room, alone. He had changed into his comfortable pajamas, grabbed his old, tattered diary, and had, for the past few hours, lay on his bed writing out his thoughts. 

His entries were more like conversations, the fake, almost rehearsal-like conversations one has with themselves before actually speaking to someone. He never did any of the ‘dear diary’ entry starters, nor any clichés while writing his entries. Lance simply wrote out his thoughts, and occasionally would add a questioning phrase such as ‘if that makes sense’ or ‘you know’. He didn’t know why he wrote like this, but it helped with his stress levels, anxieties and emotions. He has kept this diary since he was in sixth grade, and thought his topics have changed, he still gets the same therapeutic results from writing. 

Normally, Lance knows exactly what he’s writing, and doesn’t let his subconscious take over his pen, but when the light from the hallway brightened up his dimly lit room, he came to the understanding that he had zoned out for most of his writing period. Lance knew he had written quite a bit, but he couldn’t recall it all, which wasn’t normal for him. 

Closing the leatherbound notebook, Lance turned to face his doorway, politely smiling at his sister Veronica as he asked, ‘going to bed?’

In response, Veronica nodded. ‘Yes.’ She signed. ‘You should too. It’s late and you have school tomorrow.’

‘I will. I promise.’ Lance signed a quick goodnight, waving after she signed the same phrase back. 

He watched her leave and gently close his bedroom door behind her. Tonight  _ was _ one of her last nights before she was going back to university, which made Lance wonder why he was here, in his room, and not with her. Sure, she was heading to bed, and he would too soon enough, yet even in the hours between dinner and now, Lance had chosen to stay in his room. And for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why. 

As he flipped back through what he had just written, he found that the majority of it was about today, more specifically, his time at the hospital with Pidge and Hunk. For the amount he had written, it would leave one to believe that he had asked many questions, or at least participated in something to make himself a part of the group. While in actuality, he had done nothing. He had just stood there and stared. Stared in bewilderment at his friend. 

For the whole time he was in the room with Keith, he couldn’t stop staring at him. But he wasn’t even looking at Keith. He was looking at the bandages, the IV, and his bruised and slightly swollen forehead. He had only focused on Keith’s injuries. Lance had only been looking at the medical equipment and the damages caused to Keith by his actions. This didn’t make sense, however, since Lance  _ hated _ the thought of anyone being hurt in any way, and hated seeing someone hurt even more than simple thoughts. Despite this, he had only looked at something other than Keith’s injuries twice. Once halfway through the visit and once just before he left. The first time he looked down at the floor. Keith had looked to him, or in his general direction, and Lance couldn’t convince himself to look back at him. It was wrong. It was wrong of him to only focus on the negatives, but it was also wrong for him to look away from it all. 

Before he left, however, he looked at Keith, he looked in his eyes, he looked to his face. Not his bruised forehead, not his shoulder who’s sleeve was puffed up because of the gauze bandages. He hadn’t looked to the IV in his left hand, nor the short cord attached to it, the cord which was tied off by a small piece of plastic to keep the tube from becoming infected. Lance looked  _ at  _ Keith. He looked  _ into _ his  _ eyes _ . For the first time since arriving at the hospital, he looked at Keith like a normal person should. 

And as he did so, he felt something inside him break. As if the reality of all of this was just too much for him to bear, he felt his heart break. He was so very grateful to know that Keith was okay, that he was recovering, but none of this could change the fact that Keith had almost died. And the fact that it was his own choice to remove himself from the world broke Lance in a way that nothing had ever broken him before. He knew what loneliness felt like. He knew what it was like to feel as though you were going through life alone and by yourself. He knew what self hatred was, he knew that being  _ different  _ impacts people in a way  _ nothing _ else can. He knew everything that Keith had been ‘dealing with’, and he knew what all of that did to someone. 

He knew he shouldn’t have stood still and stared. He knew he should have said something. He should have asked for a moment to explain everything to Keith, to explain to him that he’s not alone, to tell him how important he is to everyone who cares about him, to remind him of how much his friends care about him. 

Lance snapped out of his thoughts after that, he cut off all of his thoughts from his mind. He pressed down on the top of his pen and put it down. 

He rested his elbows on his knees, holding up his head with his hands as he let out a sigh. 

Why hadn’t he said anything? Why  _ did  _ he stay so long and say  _ nothing.  _

He tapped his right index finger on his cheek, letting his mind find an answer to those questions, questions he  _ needed _ answers to. 

He thought for a long, tiring amount of time. In thinking and pondering, he had completely lost track of time. After a  _ very _ long while, it had become so late that he could barely think anymore. Lance checked the clock on his phone, falling back on his pillows in annoyance after reading the numbers  _ 12:37 _ on his lock screen. 

His sudden motion startled his kitten. Blue, who was curled up on his pillows near the wall jumped a little, surveyed the room, yawned, and went back to sleep.

Lance gave her a gentle and small scratch on her ears, letting her know everything was okay before he focussed his attention back to his own thoughts.

He simply wanted to know  _ why _ he had done what he had, instead of acting like Pidge and Hunk. All three of them were Keith’s friends, all of them. But only two of them engaged Keith in conversation. If they were all friends, why couldn’t Lance have talked. He couldn’t understand what had stopped him. They were  _ all _ friends.  _ All _ of them had the  _ same _ connection to one another. So  _ why _ was Lance the  _ only _ one who was unable to not only  _ converse _ with Keith, but also  _ incapable  _ of even  _ looking _ at him like a normal person. 

Suddenly, Lance sat upright. He felt as if he had just had an epiphany. This great realization of sorts quickly turned into something negative. This wasn’t the answer he was looking for, and it was certainly not the answer anyone would want to hear. He regretted letting his mind wander this far, and he  _ hated _ the answer he had come to.

As quietly has he could, Lance snuck out of his room and headed for his sister’s bedroom. He needed to tell someone, and was confident enough to talk with Veronica, even at a quarter till one. He was confident, until, of course, he was outside of her room. The door was pulled to and the lights were off. She wasn’t one to stay up until odd hours on her phone, that was Lance, so she was asleep. 

Maybe now wasn’t the best time to talk with her. 

But if he didn’t talk to her now, he might not  _ ever _ get this chance again. At least not until it’s too late. With one deep breath, he opened the door, sliding inside as quietly as he could, and close it again. 

Veronica’s room was exactly how she had left it years ago before leaving for university, giving this room a calm sense to it. Her childhood toys were lined up on her desk, books were on the shelves, and polaroid photographs hung from decorative string around her bed.. 

Lance headed to the far side of the room, finding himself at her bedside in seconds. Even as he gently tapped on her shoulder, he questioned if this was a terrible decision, but it wasn’t like he could go back now. Especially not since it looked like his little tap had woken her. 

And his assumptions were correct. She was awake now, but she was definitely confused and probably annoyed that someone had woken her up in the middle of the night. 

‘Lance?’ She signed after turning on her bedside lamp. ‘What time is it?’

‘Almost one.’ He answered honestly, now slightly embarrassed.

He watched her sigh as she sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. ‘So. What’s wrong?’

Lance hesitated to answer. Nothing was  _ wrong _ , but  _ something  _ was bothering him. 

When she got no response, even when a few moments had passed, she signed, ‘is there something you want to talk about?’

He answered so slowly that the short sentence seemed to take forever for him to sign. ‘I think I like someone.’

In an instant, his sister’s concerned expression changed to a confused and disappointed look. ‘Can’t this wait? It is one in the morning.’

Shaking his head, Lance signed. ‘No, it’s important.’

‘Lance. We’re both tired. We can talk tomorrow.’

‘No we can’t. This can’t wait.’ He gave her a pleading look, as if begging her to stay up and talk with him. ‘Please, Veronica.’

‘Fine. Sit.’ Patting the foot of her bed, she prompted her brother to sit down, and once he did so, she asked, ‘So you like someone?’

To that, Lance gave her the ASL sign for ‘yes’ and asked, ‘Can I ask for a favor?’

‘Sure. What is it?’

Again, he waited a while before answering. But this time, he gave an answer before she could ask any further questions. ‘Veronica. I want to talk.’

‘What?’ Veronica’s jaw dropped. ‘Talk?’ She repeated the sign as if she had missed something he had said. ‘You want to talk? With your voice? Like me, and the rest of the hearing community?’

‘If I can.’

Lance hadn’t said anything in a really long time, so this was  _ quite _ the request. The first world he ever said was ‘hello’. He had learned how to say that one word for the sole purpose of greeting his 3rd grade classmates. He had spoken for about a week before his milestone was turned into a source of constant bullying. Ever since, he has been terribly self conscious about his voice, speech, and noises he produces.

‘Can I ask why?’

Her question was reasonable and Lance had an answer for her. A real answer,but it wasn’t the one he gave her. That might be too much for it no being one in the morning. ‘I want to. For my friends.’

‘And for this girl you like?’

‘No.’ Lance shook his head, slightly biting his lip out of nervousness. 

‘But you said you like someone. You don’t want to talk to that person?’

‘I do.’

‘But you said no.’

‘I think...’ Lance paused, looking worried and anxious, as if regretting ever mentioning the subject in the first place. ‘I think I like a boy.’

‘You’re gay?’

Shrugging, Lance looked down at the blankets he was sitting on. ‘I don’t know. Maybe bisexual. Would it upset you if I liked both men and women? Or just men?’

Veronica smiled sweetly as she shook her head and signed, ‘not at all, Lance. You’re my little brother. I don’t care if you like girls or guys or no one.’

Knowing this, it comforted Lance. It was no surprise that she supported him, but for her to tell him meant the world to him.

Neither of them signed anything for a while. The two just exchanged awkward glances and uncomfortable smiles.

Finally, after a few moments, Veronica asked a simple, yet hard to answer question, ‘Who is it?’

‘Does it matter?’

‘Do you have good taste in men?’ She teased.

Lance rolled his eyes. ‘I do. At least I think. Although, I’m not even sure I like him. And I don’t know him all that well.’

‘That’s fine. Just tell me who it is. I won’t judge.’

‘Promise?’

Veronica nodded. ‘I promise.’

‘Keith.’

‘Keith? The blind kid?”

Lance only nodded. 

‘And you want to talk to him?’

Nodding, Lance signed, ‘Because he’s lost. And I don’t want to mess up again. It’s the best I can do.’

‘That’s very kind of you, but how exactly do you plan on talking to him? And what would you say?’

Lance shrugged. ‘I don’t know.’ He signed hesitantly. ‘I want to tell him how I feel, and that it’s okay to be scared and sad and everything he feels, but to know that I’m his friend. That I’m always here if he needs me.’ Lance paused for a moment before looking to his sister with sad eyes. ‘He doesn’t like himself, Veronica. He cuts his wrists and he wants to die. Or he did. But now he’s stuck in a really bad place. I don’t want him to kill himself. If he knows someone loves him, someone cares about him, then maybe it’ll save him. You have to teach me to talk! Please!’

Veronica gently took ahold of her brother’s hands and smiled. She placed his left hand on her throat, holding his right gently in her left. She said something to her brother, a promising smile on her lips. 

‘What did you say?’ Lance asked, pulling his hands back. 

‘Alright.’ She signed back. ‘I’ll help you talk again, but you have to let Mom and Rachel know too. And Dad. They’ll want to help you too.’

‘What if they don’t accept me?’

Veronica shook her head slowly. ‘They love you, Lance. I can’t imagine them being cruel to you because you fell for some guy. The only issue they might have would be that it’s Keith.’

‘What’s wrong with him?!’ Lance asked her quickly. ‘He’s just blind! He’s depressed, so what?! He’s still a great friend. But they can’t understand that because they’ve never tried to interact with him! He’s not a bad person, Veronica! I swear! He’s just lost! He’s a bit moody, but he’s a really good friend. It’s not my fault they haven’t given him a chance.’

‘Well I’m sure that if you explain it to them, like you did with me, that they’ll understand. Just like I do.’

‘And if they don’t?’

‘They will. Rachel will for sure. And then you have two people who have your back. We can tackle Mom and Dad later. But before you do anything. You need sleep.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’VE BEEN WRITING THIS CHAPTER SINCE I WAS ON A PLANE HOME FROM HAWAII IN AUGUST AND I AM SOOOO HAPPY TO FINALLY PUBLISH THIS!!!!!!  
> Y’all don’t know how excited I am to share this part!! It’s a HUGE turning point in Lance’s development and it— ah, no spoilers. Well, it gets sort off crazy. But~~~ We begin the klance.  
> FYI: I don’t write romance the typical ‘kissy kissy’ way. This stuff takes a while to unfold. And even after it does, there is still deep shit for the group to get through. Because I’m like that. :)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this reveal!!  
> Thank you soooo much for reading!!!!
> 
> ~Picci
> 
> (here’s a panel i did for today’s chapter: https://www.instagram.com/p/B55jH-GFB9S/?igshid=1j8y6iyyfj5sd )


	34. Chapter 34

Keith hated his new life with his brother. He hated the mattress he slept on, the noise from around the dorm , and the constant chatter from his brother and Shiro’s roommate, Adam. Shiro and Adam were boyfriends. And Keith hated that more than anything. Keith wasn’t homophobic, in fact, he was quite accepting. It was Adam he couldn’t stand. 

And Adam hated him too. 

But for now, Keith wasn’t with Adam. For now, he was out with his brother. It was early spring, and Keith had been living in the same place as his nemesis Adam for just over a year. 

Kosmo was at his side, as always, prancing happily as he kept Keith from running into anyone or anything. 

Keith stood close to Shiro, keeping his head down as he walked through the park. 

Shiro kept the pace slow, adjusting his typically long strides to shorter ones to match the steps his brother took. 

Although the two of them hadn’t said much in the five or so minutes they had been outside, Shiro broke the silence with an inquisitive question. 

“Why do you always keep your head down?” He asked his brother. “Doesn’t that hurt your neck?”

Keith slowly shook his head. 

“My neck would throb if I kept my chin to my chest all the time.” For a moment he paused, but he wasn’t finished. He wanted an answer from Keith and he was determined to get it. “I know you don’t like hanging your head low like that. I’ve known you for fourteen years. So… Why do you do it?”

Keith didn’t want to answer the question. He knew the truth would only worry his brother and prompt many more questions. He didn’t want to deal with that. Not now. Not ever. 

But he answered anyway. 

He knew Shiro would only pester him more if he didn’t answer. 

So he gave Shiro what he wanted; the answer to his question. 

“Because of my eyes.”

“I don’t get it….” Shiro said quietly. “What about them?”

“They’re weird, useless and ugly. People don’t want to see them.”

“I don’t think they’re bad. I actually—“

“Because you’re  _ used to them _ . You don’t get a say. Ever.”

“Well that’s kind of mean.” Shiro whined childishly. “I’m just trying to be a good brother.”

Shrugging, Keith stuffed his hands into his pockets and stopped dead in his tracks. 

Kosmo stopped just as quickly as Keith had, sitting by his side and nuzzling the teenager’s hand to let him know he was there. 

“Everything alright?”

“No.” Keith answered bitterly through gritted teeth. 

Slowly and gently, Shiro place a hand on Keith’s back, lightly pushing him forward. “Let’s go sit down somewhere. Shall we?”

Not wanting to make a scene, Keith abided by his brother’s wishes and let Shiro guide him. 

A moment or two passed before the sounds beneath their feet changed from the crunch of gravel to the soft, calming squashing of little blades of grass. The morning dew was still on the tips of the blades, and a few of the drops found their way onto Keith’s ankles, much to his disappointment. 

“Here…” Shiro said calmly. “There’s a bench right behind you.”

Keith flexed his fingertips, but he didn’t extend his hand to search for the bench. He was, in some sort of way, embarrassed by his condition and he didn’t want to stand out too much. 

Once he found the cool, yet smooth wood with his fingers, he sat down. Instantly, Keith rested his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He was tired. And he was not in a good mood. 

“What’s wrong, Keith?” Shiro asked his brother, his voice suddenly filled with worry. 

“I hate going outside.” Keith mumbled. “You know that.”

“Sure, but Kosmo needs to be walked somehow. He might be a service dog, but he’s still a dog, and he needs exercise.”

“Then you can take him by yourself.”

Shiro wasn’t pleased with Keith’s response. It was rude and unnecessary, and Keith knew it was. 

“But I like the time I spend with you.”

“I don’t care.” Keith groaned. “Everyone stares at me. No one likes me. And I’m a total waste of everyone’s time. I’m just a burden, like Adam says I am.”

“Adam doesn’t say that about you.”

In that instant, it occurred to Keith that Shiro really had no idea of the hell he had lived through for the past year.

He had tried telling Shiro of all the things Adam did and said to him, but no matter what he told Shiro, Keith was unable to get through to him. Shiro didn’t believe his brother. 

To Shiro, Adam was a great man with a kind heart. 

To Keith, he was everything but that. 

Adam teased Keith when he was with Shiro, and that wasn’t the problem. The teasing, Keith could deal with. 

But when Shiro wasn’t around, it wasn’t just teasing. When it was just Keith and Adam, it was worse. 

Keith would, when he was starting to lose his vision, trip over things a lot. Kosmo was still learning the ropes, as was Keith, and their teamwork was subpar. Therefore, Keith relied on those around him to help him navigate spaces. Shiro would tell Keith how many steps to take, where objects were, and he would even pick things up off of the floor to make it easier for Keith. 

But that’s not what Adam did. 

Adam used Keith’s disability to  _ his _ advantage, misguiding Keith on purpose. He found it fun to watch, which Keith could not understand. 

It’s no secret that Keith isn’t the kindest of humans, but he would never willingly injure someone who was only asking for help. 

The first time Adam led Keith off course was when he tripped Keith on purpose. 

Keith fell flat on his face and got a nasty bruise on his forehead. He also had a bloody nose. 

When Shiro had asked him what happened, he didn’t tell the truth. Keith lied, saying he tripped over some books. Shiro wouldn’t have believed him anyway. 

“Adam hates me, Shiro, and you know that!” Keith yelled at his brother. He was mad, and Shiro’s comment unleashed a flood of malice through his brain. “Just because you’re fucking him up the ass doesn’t mean he’s a good guy!” 

“Whoa! Whoa! That’s  _ none _ of your business.”

“The only reason he’s nice to you is because you give him what he wants. But he  _ hates _ me!”

“Adam doesn’t hate you…” Shiro said quietly. “He doesn’t know you. And you don’t know him.”

“He hates me!” Keith yelled again. “He hurts me! Physically and mentally! You’re never there and he lies to you to make himself look like an angel! But he’s not! He hit me! He tripped me on purpose! He calls me names and exploits my weaknesses! He wants me in an orphanage!”

“Now you listen to me, Keith.” Shiro ordered. “Adam doesn’t do that!”

“He does too!”

“Keith. You’re acting like a child and causing a scene. Let’s talk about this later.”

“Fine!” Keith stood up quickly, turned to face his brother who he assumed was just a few inches in front of him and quickly hit at his brother. When his hand smacked his brother’s shoulder, Keith was instantly filled with regret. “Let’s see if you still say that when I kill myself.”

“Keith… You wouldn’t…”

“Make me!”

Shiro didn’t believe that either. 

There wasn’t much that Shiro believed. 

All he really believed was that Keith was getting better and happier, and that Adam was a good person to everyone. 

But that all changed before spring was fully sprung. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Keith sat alone in Shiro’s dorm. It really was only him. Kosmo was out getting a walk from Shiro and Adam. Neither if Keith’s companions— Shiro or Kosmo— was with him. 

Keith was utterly alone. No one was with him. It was just Keith and his thoughts. 

His scary, negative and dark thoughts. 

Keith sat on the beanbag next to his mattress holding something in his hands. 

It was, in simple terms, a bedsheet. Two, actually. 

Two knotted bed sheets. 

It resembled a noose. And even Keith couldn’t explain how he had gotten it so tight, so perfect, and so dangerous. 

Although he hadn’t been serious when he told Shiro he wanted to off himself, he was serious about the idea now. Too serious. 

He had made a plan. He had made many plans. This, was one of them. 

Both Shiro and Adam had to be out. Both of them had to be gone. And so did Kosmo. Kosmo could get in the way. Keith couldn’t have anyone interfering. 

He was just a kid, and ready to end everything. 

Bed sheets in hand, Keith got to his feet, found the ladder to Shiro’s lofted bed and climbed the three steps to sit atop the mattress. Reaching up above him, Keith found the ceiling, and then hanging lights on which he planned to carry out his unthinkable deed. 

Taking one end of the sheet in his hand, he tossed it forward, hoping it would wrap around the lights. 

A clink and a squeak, and Keith knew he had hit his target. Slowly and carefully, Keith reached out with one hand, searching for the end of the sheet he had just tossed over the lights. Tightly, he gripped the guard rail of Shiro’s bed, still trying to find the end of the bed sheet. 

Finally, his fingertips met the silky fabric. He grabbed tightly to the bed sheet and pulled it back towards the bed. Sitting back on the mattress, Keith tied a knot at tight as he could manage on the end and tossed the other end over the edge of the bed. 

Carefully, he climbed down the ladder, cautiously making his way across the room to find Shiro’s desk chair. 

He pulled it backwards from the desk, stopping when the back of his head hit the hanging bed sheet. 

Keith was ready to step up onto the chair, but something stopped him. 

Instead, he stood still, one of his hands resting on the bottom of the loop. 

His mind went blank. 

He couldn’t think. 

Keith couldn’t understand his actions. 

Part of him wanted to abandon his plan. 

And with every passing second, that part of him grew and grew. 

He couldn’t take it anymore. 

His indecisiveness. He hated it. 

Keith couldn’t make a decision, and with every decision he made he regretted it more and more. 

With a sudden burst of anger, Keith grabbed the chair in front of him and pushed it to the ground. 

The chair hit the floor with a loud crash, but the noise was muffled by another noise. 

Keith. 

He had shouted. 

An angry, torn, and distraught sort of yell. 

Every ounce of his body was filled with rage. 

Keith desperately wanted his tormentous life to be over. He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t take being blind anymore. He couldn’t take any more of Shiro’s parental attitude. And he was sick and tired of Adam. 

Adam, the man who made Keith’s life so miserable. 

Every second he spent with Adam made Keith terrified and angry. Just last week, Adam had hit Keith. He had slapped him. What for, Keith didn’t understand. Adam had yelled at Keith about how he wanted Keith gone already. How Keith was capable of taking care of himself, and how there was absolutely no need for Keith to get in Adam’s way anymore. And right when Keith was about to stand up for himself, a hand struck the side of his cheek and he fell to his knees. Keith had lost his balance, knocked his forehead on the wall next to him and fell to his knees. 

Shiro knew of none of this. 

Keith gave up on trying to convince Shiro of the harm— mental and physical— that Adam had done to him. 

And here he was now, teetering on the edge of life and death. 

Something clicked in his mind. 

Keith took a deep breath, picked up the chair and climbed on top of it. 

Then something else clicked. 

Not in his mind, but in the room. 

A key shifting the lock. 

The door opened and laughter filled the room. 

But everything went silent the second Shiro stepped in. 

“Keith!” He dropped Kosmo’s leash and ran towards his brother. 

Keith broke into tears when he felt Shiro grab him. 

Kosmo started barking immediately, jumping up to try and stop his owner. Kosmo didn’t even know what Keith was doing, nor that it was terrible, he only knew that Keith was upset about something and wanted to calm him down. 

Shiro pulled Keith off of the chair and held him tightly in his arms. With a quick move of his foot, Shiro kicked the chair away and sat on the cold floor, forcing Keith to sit in his lap. 

Keith was sure he would be bombarded with questions from his brother. He was absolutely sure Shiro was about to yell at him, or scold him, or tell him a hundred reasons as to why he was in the wrong. 

But that’s not what happened. 

Shiro did yell, but not at Keith. 

“Adam, what the hell did you do to him?!”

“Me?!” Adam asked in surprise. “I didn’t do anything! It’s not my fault if he’s a—”

“A what?!”

“Nothing…” Adam quietly mumbled. 

Shiro didn’t hesitate to interrogate Adam further. “I’ve played Mr. Nice Guy long enough. You think I haven’t noticed the way you two despise each other?! Keith talks. Not to you, but he talks to me.”

“So what if he does or doesn’t talk?”

“So what?! He’s my brother and you’ve treated him like… Like… Like absolute shit since the day you met him! And you think I haven’t noticed the bruises and cuts?! I know you didn’t do all of it, but I do know that those stupid blades he uses, he uses them because of you!”

“Maybe we’re not best of friends, but so what?! You’re my boyfriend, I’m the most important person to you! Not your stupid, clumsy, burden of a brother!”

“Don’t you dare say another disparaging thing about Keith! And you have  _ never _ been more important than my family! Get out of here now. I don’t care where you go, but leave the two of us alone!”

“I don’t have class until—”

“Adam! I’m sick and tired of you making excuses! I don’t care if you have a class in an hour or a week! Get out of this dorm right now!”

And with that, Adam stormed off, slamming the door and cursing at Keith and Shiro. 

Shiro didn’t say anything to Keith. He held his brother close, grabbed his phone and made a call. 

Keith listened to his brother, and for the first time in quite a few months he knew that his brother cared. 

“Hello?” Shiro asked the person on the other end of the phone. “Yes. No, actually. I just found my brother trying to… To hurt himself because of my roommate. I need a new place to stay and someone to make sure my brother is okay.” He paused for a moment, and then said, “I know it’s almost the end of term, but my brother almost killed himself. I need some help. I can’t stay with my roommate anymore… Please, you have to help me.” He paused again, for much longer this time. “Oh. Okay. The main office…? Yes. Right away. Thank you.”

“What’s going on…?” Keith asked with hesitation as Shiro pulled him to his feet. 

“Keith… I… I don’t know what to say… I’m so sorry.” It didn’t take long for Shiro to break out into tears. “This is all my fault. I never should’ve brought you here. I’m so sorry I didn’t believe you.”

Keith didn’t say anything to his brother, but he did lean all of his weight on Shiro. Keith felt so weak, he didn’t know if he could stand on his own. 

“Hey…” Shiro said quietly as he stifled his tears. “There’s someone at the main office who wants to help you. I’ll take you there and then I’ll find somewhere else for us to stay. Okay?”

Keith shook his head, tears running down his cheeks. 

“Keith, please! It’ll be okay, I promise. We’ll go somewhere else. You’ll never be near that man again.”

Keith only continued to shake his head and cry. He felt broken. He couldn’t speak and he beside himself. 

“Keith!” Shiro shouted that time. “Keith,  _ please _ ! I can’t help you, I know that. But I’ll make sure you find someone who can help you. Please come with me. I can’t leave you by yourself!”

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Keith asked bitterly. “You knew what he did to me! You knew  _ everything _ ! But you  _ never _ left him! What kind of an asshole puts a shitbag like  _ him _ above his own brother?!”

Shiro answered Keith’s question whether he wanted an answer or not. And he answered it quick. “Me... I’m that kind of asshole… You deserve so much better. I know you do. And I  _ promise _ you I will do everything in my power to make you happy again. I promised Dad I would look after you and I  _ will _ do just that.”

“I don’t want any more excuses!” Keith yelled, shoving his brother away from him. “You’re a  _ liar _ !” He yelled, his voice cracking with emotion. “Your promises mean nothing! Fuck you and your promises! You knew about everything he did to me and you did absolutely nothing! So stop acting like you give a damn!”

Kosmo barked loudly, thrusting his weight on Keith’s shins, whining like a puppy. 

“Keith, please…” Shiro begged. “I’m sorry…! I’m sorry I hurt you like that… But I want to help you now. Okay…? Do you understand? I want to make everything better for you. We… We’ll go somewhere far away. It’ll be you and me and Kosmo. And I  _ will _ look after you, I  _ promise _ !”

Keith fell to his knees, pulling Kosmo into his lap. He didn’t say anything to his brother. He couldn’t find his words. 

But he knew what his heart desired. At least in that moment. 

He held onto Kosmo, and he held onto him tightly. He hugged and stroked his dog. He needed Kosmo to be with him, and he had Kosmo in his lap. 

Kosmo panted and whiner quietly as he nuzzled Keith’s chest and neck, licking his chin and face every now and then. 

“Keith…” Shiro said quietly. “Please… You don’t have to talk, but if you will at least trust me to help you… Then… Nod. Or give me a thumbs up. Or something.”

Slowly, Keith raised his head. He was showing proof that he was listening to Shiro’s words. 

“Will you let me help you…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait between these last few chapters. Between exams and the holidays, I haven't had a whole lot of time to write and edit.  
> Also, this chapter is sort of a two part-er, and will link to the next one. I also don't have that one finished yet so it probably won't be posted on Tuesday, but maybe I can finish it :D  
> I said I wanted to add a lot more to the character's and their backgrounds, so here it is. I'm adding about 4 maybe 5 completely new chapters to flush out their childhood. Keith's especially because although you know about his father's death, you know nothing of his mother's, and that's a really important part of Keith's personality.  
> So look forward to some sad backstory chapters. They won't be one after another, but they will be here and there.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for your support.  
> ~Picci


	35. Chapter 35

This new place was odd. Strange. Unfamiliar. It was, however, spacious— much to Keith’s surprise— but Keith wasn’t sure if he liked it or not. 

The openness of the main area of the apartment confused him. He knew the idea of ‘open concept’ housing was popular, so that wasn’t what troubled him. What troubled him was his ability to navigate the space, or lack thereof. 

Each time Keith took a step forward or backwards, turned left or right, sat down or stood up, he would put his hands out in front of him and to his sides, much like he did when he first lost his sight. 

Even now, after a week of living in the apartment with his brother, Keith was no closer to being used to his surroundings than he was the week before. 

“Want some help?” 

Keith turned his head away from his brother, pouting angrily as he ran his fingertips along the wall beside him. 

It was early in the morning, and Keith wanted nothing more than to grab some food and go back to bed. 

“Come on.” Shiro said calmly, taking ahold of his brother’s hand. “It’ll be faster if I help you out.”

“Stop it…!” Keith whined, forcing Shiro to let go. “I don’t need your guidance. I have Kosmo for that.”

“Well aren’t you loquacious today?” Shiro teased, stepping away from the slouched over and bedraggled teen he called his brother. 

Keith shook his head, but said nothing in return. Once he was in the kitchen, he found the fridge, and then the loaf of bread tucked neatly away in its plastic baggie. Having little regard for the cleanliness of his surroundings, Keith pulled a slice from the bag, shut the refrigerator door and traced the wall back to his bedroom. 

“You’re not even going to toast it?” Shiro asked as he watched Keith enter his room. 

“Nope.” Keith mumbled, his mouth full of untoasted bread. 

Shiro sighed quietly as he followed his little brother, stopping in the teen’s doorway to watch him miserably nibble at the bread in his hands. 

“I know you’re there, Shiro.” Keith said in annoyance. “You’re loud as hell and I can hear pretty damn well.”

“That’s good.” Shiro told him. “Then you’ll be able to understand my next few words.”

“What?”

“You look and act like a miserable person, Keith. I know that you and new situations are not the best of friends, but can you at least shower?”

Keith shrugged slowly. “Can I…?”

“Will you?”

“I don’t know how to work it. And I don’t want you watching me as I shower. That’s disgusting and creepy.”

“You can be fully clothed while I teach you how to use a shower, Keith. And you’re well over the age at which you learned how to wash yourself, so I won’t watch you.”

Keith thought for a moment. As he did so, his scalp began to itch, and in easing his nerves, he figured out just how unkempt his hair was. He hadn’t showered since Thursday. Today was Sunday. 

“Okay, fine!” He said. “I’ll take a shower. But you have to promise to stop mollycoddling me and watching my every move. I hate it.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Although Keith had agreed to shower, in the end, he had actually taken a bath. He was, in an odd sort of way, clingy to his childhood self and childish wants. Keith thought it could be because he was in an uncomfortable and new environment, and with no other ideas for reason in his mind, he took that and ran with it. 

As he hastily dressed himself on the mat in front of his small bathtub-shower combination, he let the water drain from the tub. It had been quite a few years since he had heard the gurgling of the draining process, and despite being years older, Keith still found himself plugging his ears, afraid that the noise might be too loud. 

As a young child, Keith was rather timid. He stuck close to his brother and father, and hardly ever went anywhere without one or both of them. School being an exception. Recently, because of how he had been treated by Shiro’s ex-boyfriend, Keith found himself going back into his protective and skittish shell. 

He didn’t like it, but he didn’t know how to help himself without alerting others to his issue. That was something he was not a fan of. 

Once the water was drained, and it wasn’t long before it was, Keith picked up a pair of his socks, hopped up on one foot and slid the first of the two socks over his foot. 

Just like he had done seconds before, Keith went to put on his second sock. 

Under typical circumstances, this would be a simple task. But Keith hasn’t found himself in ‘typical circumstances’ for quite a long time. 

Losing his balance, Keith went to grab ahold of the counter next to him. 

At least, he believed the counter was next to him. 

Despite his memory of the bathroom’s layout to have, in the past, proven itself to be completely accurate, this time, it was not. 

There was no counter next to him, but there was one directly behind him. 

Somehow, Keith had gotten himself all mixed up and had put his sense of direction all out of whack. 

A simple task of putting on a pair of socks had quickly turner into a complete accident. 

Keith fell forward as the mat beneath him slipped over the tile floor, and down he went, smacking his forehead on the edge of the bathtub. 

Instinctively, Keith called for help. Although this was more so his way of calling for help, and not your traditional way. His way was accompanied with curse words and angry connotations. 

Shiro came to his aid immediately, no surprise there. He started asking a million questions in an instance. Shiro needed an answer to all of them, and he needed to know if his brother was okay or not. 

“I’m fine!” Keith yelled, holding his head with both of his hands as he curled into a ball. “Leave me alone!”

“Let me see it, please.” Shiro slowly tried to pull Keith’s hands from his face. “I won’t touch anything, I swear.”

“No, fuck you.” Keith retorted, kicking at his brother as he scooted back. “I said I’m _fine_!”

For a moment, Keith got no response. But then Shiro gasped, and Keith knew he fucked up. 

“Is that blood?” Shiro asked. He sounded horrified. 

“No…” Keith answered hesitantly, knowing full well he was lying. 

“What the hell happened?! Keith, you slip your forehead open or something.”

“I did not! It’s just a little cut, I’m fine!”

Shiro pushed Keith’s bangs from his face to get a better view of the damage that had been done. “Nope. That’s not a cut. That’s a really nasty injury.”

“Stop touching it!” Keith yelled, shoving Shiro away from him. “It hurts! You’re making it worse!”

“Well… I can’t help you if I can’t see what you did to yourself.”

“Fuck off, Shiro! I didn’t do this to myself!”

“I didn’t mean—”

“If you’re not going to help me then leave me alone!”

Shiro fell silent. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. 

“I’m sorry.” He apologized. “I didn’t mean to blame you for this… Here, let’s get this fixed up, okay?”

Slowly, Keith nodded. He even extended a hand to his brother for help getting to his feet. 

Abiding by Keith’s request for aid, Shiro helped his brother to his feet. 

“I don’t know if I can fix this on my own.” Shiro admitted. “But I can try something.”

“What do you mean…?”

“I mean, we might have to go to a specialist to get this fixed.”

“It’s just a cut! There’s _no way_ it could be that bad!”

“Maybe… But if it got infected or something like that, we’d be in deep trouble.”

Put off by this new bit of information, Keith pouted and sighed, biting his lower lip in protest. “I’m not going _there_.”

“You might have to, Keith, I don’t know if I can—“

“Just do something!” Keith ordered, silencing his brother. “Stop rambling on and on! Just do what you can!” With a short pause, Keith went on, but his tone changed. He wasn’t angry anymore. He was scared. “I’m not going back there again, Shiro. I can’t do that again.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Quiet beeping surrounded Keith. He was alone in his hospital room. With Kosmo, of course, but he was the only person in the room. 

He had been petting Kosmo for quite some time. So long in fact that his rhythm of movement had matched itself up with the machines behind him. 

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

The sound had been ingrained in his mind ever since he had wound up in the hospital at the age of thirteen. The time he lost his father. When he had been in a coma for hours. When he lost his vision. 

If there were two things Keith had enjoyed the most in life as a kid, it was sunsets and the smiles of his brother and father. 

But now, Keith could barely remember what anything looked like. He missed his vision. He missed seeing his brother’s smile each and every day. He missed seeing snow and spring flowers.

He missed the little things in life. 

Keith wanted his vision back more than anything. He was desperate to be _normal_ again. 

He _needed_ to be normal again. 

Keith was desperate to have his sense of sight back. 

He knew that his main cause of depression and anxiety was because of his vision loss. 

But then again, he blamed himself for his vision loss. 

It was him who let the gas circulate around the whole house. 

It was Keith who caused the house fire. 

It was his fault that he was an orphan and that he was now ‘disabled’. 

It was no one else’s fault but his. 

At least, that’s how he saw it. 

A part of him wondered if Lance felt this way. 

He wasn’t sure if Lance was deaf from birth or if he had, at some point, lost it as a kid. Keith couldn’t remember which it was. 

He couldn’t remember a whole lot about his friends. He hadn’t been visiting by them in a few days. 

Keith missed their company. He couldn’t deny that he missed being with them. 

He could’ve stayed with his thoughts for hours and hours. He wanted to. 

But then someone knocked on his door. 

And when he heard their voice, and Kosmo’s tail thumping against the bed, he couldn’t help but smile. 

“Hey, Keith!” Hunk greeted his friend in his cheery tone. He was always happy. “Sorry about not coming for some time. My mom needed the car for a few days.”

“Don’t mention it.” Keith said with a smile. 

“Well you certainly look a lot happier than I thought you would’ve.” Pidge’s sly comment wasn’t completely necessary, but it did work to make Keith laugh a bit. 

“Thanks, Pidge. I’m so glad you thought I was going to be depressed or something.”

“Nah, not depressed, but gloomy.” They said, taking a seat on the couch underneath the window. “But why are you so happy?”

“I don’t know if I should say… It might jinx it…”

“What do you mean?” Hunk asked.

“Well…” Keith paused for a moment, stroking Kosmo’s ears as he gathered his thoughts. “There’s a chance that I can get my eyes fixed.”

“Whoa, seriously?!” Pidge gasped. 

“That’s amazing!” Hunk said. 

“I know, right? I’d be able to see again.” Keith said with enthusiasm. “I finally won’t be a disabled burden anymore.”

Silence. 

Neither of them said anything in response to Keith’s words. 

“What?” Keith asked in confusion. “Did I say something that upset you…?”

“Not exactly…” Hunk answered. 

“It’s just…” Pidge sounded somewhat hurt when they spoke. “When you say it like that… You kind of insult everyone with a disability and an impairment… Which includes Lance…”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Keith said quickly. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant me specifically.”

“We know.” Hunk said slowly. “But even so, it’s not right to think of yourself like that.”

“No, I get it. I messed up. I take it back. I’m sorry. I was just excited is all.”

“And you’re allowed to be, but you’re not a burden.” Pidge reminded him. “We may be biased because we’re your friends, but you’re not a burden to anyone, Keith.”

“Can we talk about something else?” Keith asked, ignoring his friends entirely. “I don’t even know if the surgery is possible and I doubt we can even afford it.”

“If you want to talk about it, let’s talk about it.”

“No, Pidge. It’s fine. I shouldn’t get my hopes up. It’s wrong and it’ll just cause me to get more upset if it can’t work out the way I want it to.”

Keith knew the possibility of a successful surgery was close to none. He had completely lost his vision, which cost him and Shiro enough money already. Trying to repair the damage would be like throwing money at a fire. 

It would mean more time in a hospital, more IV’s, more medication, and much less money. Something he and Shiro already had very little of. 

He had to leave his school of eleven years, Pierce Academy, because of the shortage of money in his immediate family. Keith had been at Pierce since kindergarten. Halfway through his tenth grade year, the principal called Shiro in to meet with him. He told Shiro that if he did not find the money to pay for Keith’s private education, he would have to pull Keith from Pierce Academy and put him into a public school. 

As Shiro was the only person making _any_ money for the two of them, he had no choice but to find another school for his little brother. 

And that’s how Keith wound up in Meadview. How he landed in the home room with Pidge and Hunk. How he met Lance. And how he found friends for the first time in his life. 

But even that wasn’t enough for Keith to feel like a good person. 

Even now, three and a half years later, Keith still blames himself for _everything_. 

Even if he has friends, something he has never had before, he still can’t find a way to be happy with himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha I’m dumb and can’t remember the days of the week. I meant to post this yesterday, but, I’m dumb :)  
> We’re back to the present now, yay!  
> I’ve got all of the backstory/filler parts written, so it should he smooth sailing from here on out. Unless I find something that I need to fix.
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
> ~Picci


	36. Chapter 36

Lance went right upstairs after school. Veronica had promised him that she’d teach him to talk as much as she could before she left for university. Once he dropped his belongings off in his room, and said a lengthy and loving hello to Blue, Lance headed to his sister’s room. He found her at her desk, typing away on some document. Lance paid little attention to her laptop, and instead walked right over to her, tapper her shoulder and waited for her to notice his presence.

She seemed to light up with joy the minute she saw him. ‘Ready?’ She asked with such enthusiasm that it made Lance smile as well.

Lance nodded. ‘Yes.’ He signed the word at least a hundred times.

Veronic got to her feet, took hold of her brother’s wrist and pulled him over to her twin bed.

‘Now, let me start by saying I have no idea of how to actually do this.’ She saw the displeased look on Lance’s face and immediately went on. ‘But I think I know what I’m doing. I asked Google and looked at some old videos i stole from Mom's collection of DvDs.’

‘The ones of us as kids?’

‘Yep.’

Like most mothers, Lance’s mother wanted to document her children's growth and learning progress through videos. Lance’s household held nearly ten two-hour-long disks of the children. There were five of them after all.

‘Remember that really old video they showed you in middle school? The one with Hellen Keller?’ She asked.

‘I think so.’ Lance signed. ‘The one where she was talking with her interpreter and tutor?’

Veronica nodded. ‘Yeah! I thought we could try something like that first. What do you think?’

Without hesitation, Lance nodded. ‘I’ll try anything. I have to talk.’

For years, Lance had been against adapting to all things hearing. He didn’t want to change his way of life to ‘make it easier’ and he hated how nearly everyone around him wanted him to change just so they didn’t have to learn ASL.

But he had a reason for wanting to talk now. He had an important reason.

He and Keith had a huge language barrier and he was determined to break that wall one way or another.

‘What do you want to say first?’

Lance didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what he wanted to say first. He just wanted to be able to comfort his friend. Slowly he shrugged, an embarrassed smile on his lips.

‘Hello?’ Veronica suggested. ‘Keith?’

Lance shook his head slowly.

‘What about I? As in ‘I love you’?’

That got his attention. But even so, he shook his head.

‘It’s okay?’

Lance bit his lip for a second before he suggested his own option. ‘Can you teach me to say Mom?’

‘Mom?’

He nodded slowly. ‘I never said it as a child. And I feel bad for not doing so.’

‘Oh, Lance. You don’t have to feel bad for that. Signing the word was enough for her to be happy and proud.’

‘I know… I just want to say it now.’

Veronica nodded. “Alright. Let’s see if we can’t figure out how to get you to talk to her.’

A sudden thought of curiosity aroused in Lance’s mind and he had to ask his question immediately. ‘Veronica?’

‘Yeah?’

‘You’ll tell me if I sound terrible, right?’

‘No.’ She signed as she laughed. ‘I’ll tell you how close to my pronunciation you are and then help you work on it.’

‘Is it a hard word?

‘Mom?’

He nodded.

‘Not in my opinion. Although I am hearing…’

‘Rate it. From one to ten.’

She thought for a moment before she gave her brother an answer. ‘It’s about a two. Not the first thing a hearing child says, but it comes after mama, which is typically the first or second word from a child’s mouth. Assuming they have a mom.’

Lance nodded as he pondered her words over for a minute or two.

Once he was done thinking to himself about his decision, he looked to his sister and smiled. ‘I’m ready.’

‘Alright. Give me your hands.’

Lance did as he was asked, letting his sister take ahold of his hands. He was shaking slightly. He was nervous, but also excited. He didn’t quite know what to expect, but he desperately wanted to talk now.

Not for anyone’s sake but Keith’s. He decided this was, for the time being, the best way to talk to his friend.

Gently, Veronica placed one of Lance’s hands to her throat, allowing his fingertips to rest close to her vocal cords. As best as she could, she mirrored the placement on Lance. Letting go, she asked, ‘can you feel your vocal cords?’

‘What’s that?’

‘You don’t know what your vocal cords are?’

Lance shook his head.

‘The things you make noise with.’

‘Like the larynx and esophagus?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Oh, yeah! I have never called them that. Because I don’t talk.’

Veronica laughed at his last statement. ‘That’s true.’

Lance gave a quick smile before putting his hands back where they had been before he had begun signing.

‘Now.’ Veronica began. ‘I’m going to say the word a few times, and then I’ll ask you to repeat it at the best of your abilities. Don’t worry about pronunciation. Just try to copy the vibrations you feel from me in your own way. Okay?’

Nodding hesitantly, Lance swallowed hard, trying to calm his nerves.

‘Be careful not to move your hands, though. That might mess it up. I honestly don’t know.’

Lance nodded slowly again. He wanted to give a better response, but he had been asked to keep his hands still, and he was going to listen to her instructions.

Veronica gave Lance a kind, supportive smile, and then she spoke. She said the word Lance wished to repeat and waited for some affirmation that he had felt the vibrations in her throat. A simple nod was all she needed to receive, and once she had it, she went on, repeating the word over and over and over again.

‘Now you.’

***

‘Go on.’ Veronica signed to Lance. ‘It’ll be okay.’

Lance looked to his mother who was in the kitchen preparing dinner for the evening. She was talking with Rachel, and by observation alone, the conversation looked important, which only added to Lance’s self doubt. Looking back to Veronica, he signed, ‘What if I mess up?’

‘You’ll be fine.’ She promised. Waving her hand towards him, she urged him to go forward. ‘Just. Talk. Like we practiced.’

Lance played with his hands, trying to calm his nerves. ‘Are you sure?’

Veronica gave a nod. ‘Yes. I’m sure.’

Lance took a deep breath and stepped towards the kitchen. His mother hadn’t noticed his presence yet, but she would soon. He was standing just a few feet from her.

Clearing his throat, Lance prepared himself to talk. He’d been saying the same word over and over again for the last two hours, practicing for this moment. He knew how to pronounce the word, and he was sure he had it right. Veronica said he did. And she didn’t lie, at least not about things as important about this.

He felt his nerves spike, and he was terribly worried. This was important. He couldn’t mess this up.

Could he?

‘Did you need something, Lance?’ His mother asked.

Lance shook his head. ‘No… Not right now.’

She nodded and smiled. ‘Why don’t you take a seat? Instead of standing?’

Doing as she suggested, Lance took a seat at the counter next to Rachel. He saw Veronica give a displeased sigh from the corner of his eye. ‘Sorry…’ He signed. ‘I’m nervous.’

Lance watched as his mother turned her back to him and he decided now was the best time. He didn’t want to see her facial reaction. He didn’t know why, but he did not want to know her reaction.

To the very best of his abilities, Lance reproduced the sounds his sister had instructed him to.

With a shaky voice, Lance spoke.

“Mom.” He said.

His mother stopped in her tracks. She froze. And slowly, she turned around to face him. ‘What did you say…?’ She signed, tears in her eyes.

“Mom.” Lance repeated the word, simultaneously signing it. ‘Mom. That’s what I said.’

She nodded slowly. ‘That’s right.’ She signed, holding back her tears. ‘You said mom.’

Rachel gave her brother an unprompted push, forcing him to stand up. ‘Go to her, you idiot.’

Lance barely made it two feet from where he stood before his mother pulled him into her arms. He was shocked slightly. He didn’t know that the word could have such an impact on someone. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her back.

There was no doubt that she was crying now. She had to have been.

But Lance didn’t like to see her cry. Happy tears or not, he didn’t like when she cried. In fact, he didn’t like when anyone cried.

He pulled away, quickly telling her that he wished she wouldn’t cry. That she didn’t need to. And that if she was crying too much, she would be unable to understand his request.

‘What request?’

Lance looked to Veronica, who gave him a thumbs up and then back to his mother. As he gathered his courage, he saw Rachel stand and move behind the counter to get a better view of Lance’s signs.

‘I want to learn to talk.’ His plan was to leave it there, but when he saw how surprised and elated his mother and sister were, he knew he had to explain further. ‘Not conversations. Phrases. For a friend. A good friend. One who needs a more solid way of affirming they’re important.’

‘Who?’ Rachel asked, her curiosity peaked.

‘That’s the thing… They’re really important to me, and I think I like them… The way Luis likes Lisa.’

Rachel covered her mouth as she gasped. ‘You’re in love?!’

‘I don’t know.’

‘But you said you liked her.’

‘Him.’ Lance quickly corrected his sister’s heteronormativity. ‘He’s not a girl.’

‘I thought you liked girls?’ His mother asked. ‘You’ve never mentioned liking a boy before. And if he’s a friend then you better not tell me—‘

Lance never did get the rest of her words. He didn’t want to. He knew what she was going to say.

He felt his heart break. He had trusted his mother with this information. He had believed she would be understanding.

But Veronica was right. No one in Lance’s family could understand why he liked Keith. Not one of them were willing to understand why Keith wasn’t as broken and damaged as they said he was, and why he wasn’t a bad person like they all believe he is.

When he did look up again, he was crying. Lance’s own mother had shot down his idea of finding love before she had even given it a chance. Before she had even listened to what he had to say.

‘You want to talk to Keith, don’t you?’ Rachel asked.

Lance nodded slowly as a tear ran down his cheek.

Rachel gave her mother a disappointed, almost angry look before she grabbed Lance’s wrist and dragged him upstairs, beckoning Veronica to follow.

The three went to Lance’s bedroom. That’s where Blue was. Lance’s new and beloved companion.

Veronica opened the door, immediately having to catch the kitten before she ran out into the hallway. She gave Blue a few pets, calming the animal before the door was shut again.

Lance took Blue from his sister, sat on his bed, and placed the kitten in his lap. He didn’t look at either of his sisters. He just stared down at Blue.

Rachel sat on his bed next to him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. She didn’t sign anything, but instead she sat there with him, knowing it was best not to say anything until he was ready.

Veronica, however, felt the need to talk to her brother. She sat on the floor in front of him and signed slowly. ‘Lance, I am so sorry. I thought she would understand. I didn’t think she would ever react like that. This is all my fault. I filled you with false hope. I’m so sorry.’

Lance slowly shook his head as he cried. If his assumptions were correct, he was crying rather loudly. He kept stroking Blue, trying to distract himself from the reality he had just lived through.

‘Lance, please don’t cry.’ Veronica signed. ‘You still have me, and Rachel, and Blue. Plus I know Marco and Luis will support you too.’

‘But they’re not Mom.’ Lance argued. ‘And neither are you.’

‘So maybe she doesn’t understand, but we can try again, right? She’ll come to terms with your sexuality… That’s okay, right?’

Lance shook his head. ‘That’s not the problem! I don’t care if she does or doesn’t accept me!’

‘What do you mean?’ Rachel asked. ‘Is that not why you’re crying?’

Lance shook his head again. ‘No! It’s not!’ Lance picked up Blue and placed her in Veronica’s lap. He was suddenly angered and didn’t want to risk smacking his little kitten if he got too worked up. ‘It’s nothing like that! Why can’t any of you understand?! There’s nothing wrong with Keith! He’s just another person to you all! He stood up for me, yet none of you seem to care! All you see is his negative side! He’s the ‘blind kid’, or the ‘depressed one’! The ‘moody teenager’, or the ‘problematic student’! Never my friend! He’s not my friend to you or to anyone! You can’t see past his baggage and that’s just so fucked up! I’m your brother. You’d never think of me like that… So why is it okay for you to think of him like that…?’

Neither of them said anything in response.

Lance was right and he knew it. They knew it too.

‘I love him, okay?! I love someone who’s broken, blind and suicidal. But so what?! That’s not all he is! Keith is a great artist, and a wonderful friend. He likes music, and he is the first person to ever share that with me. No matter how, he was the first person to ever include me in something only hearing people can enjoy.’

‘But wasn’t that how he told you he wanted to off himself?’

‘I don’t care, Rachel! No one has ever asked me about lyrics before because everyone assumes you need sound to appreciate them. But Keith isn’t like everyone else. He’s blind. And he understands what it’s like to be excluded because of an impairment. I don’t care if he’s different. It doesn’t matter if he’s got some issues. Not to me. And it shouldn’t matter to you.’

After that, the two said nothing.

‘I love him, Veronica. I love him, Rachel. Why isn’t that enough? Is there something wrong with that? Is it because he’s blind? Or depressed? Or is it because we’re both boys?’

‘Lance, it has nothing to do with your sexuality. I promise you that.’ Rachel signed first out of the two of them. ‘We just don’t understand why you like him. We only ever see his negative side. It’s not our fault.’

‘It is.’ Veronica said. ‘It’s absolutely our fault. We can’t judge Keith by only what we know. That’s unfair and wrong on so many levels. He’s Lance’s friend and if that isn’t enough for us to see he’s a good person, than nothing will be. Lance loves this boy, and maybe he’s got some issues, but Lance, if you love him, then that’s all that needs to be said. You do love him, right?’

Lance nodded.

‘Then we shouldn’t have any problems with him, right?’

‘Try telling that to Mom.’ Rachel signed sarcastically. ‘Try telling her and Dad that Lance is fine if they don’t accept him, but all that matters is that they accept Keith as a good person. Yeah. That’s a great plan.’

‘I might have a better plan.’ Veronica said with an optimistic smile. ‘Lance. If Rachel and I teach you to say his name, that shows dedication, right? And also proves you want to talk to him. If Mom sees how much you’re trying to talk to him, especially since you’ve never wanted to talk to us since elementary school, then she’ll understand how much you love him, right? It might be enough to convince her that Keith isn’t such a bad person.’

‘What about Dad?’ Rachel asked.

‘We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. And I’m sure he’ll be a little more understanding. What do you say, Lance?’

Lance nodded as he took a deep breath. There was a tiny smile on his lips as he signed, ‘Okay. Let’s teach this mute how to talk to his crush.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohmygod. I have been waiting so long to post this. To post the chapter in which Lance takes a HUGE step forward towards coming into his own (you’ll understand more of the importance of this soon :) ).  
> On my insta, I stated how much I love A Silent Voice, and if you ever need an example of a deaf person talking, that movie is an excellent example.  
> No, Lance’s mom is not homophobic. At least, she doesn’t act like it. She is a bit heteronormative. But she doesn’t like the fact that Lance likes a friend b/c she knows it’s Keith. She’s hesitant about him, which will also be explained later :)  
> So!  
> As always, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thank you for reading!!
> 
> ~Picci


	37. Chapter 37

Time didn't make sense anymore. All of it seemed to blur into a few days, two or three, maybe four. He couldn't tell. His sleeping patterns were terrible, and he often lay awake at odd hours, unable to sleep. When that happens, he finds himself listening to the noises outside of his room. Despite being 17, Keith is still listed as a child. The other patients on his floor are far younger. There aren't many, but most are in their elementary school years.

None of them have been here as long as he has. Most of them go home after a few days and nights. But Keith has been here for many days. He'a lost count.

Most nights, if he remembers them, are spent listening to the sounds around him. The quiet beeping of the monitors, the muffled chatter from the halls, and the occasional and saddening cries from the terrified and homesick children. He felt bad for them. He didn't know why they were here or when they arrived or when they could leave. All he knew was that they, like him, were trapped in a hospital with round the clock care. None of them could go home where they felt safe and comfortable. He had, at some point, decided to try and make the children's stay better if he ever came in contact with them.

Although most of his days had become one in his memory, he knew that yesterday, just after his lunchtime trip to the cafeteria, he was stopped by a young child, maybe four or five. The child had asked to pet Kosmo. Their voice was slurred and weak. And their breathing sounded harsh. Keith assumed that the child had more than one disability, and he was glad he couldn't see them. Not that he was afraid of people who strew from the norm, but because he didn't like knowing that children went through so much.

Keith got this question numerous times. Everyone wants to pet Kosmo. The dog's silky fur, sweet eyes and kind nature practically begged people to give him attention. At first, Shiro explained that Kosmo was a service dog, not to be pet, not to be distracted. That was the rule. However, Keith heard the child give a small and disappointed sigh. In return, Keith knelt down and allowed the child to say a proper hello to his dog.

This was just about the kindest thing he had done in his life, and even he wondered why he had done it. But he was glad he had done it. It made someone happy, and in turn, that made him happy.

The child giggled happily as he pet Kosmo, talking sweetly to him. When the child was satisfied, they thanked Keith for letting them pet Kosmo. Keith said something along the lines of 'you're welcome' and they parted ways.

Today was Monday. Keith's personal favorite day. Most people visited on Saturdays, and most 'activities' were done on the later weekdays and the weekends, making Mondays relatively quiet.

A soft knock at his door caused him to lose his focus, which was on petting Kosmo.

"You have visitors." His nurse told him. "It's the deaf boy and his girlfriend."

"Girlfriend...?" Keith wasn't aware Lance had a girlfriend. The last time he had seen Lance, which was Thursday, Lance was still single, or at least, no one had told Keith that Lance had scored a date. With anyone. "What's her name...?"

"Rachel."

"That's his sister." Keith corrected her, withholding laughter. "Trust me, none of my friends are getting into relationships anytime soon."

"Well aren't you supportive." Before Keith could say anything else, the nurse went on to ask a question. "Here or the rec. room?"

"Here."

Every meeting after the first one, Keith had met with his friends in his room. He didn't like the inconvenience of the chairs and the large, mostly unused space of the recreation rooms. And his room felt more comfortable. Pidge also like reading the monitors, their biology-obsessed brain enjoying the accessibility of the equipment.

Once Keith gave his answer, she left to retrieve his guests.

A moment or so passed. A moment in which Keith spent trying to figure out why Rachel was here with Lance. Yes, Lance required an interpreter, but he was normally accompanied by Pidge or Hunk, someone Keith was more familiar with.

"Hey, Keith!" Rachel sounded happy to see him, which was odd since Keith was sure Lance's family didn't like him. "How are you feeling?"

"Um... Good, actually. I should be able to go home soon." His answers were hesitant. They always seemed to be when he was with Lance or his siblings. "What about you and Lance?"

"I'm good. So is Lance. He actually wanted to speak with you alone. I'm just his ride."

That was certainly unexpected. Keith had never held a conversation of any length with Lance without the presence of someone who knew ASL. But he did his best to think nothing of it. "Oh, okay. That's fine."

Keith heard footsteps approaching his bed and Rachel said "Lance wants to know if he should pull up a chair or if he can sit at the foot of your bed."

"He can sit on the bed." Keith answered, scooting over— and moving Kosmo who jumped down to the floor —to make room for his friend. He was used to sharing the mattress with at least one of his friends during their visits. No one liked the couches, so they often took turns sitting at the foot of Keith's bed.

"Alright. Well, if he gets annoying just kick him out."

"Okay." Keith replied with a small chuckle, waving at Rachel as she left.

Quickly, Keith pulled out his phone, and spoke into the microphone. "Your sister is weird." He said, turning the screen to allow Lance to read his words.

A few seconds of silence went by before a computerized voice said, "Sorry about Rachel."

"It's fine. What did you want to talk about?"

For the past couple of weeks, Lance and Keith had conversed with their cellphones. Either through text or through a notes app. They only used them for small sentences like 'how are you' and 'I'm good', not a full fledged conversation. Most phone 'conversations' were instigated by Lance, but Keith started a few of them.

"I don't know how to say this, but please hear me out." The computerized voice said.

Slowly Keith nodded. He wasn't exactly sure what Lance needed from him, but if he was good at anything, it was listening. For the past seventeen years—not counting his infant years— he had done nothing but listen to others, rarely responding with much more than a word or two. "I can do that." Keith said, letting Lance know he would do as he had been asked.

Lance seemed to fidget for a bit, but it wasn't like he was typing or twitching. Just fidgeting.

Keith knew two full sentences in ASL. He could introduce himself and ask if someone or something was okay. So with little confidence, he slowly signed 'are you okay?'

Contrary to Keith's expectations, Lance didn't sign back. Lance didn't place Keith's hands over his own. Lance didn't answer the question at all.

Instead he started his own conversation.

But not with his phone's AI.

Not with his phone, and not with his hands.

Lance did something Keith would never have expected.

He spoke.

Keith made a loud gasp. If his ears had not deceived him, Lance had said his name. The pronunciation was a bit off, but it sounded like 'Keith'.

"Keith." Lance repeated the name again, as if wanting to make sure he had said it correctly.

"Y... Yeah...?" Keith slowly nodded, confused and surprised.

Why was Lance talking? How was he talking? And why did he start with Keith's name?

"Keith. I..." Lance trailed off, he didn't finish whatever he had to say.

With hesitation, Keith asked, "You can talk" and turned his phone screen towards Lance.

For a moment the room was dead silent. Keith and Lance sat there, not making any sound of any kind. Then, as gently as always, Lance took ahold of Keith's left hand, slowly placing his friend's hand on his own cheek. Nodding, Lance did his best to make some positive noise, and judging by the quiet nature of his hums, he was self conscious of the noises he made.

Taking his hand back, Keith held his phone again to ask another question. He wanted to know how his friend —his mute friend— could talk. Keith wanted to know when Lance learned to talk and why was the first thing he said his name? Had he learned everyone's names? If not, why just his?

But Lance had different plans. He carefully took Keith's cell phone from his friend's hands, powered it off and placed it in Keith's lap. "Keith." His consonants sounded so forced, as if he had only been speaking for a few days, like a young child just learning to talk. "Keith, I..."

Again he paused, a long pause.

Something about this pause gave Keith a moment to realize there was a difference between Lance's words and what Keith was processing. Lance's pronunciation was off. He wasn't saying 'Keith', it was a more childlike pronunciation, more like 'Key-f' or 'Key-t'. Something similar to his name, but still childlike, and with such little confidence. It sounded enough like his name, so Keith wasn't all too surprised his brain processed it as 'Keith'.

His thoughts went on for a few moments, but Keith was yanked back to the present when his friend spoke again.

"Keith... I... I love you."

Keith understood why Lance was here now. How could he not after that statement. He understood why Lance was here and why he needed to be alone.

This was supposed to be something happy, something people would be ecstatic to hear. This statement, this confession was supposed to be something magical and beautiful.

But that wasn't how Keith saw it.

For Keith, this was everything but a wonderful moment.

His right arm dropped to the side of the bed, feeling for Kosmo. The dog must have picked up on Keith's needs as he soon felt the soft fur of the dog's ears on his fingertips. He was nervous, and he was scared.

Petrified.

Nobody had ever told Keith they were in love with him. No one. There were only three people in his life who had ever loved him. Only one of them remained alive today.

He couldn't understand how someone could love him. And Lance of all people.

Why was it Lance? How was it Lance?

Keith struggled to understand what was going on, not because he didn't understand what the three words meant, but because he could not wrap his mind around how someone could love him.

He doesn't even care about himself, so how does someone care about him so much to the point of confessing their love?

Kosmo wasn't the only one who took note of Keith's behaviors.

Lance noticed to.

Of course he did.

Lance seemed to notice everything about everyone.

Calmly, and sweetly, Lance did his best to pronounce the words, 'it's okay'.

"No! No it's not!" Keith suddenly blurted out. "It's not okay..." He lowered his head as he lifted his phone to try and convey his words to his friend.

"It's not okay, Lance." He said, his voice shaking with fear. "How can you love me? Why? I don't understand. I have nothing to offer you. I'm just a suicidal blind kid who knows he doesn't fit in anywhere on this stupid planet."

Keith guessed that his phone was picking up less than half of his words, but if Lance could understand his terrible ASL, then maybe he would also be able to understand the bad grammar of his talk-to-text notes.

"Please tell me you didn't learn to speak just to tell me that! Lance, I don't deserve your love! You're a great person. You're so kind and funny. You deserve someone who actually understands how to be a decent human being. That's... Thats not me."

"It's okay." Lance said again. He hadn't read what Keith had said, he couldn't, Keith hadn't shown him yet.

Shaking his head, Keith went on, but he dropped his phone in his lap. He gave up on technology. If he was going to have any luck talking to Lance, he might as well attempt to converse in his limited knowledge of ASL.

"I'm not the one you want." Keith said slowly, guessing on most of the signs he used. "I don't love myself. How can you love me...?"

Lance either ignored Keith's signs or couldn't understand them. He just repeated his words. The deaf kid struggled to say 'I love you', his pronunciation was worse than before. He said it again, as if he wasn't sure Keith had understood him. He repeated his friend's name, telling him that he loved him, again and again.

"I know! Okay?!" Keith frantically grabbed at Lance's hands, missing a few times before he held onto them properly. "Listen to me." He ordered, fingerspelling his words as he spoke. Keith only remembered half of the alphabet, so he made up some of the letters. He hoped Lance could understand him. "I don't love myself. I hate myself! You can't love me, okay?! I'm nothing like you." As he went on, he dropped his made up ASL, but he didn't let go of Lance's hands. "I'm a terrible person, Lance! I tried to kill myself after promising everyone hat I wouldn't! I have nothing to give you other than work and worry! You don't want to date me! I'm a useless piece of shit! You can't date someone who hates themself. I can't hurt you like that. Lance, I am so sorry, but you don't love me. If you knew everything about me, you wouldn't love me. You love what you know, but I am a terrible person! You love your friend, but you don't love who I really am."

Silence.

Total silence.

Lance slowly pulled his hands back. His motions so slow and delicate one would think he was reenacting some cautious character in a mysteriously frightening setting of a movie.

Keith released his grip and allowed Lance to take his hands back, but said nothing.

The room was quiet for a few more moments until a computerized voice said "I'm sorry. I have to go."

Without saying or doing anything else, Lance slid off the end of Keith's bed and left the room.

But something caught Keith's ears.

Lance's breathing.

Keith normally paid no attention to others' breathing, but something about the way Lance sounded so upset, so saddened, and so uncomfortable made Keith take note of how his friend left.

Picking up his phone, he unlocked the device and activated the AI. "Please tell Lance I'm sorry."

There was a pause, and then his AI said "Message sent."

Leaning over to the small table on his right, Keith placed his phone down of the wooden surface.

Gently, Keith tapped the end of his bed, calling Kosmo up next to him. The dog listened, and Keith pulled his guide towards him, resting his forehead on Kosmo's.

"Did I mess up...?" He asked the dog in a hushed whisper. "Was I too honest...?"

Kosmo whined quietly, squirming to lick Keith's chin. The dog kept licking the teenager, over and over again, thinking it was helping to calm him.

"I just... I don't understand, Kosmo..." Keith mumbled, pulling his legs up to his chest and resting his chin on his knees. "How can someone think like that... What was I supposed to say...?"

Again the dog whined. Kosmo wriggled out of Keith's grasp, scooting back until he was standing in front of the teenager, his wet nose barely touching Keith's chin.

"I messed up... Didn't I...?"

Quickly, Kosmo nuzzled Keith's chin, licking his neck to try and please him.

But Keith paid no attention to his dog. "I didn't even know Lance liked me... As a friend... Let alone is in love with me..."

With his previous efforts proving to be futile, Kosmo barked loudly. He whined quickly, and then barked again. He was trying to call for help. That's what he was trained to do. Bark if Keith became so upset that he wouldn't listen to anything Kosmo did.

"No...! Kosmo...! Hush...!" Keith clasped his hands around the dog's snout. "I'm fine...!"

Of course his attempt to silence the dog was done too late. The door swung open and someone started bombarding him with questions instantly.

Keith didn't listen. Not completely. He just nodded and shook his head. He wasn't in the mood to tell someone why his dog was barking, nor what had happened that made Kosmo bark. He just answered with yes's and no's, and head nods and shakes.

The questions continue for some time. A long time. The nurse wanted to know everything.

"No!" Keith suddenly yelled. "My friend didn't do anything wrong! Kosmo was just acting up." He lied. He lied quickly and he lied good. "I'm alright, I promise. I was just sad that he had to leave. Kosmo though it was something worse. He was wrong, but at least he's trying."

"I thought you didn't like visitations."

"Others'. I don't like when other people have visitors. It... It makes me feel lonely. I must've acted a little too down when Lance left. But I'm okay, I promise."

"Oh. Well I'm sorry about that... You're brother certainly is busy most of the day, even though it is Sunday."

"He has a project or something important. He's not home much when theses come up."

"Do you want someone else to stay with you?"

Keith quickly shook his head. "No thank you. I don't normally like strangers. No offense."

"That's alright."

She sounded so understanding. Thankfully, she had believed Keith's lies.

Was that really a good thing though?

Should he have just come clean? Should he have admitted that his friend was in love with him? Would it be okay to out someone like that? He could have lied and said Lance was just a messenger.

But he had lied. There was no way to back out of his statements now. He could tell Shiro the truth later today, but not one of his nurses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. That just happened.  
> I guess you know how it all went down now, don’t you? Are you happy? Or did I pull the angst card again?  
> I know. I pulled it, didn’t I? :)  
> In my defense, life isn’t always happy-go-lucky. But don’t worry. This isn’t the end of anything. This is sort or a beginning.  
> If you were to plot this on those rising, falling action, climax, beginning and ending charts, this chapter would be the third or fourth climax. Because I say so. Also because a lot happens.  
> This won’t be the last big scene either :)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> Thanks for reading!!  
> ~Picci


	38. Chapter 38

As always during lunch, Lance found his friends, sat with them and immediately started a conversation. This time, the conversation was a but more personal. 

Lance had a crush. 

This little ‘nobody’ ninth grader had a crush on a popular girl. 

He had to tell someone before he went and asked her to the freshman dance. And of course, he chose to tell his friends. 

‘So, what do you want to tell us?’ Katie asked, eager to know the answer to her question. 

‘I want to ask someone to the dance.’ He told the two of them, a big smile on his face. 

‘Seriously? Lance that’s awesome!’ Hunk signed back, almost as excited as Lance. 

‘Who?’ Katie asked immediately.

To this question, Lance was a bit hesitant. His smile faded for a moment, but he sucked it up and forced himself to stay happy. ‘I want to ask Amanda to the dance.’

‘Amanda Huchtens?’ Katie asked. ‘Mandy? The most popular freshman at out school?’

Lance nodded quickly. ‘Yes. I want to go to the dance with her.’

‘Well, shit, Lance. I hope you can dance because she certainly won’t take you if you can’t.’

‘I can dance, Katie!’ Lance argued. ‘Just because I can’t hear anything doesn’t mean I can’t dance!’

‘That’s not what I meant. All I meant was that you better be a good dancer because she’s so judgmental.’

‘No she’s not.’ Lance signed. 

‘She totally is.’ Katie argued back. ‘You’re lucky that you don’t hear the shit she says to people. She’s a rich white girl who plays lacrosse. She’s a bitch.’

‘Well I like her, so you can stop talking.’

Hunk shrugged, telling Katie, ‘he has a point. He does like her.’

Katie rolled her eyes, sighing as she gave up winning the argument. ‘Fine. But how are you going to ask her out?’

‘I made a sign.’ Lance answered, his eyes gazing to his backpack. 

‘You have it with you already?!’ Hunk asked in shock. 

Lance only nodded. 

‘Are you going to ask her today?’ Katie asked. 

Again, he nodded. ‘During lunch.’

‘It’s lunch now.’ Hunk remarked. ‘Want to ask her now?’

For a moment, Lance didn't respond. He was absolutely terrified of her answer. He really liked Amanda. He thought she was beautiful. She always looked so pretty each and every day. 

Lance was in love with her. 

He was only in ninth grade, but he already had a crush on the hottest and most popular girl in his grade. 

But he didn’t want fear to stop him from doing something new. Something bold. And something daring. 

Slowly, Lance nodded. ‘Yes. I want to ask her now.’

Katie seemed to crawl into a cave as she sighed. She was not at all impressed with Lance’s attraction and thought he was making a huge mistake. But the two were friends. She would stand by him no matter the outcome. 

So Lance got to his feet, pulled the small poster from his backpack, unfolded it to give it one last spell check and marched towards his crush. 

He had no idea where she and her friends all sat, but that didn’t matter. 

Lance was following his heart. He’d find Amanda.

And he did. 

Quite quickly too. 

His heart skipped at least ten beats when he saw her face. 

She had long, wavy blond hair, that —for Lance and every other student who fell for her— seemed to blow in slow motion as she walked. 

With a sudden rush of adrenaline, Lance ran up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. 

Just touching her shoulder sent a shock through his body. His whole spine seemed to quiver. 

Amanda turned around, her happy and cheery smile vanished almost the second she saw who had grabbed her attention. 

She said something to him, ignoring the fact that he was deaf. 

But Lance’s mind skipped right over that. He turned the poster to face her and gave his best smile.

His question to her was simple. 

_‘Amanda, will you go to the dance with me?’_

Amanda looked his poster up and down, looked to her friends and laughed. 

Lance stood there, waiting for a response. 

Amanda held out her hand to her friends, waiting for some sort of writing implement. 

Once she had a pen, she took the poster from Lance and wrote out her answer. Handing back the poster, she crossed her arms and waited for him to react. 

Lance didn’t read what she wrote, instead he kept his eyes on her. He was smiling still. He had hope. 

Lance was optimistic about love. 

His parents had met in college and had been together for more than twenty years. His oldest brother, Luis, had his first girlfriend in high school, and Marco was going to prom with his own girlfriend. He thought his family was pretty lucky when it came to love. 

But all of that changed when Amanda shook her head. She pointed to the poster and turned her back on Lance. Amanda left him without doing much more than writing him a sentence. 

Lance turned the poster around and looked at what she had written. 

His heart broke the second he read her words. 

_‘I’m not going to the dance with you because I want a normal relationship.’_

The rejection he could handle. 

The reason was something completely different. 

Had he been shot down?

Yes. Yes he had. 

But not only that, he had also been insulted. Insulted for something he couldn’t do anything about. 

Lance wasn’t abnormal. 

He was deaf, but he wasn’t abnormal.

All he wanted was to go to a dance with someone he liked. 

But that person turned out to be unfeeling and cruel like he had feared. 

Slowly, he turned to his friends, his eyes were filled with tears. 

‘Let’s go.’ Katie signed, beckoning Lance to follow her. 

Lance didn’t hesitate, he did as she had suggested. But he didn’t follow her. He ran right past her. 

He ran to where he had left his belongings, grabbed them and took off towards the parking lot. 

His intention wasn’t to run away, but instead, to hide. He wanted to hide himself, his fears, and his sorrows. 

He didn’t understand why or how someone could be so rude. 

Deaf people find love all of the time. Love isn't restricted to the able bodied. 

But perhaps it was restricted from Lance. 

He knew about friendship and familial bonds, but never had anyone expressed any interest in him. Not one person had ever talked to him about love. 

Perhaps he wasn’t meant to fall in love.

Perhaps he wasn’t good enough. 

These thoughts pegged him, ripped him apart and forced him to let everything out. 

Firmly, he gripped the edges of the poster he had made and with one quick tug, he ripped the paper in half. He did this over and over again until the stacked pieces were too thick to tear. 

When he found he was no longer strong enough to rip and shred, he threw the pieces into the flowerbed on the opposite side of the fence. 

Then, he sank to his knees and curled up into a small ball of sadness. 

He tried not to cry, he tried not to make noise. 

He would have done so in seconds, but a gentle tap on his shoulder prompted him to lock away his emotions once again and look up. 

Lance’s distraught gaze was met with Marco’s kind smile. 

Marco was a junior, which meant he rarely interacted with underclassmen, but everyone knew about the interaction that had just occurred. 

‘She said no, didn’t she?’ Marco asked, sitting in front of his little brother. 

Lance nodded slowly. 

‘Who cares?’ Marco signed, smiling more now. ‘You’re too good for her anyway.’ He told Lance. ‘She’s a bitch. It doesn’t matter what she thinks.’

‘She said I wasn’t normal.’ Lance signed, frowning as he moved his hands. 

‘I’m not either.’ Marco signed back. ‘No one is.’ 

‘How?’

‘Because everyone is unique. Therefore no one can be normal.’

‘But I’m disabled.’

‘No you’re not.’ Marco quickly signed. ‘You’re deaf. You’re not disabled. Can you hear? No. But that doesn’t matter. You’re you. And you’re unique. Mom says your special.’

‘Yeah, special needs.’

Marco shook his head slowly, raising an eyebrow in disbelief. ‘You’re special because of how you interpret the world and interact with others. And because you’re the baby of the family.’

Lance playfully shoved his brother, getting back at him for calling him ‘the baby’. ‘I am not! You’re the baby! Always asking Mom to do things for you.’

Marco laughed in response to his brother’s signs. Tussling Lance’s hair, he smiled and signed, ‘make sure Mandy doesn’t define your day. Or even your life. She’s a bitch. You know better than to let her get under your skin.’

Lance nodded slowly, and he believed his brother. 

He knew he wasn’t one to let others put him down, but her words still ate at his heart. He didn’t expect her to insult him that way. He thought she’d just give a yes or a no. 

But apparently, she had to give a reason too. 

And a cruel one at that. 

This would stay with him for years. It would stay with him as a reminder that people don’t like what doesn’t fit their norm. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


‘Are you sure my pronunciation is good?’ Lance asked his sister for the fifth time that day.

Nodding, Veronica signed, ‘Yes, Lance. Your pronunciation is fine.’

‘Promise?’

‘I promise.’

Lance quickly signed ‘love you’ and ended the video chat between him and his sister. Placing his laptop back onto his desk and plugging it in, he grabbed his phone and hurried downstairs. 

‘Ready to go?’ Rachel asked him, a confident smile on her face. 

Giving a slight nod, Lance signed, ‘I think so. I’m a bit nervous though.’

‘Don’t be.’ She told him. ‘You’re going to do great. Just breathe and… you know… Be confident.’

Lance nodded again. ‘And if I mess up?’

‘Lance, you’re a deaf person confessing to your crush. Who cares if you mess up?’

‘I do, Rachel.’

Before she could respond, something else grabbed Lance’s attention. 

His parents. 

Whether or not they were in support of his love interest or not didn’t matter much to him in this moment. He only needed their encouragement now. 

‘Can you say ‘I love you’?’ His father asked. 

‘I have to go, Dad.’

‘Just once.’ His mother pleaded. ‘Just once and then we won’t ever ask again.’

Lance shook his head. ‘I’m sorry. But I don’t want to.’

‘Why not?’ His father asked.

‘I don’t. That’s all.’

Without waiting for a response, he grabbed his shoes and his coat, running out to the car without putting either piece of clothing on. 

Rachel joined him in the car a moment later. ‘Put your shoes on.’ She said. ‘You have stinky-boy feet.’

Lance stuck his tongue out at her defiantly, but did as she asked. 

‘Any last thoughts you want to get out before I drive?’

He shook his head. ‘No. I’m good with my own thoughts.’

‘Are you sure?’ She asked again. ‘Why didn’t you talk for Mom and Dad?’

‘Because I’m not a circus animal.’ Lance told her. ‘I’ll talk when I want to.’

‘Understandable. They’re just excited to know you’re using your voice, you know?’

Lance shrugged, not agreeing with his parents. ‘It’s annoying, that's all. I’m not talking for them. I’m—’

‘You’re talking for Keith.’

Nodding, Lance felt himself smile. ‘Yeah. I am.’

‘Let’s get you to your Romeo before you get all emotional and back out on me.’

‘Why can’t I be Romeo?’

‘Because you’re not Leonardo Dicaprio.’

‘Neither is Keith.’

‘But he’s almost as cute.’

Rolling his eyes, Lance gave a tiny nod. ‘I’ll admit to that. Lets just go.’

Rachel nodded, held her palm up to his face, waited for him to return the high-five and pulled out of the driveway. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


‘What do I say?’ Rachel asked as they approached the check in desk. 

‘That we’re here to visit Keith. That’s what Pidge and Hunk say.’ Lance instructed. 

Rachel did as he had said, telling the man behind the counter that she and Lance were friends of Keith, and wanted to pay him a visit. 

After the man checked some things on his computer, he handed both of them stickers to display on their shirts. 

‘Thank you.’ Lance signed as he took the sticker from the man and placed it on his shirt. To make it more visible, Lance took off his jacket and tied it around his waist. Looking to his sister he asked, ‘Can we go?’

Rachel nodded. ‘Yeah. Let’s go, Loverboy.’

Lance led Rachel from the check in desk to a short hallway with two elevators on either side. He pushed the button with an arrow pointing upwards and stepped back to stand next to Rachel. 

‘Are you okay?’

‘Nervous.’ Lance answered, forcing a smile. ‘I don’t want to mess this up.’

Rachel nodded. ‘You’ll do fine. I know you will.’

‘Thanks.’

The elevator door opened and the two stepped inside. Lance made sure to select the correct floor before joining Rachel near the back of the lift. 

Lance folded his arms low across his chest, tapping his right index finger on his elbow multiple times. He was nervous, like he said he was. He was worried and scared. He did not want to make any mistakes. This had to go perfectly. He didn’t know what he’d do if anything went wrong. 

The two reached the floor they needed and stepped out. 

There was a small front desk and a waiting area and then two large double doors. Behind the doors were the patient rooms and meeting rooms. 

Lance went to the counter and the lady there noticed him immediately. She must have recognized him as she smiled and waved. 

She said something to Rachel who signed to Lance. ‘She said she’ll notify his nurse that you’re here.’

‘Thank you very much.’ Lance signed with a kind smile. 

He and his sister were instructed to wait for a minute or two before someone came to get them. 

Lance’s hands were shaking now, and there was nothing he could do to hide his feelings. He was terribly nervous. 

Rachel tapped his shoulder lightly, smiling when he looked at her. ‘It’s going to be okay. Breathe. You can’t talk if you’re too busy calming yourself, right?’ Lance nodded and she continued. ‘So take a few deep breaths. You’ll be fine. Trust me.’

Minutes passed and finally, someone came to retrieve the two of them. Rachel offered to keep Lance’s jacket, but he refused, saying it gave him something to fiddle with. Something other than his hands. 

Lance’s heart must have skipped ten beats when he saw Keith. he wasn’t sure if it was from love or from his nervousness. 

Keith looked so sad. Sitting all alone in his room. Sure, he had Kosmo, but he looked utterly distraught. Lance could only imagine what all of this waiting and sitting could do to a person. It would drive him mad. And he knew it must be absolutely awful for his friend. 

Slowly, Lance moved to stand next to Keith. He took a seat at the end of the bed, instantly fiddling with his jacket sleeves. 

Keith focussed his attention on Lance for a brief moment, but quickly took out his phone. 

He spoke into the microphone and turned the screen towards Lance. 

_‘Your sister is weird.’_

Lance played along with Keith’s idea of a conversation, typing out a message on his phone, and allowing his AI to read the words aloud. 

_‘Sorry about Rachel.’_

Keith shook his head slowly before he turned his phone screen towards Lance again. _‘It’s fine. What did you want to talk about?’_

_‘I don’t know how to say this, but please hear me out.’_

Keith informed Lance that he would listen, which made him feel comforted. 

Lance started fidgeting with his jacket, his nerves beginning to spike once again. 

He put his phone down and swallowed multiple times, preparing himself to talk. 

Lance cleared his throat quietly, or as quietly as he could manage. 

And with a sudden wave of courage, he spoke the first word to his friend. 

He said his name. 

“Keith.”

Lance saw no reaction in his friend. 

Was he too quiet?

Had his pronunciation been off?

Why hadn’t he responded?

“Keith.” He said again, hoping to be louder than before.

He got something that time. Keith looked to Lance in shock. He hadn’t expected him to talk. Slowly he nodded. 

“Keith…” Lance spoke again. “I…” He lost his confidence just as quickly as he had lost it. He felt his entire body shiver with worry. He was so scared. So nervous. 

What if Keith didn’t like him back? Or Keith didn’t like men at all? Was he homophobic? He couldn’t be. His brother was gay. He couldn’t be if he accepted his brother, right?

Or did he not even accept his brother? Did he just pretend to be inclusive?

Lance could handle Keith not liking him back, but it would absolutely destroy him if Keith shunned him because he wasn’t straight. 

Keith seemed to pay no attention to Lance’s words. Instead, he spoke into his phone microphone again. He turned the screen to face Lance and waited for a reply. 

_‘You can talk?’_

Gently and carefully, Lance picked up Keith’s hand from his lap. He placed Keith’s palm on his cheek and nodded. He also forced himself to hum. He knew Hearing people often hummed when then confirmed a statement made by another. He was so self conscious of his voice. He was terrified. Not only to talk, but to admit his feelings. 

Keith slowly took his hand back, placing it in his lap again. He looked so confused. He looked at Lance with a puzzled expression as if he had missed something. Either for clarification or to ask a question of his own, Keith picked up his phone. He looked ready to talk. 

This worried Lance. If Keith kept asking questions, Lance would never get his point out. He’d never say what he wanted to say.

Before Keith could say anything, Lance took Keith’s phone from him. He placed the electric device in Keith’s lap, hoping his friend would understand that he didn’t want to use technology to communicate. He didn’t want to use his phone. He wanted to talk

“Keith… I…”

He trailed off again. He was glad, for once, that he wasn’t proud of his speech. Only because it gave him a reason to feel better about stuttering and restarting over and over again. 

Lance was terrified. He had told someone he liked them once before. She was the only one he had told his true feelings to. What if Keith wanted a ‘normal relationship’ too? Could Lance handle that again? He couldn’t. He knew he couldn’t. Lance loved Keith and he needed to say something, but he was scared of the response. 

He was scared of how Keith would react. How he would reapond. And what he would say. 

But finally, he decided enough was enough. 

He had committed to this. And to get if off his chest, he needed to just say it. No more beating around the bush. 

It was time he told Keith how he felt. 

“Keith, I…” He paused for a brief second to breathe. He was so nervous. “I love you.” 

The reaction he got from Keith was enough to prove that his words were clear. 

Keith looked surprised. Worried almost. 

This confused Lance. Why wasn’t he glad to hear this? Was he not grateful to know that someone cared about him?

He watched as Keith felt around for Kosmo. He was nervous, maybe even scared. 

Lance immediately had to react. He had to say something or do something before Keith became too upset. 

“It’s okay.” He said to his friend. He hoped his words were calming and kind. Although, he hadn’t spent much time on tone and delivery, he only wanted to learn the words to say them, not to have a clear and coherent conversation. 

But what Keith did next upset Lance. Keith’s reaction was not what he wanted it to be. In fact, his reaction was far from it. 

Keith started yelling at Lance. He was yelling and shaking his head. 

What was he saying?

Why was he upset?

Was he scared like Lance thought he was? 

Lance didn’t know how to respond. He couldn’t. Should he tell Keith he can't hear him? That he doesn’t understand spoken words? That he can’t read Keith’s lips?

What should he do?

Keith picked up his phone and began talking to the microphone. He was talking for a long and lengthy amount of time. Lance couldn’t wait for him to finish. he couldn’t. 

“It’s okay.” Lance said again. 

Keith shook his head quickly. He dropped his phone and continued talking at Lance, but this time he started signing. Or at least trying to. 

Lance only understood that Keith was talking about himself, and that whatever he was saying was negative. He kept shaking his head as he talked and signed randomly. None of his signs were even remotely correct. Lance understood none of it. 

“I love you.” Lance said again. Maybe Keith just needed to hear it again. Maybe Keith didn’t understand him the first time. “Keith,” he said again, “I love you.” He was scared to say it that time. He didn’t know how he sounded, but he knew how nervous he was. “I love you, Keith.” He said again “I love you…!” He tried to he louder. He _had_ to get through to Keith. “I. Love. You.” He paused momentarily between each of his words, hoping it would have some effect to prove the importance of what he said. “I love you, Keith.”

Keith suddenly grabbed ahold of Lance’s hands. 

Why?

Lance thought his reasons were good until he felt Keith trying to sign once again. 

And in that moment, his heart broke. 

He had failed. 

Keith began talking to him. He was signing frantically, none of it made any sense. He was yelling at Lance. As if he was mad at him. Mad at him for telling him he loved him. 

Lance was sure Keith was mad at him. 

Until he say his facial expression. 

He was hurt. 

He looked sad. He looked cheated. 

And he suddenly realised that Keith wasn’t _mad_ . He was _confused_ . He didn’t understand what had happened and he was most definitely not expecting _anyone_ to tell him they loved him. 

But he wasn’t glad to know it either. 

When Keith was finished, or Lance believed he was finished, he took his hands back and picked up his phone. 

_‘I’m sorry.’_ Lance typed the words out so slowly. _‘I have to go.’_

He let his AI read the message for his friend before slipping off the side of the bed and heading for the door. He didn’t look at Keith before leaving. 

He couldn’t. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


‘What happened?’ Rachel asked once she and Lance had made it to the car. She had seen the pain and sadness in his eyes and told him they’d talk when they were alone. 

Lance slouched in the passenger seat and looked to her, but he didn’t say anything. There were tears in his eyes. He was trying so hard to hold it all in. He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t think it would he right. 

Rachel didn’t need an explanation. She had an idea of what had happened between the two of them. ‘He didn’t get it… Did he?’

‘I don’t know.’ Lance signed back slowly. ‘I tried to tell him. I said it a million times. I told him I loved him, but he…’ Lance paused as a tear rolled down his cheek. ‘He started yelling. And it all went wrong.’

‘I am so sorry.’ Rachel tried to smile to cheer her brother up, but even she couldn’t be positive in this moment. ‘Maybe he’s just confused. I mean, what kind of a person has the heart to yell at a deaf person after they learned to talk just for them. That’s so cruel.’

That’s not what Lance meant. That wasn’t even close to what he was trying to say. He wasn’t mad at Keith. He was confused. And so was Keith. Why had Rachel immediately gone to the bad outcome?

‘That’s not true.’ He signed quickly, rubbing the tears from his eyes. ‘What if he’s not mean, what if he’s just confused?’

‘Lance. I know you love him, but he’s not the best person when it comes to kindness. He probably won’t ever understand your affection.’

He didn’t want to believe that Keith had taken his words the wrong way. He didn’t want to think that Keith brushed off his affection. But the more he thought about Rachel’s words, the more his mindset changed. What if Keith really did brush him off?

‘Rachel…’ Lance slowly began. ‘Please don’t take me here again.’

‘What?’

‘I don’t want to see him again.’

Rachel was flabbergasted. ‘But you love him. Why don’t you want to see him anymore?’

‘He doesn’t like me, Rachel.’ Lance signed sternly. ‘I’m in love with someone who will never love me back. I don’t want to get hurt anymore.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It would be wrong to have only showed one side of this interaction. Both of them had two different ideas about how the day went, and I had to show them both.  
> The beginning bit was a little thing I added last minute to show how much this meant to him and how much the rejection— or at least he thought it was a rejection— impacted him.  
> Weather or not Keith said ‘no’ doesn’t matter to Lance. He got his answer through Keith’s body language and actions. Even if it wasn’t exactly what Keith had meant.  
> So I guess this is drama...? Maybe.
> 
> Anyway.  
> Glad you’re still reading :D  
> Thanks as always!!  
> ~Picci


	39. Chapter 39

‘How was it?’ Lance’s mother asked positively. ‘Does he like you too?’

Lance didn’t reply to her question. He slipped off his shoes and walked right past her.

He couldn’t find his words, he couldn’t even come up with a simple thought. He was beside himself.

Going right to his room, Lance shut the door behind him, scooped up Blue and curled up on his bed.

He had spent hours learning to talk to Keith. Hours learning to pronounce the vowels and consonants. Lance had spent so much time learning to say just a few words to Keith, important words, and all he got in exchange was a verbal response. Keith was mad or in some way upset. He yelled at Lance.

Lance has been deaf since birth and has never heard sound. All he wanted was to tell Keith that he loved him. And all Keith did was yell at him.

He got a verbal response.

He couldn’t understand what Keith had said to him.

Lance was deaf.

He heard nothing.

And he knew that it was wrong to assume what Keith had said, but Lance isn’t blind. He can see facial expressions. And Keith looked upset. Upset at him for his words.

Lance felt his eyes begin to sting and it wasn’t long before he was crying.

Tears rolled down his cheeks and dampened his pillows.

Blue, who had been watching Lance with intense curiosity, quickly saw the sadness in her owner. She squirmed out of his loose grip and began trying to calm him.

She was still a kitten, but she knew what made her happy. She, as most kittens, liked calming pets and soft noises, which resembled the tenderness of their mothers.

Blue nuzzled Lance’s cheeks, quickly shaking off the wet tears from her whiskers. Not wanting to dampen her fluffy coat any more than she just had, Blue began licking Lance’s cheek and the tip of his nose.

Perhaps she thought that calmed him, or she simply liked the taste. She was an animal after all.

Lance pulled away from Blue and her obsessive licking. He wiped his entire face with the back of his hand.

Sitting up, he crossed his legs and placed Blue in his lap. She stared up at him and meowed, stretching her front paw up towards his chin. Clearly, she wasn’t done with giving him attention.

Pouting angrily, Lance signed, ‘what do you want?’

Blue meowed at him again, nuzzling his knees.

‘Stop meowing!’ He ordered. ‘I can’t hear you! I can’t hear anything!’

Blue was an animal, and had not been taught sign. Most animals don’t know sign. Neither do most humans. She meowed again, staring up at Lance.

Without thinking, Lance picked Blue up off of his lap. He got to his feet, walked the short distance to the bathroom door, placed Blue on the tile floor and slammed the door shut.

There was no sound, no loud banging, nor any sort of audible noise when the door shut. This tipped Lance over the edge. And it wasn’t the first time the silent slamming of a door had angered him.

Lance slammed his forehead on the doorframe before taking a step back to try and breathe.

From the corner of his eye, Lance saw a blur of orange and black. His childhood stuffed toy which he had carelessly squished into his bookshelf.

His heart ached with regret for shoving such a precious item into a small space. He went to his bookshelf and carefully pulled the tiger from the shelving system. Holding it carefully in his hands, Lance ran his thumbs over the tattered and worn out fabric that held the plush toy together.

Slowly, Lance went back to his bed, sat on the edge and lay down on his back. He held his plush toy above his face, staring at it intensely.

Mere seconds passed before Lance was curled up on his side, tightly hugging his plush tiger and crying again.

Words could not express the emotions he felt.

Even all of the brilliant and descriptive words in all of the languages couldn’t even begin to describe how he felt.

But he knew he was, in the simplest of terms, distraught.

He didn’t know why Keith yelled at him. He had no idea what Keith had even said to him. All he knew was that Keith, the person he had learned to talk for didn’t even try to respond in a way that he could understand.

Lance has spent his entire life not fitting in and being privy to only parts of conversations.

He thought that maybe, just maybe, being honest with Keith would go positively.

But not only did it go horribly wrong, he had also gotten his heart broken.

Lance has been yelled at, and talked at before. He’s been pushed around and made fun of non stop.

He had hoped that Keith would have the basic human decency to at least try and sign to him. Or use his phone.

But he did none of that.

Keith only yelled at him.

Keith told him things he could never understand.

Since birth, Lance has been completely deaf. He has never heard a single sound in his lifetime. Keith knows this. Yet he gave Lance a verbal response.

***

Taking ahold of his big sister’s hand, Lance followed her and Luis to the water's edge. He was four years old, and this was his first real vacation. It was summer, and after a little pleading from Lance and his siblings, they had succeeded in getting their parents to take them to the beach.

One plane ride, a two hour drive, and a five minute walk later, and the McClain family had arrived at the coast.

Lance had never seen a beach. Neither had Rachel. The last time the entire family had been on a beach was before even Marco was born. Veronica was barely three years old when the family moved from Cuba to The States. for almost six years, the family would travel back to Cuba for a week or two every summer to visit their grandparents and old friends.

But when Lance and Rachel were born, they stopped going. Veronica, Luis and Marco were never told why. Luis suspected it had something to do with money, but Veronica forced him not to ask about it.

This year, however, was special. Although this wasn’t Cuba, and simply just the Pacific coast, the McClain siblings were happy.

Lance waved a hand up to Veronica who immediately looked down at her little brother.

‘What is it?’ She asked, stopping to read her brother’s signs better.

‘Is it loud?’

‘The beach?’

Lance nodded.

‘Sort of. People are loud. But the waves are somewhat quiet.’

‘Water makes noise?’

Veronica nodded.

‘What kind of noise?’

‘Crashing. Like in your books.’

Lance didn’t know what ‘crashing’ sounded like, but he knew that it was a sound effect. ‘Can we go towards the water?’

‘Of course.’ She replied with a kind smile.

Lance kept his short fingers wrapped around Veronica’s hand as he followed her to the ocean.

He felt the warm sand go cold beneath his feat, and he stopped in his tracks. ‘It’s cold!’ He signed, a shocked smile on his chubby little face. ‘Why is it cold?!’

‘Because the ocean is cold.’

‘But it’s hot!’

Veronica started laughing at her brother’s words. ‘Come on! Let’s go get our feet wet.’ She easily picked up her brother who weighed very little and ran to the water’s edge with him. Carefully, she placed him in front of her and waited until a small wave came and washed over their feet.

Lance shrieked with excitement. He turned to face Veronica and signed, ‘It’s so cold! But it’s so hot!’

Again, she giggled at his response. ‘That’s why people love the beach! If they get too hot, they can come here.’

Lance looked around him, wide eyed. He was so surprised by the sheer number of people.

For some reason, he decided to close his eyes. He thought, in his great wisdom, that if he closed his eyes and wished hard enough, he could hear the ocean and the people around him. Instead, all he got was an abrupt greeting with the sand beneath him.

A wave had reached his ankles, and startled by this, he jumped, lost his balance and fell backwards.

He opened his eyes quickly, looked to Veronica who was asking him if he was okay and replied, ‘Oops. I fell.’

‘Yeah, you did.’ She signed back, helping him to his feet. ‘Are you okay?’

Lance nodded, sat down and began playing with the sand.

‘Can I eat this?’

Veronica quickly scooped the sand from her brother’s hand and tossed it aside. ‘No, no! You can not eat sand.’

‘It feels like sugar.’

‘It’s not sugar.’

Lance didn’t say anything back immediately, he just looked around for a moment or two. ‘Can we build a castle?’

‘Of course we can.’

Lance was happy. Very happy.

He was with his sister, who was also his best friend, and he was having fun.

As any child would do on a beach, he was smiling and having the time of his life.

He loved the feeling of the sand, both dry and damp, in his hands. He loved the way his feet sunk in the dampened sand and the cool rush of water that trickled over his feet whenever a wave rolled up on shore.

Lance and his sister sculpted the castle with their bare hands. It looked more like a mound than a castle, but Lance loved it all the same.

Something caught Lance’s attention as he was working diligently on his castle.

A small crab.

He stopped his work, dropped the sand which was already dripping from his hands, and scurried over to the tiny crab.

Looking back to Veronica, who was barely more than two feet away, Lance pointed at the crab and squealed. He used his voice. He was an excited four year old after all.

Veronica, who was confused by her brother’s sudden noise and also his fascination with something she couldn’t see, joined her brother.

‘What is it?’

Lance looked back to wear he had been pointing, but the crab was gone. ‘Where is it?!’ He asked, confused as to how it had suddenly disappeared.

‘Where is what?’

‘I saw a crab!’ Lance told her. ‘He was tiny! Like a baby!’

‘He’s underneath the sand.’ Veronica informed her brother. ‘They hide when they’re scared.’

‘Did I scare it?’

‘Probably.’

‘Sorry, Mr. Crab.’ With a small pouting frown, Lance returned to his station, adding more sand to the mound-like sand castle.

He worked for a moment or two before he realized that his sister was not with him. Lance peered over the side of the sand castle, and the top, but she wasn’t there.

Quickly, he looked around him, to the water and then to the edge of the sand. She wasn’t there either.

Lance, being four, and still in his clingy stage, began to worry. And when Lance worried, at least at this age, he reverted to infantile ways of communication.

He hardly ever made noise outside of his home, but Lance thought he was lost. He thought he was alone.

He had no idea what sounds he was making, but he was trying to get the attention of a family member. He needed one of his siblings or his parents to comfort him.

All of a sudden, Lance felt a pair of arms grab him from behind. Startled and scared, he started to cry.

Even when he realized who had grabbed him, he still wasn’t calm.

Luis quickly sat in front of Lance, trying to sign to him. ‘It’s me, Luis. You’re okay.’

Lance jumped into his brother’s lap, hugging him tightly. He was very attached to all of his siblings and both of his parents, and when he couldn’t locate them, he got very worried.

Luis picked Lance up and stood the toddler up in front of him. ‘You can stop crying now. You’re not alone. Veronica went to meet me. She didn’t leave.’

Slowly, Lance dried his eyes and nodded.

‘Want to continue your castle?’

Lance didn’t answer his brother. Instead, he stared past Luis, and at Veronica, who appeared to he talking to someone.

‘Who’s that?’ Lance asked, pointing to Veronica and the other child.

Luis looked over his shoulder, shrugged and looked back to Lance. ‘She probably made a new friend.’

Lance looked to Luis for a second, then to Veronica, and back to Luis before he made up his mind. He ran towards his sister, calling out to her to grab her attention.

Luis never mentioned what the two were talking about, so Lance assumed it was very loud this close to the water.

When he was at his sister’s side, he tugged on her arm and called out to her again.

But Lance was not at all prepared for her response. In the blink of an eye, Lance watched as Veronica shoved the other child backwards. She started yelling at the other kid and she looked angry.

Lance had never seen her— or any of his siblings— be rude or mean to another child. Of course, this didn’t include sibling banter, he saw a lot of that. But this was far from sibling banter.

Veronica picked up a handful of sand, threw it at the other child, picked Lance up and marched off with him in her arms.

Lance watched as Luis ran to catch up with the two of them, and before Lance knew it, he was sitting on the soft mat next to his father.

Immediately, he told on his sister.

‘Veronica got into a fight!’ He signed quickly. ‘She pushed a girl!’

But no one was listening to him.

His father and his sister were talking.

Lance couldn’t understand them.

He turned to Luis and was relieved when their two gazes met.

‘What happened?!’ Lance asked quickly. ‘Why did she push her?’

Luis took a seat in front of Lance and told him the truth. He, unlike many others, didn’t shelter Lance from the harsh reality of being different in this whole show of life.

‘She said you sound weird.’ Luis told him. ‘she said you talk funny. And ahe called you stupid.’

‘I’m not stupid!’ Lance argued. ‘Mom says I’m not! She says I’m a smart boy!’

‘Because Mom loves you. Kids don’t like when things aren’t normal. So she called you names. Veronica stood up for you.’

Lance looked to Veronica before pulling his knees up to his chest. He began to cry. It wasn’t because he wanted attention— although he did often cry when he wanted to be noticed. This time it was because he had been presented with a new situation. A situation he couldn’t explain.

For the first time in his life, Lance had been shown exactly what happens when people are presented with the unknown. Only four years old and Lance had already experienced what hatred was with his own eyes. Hatred towards him. Simply because he lacked the ability to hear the world.

This changed him, and not for the better. He became very dependent on his siblings and his parents for communication and entertainment. The only time he ever interacted with those other than his parents were at his school. His deaf school. South Hill Academy was like his second home. The students there knew his circumstances and they treated him like a human being.

That was where he was comfortable. But even there, he felt like an outcast. All four of his siblings went to Aspen Elementary School, and he went to South Hill. He knew he was different, and although he enjoyed the time at South Hill, he never could let go of the urge to want to be like his siblings, to learn like them, and to go to school with them.

***

A gentle tap to his shoulder yanked Lance from his thoughts.

At least, he thought it was a tap, but when he looked, he found Blue nudging him with her little nose. When their eyes met, she meowed at him and curled up right next to him.

Lance sat up in his bed, and looked around his room to see who let his cat back into his room. He had put her in his bathroom in his desperate need of isolation, but clearly, someone decided to open the door and let Blue waltz back in.

Lance jumped when he saw Rachel creepily peering in from the bathroom doorway. He knew it was Rachel, but he was still caught off guard by her sneaky attitude.

‘What the fuck, Rachel?!’ Lance asked, placing a hand over his heart to feel how fast it was beating.

Rachel laughed at her brother, which only angered him more. ‘Sorry. I thought you could use a friend, so I let her in.’

‘I put her in there.’ Lance told Rachel, folding his arms and looking away from her. ‘Go.’ He ordered. ‘I want to be alone.’

With no other way to confirm her leave, Lance had to look up.

Rachel was still standing in the doorway.

‘I said go.’ He signed at her. ‘Leave me alone.’

He watched as Rachel shook her head and walked over to her brother. She pulled the chair away from his desk and sat in it, leaning on the backrest like some stereotypical lazy student.

‘You’re asking for it, Rachel.’ Lance told her, his blue eyes filled with anger. ‘I told you to leave.’

‘You really are the dumbest one of us, aren’t you?’

‘What?!’

‘I’m your sister, Lance.’ Rachel told him, smiling kindly. ‘I can see you’re hurting. And I want to make things better. Or at least talk you through it.’

‘Yeah, right.’

Rachel slapped her brother’s hands as hard as she could. ‘I’m trying to help you, you big idiot! You’re not the only one who’s affected by this!’

Lance got to his feet and hit her back. An extremely childish act. He knew how childish he was being, how they hoth were acting, but that didn’t stop him. ‘You don’t know shit! You’ve never been in my shoes! Stop acting like you know me. We have the same birthday, so what?’

Suddenly, Rachel grabbed Lance’s ear. She gripped the flimsy cartilage and pulled it tightly to her, suddenly yelling into it.

Lance, of course, heard nothing, but he knew she had yelled at him. He knew she had said something to him. He had felt the warmth of her breath on his ear and his cheek. Plus, why else would she put her face so close to his ear if not to yell at him?

Without even thinking, Lance struck the side of his sister’s face with the back of his hand. His knuckles stung from the impact.

Rachel didn’t know how to respond. She stared at him, eyes as wide as the full moon. Her right hand was gripping her cheek, as if it were plastered there.

‘Rachel, I’m—’

Lance didn’t get to finish his statement before she stormed out, Slamming the door as she left.

Instantly, he ran after her. It only took him about a second to be outside her door, but even within that second, Rachel had managed to lock her door, keeping the unwanted out. Lance being the only unwanted person.

Lance smacked the palm of his hand on the door multiple times, trying to grab her attention. He knew she was probably playing some sort of music to distract herself from what just happened, so he had to make some sort of noise.

Rachel did respond to his banging, but not by opening the door, she slammed her own hand back in retaliation, and even slipped a note under the door.

‘I’m done helping you, asshole.’

Quickly, he ran to the other door, the one in the hallway. It was unlikely, but maybe she had only locked the one door.

Lance tried the handle, and of course, it was locked.

So he started to knock on that door too.

No one came to the door.

No one knocked on it from the other side.

Instead, Lance got a text.

From Rachel, of course.

‘Go away! You’ve done enough already!’

Without even thinking, Lance yelled at his sister.

He felt the strong vibrations in his vocal chords, and he had never thought he would ever unwillingly yell. At anyone.

Regardless, he yelled again and again.

At first it was just noise, just random vowels and consonants. He guessed he probably sounded like a child begging for attention, but this was, in his eyes, the only option.

It wasn’t long, however, before his sounds turned into words.

Lance only knew the names of two people.

And he used one of them in desperation.

“Mom!” He yelled as loudly as he could.

“Mom!” Lance called for her again. “Mom!”

He started crying when he called for her a third time.

Stepping away from Rachel’s door, Lance sunk to the floor and called for his mother again.

He really was acting like a child.

“Mom!” He didn’t even know if he was saying the word correctly anymore. He was crying so much he didn’t know if he was pronouncing any of the letters correctly.

Lance pulled his knees up to his chest and cried to himself.

Rachel had completely ignored him, and so had both of his parents.

Had he been calling for his mother? Yes. Would he have been perfectly fine if his father had showed up instead? Absolutely.

Lance was about to immure himself into a cocoon of sadness when something grabbed him. 

Looking up from his feet, Lance’s tear filled eyes found his mother.

‘I’m right here, Lance.’ She signed slowly, taking ahold of his hands.

Not even a second passed before he was in her arms. He was holding onto her so tightly. So tightly that it hurt his own arms.

He was desperate for attention, the positive kind. He needed reassurance that the world was still a good place, that he could do good things and be rewarded for them. He needed to know if everything he had done was all for for naught.

Lance had stepped out of his comfort zone, miles from it, to be more precise, and he wasn’t even sure if it had been worth it or not.

He felt bad, terribly bad, for striking his sister as hard as he had. Lance hadn’t meant for it to be that painful.

He was only angry at the world, not at her. She hadn’t deserved the cruelty he gave her. If anyone deserved it, it was Keith.

She slowly pulled away, placing her palms on his cheeks, instantly kissing every inch of his face as she tried his eyes with gentle, warm thumbs.

‘It’s okay, Lance.’ She told him. ‘I’m right here.’

He nodded slowly, but signed nothing.

‘Rachel told me what happened. I am so sorry. You’ve spent your whole life trying to fit in, haven’t you?’ When her son nodded, she went on. ‘And this was really important to you, wasn’t it?’ Again, she paused, waiting for him to nod before continuing. ‘But this doesn’t define you. Lance, you talked. You used your voice. That’s far more important than anything he could have ever said or done to you. I will always love you, Lance. You know that, right?’

Lance nodded slowly, signing, ‘I know, Mama .’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit just went down at the McClain household.  
> And the beach, lol.  
> I’m currently catching up on BNHA while I type this so I can’t think straight (aaaaaa).  
> Eri is so cute 🥺  
> Okay back to SoD.  
> (Okay but ERIIII)  
> I can’t give a good caption. I’m so sorry.  
> Leave comments if you want, but BNHA murdered my heart :)
> 
> Thanks as always Y’all are awesome support.  
> ~Picci


	40. Chapter 40

“Would you like to explain to me why Lance’s sister sought me out today to yell at me?” Shiro asked Keith over the phone. 

“What are you talking about?” Keith asked, mindlessly running his fingers through Kosmo’s fur. “What do you mean she ‘sought you out’?”

“I was minding my own business today, when she came up to me and started yelling at me in front of a handful of others because of something  _ you _ did.”

“I didn’t do anything…!” Keith was, as always, quick to defend himself. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

Shiro sighed before he spoke again. “You talked to Lance yesterday. No?”

“I did.”

“What the hell did he say to you?”

“He….” Keith didn’t know if he could reiterate what his friend had said. He didn’t even know if he could continue being friends with Lance. He didn’t like the fact that Lance had decided to talk for the sole purpose of confessing his love to Keith. It made him wildly uncomfortable. “He said he liked me…” Keith finally answered.”

The other end of the call was silent. 

Shiro said nothing. 

He didn’t make a sound. 

“Shiro…?” Keith tried to get his brother’s attention. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Why would you yell at him…?”

“I didn’t yell at him…!” 

“She said Lance talked to you, you yelled at him and that he then left your room in  _ tears _ .”

“He did  _ not _ leave ‘ _ in tears _ ’!” Keith argued.

“Well you must’ve done something to make him really upset.

“I didn’t do anything! It’s not my fault he’s a softie.”

“Don’t call him that, Keith. It’s insensitive.”

“Okay, but he is. I didn’t say  _ anything  _ rude to him.”

Shiro sighed again. “I don’t have class until this evening. I’ll come back and we can have a proper conversation. Okay?”

“Sure…”

“In the meantime, please figure out your end of the story, and please exclude all inappropriate and insensitive terms.”

“Okay, okay. I will.” Keith responded, slightly annoyed by his brother’s wishes. “But I didn’t do anything mean. I promise.”

  
  
  


*** 

  
  
  


“So,” Shiro began, taking a seat next to Keith’s bed. “What happened between the two of you yesterday? You looked kind of sad when I saw you.”

Keith shrugged slowly. He didn’t know what else to say other than what he already had said. “Lance came in and we talked. Just the two of us. Although… It wasn’t really a conversation. More so just him stuttering and trying to speak.”

“You said he likes you, right?”

Keith nodded. 

“How exactly did he tell you?”

“He said my name, and then told me. He just sort of said it. I didn’t even think he could talk. Let alone say he’s in love with me. Or at least he was…”

“What do you mean, was?”

“I think I really fucked up, Shiro…”

“You said you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know…!” Keith hung his head as he continued. “But I guess what I did really messed him up. I just tried to reason with him. I don’t know. I don’t take love well. You know that. I don’t understand how he can like me. I’m a screw up, and somehow he’s in love with me. I don’t get it. So I… I told him. I told him how I felt… About myself. I didn’t know what to do, so I grabbed his hands thinking maybe it’d make him understand. I tried signing to him, but all I was able to say was that he shouldn’t love me. I don’t know if that translated wrong or something… But I never meant to make him cry… I never meant to make him feel bad… I just wanted him to know that I couldn’t love myself and I don’t want to burden him with my own life and my whole… baggage…”

“Do you…” Shiro paused to clear his throat. “Do you like him…?”

Keith shrugged. 

“Or men in general?”

Again he shrugged.

“Do you like anyone? In  _ that _ way, of course.”

“I don’t know…” Keith mumbled. “I lost my vision right around the time I started thinking about it… I don’t know what I find attractive. And I have never thought  _ anyone  _ would want to be in any sort of relationship with me…”

“Could you give him a chance?”

“I don’t know…”

“Why not?”

Keith shrugged again. “I don’t even know how to make someone happy.”

“Well you clearly make Lance happy.”

“Not after I went and yelled at him. I yelled at a deaf kid, Shiro… He doesn’t understand what I was trying to say. What if he thinks I’m homophobic? Or that I was telling him to fuck off or something terrible like that?”

“Why don’t you explain it to him?”

Keith shook his head slowly. “I can’t.” He said. “I’ve fucked up. Royally. There’s no way he’d ever want to talk to me again…”

“Then text him.” Shiro suggested. 

“That’s stupid.”

“You two communicate through technology  _ all _ of the time. How is that not a good way to talk to him?”

Keith shrugged. “I don’t know. It just seems shitty. It’s like… I feel like it’s akin to me saying ‘hey, you learned to talk and all, but watch me send a fucking text because I can easily do that already’. You know?”

“I guess…” Shiro hummed for a moment. “But… It’s also like saying ‘I’m sorry that we have a communication barrier, but this is something that helps us’. How does that sound?”

“It sounds better… But is it really?”

“Only if you make it sound better.” Shiro said, placing Keith’s phone in his hands. “Here. Just send him something simple.”

“Such as…?”

“Ask if you two can talk.”

Keith did as he was instructed, a large part of him not wanting to do this. He clicked his headphone jack into the input of his phone and began typing, placing both of the earbuds in his ears. 

His message read as follows:

_ ‘Hey, Lance. Can we talk?’ _

He got a reply almost instantly. 

_ ‘No.’ _

“See!” Keith showed the message he received to Shiro. “He doesn’t want to talk!”

“I think you should let your AI read  _ all _ of it. There’s more to what he said.”

“No.” Keith retorted. “He only said—”

“There are  _ two _ texts, Keith. Not just one.”

_ ‘We can’t talk. But we can text. There’s a difference.’ _

“Is he  _ seriously  _ using an attitude?”

Shiro laughed a little, amused by the start of this conversation between Keith and Lance. “Just talk to him.”

“Can you… I don’t want to sound rude… But can you leave?”

“Why…?”

“I want to be alone… When I talk this out…”

“No, silly. Why would that be rude?”

Keith didn’t know the answer. Was there an answer?

“It’s rhetorical.” Shiro said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. “I thought you’d get that.”

“Yeah, yeah. Fuck you too.”

Shiro couldn’t leave without annoying his brother once more. He tousled his hair and left, ignoring all of Keith’s negative and rude comments. 

Keith rolled his eyes. “He’s so fucking weird…”

Kosmo whined quietly, snuggling up next to Keith. 

“You’re not, though… You’re a good boy…”

For the next ten minutes, he and Lance talked it all out. The conversation was less than pleasant. 

_ ‘Lance, I’m sorry if I was rude yesterday.’ _

_ ‘You really don’t understand, do you?’ _

_ ‘No, I don’t. And I’m sorry.’ _

_ ‘I learned to talk, Keith! I learned to talk for you! And you just ignored it and yelled at me!’ _

_ ‘I’m sorry, Lance. I didn’t mean for it to sound like that. I don’t understand, that’s all…’ _

_ ‘Was it my pronunciation? Or do you really not understand the meaning of ILY??’ _

_ ‘It’s not you, Lance. It’s all me. I don’t understand love. My mother died when I was just a kid. I have trust issues and I’m not able to accept when people like me. In any way. I can’t accept myself or anyone around me. I push people away, and I’m so sorry I did the same thing to you. You don’t deserve it. That’s what I was trying to tell you yesterday. You don’t deserve the hate I carry. You deserve someone who can understand love and someone who can love you back without any issues.’ _

_ ‘You think that matters to me, don’t you?’ _

_ ‘It doesn’t…?’ _

_ ‘Of course it doesn’t! I’m in love with you Keith! I want to be your boyfriend!’ _

_ ‘All I’m saying is that I don’t understand what it’s like to be loved. Nor to love someone. Everyone in my life has, at some point, left or done something terrible to me. I’ve pushed people away so far that we can no longer connect.’ _

_ ‘Well maybe you should’ve said that before you yelled at me.’ _

_ ‘I wasn’t yelling at you.’ _

_ ‘You know I can’t tell the difference. Just like you can’t tell the difference between a smile and a frown.’ _

_ ‘I’m trying to apologize to you, idiot. But if you don’t want my apology, fine. Be that way.’ _

__ No reply. 

Keith got no reply from Lance. 

Had he acted too quickly? 

Or was this how they severed their ties?

But just as Keith began to give up, his phone buzzed quietly. 

_ ‘I want an apology.’ _

That was his reply. 

Keith thought it to be rather ominous in it’s vagueness and bluntness. 

_ ‘Then why are you fighting me?’ _

_ ‘Because you yelled at me.’ _

_ ‘I didn’t yell at you, Lance! You don’t even know what I said to you!’ _

_ ‘No, I don’t. But you can’t verbally tell me a whole speech and walk away like nothing happened.’ _

_ ‘What do you mean…?’ _

_ ‘What was I supposed to do, Keith?! Respond?! I only know how to say six words! Six! I had no clue what you said to me. It’s not fair for you to act like that was an acceptable way to act. You knew I couldn’t understand you. If what you had to say was so important, you wouldn’t have said it. You would have signed it. Or typed it out. Or something. You shouldn’t have spoken your words.’ _

__ A sense of regret and sorrow came over Keith. He  _ had  _ messed up. He  _ had _ acted wrongly. 

He didn’t want Lance to feel poorly about any of what happened yesterday. 

And so he apologized. 

He apologized to his friend in the best way he could. 

_ ‘I’m a total screw up. And before you skip to telling me how I’m not, hear me out. I heard you out yesterday, now it’s my turn. I act too quickly and never think about shit before I do it. Maybe that’s why I tried to kill myselft. I get all worked up and just let everything out at once. Sometimes I do little things here and there, but when it actually matters, I fuck up. I always do. I’m sorry I used my voice to tell you how I feel. I really am. It was wrong. It’d be as if you wrote something out and wanted me to read it. I’m blind, and obviously couldn’t. I’m sorry you couldn’t understand me yesterday. I didn’t mean for it to go like that, and I’m sure you wanted a better way for it to end too, right? And, if I’m correct, you wanted me to like you back. But that’s beside the point. I’m an idiot for not thinking about how there was no way you could hear my words, a coward for not thinking of a better way, and a total douche for not even trying to help you understand any of what I said. If you don’t like me anymore, or don’t want to hang out with me, that’s fine. I kind of shoved myself into your friend group anyway. Hell, I don’t even know if I’m ever getting out of here. They keep giving me more shit and telling me to stay for longer. What I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry for being so inconsiderate yesterday, and I understand if you can’t accept my apology.’ _

__ Lance replied rather quickly. 

_ ‘For someone who hates reading, you sure do like to text with paragraphs.’ _

__ Despite the tense situation at hand, Keith couldn’t help but laugh a little a Lance’s response. It was clear that Lance’s intention was to lighten the mood. It was no secret that he was, without a doubt, always looking for some way to keep a conversation positive. Or at least neutral. 

_ ‘You asked for an apology. Take it or leave it.’ _

_ ‘I’ll take it, but I’m still mad about you yelling at me… I don’t want to sound like I’m not accepting your apology. I am… But I’m still upset about it all…’ _

_ ‘Oh… That’s okay… I deserve it.’ _

_ ‘It’s not that you deserve it. I’ve been talked at so many times. It hurts. I’m sure you know why.’ _

_ ‘Sort of…’ _

__ Keith didn’t know what made him send his next message. He didn’t know why he sent it. He just did. It was like his subconscious controlled him instead of his conscience. 

_ ‘Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?’ _

_ ‘You could learn some ASL.’ _

_ ‘Communicating in a visual language seems kind of counterintuitive for me, don’t you think?’ _

_ ‘Sure, but I learned to talk, so what’s your excuse?’ _

_ ‘I guess I don’t have one…’ _

_ ‘I can teach you some. I’ll even learn tactical ASL. We can both learn it.’ _

_ ‘What the hell is that?’ _

_ ‘ASL, but for blind people.’ _

_ ‘I’ll think about it.’ _

__ Lance didn’t reply right away. And it wasn’t because he was at a loss for words. Keith figured that out right away. It was because he was typing out a rather long message. At least one that wasn’t a simple one or two sentence reply. 

_ ‘Going back to yesterday… I really do like you Keith. I don’t know how you feel about me, but I learned to talk for you. I can’t bear to see you so sad and glum all the time. It hurts me. It hurts me so much that I can nded up physically hurting my own sister. I got so mad and frustrated. And when you talked at me I think I lost it. I lost all sense of calm. It took me a while to figure it all out, but I like you. I know that now. I know why it upsets me so much. Because… I like you. Like-like you. You know?’ _

_ ‘I think so…’ _

_ ‘You don’t have to respond now… Or ever… But I just wanted you to know that. I do love you. And it’s so weird to say. I know love and acceptance is hard for you, but I am always here. No matter what you need. I’m your friend… I’ll always have your back. Just like you had mine a few weeks ago. Also… Sorry Veronica yelled at your brother. She gets pretty protective of me sometimes.’ _

  
  
  


_ **** _

  
  
  


Lance lay down in a prone position on his bed. He had been texting back and forth between Keith for some time now. He wasn’t quite sure where the conversation would go now. Keith wasn’t much of a talker, and Lance feared that he would stop responding. He had told Keith some very important information and just needed some sort of response. 

But every time the thought bubble appeared on his screen, it went away almost immediately. 

Keith wasn’t replying. Either because he didn’t know what to say, or because he didn’t want to. 

This worried Lance. He wanted this conversation to end soon, and he needed it to end well. He didn’t want to be left hanging. That could not happen. He wouldn’t let that happen. 

But suddenly, a tiny notification popped up on his phone. The device had gone to sleep after being unused for a few minutes. Though it was just a tiny banner, Lance’s heart skipped a beat when he read the words. 

He hurried to his feet, tripping over the pile of textbooks on the floor by the foot of his bed. This sudden action started Blue, who lifted her head to see what on earth caused such a ruckus. 

‘Sorry, Blue.’ Lance signed. ‘I’m okay. Go back to sleep.’

Picking himself up off the floor, Lance ran into the bathroom between his and Rachel’s room. Her door was, as always, open. But she wasn’t in her room. She wasn’t at her desk, nor was she sitting on her bed. 

His brain acted quickly, and he was downstairs in an instant. 

Rachel was at the kitchen counter, talking to her father about who knows what. 

Lance didn’t want to interrupt their conversation, but he  _ needed _ Rachel. 

She noticed his presence instantly, and tried calling him over. But when she saw him shake his head and bekon her to him, she responded quickly. She paused the conversation with her father, met Lance at the foot of the stairs and followed him up to his room. 

‘What happened?’ Rachel asked as she took a seat at her brother’s desk. ‘You look like you saw a ghost.’

Not knowing how exactly to tell her what happened, he pulled up the conversation between him and Keith and showed her the phone screen. 

‘You’re kidding, right?’ She asked, her mouth gaping open with surprise. 

Lance shook his head multiple times. ‘No, I’m not. It’s real. He sent that.’

‘Holy shit.’ Rachel put the phone down on the desk next to her. ‘Lance, I don’t even know what to say. That’s…’ She looked to her brother, to the phone, and then back to Lance. ‘That’s amazing. I’m so proud of you. And happy for you.’

Lance began smiling. His happiest smile. He hadn’t smiled like this in a while, but he knew his entire body was filled to the brim with joy. 

The message Keith sent back was simple. And short. 

It was only six words. The same amount of words Lance knew how to say. 

Was that a coincidence? Or had Keith done it purposely?

Even though it was a simplistic message, it’s meaning was grand. 

_ ‘I think I like you too.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> B r u h. Imagine if I only gave you all 40 chapters, this would be it.   
> But I didn’t! Because I’m cool.   
> I knew 40 chapters wasn’t enough.   
> And even though things are actually going in a positive direction, remember that life has ups and downs. We’ll get to the end soon, but now after a few more bumps in the road. Because cliches of where everything just turns positive suck and that’s not realistic.  
> You’re welcome:)
> 
> Anyway, sorry for the delay. I was a bit busy this weekend and (accidentally) forgot to publish this on Friday. But you have it now :D
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading.   
> ~Picci


	41. Chapter 41

“Like this…?” Keith asked as he tried to sign his name.

After he and Lance had come to an agreement over their feelings, Rachel and Lance had visited Keith for an hour every day to teach him ASL. Although Keith wasn’t a fan of the lessons, he couldn’t deny that it felt good to be able to communicate with his friend.

Today was Saturday. Keith had sat through two lessons from some of the worst teachers in the world. Rachel was bad at explaining, and Lance, well he wasn’t all to great at it either.

But Keith had learned quite a bit. He didn’t know the alphabet all that well, but he did know how to sign ‘hello’ , ‘how are you?’ , ‘what’s your name?’ , and ‘it’s nice to meet you’.Much better than he ever could before. He also knew ‘thank you’ and you’re welcome’.

Rachel let out a little snicker. Clearly, Keith’s fingerspelling was wrong. “No. It’s a ‘K’. Like this.” She positioned Keith’s fingers to form the ASL ‘K’. “And ‘T’ is like this.” She did the same to show him how to sign ‘T’. “You spelled ‘A-E-I-R-H’. Which, obviously isn’t a word.”

“I’m so sorry, Lance.” Keith tried to sign his apology, spelling out the word ‘sorry’ and pointing to Lance. “I’m not good at Sign Language.”

“Hey, it’s fine.” Rachel said. “You’re trying. That’s better than nothing.”

Lance took ahold of Keith’s hands, making sure he could feel and make out the signs he would do, before he fingerspelled, ‘Hello, Keith.’ He also said ‘Keith’ aloud. It was, out of all of the words he knew, his favorite.

“Try saying ‘Hello. My name is Keith.’” Rachel suggested. “But this time, remember how to sign your name.”

Keith nodded, and did as she said. “Hello…” He signed as he spoke. He found it easier to remember his signs if he said them aloud to himself as he performed them. “My name is… K-e-i-t-h. Keith.”

“Lance is giving you his celebratory jazz hands, by the way.” Rachel said in an amused tone.

“Oh. Well, thank you, Lance.” Keith spelled out ‘thank you’, although it took him a while since it wasn’t as familiar to him. He then quickly signed the word like he had been taught, just incase his spelling was off. To try and make his friend happy, he even copied Lance’s motions, doing his own little jazz hands. “Yay. Go me.”

“You sound and look like the opposite of happy, but that’s fine. We’ll work on your facial expressions.”

“Oh right… I forgot about expressions…”

Lance took Keith’s right hand in his and gently positioned his fingers to create a sign.

“What does that mean?” Keith asked.

“I love you.” Lance spoke his words softly.

“How is this ‘I love you’?”

“Remember the alphabet?” Rachel asked. “It’s basically ‘ILY’ all as one sign.”

With a tiny bit of curiosity, Keith tried to sign the abbreviated version of ‘I love you’. It wasn’t easy, but he got there in the end. “I… L… Y…. Oh. Wow. That’s actually kind of neat…”

“That was actually one of the first signs Lance learned. At least, that’s what our parents say.”

Keith didn’t mean to skim over Rachel’s words. He simply got distracted.“How do you sign dog?”

“Ask Lance.”

“How…?”

“It’s ‘sign’ then fingerspell the word, and then ask ‘how?’.”

“Okay…” Keith slowly brought both of his hands together and tried to ask his question. He practically guessed on how to say ‘sign’ in ASL, but he assumed Lance would understand his question. Or Rachel would help him out at some point.

Lance positioned Keith’s right hand to form the sign, and then fingerspelled the word.

“Dog?” Keith asked, showing the sign to Rachel.

“You look like you’re pointing a gun at me. Don’t tilt your hand too much.”

“Oops…”

“It’s okay.” Lance said kindly. He took ahold of Keith’s hands and signed to him. “You okay.”

Keith didn’t know what Lance had signed, but his voice was enough to know he was happy. “Thank you…” He signed the words slowly, forcing himself to smile.

“You still don’t understand affection and congratulatory words, do you?”

“What?”

“Lance said you don’t know how to take compliments.”

“Not really… Although… It’s not that simple… But yeah…”

“You know, that's fine. It doesn’t matter, really. Just smile and try to sign words to Lance and he’ll be fine.”

***

“I want to go home…” Keith mumbled, rolling onto his side.

“I want you to go home too.” Shiro told him. He took a seat on the makeshift bed, the leather cover making a terrible noise as he did so. “But they said this will be your last week.”

“I don’t care what they say… I’ve been here for too long…”

“Yeah, I know…”

Sighing, Keith forced himself into a sitting position. “I’m so bored… And tired of this place.”

“Well it’s almost three o’clock, which means your gaggle of friends is coming soon.”

“Lance isn’t coming.”

“What? Why?” Shiro immediately asked. “Did something happen between the two of you?”

“Yeah, my ‘relationship’ lasted four days.”

“Oh… Keith I’m really sorry about that.”

“I’m kidding…!” Keith told Shiro quickly. “I promise you, I’m kidding. Lance just has some sort of appointment. I think it’s for his hearing and speech? I don’t know. He doesn’t want to go though.”

“Why not?”

Keith shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s Lance. He doesn’t want aids. And he is adamant about learning to talk to just me. Not to anyone else.”

“Wait… Only to you?”

Keith nodded. “Pidge and Hunk don’t know that he can talk. I’m the only non family member who knows.”

“That’s kind of special.” Shiro commented.

“I guess so…”

“You don’t think so?”

Keith shrugged slightly. “I’m still not sure I’m okay with this whole thing… You know?”

“No… Not really.”

“Well…” Keith let out a sigh as he shrugged again. “I just don’t… I don’t know what I am… And I feel like I’m forcing myself into this.”

“Well that’s not good.” Shiro said, giving a nervous chuckle. “Have you thought about telling Lance?”

Keith shook his head.

“If you’re having second thoughts… You need to tell him.”

“I know…! But how?! I can’t really tell him anything. I mean… I can… but it feels weird. I already told him I like him, and it would be wrong to back out now.”

“Not exactly. You can tell him that you’re not sure about your identity and want to have a week or so to think it over.”

Again, Keith shrugged. “And what if that really upsets him? I don’t want to hurt him any more than I have. I really fucked up that day and I can’t hurt him anymore. He’s got enough shit to deal with.”

“Maybe… But you’ll hurt him more if you carry this on much longer and then tell him how you feel.”

“But it’s not how I feel! I don’t—” Keith cut himself off, speaking softer when he finished his thought. “I don’t know how I feel…”

“How so…?”

Keith shrugged slowly and sighed. “I don’t know, Shiro… I can’t fathom how anyone could like me, and I don’t know if I even like anyone. Not in that way. I’ve never even touched myself.”

“Okay. Hold on.” Shiro let put a small sigh. He wasn’t mad, but instead, he didn’t understand Keith’s logic. “Touching yourself has nothing to do with your sexuality. If it did, then the majority of the population would be gay. Second of all, do you know the difference between friendship and love… ship…?”

“Love-ship isn’t a word. And no. I don’t. I’m probably too depressed to know anyway.”

“Love is… At least for me… It’s a feeling that just feels good. You’re happy around friends, but when you meet someone who you love, or are with them, you… I don’t know how to phrase it exactly, but you feel so happy and good inside.”

“I don’t ever ‘feel good inside’. And I mean ever.”

“Do you ever feel better than your norm?”

“Maybe? I’m not sure.”

“You really need to talk to Lance about this.”

“I can’t, Shiro!” Keith snapped. “I can’t tell him how I feel because I don’t know how I feel!”

“Then tell him you don’t know how you feel. Tell him you want to make something work, but you just don’t know if you can. You’re confused, and not just about who you are. He needs to know…”

Keith shrugged. He wasn’t sure if he could do that, nor if he even wanted to. “And what if I fuck things up even more…?”

“If you being honest fucks things up, then maybe Lance isn’t the best option. I had to be very straightforward with Curtis and tell him that you are always my top priority. He knows that, and is fine with it. If you tell Lance that you want to take things slolwy, and his response is to fuck off and ditch you, then he’s obviously not the best option.”

“I appreciate the anecdote, but I’m not worried about Lance ‘fucking off’, as you said.”

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t want him to feel worse about all of this. We already had that misunderstanding and it’s… It’s weird. I don’t want to make him feel badly about coming out or anything like that, because I know how hard it was for you, and I can’t hurt him. Not after what he’s been through…”

Shiro let out a small sigh, not an angered or tired sigh, but a content one. “Want to know what I think?”

Slowly, Keith nodded.

“I think that you do like him. Either as a friend or romantically. If you care about his feelings and his circumstances, then you do care about him.”

For a moment or two, the room was silent.

Keith was pondering Shiro’s words when another thought entered his mind. One that was completely different than the others he had had before.

“Hey, Shiro… Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Have you thought about the surgery? To fix my eyesight?”

“Not really. Have you?”

Keith nodded. “I think I really want to go through with it. I’m tired of everything being black. I can’t even remember what you look like.”

“Oh…”

Based on Shiro’s tone, Keith prepared himself for bad news. He knew better than to get his hopes up, but something about being able to see really egged him on to think about it in a positive way.

“Keith, I’m really sorry…”

“It’s a no isn’t it…?”

“Well…” Shiro paused to sigh and gather his thoughts. “We can’t afford it. After this long stay, we don’t really have a whole lot of money left.”

“What do you mean?”

“Medical bills aren’t exactly cheap.”

“Great… So I fucked something else up.”

“No, that’s not it at all. This wasn’t your doing. It’s just how they do things here. Plus. it costs a lot of money to fix just one part of the body, doing it twice just doubles the price. Even without all of this, we probably couldn’t afford it.”

“Yeah… I get it…”

***

“Hey, hey, Keith!” Hunk’s happy and friendly tone broke the silence of Keith’s room, causing him to smile.

“Hey, Hunk. Is it just you?”

“No.” He answered. “Pidge is here, they’re just dawdling because they’re on their phone.”

Keith gave a tiny laugh to his friend’s comment. “That’s Pidge for you. Always got their nose stuck in some sort of technology.”

“Yeah!” Hunk said with a laugh. “They’re like Belle, but instead of reading books, it’s playing video games.”

“Hey!” Pidge snapped. “I am not a princess. I am, at least, a queen.”

“Okay, you two. That’s enough banter for one day. Your bickering makes my head hurt.”

“Since when are you our dad?” Pidge whined.

“I’m the oldest, thus the widest.”

“That’s not how life works…” They mumbled in response. “But fine.”

“Anyway…!” Hunk began. “How’s life here at the hospital?”

“Shitty. How’s Lance?”

“He’s alright.” Hunk answered. “Although, he’s kind of pissed right now because his parents won’t leave him alone about hearing aids and cochlear implants.”

“Doesn’t he… Not want them…?” Keith asked hesitantly.”

“Oh yeah.” Pidge was the one to answer, rather animated too. “He does not want any sort of hearing equipment. He hates the idea of using them. But his parents want him to use them. Now more than ever.”

“That might be my fault…”

“What?” Both Hunk and Pidge asked in unison.

“I mean. I’m here, and maybe they want him to communicate with me or something.” Keith had to keep himself from outing himself and Lance. They had agreed to keep their relationship private unless one of them slipped. And Keith would not be the one to slip.

“I guess so…” Hunk thought for a moment, humming quietly. “I wouldn’t put it past them. They’re really kind people, always looking out for their kids and their kids’ friends.”

“Really?” Keith asked. “I always thought they hated me…”

“You?!” Pidge asked in disbelief. “No way! They love you! They always ask about you.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“They do!” Pidge wasn’t backing down on their statement. “Rosa has asked us about you many times.”

“Who the fuck is Rosa?”

“Lance’s mom.” Pidge said in a monotone voice. “You didn’t know what her name was?”

“Apparently not.”

“Wow…”

The room went silent.

Keith was, in his own way, embarrassed for not knowing the names of his friend’s parents, especially since both Hunk and Pidge seemed to know each other’s parents’ names.

But he pushed his embarrassment to the back of his mind, instead, trying to mention something positive.

“I get to go home on Friday.”

“Really?!” Hunk asked in excitement. “That’s awesome!”

“Thanks, Hunk.” Keith said with a tiny smile. “I’m ready to get out of this place.”

“I bet!” Pidge said, adding to the positivity in the room. “Are you going to go to school that day or take a chill day at home?”

“I’m discharged midday, so I’m probably just going home.”

“That makes sense. Are you going to be up for game night?” Hunk asked thoughtfully.

“Probably not. I’ll most likely just sleep for a few hours. You know, getting used to my apartment again.”

“Well,” Pidge began, “we will certainly be glad to have you back at Meadview. It’s boring without our emo, art enthusiast, blind friend.”

“You said a total of one positive things about me just then.”

“It’s not like you do much other than art, dude.”

“Yeah, but you could’ve mentioned the fact that I have a dog, or the fact that I have good taste in music, a pretty okay sense of humor, and… Um… Okay, fine. I’m a negative person.”

“Nah. You’re not negative.” Pidge told him kindly. “You just… Don’t talk much about your positive side. And that’s actually okay.”

“Yeah, man.” Hunk chimed in. “We like you. And who cares if the only positive things people know about you are your art and Kosmo. Those are pretty cool things.”

“Kosmo is a guide dog, though.” Keith said.

“So?” Pidge asked. “Bae-Bae is just about the stupidest dog I know, but she’s sweet and loyal. It doesn’t matter their purpose. A dog’s a dog.”

Shrugging, Keith said, “I guess… Poor Kosmo is going to spend his entire life guiding my negative ass around.”

“What about the surgery?” Pidge asked in curiosity. “Did you hear anything about that?”

Keith gave a sarcastic laugh. “Funny you ask. I just learned that we can’t even afford the surgery.”

“Oh… Keith, I’m sorry to hear that.” Hunk told him sympathetically. “But if there’s a positive to any of this, you wouldn’t have to readjust to anything.”

For a second, Keith wasn’t sure if that was positive or not, but when he felt himself smile, he knew Hunk was, in an odd way, right. “Yeah, that's definitely true. Thanks, Hunk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Learning a new language is hard, now imagine if you can’t even be sure your hands are positioned correctly ( ´･Д･`)  
> Crazy .  
> But he’s learning. Keith is learning some ASL.  
> Honestly, I was thinking about putting in some tactile ASL but I don’t know enough about it and don’t want to get things wrong.  
> And no, I did not just sneak in the bit about the surgery. That’s actually supposed to be just a tiny bit of conversation. And it will also come up later ;)
> 
> As always, thanks for reading. If you told me in July I’d have this many kudos on an impulsively written Klance fanfic based off of an A Silent Voice redraw, I’d call you insane. But here we are!!!  
> Thank you all sooooo much!
> 
> ~Picci


	42. Chapter 42

“See-woe!” The toddler shrieked with excitement when he saw his brother enter the house. “See-woe!” He called to his brother again, bolting from the living room to the front door. Mere seconds passed before he was gripping his brother’s waist tightly with his tiny, chubby hands and short arms. 

“Hey, Keith.” Shiro was, as always, happy to see his baby brother. “I missed you too.”

Keith let go after one last squeeze, and ran into the living room. He returned quickly with a piece of printer paper. “Look! I made a drawing!”

“Oh, wow…! That’s so good…!” Shiro always praised his brother’s work. Even if it wasn’t all that great. His parents taught him it was better to encourage him to draw more, rather than to correct, or criticize him. 

“Takashi.” 

“Yes, Mom…?” Shiro looked over his shoulder to see his mother giving him a disappointed look. 

“Shoes off. You’re going to track mud all over the place.”

Shiro gave a nervous smile, slipped off his shoes and looked up to her for some sort of approval. 

“Thank you.” She said, as she kissed the top of his head. “Go on. Go see what he’s been up to.”

But Keith had other ideas. He was no longer interested in showing off his artwork to his brother. He wanted to see his mom now. “Mama…!” Keith dropped the piece of paper on the floor and ran the few feet towards his mother. “Mama…! You came back!” 

He was so distracted that he didn’t even notice Shiro pick up the drawing and try to hand it back to him. 

His mother gave a quiet laugh as she knelt down in front of him. “You knew I would. I just went out for a bit. I had to grab some food for tonight, and to pick up Takashi from school.”

“See-woe!” Keith corrected. “His name is She-woe.”

“Shiro.” His mother corrected him in a kind tone. “I know you call him that, but I have always called him Takashi. That’s the name I gave him. Just like I gave you the name Keith.” Gently, she tapped his nose, an affectionate gesture she had done since he was an infant. 

Keith threw his arms around his mother’s back hugging her as tightly as he could. Which, given his age and size, wasn’t tight at all. “I missed you, Mama…”

“I know you did. But I wasn’t gone  _ that  _ long. Just an hour or two.”

Keith shook his head. “That’s too long.”

That caused her to laugh again. “You think five seconds without me is a long time. What are we going to do when you go to school? You’re going to be without me for a while. Are you sure you’ll be able to handle that?”

Quickly, the toddler nodded. “Mhm! I can do it. Because…” He trailed off, thinking for a reason. “Because you’re here. And when I come home, I can see you.”

“And what if I’m at work?” She asked playfully. 

“You’re always with me.” He said. “Right? That’s what you say. You say you’re always with me.”

“Yeah. I do say that. And where am I?”

“Here…” Keith mumbled, placing his palm to his heart. “Always.”

She nodded slowly. “I will always be in your heart. And it makes me very happy to know that you remember that.” She kissed his forehead and turned him to face Shiro. “Now, why don’t you go show Takashi all of your pretty drawings?”

“You come too?”

“If you want me to, I’ll gladly follow you.”

Keith gave an adorable smile and ran into the living room. “Wait…” He mumbled to himself. “Where’s Kosmo?”

“Kosmo…?” His mother and brother asked in sync. 

“Kosmo! My doggy! I can’t find him!” 

Shiro looked to the paper in his hands and asked, “Is this Kosmo?”

Looking to his brother, Keith nodded quickly. “You found him! Thank you!” 

Shiro handed the drawing back to Keith who immediately gave it back to Shiro. “That’s Kosmo! See? He’s my doggy. He’s all black, and he’s really fluffy. And he has pretty blue eyes.”

“Really?” His mother asked, looking at the drawing. It was hard to make out, but if one tried, they could make out a dog-like shape. “How big is he?”

“He’s a big doggy!” Keith answered with loads of enthusiasm. “Taller than me!”

Keith was short —very short for his age— and for him, anything taller than him was ‘very tall’. 

“He could knock you over if he’s too big.” Shiro teased. 

“No he can’t.”

“How come?” His mother asked.

“Because Kosmo is a good doggy! He doesn’t bite and he doesn’t hurt  _ anyone _ . Even Daddy would like Kosmo.”

“That’s quite the dog.” His mother thought aloud. “Do you think we’ll be able to find one like him?”

Keith nodded. “Mhm! Or he’ll find me. We’re…” Keith trailed off again. He couldn’t think of the word he wanted. “We’re…” He linked his index fingers together and held them up to his mother and brother. “We’re like that!”

“Connected?” Shiro asked. 

“Yeah!” Keith said, even though he didn’t know what the word meant. “We’re con-net-ted.”

“Well. Why don’t you keep Kosmo in your heart. Just like how you keep me, Takashi and your father in your heart. One day you’ll find him. I promise.”

Keith nodded quickly. “Yes, Mama.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“Where are we going…?” Keith asked in a tired voice. “I’m sleepy…” He stretched and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. 

“We’re going to the hospital.” His father informed. “To see Mama.”

Keith leaned forward in his car seat and looked to Shiro. “Shiro… Are we really?”

Shiro, who was gazing out the window at the time of the question only nodded. He didn’t turn to his brother, nor say anything in response. 

“Daddy? Is Shiro okay? He’s really quiet.”

“He’s alright.” His father said. “I bet he’s just tired. Like you and I are.”

Giving a little nod, Keith settled in his car seat again. Looking out the window, he tried to copy his brother. He tried to copy his posture, his breathing and his calm composure. At least, he thought Shiro was calm. 

But his attempts were futile. Like any young child, Keith couldn’t sit still for long. He was only three after all. 

“When is Mama coming home?”

“Soon.”

“You always say that…” Keith moaned, folding his arms and pouting. “You said that long ago. And Mama still isn’t home.”

“Well, her condition keeps changing. They said she should come home soon.”

Keith didn’t like his father’s response. “But I miss Mama…! I want her home…! Why can’t she be home…?” As he asked his question, he started to whimper. Keith was, as most children, very attached to his mother. But his attachment was on a whole other level. He  _ hated _ being anywhere without her. She and him had a routine. He  _ needed _ her with him. 

“Mom will come home soon…” Shiro told Keith in a kind tone. “I’m sure she will.”

“But she’s been gone for forever…”

Shiro shrugged slowly. “Well… Sometimes people get sick… And they don’t get better for a while. You were pretty sick when you were a baby. Remember how Mom and Dad told you that?”

Slowly Keith nodded. 

“Since you were born early, and because you were sick, you didn’t come home for a long time.”

“But Mama isn't a baby.”

“People get sick all the time… It doesn’t matter how old they are.”

“Promise Mama is coming home…”

Shiro was hesitant to answer his brother’s request. He knew their mother wasn’t ‘sick’. And he knew why they were going to see her tonight. But when he saw how sad and worried Keith looked, he had to say something. “I want her to come home too. But I can’t promise that, because I’m not a doctor. But I know they’re doing everything to make her better.”

The car ride was long. Very long. Almost a whole hour. Keith couldn’t sit still for the whole ride, and got very fidgety. He did, at one point, have a temper tantrum which he insisted was  _ not _ because he was tired. Shiro and their father, however, knew that Keith was so upset and fidgety because he  _ was _ tired. It was almost seven o’clock by the time they arrived at the hospital, and that was way past Keith’s bedtime. The sun had set an hour ago, and even with the winter season shortening daylight, Keith normally went to bed hours before the sun set. 

The first thing Keith did when he exited the car was find Shiro and hold onto his hand. 

“What does that say…?” Keith asked, pointing to an illuminated sign. 

“It says…” Shiro paused, looking to the sign for a moment before putting the letters into spoken words. “It says ‘Emergency’ with and arrow telling someone where to go, and then ‘In-Patient’ and that has an arrow too.”

“What’s in-pay-sent?”

“That’s where people stay who are sick, like Mom.”

“But Mama is getting better, right?”

Shiro didn’t answer his little brother’s question. Not truthfully. So he lied, to make him feel better. “I think so.”

Keith was three years old. His brother was ten. It was late December, and Keith believed that his mother would be home by New Years. He, however, wasn’t privy to the knowledge that his brother and father were. Both of them knew exactly what was wrong. And both of them knew that Keith’s mother was not coming home. 

But none of them had the heart to tell a three year old that his mother was dying of cancer. Nor that she had been battling it for a few years. No one could bear to see the look on his face. No one had the courage to explain it to him and then learn and cope with his reaction. 

For Keith, his mother was ‘sick’. She would get better and there was no question that she would. Keith was far too young to comprehend medicine and biology, so ‘sick’ was the only term he was given. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Keith sat at the top of the stairs, holding tightly to his favorite plush toy, a dog. It had been his since he was only a few days old. 

With his right hand, he held onto the soft fur of the plush dog, and with his left, he held onto the lowest part on the railing of the banister. 

He had been without his mother for over a week now. It had taken Keith almost all of that time to not only understand that his mother was  _ not _ coming home, but also for him to accept it. He didn’t want to believe that he would never see his mother again. He couldn’t believe that. And it didn’t help that his brother and father were both grieving, and thus accidentally ignoring him. 

“Keith.” Shiro’s tired voice came from behind the toddler. “It’s way past your bedtime.”

“But I’m not sleepy.” Keith whispered, turning his head over his shoulder to look at his brother. 

Shiro sighed, walked over to Keith and picked him up. “You’re going to bed because I am too.”

Keith squirmed in his brother’s arms, trying to break free. He wasn’t tired. At least, that’s what he thought. He was interested in the conversation going on downstairs, and he needed to hear more of it. It wasn’t time for bed yet. Not in his mind.

“Fine.” Shiro mumbled, putting his brother back on the floor. “But don’t come crying to me when you get in trouble.”

Keith crossed his arms, childishly stuck out his tongue and marched back to the top of the stairs. 

Sitting back down, he placed his forehead on the railing, which would eventually create a small, yet red indent on his skin. But that was the least of his worries. 

He listened to his father, and even though he didn’t completely understand every word, he was mesmerized by it. He had to listen to every word. 

“I don’t know what to do, Ellie.” His father said, his voice quiet with his own sorrow. “The boys need a mother. I can’t raise them by myself.”

“I know…” Ellie said in return. “She was a wonderful woman…”

Ellie was a coworker of Keith’s father. She had watched both Keith and Shiro for hours on end whenever their parents were out. Keith loved Ellie and her company. She was kind to him and to Shiro. She looked after them and always made the two of them smile. 

But she wasn’t here to make them happy this time. She was here to talk to Keith’s father about his late mother. Keith knew that. 

“Keith is barely three years old…” His father muttered. “You should’ve seen the look on his face when he left her room that day. He was so sure he’d see her again. And then… And then he never did. None of us did…”

“But she went peacefully, right?” Ellie asked, knowing the answer was yes. “She didn’t want you to watch her get worse. It was, I believe, the right thing to do.”

“How am I supposed to explain that to a toddler?” He asked. “How can I look him in the eyes and tell him his mother is  _ gone _ . That she’s  _ never _ coming home.”

Ellie sighed quietly. “He knows she isn’t coming home. Keith is a smart boy. You know he is.”

“He’s also highly dependent on his mother...” 

Slowly, Keith crept down the stairs, making as little noise as possible. 

“He’ll be okay.” Ellie said reassuringly. “Keith has you and Shiro to look after him. And you know I am  _ always _ available if you ever need an extra hand.”

“But none of us are  _ her _ . He was so happy when he was with her. Both of them. She meant  _ everything  _ to them. And now she’s gone…”

Keith took another step, jumping when the floorboards creaked beneath his feet. 

Both Ellie and his father turned to face the stairway.

“Hey, Keith.” Ellie said, using her cheerful tone like she always did with Keith and Shiro. “You should be up in your room, fast asleep like your brother, shouldn’t you?”

“Shiro’s not asleep.” Keith said bluntly. 

Quickly, Shiro ran down the stairs and grabbed Keith’s hand. “Sorry, Ellie. Sorry, Dad.” Shiro apologized immediately. “I tried to get him to go to bed, but he wouldn’t. I told him not to disturb you two, but he  _ doesn’t listen _ .”

Keith pulled away from his brother, jumping down the last two stairs and ran towards his father. 

Without giving anyone time to react, Keith climbed into his father’s lap and burst into tears. He was both tired and confused. Confused as to why his father was so sad, why  _ everyone  _ around him was so sad. No one told him much more than his mother was ‘gone’ and ‘isn’t coming home’. But no one said much more than that. 

“Keith…” His father said softly, picking up the child and holding him gently. “Ellie is right, it’s way past your bedtime. You know you get moody when you stay up too late.”

Shaking his head, Keith coughed and sniffled, burying his forehead into his father’s chest. “I miss Mama!” He cried, tears streaming down his little chubby cheeks. “I miss Mama!” He cried again, hugging his father as tightly as he could.

“I know you do…” His father said, stroking Keith’s short black hair. “I know you miss her… We all do.”

Keith shook his head, still crying. “Why can’t she come home?! It’s not fair!”

“Because she’s  _ dead _ !” Shiro yelled. “How many times do we have to tell you?! Mom  _ died _ !”

“Takashi!”

“You can’t call me that!” Shiro yelled back. “Only Mom can. But seeing as she’s dead, then  _ nobody _ can.”

“You’re my  _ son _ . If I want to call you Takashi, I will.”

“いいえ、あなたはできない !” Shiro told his father. He knew his father didn’t know much Japanese, but that didn’t matter to him. “傷つけるのはお前だけじゃない ! 私も傷ついてる...バカ...” 

Before anyone could say anything else, Shiro ran upstairs and away from everyone else. “あなたのことが大嫌い !” He yelled before slamming the door of his bedroom shut behind him. 

Keith looked up to his father, his eyes were still full of tears. “What did he say…?”

“Nothing…” His father answered. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does too!” Keith retorted, sliding off his father’s lap and running upstairs. He tripped over his own feet multiple times, earning himself quite a few rug burns. 

His knees stung with pain, but little three year old Keith needed to talk to his brother. He loved Shiro, as brothers should. And he didn’t like when he and their father yelled at one another. 

The last thing any of them need now is an argument. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mwahahaha. Angst!! Haha!  
> Jk this stuff is sad.  
> I’m sorry I don’t give Keith’s parents names or descriptions. :(  
> I know it’s a flash back/memory, but Keith doesn’t remember much about his parents’ appearance, so I thought it’d be a good idea to not give descriptions.  
> If you want a translation of what Shiro said, I shall tell you.  
> (my japanese is also subpar so the grammar might not he correct)  
> Smol Shiro is mad that his dad called him by his first name, so he tells him ‘no, you can’t’ and tells him that his father can’t call him Takashi. He calls him ‘stupid’, runs off and says he hates his dad.  
> BTW, his dad doesn’t know much Japanese. He knows enough to understand the gist of what Shiro said, but he leaves it be because he thinks Shiro just needs space.
> 
> ALSO:  
> I will be posting a comic version of SoD soon!! Follow my art account on Instagram, @ piccihats  
> I'd love the support!
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I hope the grammar isn’t too bad :(((((
> 
> ~Picci


	43. Chapter 43

“Yay! Keith’s back!” Pidge announced to themself as Keith took a seat in their car. “We’ve missed you  _ so  _ much.”

Keith shrugged slightly, forcing a smile. “Thanks?”

“What happened with Shiro? He didn’t bail on you did he?”

Keith shook his head. “No. I actually wanted a ride from a friend. That’s all.”

“Aw, you’re so kind.”

“Something like that.”

Monday. Keith’s first day back at school after nearly two and a half weeks of being hospitalized. He was glad to be home, but he wasn’t sure if he was all too happy about going back to school. People would ask him where he had been, if he was okay, and numerous other questions he didn’t want to answer.

Shiro was going to drop him off at school today, but Keith, for whatever reason, wanted to go with a friend this morning. Even he didn’t know why. 

“Oh! Guess what!” Pidge exclaimed suddenly, their voice full of enthusiasm and excitement. 

“What ...?” Keith asked hesitantly. 

“Spencer got suspended!”

“What?!”

“Yeah! He got suspended. The week after you ‘got sick’ as the administration told everyone, he got called in to the office and got a week’s worth of ISS and a weeks worth of at home suspension.”

“Why?”

“Administration thinks he’s the cause of your actions. They thought that the fight between him and us caused you to… You know… So they suspended him for putting another student’s life in danger.”

“Oh… That’s serious then…”

“Yeah! But it’s great, right?”

“How is it great?”

“He’s getting what he deserves!”

“Sure… But it wasn’t his fault. It’s not right to blame him for my attempted suicide. That was a long running plan. I had been thinking of that for years…”

“But Spencer tipped you over the edge, right?”

“No. He didn’t. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“You don’t actually have sympathy for him, do you?! Do you have  _ any _ idea what he’s done to us?!”

“That’s not what I’m saying! All I’m saying is that he can’t be blamed for my suicidal actions! It’s wrong and he doesn’t deserve it.”

“You don’t even know half of what he’s done to me…”

That got Keith’s attention. 

Their tone was so disappointed and disgusted that even Keith couldn’t pass it over. 

“What do you mean…?”

“Ever since I started middle school he’s been trying to drag me down. Every day, he shot me down. He made fun of me for enjoying learning, called me a nerd, pushed me around, shoved me into lockers, physically and emotionally hurt me, and even locked me in utility cabinets. He deserves everything he gets.”

“I’m sorry… I didn’t know…”

“No one ever knows… I’m too smart for my own good, so the teachers ignore me, and my classmates hate me.”

“I don’t hate you…” Keith quietly said. “I definitely don’t hate you. And neither do Hunk and Lance. Shiro likes you, a lot actually. He likes how much you love learning. And Kosmo likes you too. You’re better at being a dog person around him than I am, and he’s not even your dog. You don’t have to be liked by everyone… I learned that the hard way…”

Pidge sighed loudly, groaning as they did so. “You’re right… I’m sorry… I’ve been in a worse mood lately.”

“Can I ask why…?”

“I had to switch meds since the old kind stopped accepting my parents’ insurance or something. That was last month. I haven’t been on the meds for two weeks now…”

“Which meds?” Keith asked. “Anxiety or antidepressants?”

“Neither.”

“Wait… Then what medications?” Keith was rather confused. He was sure the only medications they were on were some sort of anxiety or antidepressant medications. 

“They’re like hormones… But they’re supposed to stop my cycle.”

“You mean your menstrual cycle?”

“Wow I’m actually surprised you knew. It took Lance about ten minutes to get it.” Their voice was filled with sarcasm. Pide was clearly not themselves. 

“So… If you don’t have them… Then what does that mean?”

“You  _ have _ to promise not to tell  _ anyone _ …! Not even Hunk and Lance.”

“Yeah, of course…”

“You’ll probably laugh at me if I tell you… Maybe it’s best if I don’t tell you…”

“I won’t. I promise.”

With a sigh, they said, “I started my first period in almost a whole year. And it’s really messing me up… I know. Stupid, right?”

“I’m not even going to pretend like I know what all of that means, but I do know that when things change from their norm… It really fucks you up. Not  _ you _ , but you in a ‘it fucks people up’ way.”

“No… I get it. Thanks… I guess.”

Keith shrugged a little. “You don’t have to thank me.” He said. “Although… I was sort of wanting to talk to you, or Hunk, about something.”

“Is it about Lance?”

Keith nodded. 

“Was that a yes?” Pidge asked. “Sorry, I’m trying to turn into the parking lot, I can’t focus on you right now. Sorry.”

“Oh. It was a yes.”

“Yeah. I thought you’d want to talk about that.” Pidge hummed quietly for a moment before they spoke again. “I hear you guys had some sort of fight.”

“Something like that.”

“But you two are good now?” They asked, pulling into a parking space and parking the car. 

“Yeah. Can I ask you something?” Keith asked with hesitation as he unbuckled his seatbelt. 

“Sure.” Pidge replied, getting out of the car. 

“Is it… Is it weird that we both like each other?”

“You like him?!”

“Yeah. You knew that.”

“Uh… No…? I know that now. Holy shit! You two are dating?!”

“No…! Pidge stop shouting…! We’re not.”

“But you two both like each other…?”

“I don’t know… I don’t really know what’s going on between the two of us.”

“How so…?”

Keith shrugged. “I just don’t… Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Yeah, of course. Your secret is safe with me. And I totally understand. I was really hesitant about telling people I was ace for a long time. I didn’t want to get bullied any more than I already did.”

Keith didn’t say anything in response. He grabbed his bag from the trunk and called Kosmo to heel. 

“Sorry if I shouted earlier… I just got excited. I mean… I didn’t know you… Or Lance was gay.”

Keith only nodded slowly. 

“I’m fine with that, you know? I think it’s great that you two like one another. Also it’s cute. You and him. Although you’d have to work out a means of communicating, but I’m sure you’re already thinking of that, right?”

“Please stop talking…”

“Sorry… It’s just exciting. I thought I was the only LGBTQ kid at the school. I didn’t know that both you  _ and _ Lance were gay.”

“Pidge,  _ please _ …!”

“Sorry...! I’m just excited. I didn’t know. But I do now, and I won’t tell anyone that you’re—”

“Shut up!” Keith yelled at them. “Can you  _ please _ shut the fuck up?! I understand that you’re ‘excited’ or whatever, but please don’t talk about it! Ever!”

Pidge let out a sigh and began scuffing their feet. “I’m sorry… I just… Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

Keith groaned angrily as he stopped in his tracks. He stuttered multiple times, trying to find both his voice and his words before he settled for a bit a profanity. “Fuck!”

“You good…?”

“No! I’m not! I’m  _ never _ ‘good’!”

“Okay… Let's just…. Go over here for a second…” Pidge gently took ahold of Keith’s wrist, pulling him off to the side. “Here… Take a seat and breath, okay?”

Although Keith didn’t sit, he did lean against the wall behind him. 

“Please  _ don’t  _ slam your head on the wall behind you. That’s a brick wall and that’ll _ really  _ hurt.”

“I want to go home…”

“What? But you just got here. Come on, it’ll be okay…! It’s just a few hours, and then you and me can screw around in english class like we always do. We got new seats, and you’re sitting next to me now. So that’s fun. And then we have lunch, which is also fun. And we also have chemistry, which, by the way, we’re watching a childish video, which means free period. And then you have art which you love…!”

Keith shook his head slowly. “I want to go home…”

“I know you do… But you’re going to feel  _ so _ good when you finish the day. Trust me! It’ll feel  _ so good _ to kick negativity in the face and finish your first day back!”

“I don’t care… I want to go home…”

“But we’re going to miss you at lunch… We planned something fun for after school as well. It’ll be quite difficult to try and pick you up after school with all of the crazy parents and students.”

Sinking to the concrete ground beneath his feet, Keith let out a long sigh. “I’m just a huge screw up… I’m sorry I yelled at you and I’m sorry I told you to shut up… It was rude and I’m sorry.”

“Well you certainly sound a little more angry than sorry… What’s going on in your brain?”

“Four letters…”

“Okay so that narrows it down to about a thousand words. You know I can’t guess your emotions.”

Keith sighed again, holding up his right hand and signing an ‘L’.”

“Oh… Love… That’s… Ugh… That’s rough.”

Keith only nodded in response. 

“Are you torn between two or more people…? Or do you not actually like him?”

“The second one.”

“Dang… That’s even worse…”

“I… I don’t  _ not _ like him… I don’t know… I don’t know if I do or don’t… How am I supposed to handle that?”

“Seeing as I am both aromantic  _ and _ asexual, I am a  _ terrible  _ person to ask that to.  _ However _ …! I did help Lance through his ninth grade heartbreak, so I guess I’m not  _ that  _ bad.”

“He’s liked someone before me?”

“Lance is a lover-boy. Or he tries to be. He got shot down by some arse in ninth grade and hasn’t spoken to anyone about romance since.”

“Christ, that’s shit…”

“Maybe… But  _ you _ are the topic of discussion now. Not him.”

Keith slowly nodded and placed a hand on Kosmo’s forehead, stroking his ears gently. “Do you have any advice…?”

“Other than talking it out with Lance, no not really.”

“Great…”

“It’s not really something you talk to others about… It’s more like something you talk to your partner… Or possible partner about.”

“Please don’t say  _ anything  _ about this to  _ anyone _ . Not even Hunk. It’s bad enough you know. You weren’t supposed to know… I thought you did, because you knew we fought and you knew we’re also on the same page again.”

“It’s not your fault… I pressed your buttons… I should’ve shut up when you asked.”

“If you apologize to me, I’m going to slap you  _ so _ hard. That’s all anyone does. They apologize and they try to make me feel better. But no one is ever successful. Unless you’re—”

“Unless you’re what…?”

Keith didn’t answer their question. 

“Keith…?”

He shook his head and got to his feet. 

“It doesn’t matter.” He said under his breath.

“Ohhhh…! You were going to say—” Pidge stopped talking for a moment before they laughed loudly. “You are  _ so _ weird! Quit worrying about it! We both know what you were going to say. You’re  _ fine _ !”

“Pidge, I swear, if you don’t shut up I am going to smash my face against this brick wall.”

“Okay, okay! I’m shutting up. I promise.” 

Things between them were quiet, but Pidge was obviously holding back laughter. 

“What?!” Keith asked bitterly. 

“Nothing! You’re just so red… It’s cute actually. You’re always so angry… But now you’re all red and blushy.”

“If death doesn’t kill you, it’s because I did.”

That only made them laugh more. “Just admit it! Things are going to be fine…!”

“I told you to drop the conversation. If you don’t, I  _ will _ kill you or myself.”

They were quiet in an instant. 

“Keith that's  _ not _ funny.”

“It’s not supposed to be.”

“Yeah, no shit. Why would you even mention that?!”

“Because… Because I’m stupid.”

“Your mouth works faster than your brain, but you’re not stupid… Please don’t mention offing yourself unless you’re absolutely serious. I don’t know if you understand how much that affected us all…”

“But it’s fine now, right?”

“No…? Lance face timed me in a fit of nervousness last week because he thought he had made a huge mistake for not going to see you. I know why now… But that’s beside the point. It took me an hour to calm him down. None of us are past it… Even if you are.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Keith took a seat on the bench, joining his friends for lunch. It had taken a lot of convincing for him to stay at school, but after a long talk with both Pidge and Hunk before first period, he agreed to stay. 

“I’m so glad you decided to stay.” Hunk said as he took a seat across from Keith. “So is Pidge. And I’m sure Lance is too. Even if you two had an argument.”

“Oh, it wasn’t an argument.” Keith said sarcastically, unwrapping his sandwich from the plastic wrap. “It was more of a misunderstanding.”

“Really? How so?”

Keith was caught off guard by Hunk’s question, so much so that he ended up choking on his lunch. “What?” He asked, in between coughs.

“Are you okay, Keith?”

Nodding, Keith answered, “Yeah…!” Coughing once more to make sure his windpipe was clear, he nodded again. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Was it my question…?”

“What? No…! No. It wasn’t your question. I’m just… On edge right now. Still getting back into the whole routine… Sorry…”

“It’s alright. You don’t need to apologize.” Hunk told him kindly. “You’ve been through a lot. It’s completely understandable.”

Keith gave a tiny smile. “Thanks… It’s just… Weird. I haven’t been here since mid February, and the quarter ends on Wednesday, and I have to finish everything by then, and—”

“You’ll be fine. Pidge, Lance, and I are all here to help you get all of that done. Pidge has already completed all of your chemistry work.”

“They have…?”

“Yeah…! They’ll go through it with you today in class.”

“You guys are all too nice… I don’t deserve your friendship. It’s my first day back and everything is shit, but you’re all…”

Keith trailed off at the feel of someone’s hand tap the top of his head gently. 

Before he could respond, he felt someone take ahold of his right hand. 

“Hi, Lance…” Keith said as he sighed, unamused by the greeting he received. 

Lance took a seat next to Keith, fingerspelling to him instantly. 

Thankfully, the pace Lance signed at was slow enough that Keith was able to understand him. 

‘I missed you. How are you?’

“I feel like someone who’s blind  _ and _ deaf signing like this...” Keith said half jokingly as he signed his response. He did mumble his response, but only loud enough for himself to hear. ‘Thanks. I’m OK. Stressed.’

‘I’m sorry. Want to talk?’

For a moment, Keith didn’t reply. He was still working on his alphabet skills, and even after almost a week of learning and practicing, he still got lost every now and then.

‘No. I’m okay.’ He signed back after he figured out what Lance had said. 

“Okay.” Lance said, instantly slapping his hand to his face to cover his mouth.

“You can talk?!” Pidge asked suddenly. 

Keith wasn't even aware they were here, but he knew now, that all four of them were, in fact, here.

Lance didn’t say anything back to them. He sat there in silence. 

“He  _ did _ talk, didn’t he?!” Pidge asked, clearly aiming their question towards Keith. 

“I… I don’t know…” Keith lied. He was afraid that if anyone knew Lance could talk, and that he talked to him, that people would find out he and Lance were supposed to be in some sort of relationship. 

“He talked, right, Hunk?”

“I think so… Did you not hear him?”

Keith shook his head. He couldn’t admit that he and Lance had a secret way of communicating. He wasn’t ready for that conversation. 

But despite his own ideas and opinions, Lance took matters into his own hands. Despite how against Keith was to be open about everything between him and Lance, he, in the end, didn’t have a choice. 

Not after Lance decided to out the two of them. 

With a frail and nervous voice, Lance said, “I love Keith. Keith… Keith love me.”

Both Pidge and Hunk were silent. 

Sure, Pidge knew that Keith and Lance were in a relationship of some sort, but they had no idea that Lance could talk. 

“Is that true…?” Hunk asked.

Keith wasn’t sure who he was talking to, but he hoped he hadn’t signed anything. 

“Can he hear us…?” Pidge asked quietly. 

Shrugging, Keith said, “I doubt it…”

“Is it true that you and Lance… Like each other…?” Hunk was hesitant as he spoke, but he asked his question nonetheless. 

“I…” Keith didn’t have the courage to come clean. He didn’t have the courage to be open about how he felt. He didn’t even know if he really liked Lance, and he didn’t want to get everyone else’s hopes up. If his original answer was wrong, disappointing all of his friends was worse than just one. “It’s complicated…”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Hunk, for starters, I don’t even know what he looks like, and I also have no idea what my sexuality is. That’s how it’s complicated.”

“Lance said he learned to talk for you.” Pidge said, voicing Lance’s signs. “Did he…?”

Keith slowly nodded. 

“He also says that he doesn’t want to talk to anyone unless he has to. And… Unless it’s you…”

Keith lowered his head at the sound of their words. He was no longer comfortable with this conversation. 

“Keith…?”

“Can we please not talk about this…?”

“Well, I guess, but we haven’t—”

“Pidge,  _ please _ …! I don’t want to talk about this.”

Pidge let out a tiny sigh. “Okay…”

Kosmo whined at Keith's feet, jumping up to lick his face before he sat down again. Kosmo knew Keith was on edge. He always did. And he was always by Keith’s side if he needed him. 

Just as Keith was about to stroke his dog, he felt someone’s hand take ahold of his own. 

Lance was many things, but he wasn’t oblivious to emotions. In fact, that was one of his strong suits. He knew when people were happy, sad, angry, and anything in between. 

With his left hand, Lance hand gently taken ahold of Keith’s right hand. Slowly, he signed, ‘It’s okay’, before he ran his thumb along the back of Keith’s hand. He was doing what he could to comfort his friend. Lance saw the two of them as something more, even if Keith didn’t. 

Keith kept his head low, but he didn’t do anything to give Lance a signal to let go. He found himself calmed by Lance’s action. No matter how he felt about himself or Lance, this subtle show of kindness and affection calmed him. And he liked it. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Keith said a brief goodbye to Pidge, Hunk, and Lance before the four of them parted ways. It was passing period and he was now making his way to his final class of the day. His art class. 

He wondered how odd it would be to walk into his favorite class after weeks of absence. Would people ask questions? Or would they leave him alone?

Most of the time, his classmates left him alone. He still rarely talked to anyone. 

Kosmo trotted happily at Keith’s side as he led in through the crowds of people. 

Keith, being an introvert, decided to block out the bustle of people around him. He plugged his headphones in, turned up the volume, and shuffled his songs. 

He didn’t pay much attention to the music itself, but instead the rhythm and the beat. It was calming. Especially on his first day back. 

The walk wasn’t long. It was, after all, just two minutes. 

With a tight tug, Kosmo led Keith into his classroom. The door was shut, as always, and Kosmo sat down to let Keith know he couldn’t walk any further. 

Opening the door, Keith decided it was best to take out his headphones, just in case his teacher had anything she wanted to say to him. He pulled down lightly on the chords and the earbuds fell just as he had wanted. He draped the chord around the back of his neck, it was easier than having to put them in his pocket or his backpack. 

The second he stepped into his class, the chatter stopped. 

The room went silent. 

“Hey, Ms. Willis…” Keith said as he stepped in, assuming she was at her desk. 

He got no reply. 

He knew people were in the room, he had heard them. 

Then, suddenly, like a flicked switch, the room exploded with a chorus of voices. 

“Keith!” Each one of them sounded surprised, yet delighted to see him again. 

“You’re back!” One of them said. 

“We really missed you!” Said another. 

“How are you feeling?” Asked one of his classmates.

“Um… Thanks, everyone. But why…?”

“You’re the best artist this school has.” Ms. Willis answered. “Believe it or not, but some of us look to you for inspiration.”

“We made this for you.” A feminine voice said. 

Keith instinctively looked to where the sound had come from. 

“It’s a thousand Origami Cranes.” Someone informed him. “We hope you don’t think we’re stereotyping, but we thought you’d like it.”

Keith took the bundle of gently folded cranes from the student. “No… It means a lot. I don’t really understand the tradition, but thank you.”

“You are Japanese, aren’t you?!” Someone asked, as if they feared they had in fact stereotyped Keith.

Nodding, Keith said, “Yeah, My mom was. Guess I am too. But really, thank you for the cranes. How did you do it?”

“Well…” Ms. Willis began, “You were out for a few weeks, and I  _ do _ have quite a few students. You’d be surprised how many of us really do admire your work.”

Softly, Keith smiled. “I really don’t know what to say…” 

“You’re allowed to be happy, Keith. None of us will judge you.” She told him. “We made those for you, wishing for your return to good health after all.”

Giving a small nod, Keith said, “Thank you… So much…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know I had to :)  
> I’m actually making a senbazuru myself. That’s the 1,000 cranes btw. It’s really calming, actually. I never thought I’d enjoy folding cranes so much.  
> Anyway.  
> Keith is back at school!! Yay!!  
> He’s already having some issues, but he’s got Lance, Pidge and Hunk to make him feel comfortable.   
> Pidge took Keith to school for the reason he said. He just wanted to be with a friend. Hunk went with Lance and Rachel.
> 
> In other news, I am working of the comic for SoD (that’s the abbreviation for this au :3) and so far, I’ve completely rewritten the first few chapters. I don’t like the way I started it, so I’m doing something a bit different for the comic. It’ll still follow the story, but some text/events might be a bit different.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!  
> ~Picci


	44. Chapter 44

Like most days after school, Lance gathered with his friends near the front of the building. He was, for reasons obvious to his friends and his sister, far more happy to leave school today than most days. Today, he got to hang out with the one he loved. Although, he knew better than to make it too public. He could sense Keith’s hesitation to the whole idea, and he didn’t want to make his friend— or boyfriend —uncomfortable. 

By the time he got to where he was headed, all three of his friends had already gathered at the front of the school. 

He gave them all a quick apology, making up an excuse for why he was late, although he was not late at all. In return, Pidge and Hunk told him not to worry, and made sure he didn’t feel bad for arriving last. 

Turning to Keith, he smiled kindly, and signed the word ‘dog’, just to see if he remembered. 

Keith was, for a moment confused, but it only took a few seconds for him to remember the sign. Keith signed it back to Lance, tapped Kosmo on the head and slowly signed, ‘Kosmo’ letter by letter. 

Lance was about to sign back to Keith, but something stopped him. Instead of signing on his hand, Lance looked to his other friends and asked them, ‘Can you tell him ‘good job’ for me?’

Hunk nodded and spoke to Keith, letting him know what Lance had signed. 

‘Shall we go?’ Lance asked his group of friends.

Pidge gave a quick nod. ‘I’m taking everyone, right? You two got a ride from Rachel this morning?’

Both Lance and Hunk nodded in response.

Pidge gave them all a thumbs up and began leading their friends to their car. 

Hunk took shotgun, making Lance and Keith sit in the backseat, although that didn’t bother Lance at all. 

He got to sit with Keith, which, if he was being honest, was what he wanted. 

This whole plan  _ was _ his idea. 

Lance had suggested the four of them go to the small burger shop they had gone to months ago. It would be a celebration of some sort, to celebrate how far they had all come, and to welcome Keith back without the pressures of school around them. 

But the real reason Lance wanted to go, was because he wanted to spend time with Keith. He had, in the beginning, intended it to be just the two of them, but he had to let that idea go when both Pidge and Hunk asked if they could join. 

Kosmo sat between him and Keith. The dog had to go somewhere. And if Lance was being honest, he didn’t mind sitting next to a giant retriever. Kosmo was Keith’s best friend. Lance knew that. Everyone knew that. Just because he wanted to go out with Keith didn't mean he got to take Kosmo’s place in Keith’s hierarchy of importance. 

Gently, Lance stroked Kosmo’s soft ears, smiling immediately. Kosmo turned to Lance and lay down, resting his head in Lance’s lap. 

‘Good boy.’ Lance signed. ‘You’re such a good boy.’

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Once they reached their destination, Lance followed Pidge and Hunk to a table, at which, he and Keith took a seat. Due to the language barrier between Lance and the cashier, and Keith’s own anxious mood, the two of them stayed back to wait for their food. 

Something that interested Lance was that Keith was running his index finger along the tabletop. Exactly like he had done the first time. 

Partly through a sudden impulse, and partly from boredom, Lance took ahold of Keith’s hands and drew out a diamond in mid air, then signed ‘diamond’. Once he finished his signs, he placed Keith’s hands back down on the tabletop, where they had been before Lance impulsively grabbed ahold of them. 

Keith smiled slightly and drew out the shape like Lance had done. Then he fingerspelled the word ‘diamond’. 

Lance smiled softly as he read Keith’s slow signs. He knew Keith couldn’t  _ see _ him smiling, so when Keith was done spelling out the word, Lance spelled out ‘good job’ for him. 

Keith smirked as he came to understand Lance’s signs. He looked embarrassed by the words. Slowly, he took his hands back and placed them in his lap. 

Looking around, Lance noticed there were others around them. That was no big deal at all, Lance didn’t really mind if there were other people around him or not. 

Keith, however, seemed to have other ideas. 

He noticed the presence of other people and almost instantly lowered his head. 

Quickly, Lance acted upon this. He leaned forward, tapped Keith’s shoulder and said “It’s okay.”

In response, Keith only shook his head, pointed to his eyes and kept his head down. 

For some strange reason, it occurred to Lance how little he knew about Keith’s comfort level in reference to his condition. Deafness, for Lance was just another thing about him. Like someone’s gender, or ethnicity, or sexuality. Of course, it had its drawbacks, and Lance did have feelings of isolation because of his impairment. However, he seemed to be far more comfortable in public than Keith. 

Watching Keith closely, Lance payed attention to his friend’s movement, posture and facial expression. He also noticed how Keith would drop his hand to pet Kosmo more than he usually would. 

“Keith.” Lance said, hoping he sounded kind and caring. “It’s okay. You okay.”

Yes, Lance knew his English was a bit odd. He knew ‘you okay’ was not grammatically correct. He knew his Engli was ‘broken’. But he didn’t know how to pronounce the word ‘are’ and much less how to pronounce ‘you’re’. Lance was doing his best and he hoped his message got through to Keith. 

He cared deeply for all of his friends. He had a different sort of feeling for Keith, of course, but that only made him care more. 

Keith only shook his head again. He didn’t lift his head nor sign anything to Lance. 

In an attempt to make conversation a little easier, Lance pulled out his phone and sent Keith a text. One he hoped would comfort him.

_ ‘You don’t have to hide your face, Keith. You’re with friends. I promise you that no one is looking at us.’ _

__ Keith didn’t even look at the message. He didn’t even look at his phone. He just signed ‘stop’ and went back to petting Kosmo. 

That annoyed Lance. He was trying to help Keith. Why wouldn’t he accept it?

Lance turned to where Pidge and Hunk had gone to order the food, stared at his friends until he made eye contact with at least one of them and beckoned them over. 

‘Come here, please.’ He signed to Hunk. 

Hunk turned to Pidge, told them something and came to where Lance and Keith were sitting. 

‘What’s up with Keith?’ Hunk asked.

‘I don’t know.’ Lance answered. ‘Can you try and talk to him for me?’

‘He looks really uncomfortable.’

‘I know! Can you please try to find out why?’

Nodding, Hunk gently tapped Keith’s shoulder and began talking to him. He made sure to sign his words so Lance knew what he had said. 

‘Hey, Keith. Are you alright?’

Keith shrugged.

‘Do you want to go somewhere else? We can grab the food and then go if you want.’

Again, he shrugged.

For a moment, Hunk didn’t say a thing. He looked around their surroundings for a moment before deciding on his words. ‘Is it the other people?’

Slowly, Keith nodded.

‘That’s alright.’ Hunk had told Keith. ‘Why don’t we go somewhere else? There’s a small park nearby, and it’s always pretty empty.’

Keith shook his head and actually spoke this time. 

‘He doesn’t want to make us change plans, and he should be fine in a minute.’ Hunk informed Lance. Looking back to Keith, he asked him a question, still signing his words as well. ‘Can I get you anything while we wait?’

After Keith voiced his only need, Hunk nodded and very gently patted Keith’s back. 

Turning to Lance, Hunk signed, ‘I’m going to get him some water while we wait. I suggest you just let him be.’

‘Why?’ Lance asked. ‘If he’s uncomfortable, I want to help him.’

Hunk shook his head. ‘Not this time. This might be a bit much for him. And you might be drawing attention to yourselves that he doesn’t want.’

‘But I’m only trying to help.’

Hunk shook his head again, told Lance to take a few deep breaths and headed back to where Pidge stood to ask the cashier for some water.

Lance looked to his friend with worried eyes. He was desperate to say something to help Keith, but he kept Hunk’s words in his mind, resisting the urge to converse with Keith. For now, all he could do was wait until Keith was calmed down. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyo. I definitely wanted to post today.   
> This was a fun lil chapter. It’s kind of chill and short too. But it was just a little fun thing. Also Lance is cute. I like writing from his perspective soooooooo much. He’s got a big heart.   
> I hope you liked this chapter. It was short, but it was also a little something I wanted to add before we get into the next (and I guess final) arc of the story   
> Holy crap I can’t believe I just typed that ;-;


	45. Chapter 45

“I’m okay, guys.” Keith said quietly. “Really, I am.”

“Are you sure?” Pidge asked from the front seat of their car. 

Nodding Keith said, “Yeah. It’s just been awhile since I’ve been in public. You know…?”

“That’s alright.” Hunk told him softly. “It’ll get easier, I’m sure it will.”

Keith smiled and nodded. “I had fun though. It was nice to do something with you three again.”

“Dude! We missed you  _ so _ much!” Pidge exclaimed. “We’re so glad you’re back.”

“Ditto.” Hunk said. “Are you up for hanging out on Friday?”

“I should be.” Keith answered as he gathered his items. “Who’s hosting this week?

“Lance.” Both Pidge and Hunk answered at the same time.

“Oh…”

“Yeah, that might be weird.” Pidge thought aloud. 

“Maybe.” Keith replied. “Anyway, I have to go.”

With Kosmo at his side, Keith thanked Pidge for driving him home, and thanked all of his friends for taking him out to the burger shop as a ‘welcome back’ affair. He had enjoyed himself. And he wouldn’t deny that. 

Keith headed to his concrete porch, pulled his house keys from his pocket and unlocked the front door. 

Shiro greeted him immediately. 

“Welcome back…!” He said kindly. “How was it?”

“Good.” Keith answered, stepping in through the doorway, closing and locking the door behind him. “Free food is always nice.”

“It was free…?”

“Lance paid for all of us.”

“Well that was kind of him. Did you use your manners?”

Although Shiro was teasing, and Keith knew he was teasing, the teenager couldn’t resist giving some sibling banter of his own. “Yeah, I did.” He said, as he flipped his brother off.

“What’s in the bag?” Shiro asked with curiosity.

“Nothing, just something from my art class.”

“What is it?”

“A few things of origami.”

“Origami?” Shiro questioned, using his accent to properly pronounce the word.”

“Yeah.” Keith said. “ _ Origami _ .”

“You shouldn’t need me to tell you how to correctly pronounce Japanese words.”

“Really?” Keith asked, his tone full of sass. “Oh you mean because our mom was Japanese, even though I don’t really remember her, because she died when I was three?”

Quickly, Shiro smacked his brother’s shoulder. “Don’t be such an ass. And  _ yes _ , you should know something about your own culture.”

“I’m not the one who gave me a shitty American name. Mom could have named me something like Akira or  _ something _ Japanese. But no, she named me  _ Keith _ .”

“That wasn’t just her doing, Dad liked the name too.”

“You’re only  _ half _ Japanese, Shiro. Just like me. So don’t expect me to want to learn about ‘ _ my culture _ ’. I know nothing about it.”

Shiro sighed, deciding to leave the subject be. “Look, the point is, your classmates made you senbazuru, which, regardless of what you think, is really important. You should focus on that and not how little you know about  _ our mother’s  _ culture.”

Keith only nodded. He didn’t care to hear any more of what Shiro had to say. He was tired of the conversation, and had been since it started. 

The house was silent. 

Neither of them wanted to talk. 

The air between them was tense and any slight change could tip the scales. 

But Shiro had always been the one to end the silence. He had something to say, and he was determined to get it out. 

“Oh!” Shiro began. “Curtis is coming over for dinner, I hope you don’t mind…”

Keith shrugged slightly as he bent over to take off his dog’s harness. “Not really. As long as you don’t single me out or anything.”

“When did I ever do that?”

“You know when.”

“No… I don’t, but I promise I won’t this time.”

Keith slowly nodded, hanging Kosmo’s harness on the coat hanger by the door and slipped off his shoes. “Then no, I don’t mind”

If Keith was being honest, he quite liked Curtis. The man respected Keith and who he was. This was different to the treatment he received from Adam. Adam had never liked Keith. And no matter how hard Keith tried, he couldn’t understand why Adam didn’t like him. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“Keith!” Shiro called to his little brother as he ran across the front yard to greet him. “How’ve you been?!”

Keith shrugged with a cheeky smile on his face as he gave his answer. “I’ve been good. You didn’t keep your promise, you jerk.”

“Hey, come here.” Shiro took ahold of his brother’s wrist and pulled him to the garage. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”

“I don’t like new people.” Keith mumbled. 

“You’ll like him. I promise.”

As Shiro stepped into the garage, he called out to this new person. “Hey, Adam! This is my little brother, Keith. He’s obsessed with cryptic stuff and aliens, just like you.”

This, Adam, person turned around to look at Keith. He looked Keith up and down and instead of talking to him, he talked to Shiro. 

“Wow… He  _ really is _ short.”

“I am not!” Keith protested. “I’m eleven! I’m not supposed to be six foot something like you all!”

Shiro gave an amused snicker at how defensive Keith was being, but skipped over the conversation that had just begun. “So! Adam, this is Keith. Keith, this is my future roommate, Adam. He’s also my boyfriend. We’re rooming together next year!”

“Boyfriend?”

Shiro nodded. “Yeah. My boyfriend.”

Keith thought for a moment before he looked to Shiro and asked, “What happened to that Ken guy? I thought he was the ‘love of your life’?”

“That was a two month thing. And that was in high school.”

Keith shrugged, saying, “You haven't been in college for that long.”

“Anyway!” Shiro tussled Keith’s hair, changing the subject to one he saw fit. “Adam’s family lives in Europe, so he’s staying here for Thanksgiving. You get to keep your room, don’t worry.”

Keith wasn’t an extrovert, and he certainly didn’t like new people. He knew the basics of who Adam was, but he didn’t know that he would be staying with them for five whole days. 

But he seemed to be the only one who had an issue with this. 

His father seemed glad to host Adam. Unlike Keith. 

Once Shiro and Adam had moved their things into Shiro’s bedroom, Keith ran off to find his father. 

“Dad!” Keith exclaimed as he snuck into his father’s office. 

“Oh, Keith! I thought you were hanging out with your brother.”

“I  _ was _ , but then it got weird.”

“How so?”

“Adam doesn’t like me.” Keith mumbled. 

His father laughed and shook his head. “Adam doesn’t even know you. I’m sure he does like you. Just give him time.”

“No! He doesn’t! He made fun of me.”

Sighing, his father said, “Shiro teases you all the time, but he still likes you, doesn't he?”

Keith shrugged slightly, pouting now. “He doesn’t talk to me. All he’s said to me are mean things like ‘he’s short’, or ‘weird’, or something like that.”

“You only just met him, Keith.” His father told him. “You can’t assume that you’ll automatically get along with someone you just met.”

“I know…” Keith sighed folding his arms across his chest. “I just wanted to hang out with Shiro. I haven’t seen him for weeks and now he’s got Adam and it’s like I don’t even matter anymore!”

“Well you know that isn’t true.”

“Yeah it is!”

“Shiro has found someone he really likes. He’s eighteen now. He’s not a kid anymore. You’ll understand this one day. Sometimes we find someone who means the world to us, and it’s hard to balance our time with them and with everyone else.”

“Mom didn’t have any problem with that…”

“Shiro is not your mother…”

Keith sighed again. 

He was jealous of Adam. Shiro was  _ his  _ brother.  _ His _ best friend.  _ Not _ Adam’s. Yet even so, Shiro wanted to spend all of his time with Adam. And not Keith. 

“Hey…” Gently, his father titled Keith’s chin up until the two were looking at one another. 

Keith’s lonely gaze was met by a loving and caring one. 

“I’m still here. It’s not all that bad. And I promise you, by Sunday, you’ll be begging Adam to stay.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know how kind you are. And how willing you are to give people second chances.”

Keith believed his father. 

Keith believed his father’s words. 

He believed that his father was right. 

He was a kid, eleven years old. His default mode was optimistic. 

But something happened that weekend that broke Keith. 

Things didn’t get better. 

Adam never warmed up to Keith. And Keith never warmed up to Adam. 

Every day, Shiro and Adam did things by themselves. Keith was never invited to join them. 

Not once. 

Keith spent the entire weekend with his father. And if his father ever had work to do, Keith would shut himself in his room and play by himself. He was bored. Lonely. And felt forgotten. 

Shiro had been his best, and only friend for eleven years. But suddenly, Adam replaced him. 

Keith spent hours in his room, arranging the small amount of books he owned, the stuffed animals on his bed, and the setup of his workspace. He didn’t do anything with Shiro. 

Adam wouldn’t let him. 

Adam hated Keith. 

And Keith knew it. 

Adam didn’t like Keith one bit, and Keith despised Adam just as much. 

The two never saw eye to eye, and not because of height. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Keith never got an ounce of kindness from Adam. All he got from that man was rude comments and cruel actions. 

So it was no wonder he had, at first, been so hesitant about Shiro entering a new relationship. 

But Curtis, he was much different. 

Right off the bat, he cared about Keith and respected the time Shiro needed with his brother. 

And so, when asked if he was okay with Curtis coming for dinner, it was no wonder he was so open to the idea. 

Keith found himself completely lost in his work that he jumped at the sound of light knocking on his door. 

“Curtis is here.” Shiro informed his brother. “Also dinner is ready. Want to take a break?”

“Yeah, sure.” Keith gave his answer somewhat hesitantly. He wasn’t worried about being around Shiro’s boyfriend, but instead, he was more pegged by the fact that he hadn’t talked to Curtis since long before he was admitted to the hospital. Keith could only hope that the topic wouldn’t come up. 

Keith snapped his fingers a few times until he heard Kosmo stretch before the dog shook himself off, his tags clinking together with a high pitch jingle. 

“Good boy…” Keith quietly praised his dog as he ran a hand over Kosmo’s fuzzy ears. 

Exiting his bedroom, Keith walked down the hallway towards the dining area. As he did so, Keith ran his fingertips along the wall beside him out of habit. He didn’t need to feel his way around his apartment anymore, but it was a habitual action that brought him a sense of calm. 

“Keith…! It’s so good to see you again.”

Regardless of if he wanted to or not, Keith smiled at Curtis’ words. 

“Oh… I’d say the same to you… But I’m blind.”

“Keith, really…?!” Shiro sounded utterly disappointed. “Self deprecating jokes aren’t funny.”

“I mean… They kind of are…” Keith mumbled back to his brother, trying not to sound too snarky. But when he got no response, Keith decided it was best to change the subject. “Anyway. Thanks for watching Kosmo. I don’t like leaving him with people, but you did a good job of keeping him company.”

“Don’t mention it. It was fun. You’ve got a nice guide dog.”

Keith shrugged, saying, “I wish he was my dog, and not my guide, but regardless, he’s pretty great.”

“Oh, Shiro,” Curtis began, “Did you tell Keith about the puppies?”

“Puppies?” Keith asked. 

“I’m fostering a new litter of puppies. There are eight of them.”

“Guess what their names are.” Shiro said to Keith, withholding laughter. 

“You’re both nerds, so probably the planets or something like that.”

“Yep.” Shiro couldn’t contain his laughter any longer. “First mathematical symbols, now the planets in our solar system.”

“The important question is if there’s a Pluto.”

“Of course there’s a Pluto!” Curtis exclaimed. “How could anyone name a litter of puppies after planets and  _ not _ name one Pluto.”

Keith laughed as he asked his next question. “Did you name one Uranus?”

“It’s  _ Uranus _ , and no. I didn’t.”

“What a shame…” Keith said sarcastically. “I would’ve.”

“Yeah, because you’re a seventeen year old boy who has the maturity of a toddler.” Shiro teased, messing with his brother’s hair. “Now sit down so we can eat.”

Keith did as he was asked, sitting at the table. “Happy?” He asked his brother. 

“Yes, actually. Thank you.”

“So, Shiro tells me someone has a crush on you.”

“You told him that…?” 

Shiro gave no answer, clearly realising he wasn’t supposed to spill the beans on Keith’s relationship. 

“Um.” Keith cleared his throat, trying to boost his confidence. “Yeah, sort of. We’re working on it.”

“Well that’s good.”

Keith slowly nodded. “We’re not technically ‘a thing’, but we’re more than friends. I think… I’m not good with relationships.”

“No one is. But if someone likes you, that’s special. You have friends, which, in my opinion, is the hard part. But if someone wants to be your significant other, then that means a whole lot more.”

“I guess it does… Although… After everything… Love is kind of… Well, not something I’ve ever wanted to deal with. But I guess there’s no better person to talk to love about than my gay brother and his gay boyfriend, right?”

Curtis laughed at Keith’s question. “That sounds about right. I won’t ever pressure you to talk about anything, but I’m probably a better listener than Shiro. He talks a lot, as I’m sure you know.”

“He does.” Keith replied in a quiet tone. “But it turns out, you can teach an old dog new tricks. He’s becoming a good listener.”

“Okay, Keith, that’s quite enough negativity from you for one evening.” Shiro messed with his brother’s hair, again, knowing full well that Keith  _ despised _ the action. 

With a sigh, Keith pushed his brother’s hand away. “Alright, fine. I’ll stop. But you can’t touch my hair anymore. It’s weird.”

After a few more childish exchanges between Shiro and Keith, the two found common ground and stopped messing with one another. 

“Oh!” Shiro blurted out the word sounding incredibly excited. “Guess what Keith’s classmates did for him.”

Shrugging, Keith said, “It’s really not that important.”

“It’s quite amazing actually.” Shiro corrected. 

“Well now I’m interested.” Curtis said. “Unless of course you don’t want to talk about it.”

“No, we can talk about it.” Keith began. “I just don’t really know why it’s so important.”

“His classmates made him a senbazuru.” Shiro informed Curtis. “Which is one thousand origami cranes— or ozuru. It’s a sign of good luck and health in Japanese tradition. Making a thousand cranes is said to make your wish come true, but it’s also used to wish recovery on those who are sick.”

“They made that, all for you?” Curtis asked in disbelief.

Keith only nodded.

“Wow… That’s incredible.”

“I guess so. I’m just not really attached to the traditions and customs like Shiro… I never really got to know them like he did.”

“Oh… I see…”

“But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.” Keith quickly said. “The seba— senbo—“

“Senbazuru.” Shiro interrupted his brother, helping him to find the word he was looking for. 

“Yeah, the se-ba-ru-zu—“

“Still wrong.” Shiro said with a small laugh.

“Well, whatever it is, it means a lot. I never thought anyone actually cared about me, you know?”

“Well, that’s where you’re wrong, Keith.” Curtis told him in a soft, kind tone. “A lot of people care about you. Not just your friends and family. They probably don’t show it often, but they do care.”

“Do you care?”

Keith didn’t know why he asked that question. It was sudden and unnecessary. Rude and unwanted. But he had asked it nonetheless. And even though he was hesitant about getting an answer, he was desperate for one.

“I do, actually.” Curtis said. “I know why you might be hesitant towards me, and I completely understand that. But I’m not like  _ him _ . You’re my boyfriend’s baby brother, and therefore vicariously, you become like a brother to me. I felt awful to hear about what happened, not only back then, but recently too. But I do care about you, Keith. And I can’t tell you how glad I am to see that you’re home again.”

Unsure of how exactly to respond, Keith simply nodded and smiled. 

“Okay…!” Shiro's authoritative tone met Keith’s ears. “I’m sure none of us want to talk about the past. So let’s focus on something better; the present.”

And so, dinner proceeded as normal. And for Keith, he rather liked the evening. At first, he had been slightly hesitant about interacting with Shiro’s boyfriend, but it wasn’t long before Keith found himself in a relaxed, and somewhat happy state. 

Curtis was kind. He wasn’t like Adam. Adam was cruel and forced Keith out of everything. Adam acted like Keith didn’t even exist. But Curtis wasn’t Adam. He was the exact opposite. 

Curtis cared for Keith, like a friend would. He knew Keith had been through a lot in the past seventeen years, and he also knew that Shiro meant everything to Keith. He respected Keith’s feelings and opinions, and always made sure that he didn’t overstep any boundaries. 

After dinner, the three of them all pitched in to clean up, as not one of them really wanted to do the dishes. Shiro had insisted that Curtis didn’t have to help out, that he was the guest, but despite his efforts, Curtis helped nonetheless. 

Shiro had, once the kitchen and dining room were set to rights, suggested that he and Curtis could watch a movie or do something together. What surprised Keith, was that Curtis asked him if he was okay with them doing something without him. 

“Oh, it’s fine. I have some work to do.” Keith told them both. 

“Are you sure?” Curtis asked. “I don’t want to feel like we’re excluding you from anything.”

Keith shook his head, giving a little smile. “No, really, it’s fine. Thanks for the offer, but I have stuff to get done for school tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Tuesday everyone!  
> I had Monday off b/c of President’s day, yay. I don’t celebrate many holidays, but I did use the entire day to write 3 new chapters. One of them is really depresso, but it ends really positively :D  
> I remember some people were hesitant about Curtis, cuz I did just sort of throw him in there at the beginning. My friends who used to proofread my work before I got i to the swing of the characters said that Curtis seemed out of place/forced. So I made it my goal to bring him back. Even if it’s just for a chapter or two. 
> 
> There’s not really much to this chapter, but it’s more so just saying that Keith is far more comfortable with Shiro’s current partner than Adam— which SHOULD be obvious. :)
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!!  
> ~Picci


	46. Chapter 46

Lance sat on the couch with Blue in his lap. He had found a tiny piece of string, and for Blue, even string was the best entertainment ever. 

He would dangle it in front of her, and then quickly drag it across the couch. Every time she caught it, Lance would give a little tug to break it free of her grasp, and guide her back to his lap. 

He loved Blue. Everyone knew that. 

Tired from running back and forth over and over again, Blue trotted back to Lance and curled up in his lap. 

Almost instantly, he began stroking the soft fluff on her cheeks and ears, earning a happy purr in return. 

These were happy times for Lance. Not because he was alone, but because he was with Blue. Anytime it was just him and his kitten, he was happy. 

But of course, the moment ended. 

He felt a gentle, yet strong tap on his shoulder. 

His mother stood behind the couch, smiling kindly at him. 

‘You’re back.’ Lance signed to her happily. 

She nodded as she smiled. ‘We have something for you.’ Slowly, she motioned to the dining area where Lance’s father was. 

Lance looked to his father and found a small wrapped box in his hands. ‘What is it?’

‘It wouldn’t be a surprise if we told you.’ His mother signed to him. ‘Why don’t you go open it?’

Nodding slowly, Lance picked up Blue, placed her down on the couch and climbed over the back to avoid going around the furniture. 

‘You’ve worked really hard lately, and we wanted to get you something.’ Lance’s father signed after he handed the gift to him. ‘It’s also nearing the end of the year, and we thought you’d like a little something. A reward of some sort.’

‘Thank you.’ Lance signed. ‘May I open it?’

Both of his parents nodded. 

Lance looked down at the small box in his hands. It had been wrapped, meaning it wasn’t just some sort of joke. 

Slowly, he unwrapped the box, opened it and found yet another box inside. 

He looked to his parents with confusion, but took out the second box anyway. Slowly, he opened it. 

Inside, he found two, gently packaged, and brand new hearing aids. 

His heart sank immediately. 

‘You can talk to him now.’ His mother said. ‘With no issues.’

Lance didn’t believe her. He looked down to the hearing aids and closed the box. Placing them on the table next to him, he asked, ‘How much were they?’

‘Don’t worry about the price.’ His father told him. 

‘We’ve been saving up for them. They’re the newest ones. Guaranteed to work for you.’

‘Why don’t you try them out?’ His mother asked, handing him the box. 

‘I’ll try them on by myself.’

Without saying anything else, he walked to the couch, picked up Blue and went upstairs to his room. 

He was, above all else, pissed. 

Lance never asked for hearing aids. He has never wanted them. Not since he was a kid. Not since his dreams were crushed because they hadn’t worked. None of the hearing aids had ever worked for him. He couldn’t understand how these could possibly be any different from the rest. 

Opening the door to his room, he found Rachel digging around his desk drawer. She turned around to face him instantly.

Once the door was closed and Blue was placed on the floor, Lance asked Rachel a simple question. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Looking for a highlighter. I left mine at school’

Lance raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. He didn’t believe her. 

Rachel, knowing she had been caught in a lie— and a terrible one —gave up on trying to convince her brother of her make believe story. ‘I’m kidding. I was waiting for you. Dad told me about the hearing aids. I wanted to see your reaction. Without the two of them.’

‘And you were looking through my desk because…?’

Rachel shrugged slowly. ‘In case one of them came upstairs, I had to pretend to be doing something.’

Lance pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head in disappointment. ‘You’re so stupid sometimes.’

‘So are you.’

Ignoring the little argument he had just created, Lance handed her the box he had been given. ‘Are these going to work?’

Rachel put the box on his desk, signing, ‘I’m not sure.’

‘They wasted their money again, didn’t they?’

‘No. They didn’t waste their money. They’re trying to help you.’

Lance nodded slowly. He didn’t believe her, but he wasn’t in the mood to argue. ‘I want to try them by myself.’

Rachel smiled kindly. ‘Best of luck, Lance. And please don’t worry if they don’t work.’ She quickly hugged her brother tightly. ‘You don’t need to hear the world to be a good person. You should know that by now.’

‘Thanks, Rachel. Now, if you’ll excuse me.’

Handing the box back to her brother, Rachel childishly waved to Blue and left her brother’s bedroom, heading to her own through the bathroom the two shared. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Lance didn’t know exactly how to tell his friends he had gotten hearing aids, so he decided to call them one at a time, hoping to hear their voice. 

Since Keith hardly ever answers his phone, Lance tried calling Hunk. But he didn’t pick up. Instead, Hunk had texted him back immediately, telling him that he was out of the house and busy. 

So he called Pidge. 

They answered immediately. 

‘Hey, Lance!’ They greeted him with a big smile. ‘What’s up?’

‘Well…’ Lance did not feel like telling them he had been given hearing aids, so he simply showed Pidge. 

‘Hearing aids?’ Pidge asked, making sure they had seen the item correctly.

Lance nodded. ‘I wanted to hear a friend’s voice first.’

‘Lance, that’s so kind.’ They told him, a touched smile on their lips. ‘I’m assuming Keith didn’t answer since you’re calling me and not him.’

‘I knew he wouldn’t answer, so I never called him.’

‘Also a good reason.’ 

Slowly, Lance placed the hearing aids in his ears, making sure they were both secured and turned on. ‘Okay…’ Taking a deep breath, Lance asked Pidge to say something to him. He told them it could be anything. No matter what it was, he wanted to hear their voice. 

Lance had known them since middle school, and even he couldn’t deny that he longed to know what their voice sounded like. 

Pidge did as they had been asked, talking to Lance about anything they wanted. 

But they didn’t get very far before Lance was fiddling with the little machines. 

‘Are they on?’ They asked. 

‘I think so.’ Lance answered. ‘Try again.’

Repeating what they had said, Pidge talked to Lance. But once again, they stopped as Lance began adjusting the hearing aids. 

‘Third time’s the charm.’ Pidge said optimistically, trying to keep their friend’s spirits up. 

Lance was growing annoyed. He wasn’t surprised that he was having issues, but he was very upset about it. He had turned them on, and made sure they were functioning properly. But still, he heard nothing. Not even when Pidge began talking the third time did he hear anything. 

It was completely silent. 

‘They don’t work, do they?’ Pidge slowly signed their question, their lips slowly forming a disappointed frown. 

Lance shook his head. ‘I should’ve known. They never work. I’m sorry for bothering you.’

Without warning, he hung up on his friend, not even paying attention to their frantic attempts to stop him from doing so. 

Fiddling with the hearing aids, Lance turned them up, trying to allow himself to hear  _ anything _ . He pulled up his web browsing app, searched for calming sounds and selected the first video he saw. 

_ ‘Calming sounds of birds and a stream’ _

He didn’t know what to expect, but he was desperate to hear something. His parents had spent quite a lot of money on his hearing aids, and he needed them to work. It wasn’t so much that he wanted to hear, but now, he was worried that his mother and father had wasted money on him. 

Lance pressed play on the video, held his phone up to his ear and waited. 

Nothing. 

He turned up the volume. 

No sound. 

Turning his volume as high as it would go, he tried again, restarting the video. 

No birds, or running water. 

Nothing that was described in the title. 

He heard nothing. 

Powering off his phone, Lance tossed it to the foot of his bed. 

Slamming the back of his head on the wall, Lance groaned loudly.

His parents had spent money on a useless gadget. 

His hands quickly went to his ears, and with one strong tug, he ripped the hearing aids from his ears and threw them against the wall. 

He sat there for a moment, huffing in anger as he stared at the hearing aids. 

One of them seemed to have broken into pieces, which he felt bad for breaking it, but was a bit too angered to care at this point. 

All of a sudden, Lance felt something wet slide down his ear. It dripped onto his shoulder and he instantly put a hand to his ear. 

Looking at his fingertips, he noticed they were covered with blood. 

Lance leapt from his bed, grabbed the hearing aids from the floor and ran into his sister’s room. 

Rachel was, of course, wearing headphones. She always was when she worked. 

He took a deep breath, repressing his jealousy. Lance dropped the hearing aids on her desk and tapped her shoulder. 

Rachel took out her headphones and looked to the hearing aids. ‘Do they work?’ She asked, not noticing her brother just yet. ‘This one’s broken, did it come like that?’

‘Fuck the hearing aids!’ Lance fingerspelled with his right hand. ‘My ears are bleeding!’

That got her attention. ‘What?!’ Getting to her feet, Rachel noticed the blood on his shoulder and his hands. She pulled a few tissues from the box on her desk and handed them to her brother. ‘Hold these to your ears, I’ll get mom.’

‘No!’ Lance quickly shook his head. ‘She can’t know I broke them.’

‘You broke them?!’

‘I was mad!’

Rachel shook her head in disappointment, but she didn’t protest her brother’s wishes. ‘Okay, fine. They got caught on your blanket or something.’

‘That’s a shit excuse.’

‘Lance! You need to go to the ER! We don’t have time for good excuses!’

She handed him a few more tissues, picked up the hearing aids from where Lance had placed them and ran out of her room. 

Lance watched as she shouted down the hallway towards their parents’ bedroom and in seconds, his mother came running down the hallway, a horrified look on her face. 

‘Are you okay?’ She asked, looking at his ears and blood stained hands. ‘Let’s take you to the hospital, where are the hearing aids?’

‘Rachel has them.’ Lance fingerspelled, still holding the tissues to his left ear. 

‘Quit signing!’ Rachel demanded her brother. ‘Hold the tissue to your ear, you idiot.’

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


It had taken a while for the bleeding to stop, but when it did, Lance had to get his ears cleaned and checked for ‘damage’ as the doctor had said. 

Lance sat on the edge of the bed in the ER, swinging his legs like a child as he waited. He tapped Rachel’s shoulder gently, waited for her attention and signed, ‘I think I officially broke my ears.’ As he signed, he began to laugh quietly. 

‘That’s not funny. You could’ve gotten an infection!’

‘At least Mom and Dad will stop asking about hearing aids.’

‘You’re really stupid, Lance. Get your priorities straight, then we can talk.’

‘How?’ He asked, a childish grin on his lips. 

Rachel stared at him in confusion. ‘What?’

‘I’m not exactly straight.’ Lance told her, a goofy look on his face. 

‘Puns are not your priority right now. Mom thinks you want to hurt yourself. And yes, she knows they didn’t just come out. She knows you pulled them out yourself.’

‘They don’t work, Rachel! How else was I supposed to react?’

Rachel shrugged, then signed, ‘Not like you did. You should’ve just taken them out and told Mom or Dad they don’t work. Not ripping them out of your ears like some madman.’

‘Of course you’d say that.’

‘What is that supposed to mean?’

‘You’re hearing.’ Lance signed rudely. ‘You couldn’t ever understand.’

‘Really? After everything I’ve done to help you in the past years you’re going to pull that card?’

Lance didn’t answer. He just stared at his feet. 

‘Hey.’ Rachel waved a hand in front of her brother’s face, but she got no response. ‘Hey. Lance!’ She tried again, still nothing. Rachel squatted down and sat on the floor in front of Lance. ‘Hello.’ 

Rolling his eyes, Lance decided to pay attention to her. ‘What?’ He asked. 

‘I’m sorry I’m not deaf, but I am your sister and I do have your back.’

Shrugging, Lance ignored her signs. ‘You’re hearing, Rachel. You can’t understand what it’s like to have your parents waste money on some shitty hearing aid that doesn’t even work. I’m a disappointment and a waste of funds. Every time something new comes out, they want to buy it. But it never works. So—‘

‘Okay, stop.’ Rachel got to her feet and forced her brother to look at her and not his feet. ‘You’re deaf. That’s literally it. Mom and Dad are just trying to help you. Stop saying things like that. You’re not a waste of space— or funds— whatever you said. You’re my idiot of a brother, and you’re also one of my best friends. Shits hard right now for you, and I get that, but maybe don’t be so depressed because Mom and Dad will throw you into counseling in a heartbeat if they think you’re going to hurt yourself or hate yourself.’

‘I don’t hate myself. I hate my circumstances. I’m deaf. That’s why I’m a waste.’

‘But you aren’t a waste of anything. Mom and Dad offer to buy you hearing aids and cochlear implants because they love you and want to make things simpler for you.’

Lance rolled his eyes and leaned forward, resting his chin in his palms. 

‘Come on, Lance. You’re not a waste of funds. I don’t even know what that means. You’re not an object. You’re a person. Sometimes, stupid, yes, but you’re a person, and Mom and Dad only do what they do to try and help you.’

‘Then they should ask me first! I never asked for some stupid hearing aids! I asked to talk, but that doesn’t mean I want to assimilate to shitty hearing culture!’

‘Hey, I’m hearing.’ Rachel signed as she pouted. ‘That’s so rude.’

‘You know what I mean.’

‘Maybe Mom and Dad made a bad choice, but they didn’t mean for it to upset you.’

‘Who’s side are you on, Rachel?’

‘My own side.’ She answered quickly. ‘This isn’t a you versus them situation. They’re your parents whether you like it or not. They were only trying to help.’

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


‘What the hell happened to your ears?!’ Pidge asked the second they saw Lance the following day.

‘Shit happened.’ He answered, sitting at his desk, immediately slouching.

‘No, I’m serious.’ They asked their question again, this time, being stern with him. ‘Why are your ears all red and bandaged? Did someone hurt you?’

Lance shook his head, and signed, ‘hearing aids.’

‘You didn’t pull them out, did you?’

Lance didn’t answer their question. 

‘What?! Lance you know—‘

He ignored the rest of their words. He couldn’t stand to be lecturer by anyone else. That’s all he had gotten yesterday evening. 

His mother and father had talked to him for  _ hours _ about his actions. He was tired of listening to everyone telling him what to do and how to act. If he was angry, he felt it was his right to act the way he wanted to. 

‘Lance!’ Pidge waved their hand in front of his face trying to get his attention. ‘I’m trying to—’

‘Fuck off, will you?’ Lance signed, turning away from Pidge to put some amount of distance between the two of them, even if it was only a centimeter. 

Pidge tapped his shoulder multiple times, waiting a few seconds between each to give Lance time to react. 

‘What do you want?!’ He asked, filled to the brim with anger. 

Pidge didn’t reply immediately. They just stared at him, trying to read his emotions. Until finally, they asked, ‘What happened, Lance? What did they do?’

‘I was lectured.’

‘About self harm or…?’

Lance shook his head. ‘About hearing.’

‘You’re joking.’

‘No, Pidge. I sat through two and a half hours of their bullshit. They told me about how I should be more open to hearing aids, and cochlear implants. That instead of being angry, I should’ve instead felt bad for them for buying something that wasn’t working. Instead of being reminded of how useless my ears are, and how much of a burden I can be, I should have instead focussed my attention on my parents. They bought the stupid aids without even asking me if I wanted them! I know why they bought them, and they can go fuck themselves because of it.’

‘Lance, that’s harsh. Even if you are angry at them.’

Shaking his head, he signed, ‘It's not. They don’t give a shit about why I learned to use my voice. They just want me to be normal. What the fuck even is normal?!’

‘I thought your parents helped you to talk.’

‘No. They didn’t. They sometimes sat there while I learned, but they never helped me. I know my mom hates why I learned to talk.’

Pidge thought for a moment before they replied. ‘I’m Sorry that happened. Me being me, I want to tell you how they had some good intentions, but I can’t.’

‘Don’t talk about it with anyone. Please. My ears hurt and so does my soul.’

‘Can I at least ask why they bought the aids?’

With a scowl, Lance signed, ‘because they want me to talk. They treat my voice like a circus animal.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyy time for some *dabs* LANGST!  
> This was actually supposed to be wayyyyyy sooner on in the fic, but after I started writing it more and more I thought it’d be out of place. Originally, Lance was supposed to see Keith when he went to the ER, but I couldn’t figure out a logical way to put them both in that place at the same time. So it went here. I think it fits here better 😌  
> So we got some nice tension between Lance and his parents because he doesn’t want the hearing aids, but they clearly want him to have bearing aids   
> Also, my OG plan was to give Lance his hearing in this chapter, but I’m just going to tell you right now, I really don’t like that idea— at all. It’d be like wiping away all of his development and I don’t like that. I thought it’d be a cool plot twist for this chapter, like ‘Lance hates hearing aids but them omg they work’. And I ran with that for a while, but a few months ago I decided to scrap that idea since his hearing (or... lack there of) is a HUGE part of his character.  
> So yeah. Oh btw. This doesn’t mean hearing aids are gonna be gone from the story. Nah, they’ll come back. Because like I said, his parents are desperate for him to hear and for him to talk more.
> 
> So we got some drama going on ôwô 
> 
> As always, thanks soooooo much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!!
> 
> ~Picci


	47. Chapter 47

Friday. It was exactly one week since Keith had been discharged from the hospital. And the first time he would spend an evening somewhere other than his home or a hospital room in weeks. 

This week’s game night was at Lance’s place. Which, clearly, created some hesitation for Keith. Up until recently, he thought Lance’s family didn’t like him. But clearly, at least according to Pidge and Hunk, Lance’s family liked Keith quite a bit. 

And so, taking a deep breath, Keith headed from the sidewalk up to the door. 

“I’m glad I have you, Kosmo.” He mumbled to his dog. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m scared of Lance’s mother.”

Kosmo seemed to reply to Keith’s concerns, whining softly as he padded along beside him. 

“You think so too, don’t you?” Keith smirked. 

Before he was even able to give a knock on the door, it swung open. 

“Someone tell Lance his boyfriend is here!” Rachel didn’t seem to acknowledge Keith immediately, which puzzled him. 

Keith stood on the small porch in embarrassment, immediately correcting her. “Oh, no we’re not—”

“Hey, Keith.”

“Hey…” He said back hesitantly.

“Come on in. Don’t worry, our parents are out.”

“Wait… Then who were you yelling at?”

“My brothers. They both have a three day weekend or something so they came home.”

“Oh…”

“But you don’t have to interact with them. I don’t. They’re really annoying. Come on, come in.”

Nodding, Keith stepped inside. He slipped off his shoes and hung up his jacket. The weather had been warmer today than in recent days, which meant that he didn’t have to lug his big winter coat around. He could finally use the jacket he uses in the spring and fall. It’s far more portable and lighter.

“Lance is coming down, finally. I’ll leave you be.”

Rachel left Keith in the doorway, and based on the sound of her footsteps, she seemed to have skipped off. 

Kosmo perked up the minute he saw Lance, panting as he always did when he saw any of Keith’s friends.

“Hey.” Keith mumbled, giving a tiny wave. 

Lance took ahold of Keith’s hand, and gently tugged on his wrist.

“You want me to follow you?” Keith asked, making up random signs to convey his message. 

Lance fingerspelled the word ‘yes’ on Keith’s palm before slowly walking away. 

It was obvious where he was going, they only ever gathered in the host’s bedroom. It was the most private of places. 

Keith was less so following Lance, and more so retracing the steps of the path he always took. He had Kosmo in case he took a wrong turn, but for the most part, Keith knew his way around Lance’s house. He knew his way around all of his friend’s houses. Pidge’s best since it was the smallest, but all of them nonetheless. 

Once inside Lance’s bedroom, Keith felt a strong tug on Kosmo’s leash. 

“Oh, shoot. He’s probably never seen Blue before.” Hunk’s voice came from somewhere in the room. 

“Kosmo, sit…!” Keith ordered his dog in a hushed whisper. Kosmo sat like he had asked, but Keith could tell his dog was not paying attention to him. 

“Do you want to let him go or should we move Blue?”

Keith shrugged slowly. “I trust Kosmo, but not Blue— I mean. Don’t tell Lance I said that about his cat.”

“Lance says Blue can spend a few hours without him.”

Keith nodded, stepped a little further into the room and took a seat. 

He could hear Blue hissing defensively at Kosmo as Lance took the cat elsewhere. 

“What are Lance’s brothers like?” Keith asked his friend in curiosity.

“Marco is a crackhead, but Luis is chill.” Pidge answered. 

“Where did you come from?!” Keith asked them, unaware they were in the room until now.

“Oh, bathroom. It’s a total mess. Don’t use Lance’s bathroom.”

“Thanks for the advice…?”

“You’re welcome!” Pidge said happily. “So, how was the drive? Hopefully not too weird.”

“Weird? Why would it be weird?”

“Because you and Lance are  _ a thing _ and Hunk and I are kind of like third wheels.”

“We’re not… ‘a thing’...”

“What?” Hunk asked quickly. “I thought you two were? Lance said you two were dating.”

“Lance is clearly not telling the truth.” Keith replied. “We are  _ not _ dating. It’s that simple.”

“Well, he’s back now so drop the conversation.”

“Why? It’s not like he can…” Keith trailed off, realizing how insensitive his words were. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean that…”

Neither Pidge nor Hunk said anything. They knew where Keith’s statement was going. And even though they knew Keith meant nothing by it, and that he stopped himself from saying anything rude, the connotation was still uncalled for. 

“Um… Anyway… Hi, Lance.” Keith waved to his friend, trying to cover up his mistake. He had already said hello to Lance, but he didn’t know what else to do.

“Hello.” Lance said back. He didn’t say anything more, but he did begin signing.

“Lance said he’s sorry for Blue’s behavior.” Hunk informed Keith. “He says she’s never seen a dog before and was just startled.”

“It’s fine.” Keith said, signing the word ‘fine’.

“Where did you learn your sign?” Pidge asked. “I thought all you knew was the alphabet.”

Keith shook his head and slowly signed, ‘I know a little sign’. He mumbled the words to himself, and forced a smile.

“Lance wants to know who taught you.”

“Shiro.” Keith answered. “Well, technically YouTube. But Shiro helped position my hands properly. He doesn’t know sign language, by the way. He knows less than me actually.”

“I wish you could see Lance’s face right now.” Hunk said. “He looks really happy.”

“He does?” Keith asked. “It’s just a little sign language.”

“You’re one of the few people who have actually learned ASL to talk to him.” Pidge told Keith. “That’s a big deal.”

“Really? Why?”

“Well.” Hunk began, “Imagine that you move somewhere completely new, you don’t know the language and can’t understand it no matter how hard you try. And then someone decides they’ll learn your language so you don’t feel left out.”

Keith slowly nodded. 

“Now put that into the context of deaf and hearing. No one is asking blind people to just see— no offense by the way— and it hurts when people want Lance to assimilate. But when someone decides to speak his language, that makes his world ten times— no, one hundred times better. He’s not isolated anymore.”

“Oh… I guess it is a big deal then.”

“Yeah, it’s a really big deal.”

Keith smiled for a brief second before his happiness faded and he asked, “What about the hearing aids? Did anything happen after that?”

“You mean, Lance didn’t tell you?” Pidge asked.

Keith shook his head. 

“He hasn’t spoken to his parents since.” 

“Seriously?!”

“Yeah. You didn’t know?” Hunk asked.

Again, Keith shook his head.

“You two really aren't  _ a thing _ …” Pidge said quietly. 

“Why’d they even get him the hearing aids? I don’t understand that. He doesn’t want them, right? So why’d they get them?”

“Who knows.” Hunk said, answering the question. “They want what they think is best for him. But he’s happy without the aids.”

“Lance…” Keith said and signed his words. “I’m sorry. They’re wrong.”

“Shit, dude, when did you learn all of that?!” Pidge asked before he was even finished. “That’s a lot of signs.”

“Today.” Keith answered sheepishly. “I thought I could impress his parents, you know? Show that I’m not just some suicidal asshole.”

“Who said they think that?”

Keith slowly pointed to where he thought Lance was sitting based on where Hunk and Pidge’s voices were coming from.. 

The room was quiet for a moment until Keith’s ears picked up the soft sounds of Lance’s signs. Both Pidge and Hunk were silent, which raised the question of ‘what was he saying’.

Instead of asking for anything to be translated, Keith just kept his head down his mouth shut, and his hands on his dog.

Maybe he wasn’t supposed to know what Lance was signing to them. Was it about him? 

If so, then maybe it was best he didn’t know. 

“Keith.” Hunk’s questioning tone pulled Keith from his thoughts.

“Yeah?” He said quietly with a nod.

“Lance wants you to know what his parents really think of you.”

“What do you mean?” Keith asked. “I know what they think. It’s okay, he doesn’t need to make things up.”

“He’s not making it up, Keith.” Pidge told him. “His parents really do like you. At least… They like what you did and are doing for Lance.”

“See?” Keith said snarkily. “They don’t like me.”

“They don’t even know you, Keith.”

“Fucking hell, why is that  _ everyone’s  _ excuse?!”

“What… What do you mean?” Hunk asked hesitantly. He could sense the difference in Keith, not just in his tone but in his posture as well.

“That’s all anyone ever says. ‘They don’t know me’. They don’t know me because they’ve already made an assumption about me. That’s all anyone ever does. They see me, they make an assumption and then they never interact with me. Lance’s parents hate me because they’ve never fucking talked to me! Why do you think I hate coming here?! It’s not because of  _ us _ , it’s because his family is so goddamn closed minded!”

“Is there something you want to get off your chest…?” Pidge asked after taking a deep breath.

“No.” Keith answered their question quickly, but changed his answer even faster. “Well… Maybe. But it doesn’t matter.”

“Someone’s told you that before, haven’t they?” Hunk asked, his voice filled with sympathy.

Keith slowly nodded.

“And I’m assuming they told you that a lot…?”

Again he nodded. 

“Who?”

“My brother.”

“Who was it about?” Pidge asked, sounding more curious than Hunk. 

“His boyfriend…”

“The guy who fostered the dogs?”

“No. His ex. I’ve told you all about him before. Right…?”

“You might have.” Pidge answered. 

“He was the one that… You know… Hurt you, correct?” Hunk asked.

Keith nodded.

“Well, fuck. I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s fine.” Keith told them.

“No, I’m serious. I didn’t mean to make that connection. I’m really sorry, Keith.”

“I said it’s fine.”

Kosmo interrupted the conversation with a small whine. He rolled over in Keith’s lap and licked the teen’s palm. 

“Thanks, Kosmo…” Keith whispered, stroking his dog’s soft ears in response. 

“If it helps, Lance says his father wants to get to know you.”

“What about his mom?”

“She’s the most protective of the two.” Pidge informed Keith. “Like Hunk said, it really is just Lance’s dad. But she’ll come around eventually.”

“What about his siblings?”

“They’re all pretty chill.” Hunk answered positively. “Rachel likes you, as I’m sure you know. Marco thinks you’re probably a cool person, and Luis agrees. Veronica just feels like crap for yelling at your brother, but she thinks you’re a pretty nice person.”

“I’m not  _ nice _ .” Keith retorted. “I’m the opposite of  _ nice _ . Lance is nice. I’m not.”

“Lance thinks otherwise.” Pidge said in a sing-song tone. 

“Of course he does…”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“I can give you a lift home if you want.” Rachel told Keith as he waited in the front hall.

Shaking his head, Keith said, “No, it’s fine. Shiro’s on his way. He just left a few minutes late.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m—”

“Leave him be, Rach. He just wants to spend some time with Lance.”

“Marco…! Shut up…!”

“Shit, Keith is blind, not deaf.” 

“What…?!” Keith asked quickly. “Wait! You thought I was deaf?!”

“Rach said you were learning ASL, I thought you were deaf. I mean, I know you’re not but I got confused for a second.”

“I’d already know ASL…”

“You can go deaf later in life.” Rachel said, simply pointing out a fact.

“Oh… Yeah… That’s true.”

“Anyway! Are you sure you don’t want a ride?”

Keith shook his head, “thanks, but no. My brother is on his way.”

“Where  _ is _ Lance?” Marco asked, sounding as though his mouth was full of food.

“First of all, swallow your food. Second of all, I really don’t know.”

“What's it like being the youngest of all of your siblings?” Keith asked with curiosity, hoping to change the subject.

“Ask Lance.”

“You’re  _ twins _ .”

“I’m  _ older _ .”

“But you’re literally  _ twins _ …!”

“Don’t even try, Keith.” Marco told him. “Rach doesn’t care about dates. All she cares about is time.”

Without warning, someone tossed their arms around Keith and gave him a hug from behind.

“Lance…!” Keith instinctively used his voice to show his displeasure. 

‘Hey, Keith.’ Lance fingerspelled to his friend.

With a sigh, Keith signed back, saying, ‘Please let go.’

‘They’re not here.’ Lance informed him. ‘Rachel left. Marco too. 

Nodding, Keith decided to relax. 

‘You’re weird.’ Lance told Keith before he let go and moved to be in front of him. ‘Too tense.’

Keith scoffed when he read Lance’s signs. ‘False.’ He told him in response.

‘True.’ Lance argued childishly. 

‘No.’ Keith signed, unintentionally smiling. ‘You are weird.’

Lance started to laugh. Although it was quiet, he sounded so happy. 

‘Stop.’ Keith told him. ‘I can not laugh.’

Lance took ahold of Keith’s hands, placing Keith’s palms on his cheeks before he shook his head.

Keith lowered his eyebrows, which he learned was a way to question things in ASL, and hoped Lance would get his message. He had forgotten the sign for ‘what’ and didn’t even think to spell it out. 

‘You can.’ Lance fingerspelled back. 

Keith shook his head, withholding his own laughter. 

But soon enough the two of them were laughing. 

It was sweet actually. Just the two of them being dorks. Keith, in his own way, liked it. He liked the positivity he was gaining from this silly little interaction. Although, he was completely unaware of the difference between their emotions in that instant. They both were. 

If Keith had his vision, he would have been able to see how close the two were standing. 

Lance was mere inches in front of Keith, maybe even centimeters. 

And suddenly, A completely unexpected thing happened. 

If Keith could have seen this coming, he would have stopped it.

But he was so caught off guard he didn’t know how to respond. 

With no lead up, and with absolutely no warning whatsoever, Lance suddenly, yet gently, planted a kiss on Keith’s lips. 

Every inch of Keith’s body was filled with adrenaline. He froze up completely. No matter what thoughts he had, he couldn’t move. 

Keith didn’t like this. He didn’t like how sudden it was. He wasn’t prepared and he wasn’t ready. 

He was desperate to pull away, but his back was against a wall. It thought it would be rude to push Lance backwards. But he also needed to get out of this situation. 

He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He felt his entire body grow hot and he could feel his fingertips trembling and tingling with anxiety. 

Keith had  _ never _ been kissed before. 

The last time he was shown affection like this was from his mother, when he was a toddler. But that was familial. Not whatever  _ this _ was.

And to make matters worse, the two of them were not alone.

Just as Keith built up the courage to act upon his racing thoughts, a woman gasped loudly in shock to the left of him. And he recognized her in an instant. 

Of course Lance’s mother had seen them. 

Who else would it have been? 

As quickly as he could, Keith pulled away from Lance. He didn’t mean to push his friend away, but he  _ needed _ to put space between the two of them.

“Ke—Keith.” She said, stuttering and muttering multiple times. “Your— Your brother. He’s outside.”

Keith barely nodded. He was, like Lance’s mother, in shock. His reasons were different from hers, but they were reasons nonetheless. 

With a tight grip to Kosmo’s leash, Keith left Lance’s house as fast and as silently as he could. He said nothing to Lance, nor to his mother. 

Keith simply slipped out of the house as if he had never even been there in the first place. 

He was so embarrassed to the point where he thought he might even be humiliated. 

Keith could almost scream when he heard his brother ask him a question. 

“How was everything?” Shiro asked, before Keith even had time to close the door.

Keith, of course, didn’t answer. 

“Where’s your coat?”

“I left it inside.”

“Go and get it, silly.” Shiro sounded as happy as always. 

Keith only shook his head.

“Are you okay…?”

Slowly, he shook his head again.

“What happened?”

“Lance… He… Hekissedme….” Keith mumbled. 

“What…?”

“ _ He _ …  _ Kissed _ …  _ Me _ …” Keith repeated himself, clearly that time.

“Oh, whoa. That’s new.” Shiro commented.

Keith only nodded. 

“What was it like?”

Keith didn’t give an answer. 

“Awkward? That’s alright. Your first kiss is often awkward.”

Unable to find his words, Keith shook his head instead.

“It wasn’t awkward?” Shiro didn’t wait for a response before he asked, “Was it nice?”

Keith shook his head again.

“Why? What happened?”

“I didn’t want it. I wasn’t prepared either. I mean— Fuck that makes it sound really bad. He didn’t  _ force _ it. He just… Did it… I didn’t really have time to respond before…”

“Before what…?”

“Before his mom walked in.”

“Oh, that’s not good.”

“It’s terrible!”

“She isn’t… prejudice to gay people, is she?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

“Is she homophobic?”

“I don’t know  _ what _ she is! But she sounded so disgusted by it! Like it was illegal for people— regardless of sexuality— to like each other or something. I don’t even like Lance! Not the way she thinks I do!”

“Wait… Go back a bit. Lance kissed you, without asking, and then, how long after did his mother see?”

“It had only been about a millisecond or something! I was just standing there when—“

“When what…?”

“Hold on….” Keith said, pulling his phone from his pocket. “He texted me. I have to make sure she’s not beating him or something.”

“Lance’s parents hit him?”

Keith shrugged. “I doubt it, but I wouldn’t put it past them. His mom is kind of old fashioned and strict.”

Unlocking his phone with one hand, he plugged in his headphones with his other. 

“You know I can easily—“

“No, Shiro. You can’t read my texts.”

_ ‘I’m sorry.’ _ Lance had sent.  _ ‘I thought you’d be okay with it. I didn’t know my mom would see either. I’m sorry I made it uncomfortable.’ _

Using the VoiceOver AI to type out his message, Keith gave Lance a simple reply.  _ ‘It’s fine. We need to talk about it though.’ _

_ ‘Now?’ _

_ ‘Later.’ _

_ ‘Okay. Goodnight <3’ _

__ “What the hell is a less than symbol and a three?!” Keith asked Shiro, turning his phone screen towards his brother.

“I think that’s a heart.” Shiro answered. “Although, I don’t know why he wouldn’t just use an emoji.”

Powering off his phone, Keith tossed it into his lap and groaned loudly in annoyance.

“Whoa, careful…! Those things are expensive…!”

That only made Krith groan louder. He didn’t need to listen to Shiro's parental lectures right now. “I hate this  _ so _ much.”

“What do you mean…?”

“His mother  _ hates _ me, for starters. Plus I barely know if I like him and he’s already sending things like that,  _ and _ he kissed me! How am I supposed to respond to  _ any _ of that?!”

“You can start by taking a deep breath.” Shiro instructed calmly. “Then, you can think your feelings over in your head while we go home.” 

The car inched forward and soon, it was moving at a steady pace through the suburban streets of Lance’s neighborhood.

“Then,” Shiro went on, keeping his calm tone, “I suggest you and I talk through it once or twice before you say anything to Lance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe :))))  
> Things got spicy today.  
> I have absolutely no idea how y’all will take this chapter. But it gets pretty intense (okay not /that/ intense, but still) after this cuz Keith has a few things to say about what Lance did.   
> They’re not gonna have a falling out over this. Well... Maybe not... Depends on how you define that.   
> I can promise you that the ending IS happy tho. I haven’t written it yet, but it is happy.   
> We’ve got maybe 15 more chapters...? I don’t want to go too far over 60, because I still have to draw this all out, but I don’t want to cut anything out. 
> 
> Well Thanks as always. Your support is amazing.
> 
> ~Picci


	48. Chapter 48

On monday, Lance met Keith early in the morning to discuss their differences in opinions before the academics started up again for the week.

As always when he saw him, Lance felt butterflies in his chest and his stomach. He really did love Keith. No matter what Keith's feelings were.

Gently, he tapped Keith on the shoulder, smiling when his friend noticed his presence. “Hello, Keith.” He said his words as he always did, not too loud, and not too quiet. 

Keith gave a simple wave back before he lowered himself into a sitting position, crossing his legs and allowing Kosmo to half sit in his lap, half sit on the ground next to him. 

Lance copied the motion of his friend, sitting in front of him and crossing his legs. 

‘Lance.’ Keith fingerspelled his friend’s name slowly. ‘We have to talk.’

“Okay.” Lance said.

‘I know you love me.’

Lance quickly nodded, although he wasn’t completely sure why he did since Keith couldn’t see his motions. “I love you.” 

‘I know.’ Keith signed back. 

‘You practiced more ASL?’ Lance fingerspelled to his friend, intentionally avoiding the subject.

Keith nodded and took his hands back. ‘I know you love me.’ He signed slowly, he wasn’t fingerspelling any of this. ‘I don’t know if I love you.’

“I love you, Keith.”

‘I know.’ Keith replied. He looked tense, and Lance knew it was his fault. 

He kept saying the same thing. Lance was avoiding the subject of conversation. That was angering Keith, because he  _ wanted _ to talk this out. 

But Lance wasn't sure if he wanted to. What if Keith didn’t like him at all? What if Keith thought poorly of him because he was being so upfront about his feelings? Was he pushing it too much?

Slowly, Lance took ahold of Keith’s hands, slowly spelling out the words, ‘I’m sorry.’

Keith immediately shook his head. ‘Don’t be.’ He fingerspelled. 

‘How?’ Lance asked.

‘Not your fault.’ Keith signed back slowly. ‘My fault.’

“No!” Lance quickly blurted out the word. 

Keith looked shocked for a moment. He was under the impression Lance only knew a few words, and ‘no’ was not one of them.

However, just as Keith had practiced his ASL, Lance had practiced his speech. His brothers had been eager to hear his voice, and offered to help him say more than just the six words he already knew. It was a deal of some sort. Lance didn’t want to talk, but he did want to learn more, so Luis and Marco helped him learn a few more words, just to make conversations easier.

‘It is.’ Keith spelled out the words letter by letter. ‘It is all my fault.’

“No it’s not!” Lance knew his voice was louder than Keith wanted it to be, but he couldn’t help it. 

‘Lance, stop!’ Keith ordered his friend to be quiet. ‘Please, stop.’

“It’s not.” Lance told Keith, trying to keep his voice quieter despite not having a good reference level. “I love you.”

‘It’s my fault.’ Keith fingerspelled. ‘I don’t love me. How can I love you?’ He wasn’t sure his signs were perfect, but he didn’t want to spell everything out either. 

“I love you.” Lance just repeated the phrase he had said many times already. And when he saw Keith begin to shake his head, he quickly grabbed ahold of his hands. 

‘I love you, Keith.’ Lance signed the words slowly to help Keith understand. ‘I’m sorry you don’t love you.’

Keith allowed Lance to sign—or more so spell—his thoughts. He didn’t pull away, and he didn’t try and interrupt. 

‘I want you to know what love is. You deserve it. You are not at fault. I promise.’

Pausing only to look at Keith for a moment, Lance forced a smile. He knew Keith couldn’t see it, but he knew it helped him to stay calm. 

‘I want to be your boyfriend.’ Lance went on, keeping the pace of his signed letters slow. ‘I want that, because you deserve to be loved.’

Ever so slowly, Keith nodded. And then he signed his reply. ‘Thank you, Lance.’ Keith kept his head down as he signed to his friend, but he did appear to be happy. Or at least he wasn’t upset. ‘It means a lot. But please, do not ever kiss me again.’

‘I won’t.’

‘Ask before you do, I can’t see you, remember?’ It took Keith a while to get that part out, as he didn’t know any of the signs except for ‘remember’.

‘Absolutely.’ Lance signed back, smiling big. ‘I promise.’

Lance slowly let go of Keith’s right hand, lifting his left to Keith’s forehead. Gently, He pushed Keith’s bangs out of his eyes. He was going to relax his hand, but something caught his eye. A small part of Keith’s forehead was discolored. Was it a scar? How old was it? Was that why he kept his head down? Or why he had such long bangs?

He didn’t get very far in his investigation though, as Keith immediately flinched and leaned backwards, away from Lance, at the slightest touch to his forehead. 

‘Please don’t do that either.’

‘Why?’

‘I don’t like it.’

‘Does it hurt?’

‘Don’t touch my forehead, Lance. Please.’

“Okay.” Lance replied. A question came to him, and he didn’t hesitate to ask. ‘Will you be okay if we set up boundaries?’

‘Boundaries?’

Lance signed, ‘yes’, before explaining, in the simplest of terms possible to limit the letters Keith would have to interpret, what boundaries are in terms of a relationship. 

‘I know what boundaries are.’ Keith signed back, a snarky smile on his lips. 

Lance couldn’t help but give a laugh, a slightly nervous one at that. ‘Of course you do.’

‘We need boundaries, Lance.’ Keith told him. ‘I won’t be okay unless we have them.’

“Okay, Keith.” Lance said to his friend. 

‘First,’ Keith began, and this time when he signed, he wasn’t tilting his head down, he was actually holding his head upright, at least, more than before. ‘Don’t touch me without asking.’

“Okay.”

‘Never mind. Don’t do anything without asking me.’

‘Ask first, then act?’ Lance asked for clarification.

Keith nodded. 

‘I can do that.’ Lance spelled out the words in Keith’s palm. ‘Anything else?’

Keith. nodded again. ‘No pet names.’

‘I don’t know any.’ Lance admitted. ‘Never used them, don’t know them.’

‘Good.’

‘Can I give you a name sign?’

‘What?’

‘Name sign.’ Lance repeated the signs. ‘It’s your name as one sign, without all of the fingerspelling.’

Keith seeme to laugh at Lance’s statement. ‘I hate fingerspelling.’ He admitted, signing the whole sentence without using any letters. 

‘Same here.’ Lance signed back, withholding his own laughter. ‘Here. This is my name sign.’ Lance positioned Keith’s right hand to form an L, and then proceeded to move it in the correct motion so that it signed ‘Lance’, the way  _ he _ signed it.

‘Lance.’ Keith repeated the action, keeping his left hand on Lance’s right just in case Lance needed to correct him. 

Instantly, Lance started clapping his hands. He wasn’t one for audibly showing his emotions, but it seemed better than giving what Rachel called ‘jazz hands’. ‘Yes!’ He signed the word a few times out of happiness. ‘That’s my name.’

‘How do you sign Keith?’

Lance thought for a moment, a long moment. He had given both Hunk and Pidge name signs. His family had all been given signs by his teacher at South Hill. To Lance, making a name sign was almost as important as naming a kid. It gave the person a means of being addressed, one that distinguished them from everyone else. 

Names are always fingerspelled until the person is given a name sign. For the past five or so months, Lance had been signing ‘Keith’ letter by letter. He also signed out other names that way, but  _ only _ to Keith since he didn’t know anyone’s name signs yet. 

Finally, he thought of one. He signed it a few times to himself to make sure he liked it, and to make sure it fit. 

Then, He took ahold of Keith’s right hand, formed a ‘K’, and slowly moved Keith’s hand in the motion to create his  _ new  _ name.

‘That is Keith.’ Lance signed to his friend. 

‘You made that up.’ 

‘I gave you a name sign.’

‘This is mine? No one else has this?’

Lance placed Keith’s hand on his cheek, nodded, let go of Keith’s hand and said “It‘s you.” 

He watched as Keith began to smile. 

The normally negative and reserved teenager smiled. A real smile. He was happy. Lance didn’t know the exact reason for Keith’s smiling, but it filled him with joy to see Keith happy. 

Keith repeated the sign he had just been taught over and over again. Smiling more each time he signed his name. 

Lance gave a tiny amused giggle. “Keith.” 

Stopping mid sign, Keith tilted his head upwards to let Lance know he heard him. 

‘You like the sign?’ Lance asked, incorporating a few signs to his question. 

‘What’s…’ Keith repeated one of the signs Lance had done, wanting him to finger spell it for him.

‘Like.’ Lance spelled out the sign. 

Keith nodded quickly. ‘Yes.’ 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Lance walked with a small spring in his step. Today really had no significance. At least not where he lived. Today was, in all actuality, just another day in March. Sure, it was basically halfway through the month— minus a couple of days— but for the majority of people in this country, today meant absolutely nothing. 

But Lance had other ideas. 

Just two days ago, Lance and Keith had come to an agreement on their relationship ‘status’. They could be boyfriends as long as Lance agreed to Keith’s boundaries, Keith agreed to Lance’s boundaries and neither of them did anything to contradict the agreement. 

Keith had also explained to Lance his hesitance with relationships. Not so long ago Keith had been the victim of his brother’s relationship. He told Lance how this impacted him, how it made him feel, and how it —even today— affected how he acted. Lance allowed Keith to share all of his worries, concerns and emotions surrounding the idea of relationships. Keith had even noted how he didn’t want to give others even more reason to stare at him. He was ‘poor’, he ‘used a dog to get around’, and adding ‘homosexuality’ onto his list of insecurities really didn’t help. Lance didn’t believe any of these things were issues. He didn’t see any problems with Keith, other than his self doubt. Lance didn’t even think about Keith being at the lower end of the economic status. He had always thought Keith was like him and Pidge and Hunk when it came to wealth. But the more he thought about it, he could understand why Keith may be low on funds, his brother  _ is _ the only source of income for the two of them. 

Even so, Lance promised that he’d make sure to have Keith’s back if  _ anyone  _ said or did anything cruel or even just a little bit insensitive. Lance had also, not so jokingly, said that he’d rather someone called him the r-slur for his voice than Keith feel insecure about any part of him. 

That was two days ago. 

That was, in a sense, the past. Today is the present, and Lance has a small gift for his boyfriend. 

He met his friends at their lunch table as he always did. Taking a seat Lance placed a small box in front of him and waved to his friends to greet them.

‘Fancy box.’ Pidge noted. ‘What’s inside.’ 

‘Don't touch it.’ Lance ordered, having to swat their inquisitive hands from his box. ‘It’s not for you.’

‘So it’s a gift?’ Hunk asked. 

Lance nodded. 

“Keith.” Lance said his friend’s name out loud, and waited for his response. 

Keith looked up from his default ‘shoe-stare’. That’s what Lance decided to call it. A new nickname Lance put on Keith’s daily posture. 

‘Yeah?’ He asked. ‘What?’

Turning to Pidge and then to Hunk, Lance asked them to voice his signs since Keih was sitting diagonally from him. 

‘This is for you.’ Lance told him. ‘Happy White Day.’

‘What the fuck is ‘White Day’?’ Pidge asked.

‘A holiday.’ Lance answered. ‘I did my research.’

Keith hesitantly took the small box from Lance. It was obvious that he wasn’t sure how to respond to the gesture. 

‘You celebrate it, don’t you?’ Lance asked. 

After Keith was told what Lance had said, he gave a slow nod, adding a ‘so-so’ gesture. 

‘He says his brother does.’ Hunk told Lance. ‘He’s indifferent to it. Like Valentines Day.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Lance quickly signed. ‘I thought you celebrated it. I know your brother does so I thought you did too. I’m so sorry.’

‘How did you know Shiro celebrates it?’ Pidge asked, signing Keith’s words.

‘Veronica told me. She knows your brother. I thought you’d like it.’

Keith, regardless of if he wanted to or not, turned a dark shade of red. 

‘Is he okay?’

‘Yeah, he’s fine.’ Hunk answered. ‘Just embarrassed. In a good way.’

Keith turned his body slightly so that he was facing Lance. ‘Thank you. Lance.’ He signed, using Lance’s name sign and everything. ‘I like it.’

‘Really?!’

Keith gave a small nod. ‘Yes. Thank you.’

Lance smiled big when he read Keith’s signs. ‘You’re very welcome. I should have asked you, but I forgot. I’ll ask next time, definitely.’

‘It’s fine.’ Keith replied once he had heard Lance’s words. ‘I’m okay, it’s fine. I like it.’

‘He really only knows about five signs.’ Pidge commented. ‘You should teach him more so he doesn’t sound like a broken record.’

‘He doesn’t sound like anything to me.’

‘Okay, stop it.’ Pidge told Lance, their face contorted into a smile. They were trying so hard not to laugh. 

‘I will. Don’t worry. Just give us time. He’s not used to being touched and—’ Lance stopped signing when he saw Pidge widen their eyes. 

‘I don’t need details.’

‘It’s not like that! I swear! I mean he doesn’t like it when it’s physical.’

Pidge burst out into laughter. ‘You’re making it worse!’

‘What did you sign?’ Keith asked.

‘Hunk, don’t tell him, please.’

Hunk nodded, then slowly pointed to Pidge, who instantly turned to Keith and began talking.

Lance practically lunged across the table to try and silence them, but they had already said enough. 

‘Lance!’ Keith looked both angry and embarrassed. He immediately began talking to Pidge and Hunk, most likely explaining to them that Lance is terrible with words and said something completely wrong. 

But even though Keith was undoubtedly displeased with Lance’s horrible explanation, he seemed to be happy. At least slightly amused by the whole situation. 

Even with all of his own embarrassment, Lance was trying not to laugh. 

‘All I meant was he isn’t comfortable when people touch him.’ Lance signed to his friends, trying his best to keep a serious face. ‘He doesn’t like physical contact. That’s all I meant.’

‘But have you had sex?’ Pidge asked.

‘No!’

‘Are you sure?’ They asked, purposefully pressing Lance’s buttons. 

‘Really?’ He asked them, rolling his eyes.

‘Have you even kissed each other?’

‘Why do you care?’ Lance asked, a sudden feeling of aggravation growing inside of him. 

‘You totally have!’

‘Pidge, come on.’ Hunk signed. ‘It’s none of our business.’

‘I’m just asking.’

‘Well don’t.’ Lance told them, narrowing his eyes to, in a sense, tell them to shut up. ‘It’s none of your business. It’s no one’s business but me and Keith.’

‘Fine…’ Pidge signed back. ‘I’m just interested in it all.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who’s got a name sign now!   
> It’s ya boi, Keef.  
> I purposely didn’t give you an actual motion for the name sign because I personally believe they should only be given by a deaf person. Or their parents. Yeah, I’m hearing so not everyone agrees with me, but I don’t understand all the ins and outs of it either so I’m not going to step on a turf that important without a complete understanding.   
> Also!! I forgot to explain this earlier. Shiro goes the the same uni as Veronica (and Matt but I haven't given him ANY lines or scenes. oops :) ). Shiro is in a similar track as them so he sees Veronica every now and then. But they’re not friends. Their lil bros are friends, but they’re not. They’re acquaintances.  
> I hope that makes more sense. I also haven’t named the uni, and probably won’t until I make it in the comic (assuming I do the comic) but it is NOT Garrison University. I like then fics use that, but I don’t like using it myself, especially because this is sooooooo different than the og plot of the show. Let’s just call it uni for now bc I can’t think of a name. Unless I did name it at one point and I forgot. THEN PLZ TELL ME.  
> Anyway, thanks for reading. 
> 
> I love all of your support soooo much TwT   
> ~Picci


	49. Chapter 49

Keith found his friends after school as he normally did. He was, as always one of the last two to arrive, but that didn’t bother him. 

“Okay, we’re all here.” Pidge said when they saw Keith. “We need to figure this out.”

“Figure what out?” Keith asked. 

“Prom.”

“Fuck that.” Keith said immediately. “I’m not going to a school dance.”

“Okay, but Hunk really wants to go! And he’s not going unless one of us goes with him.”

Keith simply shrugged. “Why don’t you go? Lance can’t hear for shit and I can’t see shit.”

“Because I have  _ dysphoria _ !” 

“Then wear a suit.” Keith said bluntly. 

“What?”

“You don’t have to wear a dress. You could easily wear a suit or something like that and you’d be fine.”

“He’s got a point.” Hunk chimed in. “You could wear a suit.”

“I don’t have one though…”

“You could sell your old homecoming dress.” Hunk suggested. 

“It’s not about money, Hunk.” Pidge told him. “I can afford a suit. It’s just that I don’t know how I’m supposed to buy one. I’m  _ tiny _ . And I’m not getting a women’s suit because those are disgusting.”

“I can take you to the mall.” Hunk offered. “I’m a guy, and I know suits.”

Pidge groaned as if they had just been caught in a plot hole. “Okay, maybe I’m making a big deal out of this but—”

“You definitely are.” Keith interrupted.

“But it’s  _ because _ I want  _ all _ of us to go  _ together _ .”

“What?! Pidge! I already told you I wouldn't be going.”

“What if someone asked you?” Hunk asked with curiosity.

“And who’s going to ask me to prom?”

“Your boyfriend.” Pidge said with such sass. 

“We’re not—”

“You’ve been on a  _ date _ . You’re  _ dating _ . You’re  _ boyfriends _ .”

“Meeting before school wasn’t a date. Plus, Lance won’t ask me.” Keith said adamantly. 

“Says who?” Pidge asked. “What if he wants to go with you?”

“Lance is  _ deaf _ , Pidge. How can he enjoy a  _ dance _ ?”

“How can you possibly like art when you can’t see it?”

Keith was silent.

“Yeah. Exactly.”

“Okay, okay. Let’s all stay civil.” Hunk said in a calm tone. “None of us have  _ ever _ been to a school activity before. And we can keep it that way. But I thought it would be fun if we went. You know? As a whole group.”

“It’ll just be your trio.” Keith said bluntly. “I’m not going.”

“I think you could pull off a really  _ sexy _ look.”

“Pidge, you’re asexual.”

“And?”

“You don’t—” With a small groan, Keith asked “Why do you even want me to go? I’d just mess it all up for you.”

“No you wouldn’t.” Hunk said compassionately. “Everyone is either too drunk to remember anything or too sober to pay attention to anyone else.”

“That’s not how dances work.” Keith argued. “It’s just a bunch of people screaming along to shitty music and eating shitty food.”

“And you’d know that because…?”

Keith shrugged and didn’t reply.

“You’ve been to a dance, haven’t you?”

Huffing, Keith answered Hunk’s question. “Shiro dragged me to his senior prom. It was awful.”

“That was  _ years _ ago. Plus you were basically a kid still.” Hunk noted. “It’ll be different now.”

“I’m still not going.”

“Please?” Pidge asked. “We really like your company.”

Keith shook his head. “I probably have something that day. Shiro wants me to check in with my old counselor anyway.”

“Now you’re just making excuses.” Pidge whined. “If you’re too chicken to go, that’s fine. We all are. But we still  _ want _ to go.”

“Sorry, Pidge, but I guess I’m just more chicken than you three.”

“You really should consider it, Keith.” Hunk suggested. “We don’t even have to stay that long. “We just want to know what it’s like.”

“Easy for you to say.” Keith mumbled. 

“How so?”

“Because you’re all privileged.”

“Excuse me?!” Pidge asked, sounding angered. “ _ I’m _ privileged. Sorry, but you’re probably the most privileged one of all of us. You’re at least part white  _ and _ male.”

“That’s really all that makes you privileged?!” Keith asked quickly. “What about money, huh?! Does that matter?!”

“You  _ are  _ a—”

“No!” Keith yelled. “Don’t even say it! There’s absolutely no  _ fucking _ way I could  _ ever _ go to prom! I can’t afford the tickets and I  _ definitely  _ can’t afford a suit! But  _ I’m  _ the one who’s privileged. Yeah. Definitely.”

Kosmo let out a tiny whine, whimpering to Keith to try and remind him to stay calm. 

Before anyone else could say anything, Lance stepped in to ease the tension. 

“Keith…” He said quietly. Gently he took Keith’s hands within his own and pulled Keith away from the other two. “It’s okay.” He told him.

Lance’s voice sounded different than it usually did, and Keith assumed it was because he was trying to sound a certain way. 

“You’re okay…” 

Keith only shook his head. He didn’t know enough ASL to converse with Lance and his fingerspelling would in no way suffice his emotions. 

‘Talk.’ Lance signed. 

Keith shook his head again.

“It’s okay.” Lance said. ‘You can talk.’

‘You can’t hear.’ He fingerspelled in response as he shook his head. 

“Keith. It’s okay.” Lance said again. “You are okay.”

Keith shook his head again and again. 

‘Please.’ Lance signed to his friend. 

‘Lance, stop.’ Keith ordered. ‘Stop.’

“It’s okay.” Lance said again, but this time he didn’t just talk. He tried another means of consoling. 

Keith flinched when he felt Lance take ahold of his hands. He was used to Lance touching his palms, that's how they communicated. But this was completely different. 

Lance began to interlock their fingers when he spoke again. “You’re okay, Keith.”

Shaking his head, Keith tried to pull away. He didn’t move with his feet like he wanted to, but he was able to take his hands back. 

He felt himself begin to relax and his nerves slowly calmed down. 

Why did Lance do that? The two had specifically agreed that physical contact was off limits unless it was signing or if Lance asked before acting. They had made that agreement last week. There’s no way Lance could have forgotten it that quickly. 

But to Keith’s surprise, Lance wasn’t done with his attempts to calm his friend. 

With no time to react, Keith went stiff as a brick the moment the palm of Lance’s right hand touched his left cheek. 

He wasn’t stiff in the romantic sense, no, he was stiff for the exact opposite reason. 

Keith couldn’t help himself, he was terrified. 

In an instant, he had a tight grip on Kosmo’s leash. His grip was so tight that he could feel his short fingernails poking at his skin. His knuckles hurt from the strain he was causing his fingers. But it was all involuntary and he couldn’t undo his actions. 

And when Lance spoke, Keith snapped. 

The second Keith heard his name, he reacted to everything. 

He forced Lance’s hand from his cheek and bolted off.

Keith had absolutely no idea of where he was going. When Lance had pulled him from the group, it had messed up his sense of direction. 

But he  _ had _ to get away. He  _ needed _ to get out of the situation he was in and he  _ could not _ stay with Lance. 

Kosmo, strangely, was acting as if nothing was wrong. Was Keith walking at a pace he normally didn’t walk at? Yes. But was Kosmo keeping up? Also yes. Kosmo was still doing his job. He was heeling perfectly, and, Keith assumed Kosmo would stop him if he were to run into anything. 

With no idea where he was going, Keith began to become rather worried. 

He had absolutely no idea if anyone was following him either. He hadn’t heard anyone calling his name. 

In fact, he hadn’t heard anything. Only when Keith thought about it did he realize that he had completely closed himself off from the world. 

All at once, his hearing kicked back in as his main sense. 

A loud, obnoxious car horn met his ears. 

_He was in_ _the road_.

A firm hand grabbed him and pulled him backwards. 

“Are you insane?!” Someone asked him, both of their hands firmly gripping his shoulders.

At first, Keith didn’t recognize who it was. But as they kept talking, his brain connected the dots. 

“Dude! Everyone was yelling at you. Why didn’t you stop?! Why didn’t your dog stop you either?! That’s the busiest road around here!”

“Since when do you give a shit about me, Spencer?!”

“Why were you about to walk into traffic?!”

“I—” Keith couldn’t find his words, and he felt like a complete nuisance. 

“Hey, dude, it’s okay.” 

Keith had  _ never _ heard Spencer talk in a tone that wasn’t his brash, rude, nasty tone. So to hear him talk like he actually cared, shocked Keith. 

“Sorry if I scared you, or if you knew what you were doing. I just couldn’t watch someone walk into oncoming traffic.”

Keith was still at a loss for words. Spencer had caused both him and his friends so much pain. And now he was being nice?

“Keith…? Are you alright…?”

“Yeah… I’m—”

“Get the fuck away from him!” Pidge yelled at Spencer. 

“Pidge,” Keith began. “It’s fine, he—”

“I said leave him alone!” They ordered. “You’ve caused him enough pain already!”

“Whoa, whoa, calm down… Pidge. I was only trying to help.”

“Yeah right.” They scoffed.

“Well I did more than you! I was the one who stopped him from running into the road!”

“You were also the one who got him into some deep shit with the principal! Remember?! You’re why he tried to kill himself!”

“Really?! People  _ really  _ can’t change?!”

“You certainly can’t!”

“Can you both just  _ shut up _ ….?!” Keith asked. “You sound like  _ children _ .”

Neither Spencer nor Pidge said another word. 

“This is my fault, so you can stop trying to blame each other.”

“That’s not even true.” Spencer, despite being dubbed the school bully for the past eleven years, seemed to have suddenly changed his attitude completely. “I don’t know why you ran off, but it’s not your fault you can’t see anything, nor that your guide dog is completely useless.”

“Please stop talking…” Keith told him. “I don’t care what either of you have to say. It’s  _ my _ fault. So you can back off.”

“Keith…!” Hunk called out to his friend. 

Had Pidge tried to stop him and Spencer beat them to it? Had Hunk stayed back and just watched it all happen? And where was Lance?

Why was  _ Spencer _ the one to stop him from walking into a busy street? Where even was he?

Where on campus had Keith even gone?

How long had he been running for? 

Like a lost child, Keith started to worry about his surroundings. He had absolutely no idea of where he was nor how far he had gone from the front steps of the school. 

How many people saw him running? 

And why in the world did Kosmo not respond?!

Or did Kosmo try and stop him but Keith simply didn’t listen?

Or had he been so caught up in his mind that he hadn’t even realized that Kosmo was trying to stop him?

“Keith…? Are you okay…?” Hunk asked, he sounded so worried. 

Keith didn’t give an answer. 

His mind was so full of questions he couldn’t produce any words to speak with. 

“Hey, can you two tell everyone to stop staring?” Hunk asked Pidge and Spencer. 

That shot even more emotions though Keith's veins. 

People were staring at him! How many people? Was it the whole school? Or just five people? Hunk said ‘everyone’, so did that mean a lot of people were watching him?

How many of them tried to stop him? Did any of them even care?

What about people on the other side of the street? Had they seen? Were they even students?

Keith felt his entire body begin to tremble. 

“Keith…?” Hunk tried to grab his friend’s attention again. “Hey, hey… It’s okay.”

Keith only shook his head. 

“You’re alright, Keith.” He told him. Hunk’s tone was so soft, so kind, and so comforting. 

But none of his words really made it to Keith’s mind. 

“Come on, let’s…” Hunk trailed off, but it wasn’t long before he was talking again. “Why are you crying…? It’s okay. You’re alright. No one is staring anymore. And you’re okay. I promise.”

Keith hadn’t even realised that he was crying. Not until Hunk mentioned it. 

“Do you want to go sit somewhere…?”

Keith nodded slowly, trying to hold in his tears. 

“Okay. Here, we can go sit somewhere.” Hunk was leading Keith towards some place before he had even finished talking. “There’s not really anywhere private outside. Is it okay if we go to my car?”

“Mhm…”

“Good. Let me just tell Pidge and Lance where we’re going. It’ll only take a second.”

The two walked in absolute silence. The only thing Keith could hear was Kosmo’s tags and leash, and the sound of his paws hitting the ground with every step. 

Although in actuality, the walk was short, it felt like an hour in Keith’s mind. 

“Alright… Here we are.” Hunk said as he opened up his car door. “Sorry if the seats aren’t all that comfortable. It was my sister’s when she was in high school, so it’s quite old.”

Keith slowly took a seat on the passenger side, finding it to be more than a bit uncomfortable. The worn fabric beneath him didn’t help to ease the tension, but he wasn’t about to complain either. Kosmo hopped into his lap immediately, and to ensure their privacy, Keith closed the door. 

“Hunk…” 

“Yeah…?”

“Where was I…?”

“Where were you?”

Keith nodded. 

“You were on the West side of the school. By the gymnasium and music hall. Why?”

“Doesn’t matter…” Keith mumbled. 

“Are you alright…? You seem really shaken up.”

“Yeah, I’m…” Keith couldn’t finish his sentence before he was silenced by his emotions. A tear rolled down his cheek and for some reason he didn’t have the energy to wipe it away. 

“You’re not alright, Keith…” Hunk told him. “And that’s okay. It’s okay to not be okay.”

“No it’s not…”

“Sure it is.”

“I almost ran into traffic! How is that okay?!”

“Well…  _ That’s  _ not. But I’m not talking about actions, I’m talking about emotions.”

Keith took a deep breath, having to release his breath in stages to keep himself from crying. 

“Why did you run…?”

Keith shrugged. 

“Did Lance say something…? Or did he do something to upset you…?”

Again, he shrugged. 

“Was it something Pidge said? Or something I said?”

Keith shook his head. 

The car was quiet for a moment, and Keith kept himself calm by stroking Kosmo. 

“Keith… Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, sure…”

“When you said you couldn’t go to prom, did you mean that? Or were you just annoyed? It’s okay if you were annoyed. Pidge can get a little carried away sometimes.” 

“It had nothing to do with them…”

“So… You really can’t afford to go to a school dance?”

Keith shrugged. 

“We can easily buy you a ticket. And an outfit. If I’m not wrong, you might even fit into one of Matt’s suits.”

“I’m not a charity, Hunk.”

“No, I know. I only meant that—”

“I don’t want your money. Or anyone’s. Shiro’s internship ended, so he’s having to find another job. That’s literally it.”

“You can’t mean that your only income is your brother.”

“Why? Does that make me fit some sort of label?”

“No, not at all.”

“Because you’re not wrong.”

“Wait… What…?”

“Why else do you think I  _ never _ want people at my house? It’s awful! The only thing that we own that we didn’t get from the landlord is our personal belongings. So yes, I can’t afford to go to a school dance. I eat the same thing for lunch every  _ fucking _ day because that’s the only thing I feel comfortable buying. Anything else involves too much prep or is too expensive. I take art classes and don’t take advanced classes because of their cost. All of my electives are a cheap way through education. I’m only here because I can’t pay for private education. I got kicked out because of that. I’d been at Pierce for eleven years.  _ Eleven fucking years _ . I had been there since  _ kindergarten _ . But the rich cunts decided I couldn’t spend two more years there because they ‘need money’. It’s not like they get paid by the rest of the families or get donations every semester!”

Keith would have gone on, in fact he was more than happy to continue, but Kosmo let out a loud, almost deafening howl. 

“Sorry…” Keith mumbled. “I went too far…”

“What? No…! No, it’s fine. You’re welcome to rant all you want, but it’s good to know when to stop. It’s also nice that Kosmo is like a timer, you know?”

Keith nodded slowly. 

“Personally, I’m glad Pierce kicked you out. I mean— Not that I’m glad you had to switch schools, and the reasons behind it are bad, but I’m glad you came to Meadview. You’re a really cool friend. You’ve got your ups and downs, we all do. But for the record, I couldn’t care less what your social or economic status is. All I care about is your personality. You’re  _ really  _ cool. And I’m not just saying that to make you feel better. I really do mean it. And just between you and me, it’s so much easier to talk to you than to anyone else. Pidge gets carried away and sometimes I feel like my hands don’t convey my thoughts properly.”

“Well that’s kind of rude.”

“You’re the one who complained to Lance about using a visual language.”

“That’s not the point!”

“What is the point? All I’m trying to say is that I don’t give a fuck about your home life.” 

“You don’t have to whisper the word fuck, Hunk.”

“I don’t like to curse. Unlike you and Pidge.”

Keith scoffed, but he didn’t argue. 

“Hey… I’m sorry that things have been tough. Not just in the past, but recently too. And it’s no secret that you and Lance are having issues. And maybe that’s because of your financial trouble, or your mental wellbeing, or whatever, but we are always here for you.”

“Can I… tell you something…?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Please don’t mention this to  _ anyone _ .”

“Of course not.”

“I…” Keith began with such courage, that he had to stop himself out of disbelief. But when he continued, he had completely lost his courage. “I… I have really bad anxiety about where I am… If I don’t know where I am, I get really nervous, and my body sort of shuts down…”

“Is that why you were… What happened just now?”

Keith nodded. 

“And you asked about where you were because of that too, correct?”

Again he nodded. 

“That’s an… Odd fear. Not that it’s abnormal. I’ve just never heard you mention it before.”

“You’re the only one who knows I have it…”

“It…? So it’s a phobia?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah, I have a lot of them, actually… I don’t know why I just told you that.. It doesn’t matter.”

“It’s alright.” Hunk said kindly. “If it makes you feel better, I sort of have a phobia. It’s not an official diagnosis, but I’m overly conscious of what I eat. It used to be really bad. I would have to find the calorific content and everything.”

“Why?” Keith asked. “That doesn’t seem like you.”

“And I would never expect a moody teen like yourself to have mazeophobia.”

“Did you just look that up?”

“I find that giving things a name can help you cope. And using the name decreases the fear.”

Slowly, Keith nodded, processing what Hunk had said. But then a question came to his mind and he  _ had _ to ask it. “Why’d you read all of the labels and shit?”

“I was so scared of gaining weight, so I made sure I  _ never _ ate more than I was supposed to. I was actually malnourished for a while… But even when I was, my GP kept saying I was overweight. So he made me eat more, which, to make a long story short, became a negative spiral. Anything I did eat, I just tried to throw it back up. Sorry…! That was probably too much information.”

“No, it’s fine.” Keith said quietly. “I didn’t know you went through that…”

“Only my family does, and Pidge and Lance. And now you.”

“I honestly thought you and I had the same, or similar physique. I knew you were… How do I say this without sounding like a dick….?”

“Heavy set works just fine.”

“No, not even that.” Keith quickly replied. “I mean that I knew you were a  _ bit _ larger than me, but I didn’t really put much thought into it.”

“What?” Hunk asked with a laugh. “Why? Because I don’t sound fat?”

“No..! It’s not that, it’s just that I’m terrible at guessing what people look like.” 

“Well,” Hunk began, “I’m glad you envisioned me as a fit person, and not someone who struggled with weight gain-- and loss-- for six years.”

“Six years?!”

“Yep.”

“That makes me sound like a whiny bitch…”

“No it doesn’t…!” Hunk quickly told him. “The duration of your fears and trauma doesn’t define how it impacts you. I don’t know how long you’ve had  _ any  _ of your phobias or fears or insecurities, whatever you want to call them, but they’re all still important.”

Keith didn’t even hesitate to give Hunk a few more details. “Three years.” He said.

“What…?”

Shrugging slightly, Keith said, “That’s how long I’ve had most of my… stuff. My mazeophobia, that’s being lost, pyrophobia, fire, scoptophobia, or being stared at,” he paused for a moment to think, “what else is there… Oh! I’ve only had diagnosed haphephobia, being touched, for only two years. Nosocomephobia, hospitals, is three years, but I’ve always had tryphanophobia. That’s just the fear of needles.”

“Are… Are you okay…”

“Nope.” Keith said with a sarcastic smile. “Yeah… My dad’s death really fucked me up. So did my blindness.”

“That’s alright. I was honestly worried that it was to do with your gene pool. But it makes a lot of sense that those stem from something like that. Actually, I’m impressed you can remember all of those terms, they’re not everyday conversation type of words. I would, without a doubt, forget them immediately.”

“It occupies my mind a lot... It’s kind of all I think about.”

“Well, _that’s_ not great, but it is better to be familiar with what’s going on, and be able to name it than not. In my opinion at least.”

Keith gave a tiny nod, and said, “I’m sorry if any of that made you uncomfortable. And please don’t treat me differently. I’m managing it all, I promise.”

“Absolutely not.” Hunk said kindly. “I’d only give you ‘special attention’ if you asked for it. But now that I know about your  _ stuff _ , as you call it, I can understand you better.”

“What do you mean…?”

“You’ve never really talked about yourself. This is probably the biggest thing you’ve said since you told us how your parents died.”

“Oh… Yeah… I talk a lot when I’m vulnerable…”

“Has it helped? Talking things out, I mean.”

“A bit.” Keith said with a nod. “It’s hard to explain though…”

“Do you want to keep going? If it helps you, you’re welcome to go on.”

“You just have to promise that this  _ never _ leaves this conversation.”

“You have my word.”

Keith went on to explain his fears to Hunk. The easiest was his fear of fire. That’s how he went blind, and how he lost his father, so that was simple. 

The next, in chronological order, was his fear of hospitals. That came shortly after he left the hospital three years ago. Keith had a tremendously horrible experience there. He had sat in his room for days, watching as his vision deteriorated. He had barely been awake for a day before his father died. He didn’t even get to say goodbye. 

Closely related to that was his fear of not knowing where he was. When he was released from the hospital, Keith spent all of the time that he could right next to Shiro. He didn’t wander from his side, ever. He felt helpless, like he would be utterly lost if he strayed from his brother. Keith couldn’t bear to be a few inches from Shiro. He  _ had _ to be within arms length at  _ all _ times. And it wasn’t until Keith began going to therapy that he began to cope with his fear. Keith didn’t like going out into public because he believed people would stare at him. He was blind. He had a guide dog, and he knew people were freaked out by how his eyes looked. Someone at Pierce said he looked soulless with his gray hazed eyes. He knew most people didn’t stare, but his insecurities with his appearance didn’t help to comfort him. 

And lastly, Keith told Hunk  _ exactly  _ why he hated physical contact. 

He could handle the sign language Lance used to communicate with him, and he was quite used to the physical contact he got from his brother. He wasn’t a fan of hugs or anything like that, but if it was from Shiro, it was bearable. 

“You mean… He physically hurt you? Not just mentally?”

Keith nodded very slowly, both of his arms were wrapped loosely around Kosmo for comfort. 

“I am so sorry… I didn’t know A—”

“Please don’t say his name.” Keith begged in a quiet tone. “Please.”

“Oh, of course… I’m sorry, Keith… I thought it was just mental and psychological.”

Shaking his head, Keith said, “Nope. He would push me and trip me and he hit me a few times too. He wanted me to go to an orphanage. He hated my presence so he decided to make my life a living hell…”

“Lance said you have a scar on—”

“Those aren’t from him. They’re from The fire… And me.”

“I am so very sorry… I want to give you a hug, honestly but I know that won’t help.”

Keith didn’t say anything in response. Nor did he nod or shake his head. 

“I don’t really know what to say… I know you have a lot of issues surrounding your lack of vision, but I never knew all of this still affected you. I honestly thought you were over it.”

“Everyone does… I’m seventeen and I hate shots. I can’t stand when anyone touches me but everyone thinks I’m just being standoffish because I’m not a germaphobe. Everyone thinks that I’d be happy that I can’t see people staring at me but it’s  _ not _ knowing that makes everything so much more  _ shit _ . Bit yeah. That’s me. That’s basically everything about me.”

“Thank you, Keith for sharing all of this with me. I promise I won’t mention any of it to anyone else. But do know that I am  _ always _ willing to help you out. In any way. I know you’re not someone who likes affection, but I do give some pretty nice hugs.”

“Can I… Can I have a hug…?” 

“Are you sure?”

Even Keith was surprised he had asked for a hug. He did hate them anyway. But at that moment, he felt like he needed one. “Please…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M BACK YALL!!!!  
> After a two (or was it three? idk how long) week hiatus, SoD is back in business! And of course we gotta start off with a stressful chapter ٩( ᐛ )و  
> Thanks for the support these last few—or many months. This has been a huge piece of work for me and it’s not easy, but I’ve fallen in love with the characters I’ve made and plot I’ve laid out Sure... They’re not /my/ characters, but I could’ve given them any other names and the story would still work... Although... I probably would not have gotten this far without the vld/klance fanbase since thats a huge influence for me.   
> So thanks a million for the support and the kudos/comments. I really love the comments ‘cu I get to see how you all interpret and interact with my writing. It’s fun!
> 
> Also!! Happy Birthday to Pidge!!!! 04/03!
> 
> ~Picci


	50. Chapter 50

‘What happened with Keith?’ Rachel asked her brother when the two met by the car.

‘Nothing.’ Lance told her, not wanting to discuss what happened. 

‘Everyone said he ran into the road. I heard he ran right into Gilmour.’

‘And?’ Lance asked. ‘It’s none of your business.’

‘Yes it is!’ Rachel argued. ‘He’s my friend too. Even if he doesn’t think so. I care about him. Why did he run into the road? Was it on purpose?’

Lance didn’t answer.

‘Was it an accident?’

He didn’t answer that question either.

‘Did you see it happen?’

Lance nodded. 

‘Do you even know why he did it?’

‘Because of me, Rachel.’ Lance answered suddenly. ‘It’s all my fault.’

‘What happened?!’ Rachel asked quickly. ‘How did you make him— How come it’s your fault?’

‘I went too far.’

‘You went too far?’

Lance nodded. ‘I wouldn’t just leave him alone. I pushed his buttons and then he ran off because of me.’

‘What do you mean you pushed his buttons?’

Lance shrugged that time. 

‘Lance, come on… I’m really worried. About both of you.’

‘I wouldn’t leave him alone. That’s all you need to know.’

‘Well, people talk, Lance. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I heard that he ran all the way to Gilmour, ran into the road, not at a crosswalk, and then Spencer of all people pulled him out of the road.’

‘So what if he did that? He’s fine now. It doesn’t matter.’

Rachel looked severely frustrated with her brother’s attitude. ‘That’s not all I heard, Lance. With my own eyes I saw his brother scolding him in front of you, Pidge, Hunk, and many others. But that doesn’t matter, right?’

It did matter. 

In fact, it mattered so much that Lance couldn’t get that out of his mind. Lance knew that this wasn’t  _ all _ his fault. He knew that some of Keith’s reaction and the events that followed had to do with nosey bystanders and Keith’s own insecurities. Not that it was his fault, or anyone’s fault for that matter. However, Lance couldn’t help but blame himself for everything. 

Keith had asked him to stop, to leave him alone, and to  _ never _ touch him without asking. But Lance had ignored Keith’s requests, and the agreement the two of them had made. 

Whether or not Keith would have ran off if Lance hadn’t done anything wasn't an issue for Lance. It was the fact that he deliberately ignored Keith’s pleas. 

‘Like I said,’ Lance began to sign, ‘It’s my fault.’

‘How?’ Rachel asked. ‘You weren’t the one who started yelling at him. It’s not your fault Shiro is overprotective.’

‘No, but I did purposely push Keith over the edge all because I didn’t listen to him.’

  
  
  


****

  
  
  


“Are you still mad at me?” Shiro asked his brother once the two were inside their apartment.

“The fuck do you think?!”

“So that’s a yes…”

“Of course it is. What could’ve possibly made you think that?” Keith asked brashly. 

“Well, I’m sorry I care about you, Keith. But I was looking for you for half an hour.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Keith yelled, throwing Kosmo’s leash and harness to the floor. “So what if you were looking for me! Stop acting like you’re my dad!”

“Caring about you doesn’t mean I’m acting like your father, Keith.”

“In your case it does.” Keith said snarkily. 

Shiro let out a long, almost tired sigh. “Can we not do this right now?”

“Why?!” Keith asked. “Because when I asked you that same question, you  _ insisted  _ that you  _ had _ to yell at me in front of  _ everyone _ !”

“Okay, I’ll admit that was wrong, but—”

“You don’t get to make excuses!” Keith interrupted. “You are  _ not _ my dad! You  _ never _ have been and you  _ never _ will be! Yet you  _ insist  _ on acting like it! Our dad died three years ago. Did you agree to be my legal guardian? Yes. But did you also  _ promise _ that you would  _ never _ treat me differently just because of some stupid legal documents?”

“Well… I…”

“Did you?!”

“Yes.”

“Then stop fucking acting like you’re actually my dad! You don’t get to yell at me in public! You don’t get to scold me, or punish me! You’re my  _ brother _ ! That’s  _ all _ you are!”

“I’m sorry I worry about you, Keith!” Shiro suddenly yelled. “But I do not have to be your father to want you to be safe nor to worry when I can’t find you! You are my brother.  _ That’s  _ why I worry about you. You are the  _ only _ family I have left. You’re  _ all _ I have.”

“Then I suggest you don’t ruin our relationship anymore than you already have.” 

Whether or not Shiro wanted to say anything else didn’t matter to Keith. He was finished with the conversation, and so he left. 

Snapping his fingers to alert Kosmo, Keith made his way down the corridor to his bedroom. 

He waited for Kosmo to trot inside before he locked the door behind him. 

Kosmo whined quietly at his heels, worried for Keith’s wellbeing. 

“It’s okay, Kosmo.” Keith mumbled, walking to his bed. “I’m okay. Shiro is just a douche bag sometimes.”

Kosmo jumped up onto the bed, softly panting as he waited for Keith to take a seat. The moment Keith sat down on the bed, Kosmo laid down in his lap. 

Keith ran both of his hands along Kosmo’s soft fur, purposefully entangling his fingers in the long strands. Kosmo was so soft, so comforting. 

No wonder he helped Keith to calm down so easily. Kosmo was, in Keith’s mind, the best source for stress relief. 

His phone vibrated suddenly in his back pocket, and he was about to ignore it when the buzzing continued. 

It wasn’t constant, so it wasn’t a call, but it was a text— or in this case multiple— from a friend. 

Keith had, a while back, assigned a text tone to his brother, and made sure that his only three other contacts were set to vibrate only. 

So he took his phone from his pocket, and his headphones too. If he was honest, which, most of the time he was, he had no idea how his headphones still worked after being stuffed into his back pocket every single day. 

Once set, he let his AI read the messages to him. 

_ ‘I’m sorry.’ _ The first one said. 

_ ‘I should’ve let you cool off by yourself. I’m so sorry I touched your hands and your face. It was wrong and I’m sorry.’ _

__ Keith had, in actuality forgotten that Lance had even touched him. He had been focussed solely on Shiro for the past — almost— half an hour that everything else seemed to have escaped from his mind. 

_ ‘It’s fine.’ _ Keith sent back.  _ ‘I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.’ _

_ ‘That’s not true.’  _ Lance replied quickly.  _ ‘I made you uncomfortable and that’s my fault.’ _

_ ‘Lance, I don’t care that you touched me. You were just trying to help. I’m just pissed off at my brother for being such an asshole.’ _

_ ‘Because he yelled at you?’ _ Lance asked

_ ‘Yes. In front of everyone. He’s acting like he’s my dad! But he’s not! He’s just my brother! It’s bullshit!’  _

‘ _ What did he say to you?’ _

_ ‘That he was worried about me and mad that I didn’t tell him where I was. Then he went on telling me stupid shit like “You have the phone for a reason” and “I need to know where you are” and more shit like that. He treats me like I’m 5!’ _

_ ‘I’m sorry. That sounds horrible.’ _

_ ‘It was. But it’s not your fault. You can’t control how my brother reacts.’ _

_ ‘No, but I shouldn’t have touched you. You told me to ask before I did anything, and I completely ignored your most important request. I’m so sorry.’ _

_ ‘Lance, it’s fine, trust me. At least you tried to do something.’ _

_ ‘That’s not the point!’ _

Keith was, for a moment, shocked by Lance’s response. Although all he heard was the AI, his mind substituted the computer’s monotone voice for Lance’s own voice. Maybe that’s what shocked him. Maybe it wasn’t the words at all, but instead that his mind had replaced an automated sound with a far more realistic sound, specifically Lance’s voice. 

And then an idea popped into his head. It wasn’t a whole thought, but just a small little thing that his brain decided should be in the front of his mind. 

For whatever reason, Keith had a sudden urge to be with Lance. He didn’t want to be here, alone, in his room. He wanted to be with someone he was comfortable around, someone who hadn’t just yelled at him in front of everyone at the school. 

So he told Lance of this sudden thought. 

_ ‘I wish you were here.’ _

_ ‘What…?’ _ Lance was definitely surprised by Keith’s comment, and also the abrupt change in subject. 

_ ‘I don’t want to be here.’ _ Keith told him.  _ ‘I want to be with you. You don’t make me feel like a five year old who’s incapable of doing anything.’ _

_ ‘Does Shiro make you feel that way?’ _

_ ‘Yes.’ _

_ ‘I know how you feel.’ _ Lance’s message read.  _ ‘My parents treat me the same way. That’s why they keep telling me to get a cochlear implant.’ _

_ ‘What’s that?’ _

_ ‘It’s like a hearing aid, but better. But I don’t want it. It won’t make my life easier. I’d still have to learn how to talk and what every word sounds like. And what if that doesn’t work? I apparently busted my inner ear when I pulled out the hearing aids a few weeks ago.’ _

_ ‘Fuck them.’ _ Keith sent.  _ ‘You don’t need your hearing. You can talk just fine. And you can also sign perfectly well. Fuck them if they want you to be like them.’ _

_ ‘My parents?’ _

_ ‘Yes! You’re almost eighteen, they can’t control you forever. And I know that Rachel will have your back.’ _

_ ‘I’m glad you have my back, Keith.’ _

_ ‘You say that like you’re surprised.’ _

_ ‘I am. A little.’ _

__ The next thing Keith sent was atypical for him. And immediately after he sent it, he wished he hadn’t. 

_ ‘You’re my boyfriend. That’s my job.’ _

_ ‘So you admit it?’ _

_ ‘Sure.’ _ Keith replied. He still wasn’t completely sure about all of his feelings, but he knew he felt a different sort of comfort around Lance than he did with anyone else. Probably because Lance understands how he feels. Both of them live their lives with only 80% of their senses. 

_ ‘I’m glad.’ _

That made Keith smile. It was a tiny smile, but a smile is a smile no matter how big or how small. 

_ ‘Don’t tell your mom, though.’ _

_ ‘Why?’ _

_ ‘You know why.’ _

_ ‘She’s not homophobic, Keith. None of my family is.’ _

_ ‘But she hates me.’ _

_ ‘She does not!’ _

_ ‘You said she does!’ _

_ ‘She doesn’t hate you. She doesn’t understand you and how your thought process works.’ _

_ ‘So she doesn’t like me.’ _

_ ‘She’ll come around.’ _

__ Keith didn’t believe Lance at all. He knew what Lance’s mother thought of him. He knew she didn’t like him. She never has. 

_ ‘It’s okay if she doesn’t like me, Lance. I really don’t care.’ _

_ ‘She does want to know you. It’ll take time, but she doesn’t hate you. I promise.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I’m so sorry. I’n having huge art/writing block. I know how I’m going to end this. I know exactly what I want to happen, I just can’t write anything. I left my house for the first time in a month this week and it was so uncomfortable. I have to wear a mask because I’m ‘high risk’ and people s t a r e. It’s like they don’t know there’s a pandemic. People really freak out that much over something like that. I mean... people don’t like what doesn’t fit their norm. That’s kind of why I’m writing.   
> I have some chapters written (after this one) and it’s getting harder and harder to write. It’s not to do with the fandom or the story or characters. It’s me. I can’t figure out what to write. It all comes out weird and blehg.   
> But I am trying. I promise. I don’t know when I’ll post again but I’m shooting for next week. Also, the tuesday-friday thing is gone bye bye because covid makes every day either yesterday today or tomorrow:P 
> 
> Thank you so much for your patience and for your support.   
> ~Picci


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